ok no harm no foul heheh. Ok my intention was not to lay claim to that feeling bottoms get being penetrated or to diminish it, however Kosmo comment is one I have heard many times from bottoms as if it is a golden truth and the only way to be a "good top" which he does have a point and that is why I said it is not the only way to being a good top. Actually I'm very much an oral top topping is not only about using your dick and thrusting (well to me at lest). My point I was trying to make is sex is highly subjective art and depending on peoples likes and aptitude. What may work for u does not work for me and as you said it doesn't make it bad
I hold to the principle that dominance is about assuming a role more than saying which acts are allowed and which are not. The dom is the dom by virtue of the acceptance of authority and submission of the sub. The idea that a sub and especially one who claims absolute bottom status proscribes ANY rules elements or acts as acceptable or not once play begins formally is absurd. That's usurping the dom's authority and is punishable. If the rules of BDSM are set aside it's not the man who has begged for a cock who tells the man with the erection what where or how to do with it. The non verbal cues will be read by the dom and translated into action. The safe word exists to exit the lesson.
Internalized shame and homophobia scar the bossy bottom (or the callous top). The desire for authority and the ability to show him youre not really a cock hungry slut with penis psychosis haze who will let a man do filthy things. I accepted long ago that my love of penis would control me and make me vulnerable to other men. I embrace the fact that I am all the horrible things homophobes say I am. I just disagree that any of it is horrible.
We do not fully accept that men need other men's anuses and that men also crave being fucked by other men and that it's beautiful we do and that both men make a whole together. When he cannot deep dick you with enough passion and depth and you cannot do more than moan your adoration of the safety of his penetration nor you the hole as home, that connection is made something higher.
But a top also sucks dick eats ass and drinks piss especially from his sub as that's gay sex. He may also get fucked or fisted. No one is required to do any of this. But the idea that your desire as a bottom for sanctified streamlined pure singularity of anal sex immobilized in time and space is the best way to be a good lay is absurd. No sub was ever taken out by fear of a fey planet because daddy sucks cock. No, people are dropping out and giving up waaayy too easily.
It takes years to be good at either role. Both take serious work. Both have serious rewards. But leave as many rules as you can by the wayside as you start out. Explore. Make mistakes. Don't be siloed by the porn or consumerism. Serving your man no matter what the term is or isn't is an amazing privilege. dedicating yourself to his guidance and pleasures is a lifelong project. Putting him first as he does you.
