Why are girls treated different than boys?

[EboniGoddess]

All my life I always have had to do things my brother didn't. Till this day he'll sit around all day doing nothing while my family has me slaving around. Mop the floor, wash the dishes, wash the comforters and towels, do this, do that...

My family requires nothing of my brother but to put out the trash...occasionally. I don't think this is fair. The older people in my family say I should want to do these things because it'll help my find a husband. Um, hello???? I'm 21...slow down!

This has been happening every since I can remember. Not only is this not fair to me but to any future wife of my brother. He's grown up expecting the woman to do everything while he does nothing.

The older people in my family say it's expected from me and when I tell them that I plan on having my future husband doing half of the housework they all say "good luck finding a husband then". I know some married people and lying is what causes their marital problems in the first place. Some of these women feel just like I do but would rather lie about it. For the first 2 years (newlywed stage) they do everything for their husband and then they start saying "why can't you do more around the house" and guys like to then say we're nagging them. I'd rather be upront about what I expect out of my marriage... no secrets with me.

Even my college proffessors laugh about it. They talk about how women work just as hard as men and have to come home to start the "2nd job". Perhaps sexists people (like the older women in my family) are the reason many women get paid less for the same jobs. I don't like the fact that everything is expected of me and very little is expected of my brother. I've always been a feminist and thought women and men should be equal.

The older women in my family always had to do everything around the house because they didn't work. The men worked and the women did housework. The saying men have is "I'll make the bacon and you fry it." This is different today though. Most women in America work and yet we're expected to perform the same duties that house wives did. I think it's obvious that I have no intentions of being a house wife if i'm in college. I don't know what else to say. It seems like it's me against all the women in my family. Any thoughts?

 

[B_Hickboy]

If you knew why this situation exists, would it make things a bit different? Things would still be the way they are, whether you understand why or not.

I believe you're asking the wrong question. The question is, "What are you going to do about it?"

 

[HiddenLacey]

All you can do is NOT settle for someone that will expect you to take responsibility for every household duty. If both partners work all day, but partners should be responsible for things at home.

I definitely was not raised to believe I have to do everything, but the women in my family normally did the cooking and the household cleaning, while the men did the yard and worked to repair things. As I have gotten older I have definitely found a pattern of men expecting to be waited on. Which is totally my fault for not stopping it in the beginning of my relantionships.

It can definitely be confusing when you have someone make a comment about how cooking and cleaning is your job when you ask for help. I'm really not good at putting my foot down.

 

[thetramp]

I understand you, and i absolutely agree with you, and i do believe that many women have gone through this and still do.

Every process of socialization is a process of interaction, i like to compare that with physics. You actually exert the same force on the earth as the earth does on you, for you it means your life, for the earth it does not mean much. But if all human would jump from a chair at the same time it would mean a hell of a lot for the earth, it would change the orbit. So while feminists in the last century, and women like you today, try to make the society change, the society is only moving slowly, much slower than you because you get much more affected by it. Which can be very frustrating, but don't give up, whatever little change you make, and if it is just by your own decision not to bend the back and do the dirty work like it is your obligation will have an affect, even if you don't feel it, it will change society a little, and changed society will change people.

I always say, one person can't change the world, and the reason for that are all those who don't dare to try.

 

[Industrialsize]

That's interesting. My older sister and I sometimes reminisce and laugh about the Old days when she was allowed to do nothing around the house and my brother and I were the masters of all the chores. I guess every family is different.

 

[EllieP]

Rommette, I don't know where you are from or what your culture is, but Mum is a Brit and Dad is a long, tall Texan, and every kid had an equal amount of chores. My brother cooks and cleans, and my sister and I know how to change the oil in Dad's truck. And we all did a lot! When we learned to drive we were sent to market with the list. We took turns not only cooking but coming up with menus!

Dad once commented to my brother that he would be a great wife for some lucky woman! He said he'd like to see the guy that would challenge me to arm wrestle. Well, I'm definitely not that buff, but I didn't let on that I couldn't do something.

I guess it's how you're raised, but I never thought myself inferior to anyone, and I don't think my brother or sister thought that as well.

 

[g_whiz]

The answer to this is an entire gender class in the making (and one I'd love to teach), but the short answer? Double standards and stigmas attached to patriarchal societies where women have been seen as a commodity to be bought and sold over time.

As far as your situation is concerned, part of it is gender socialization. Boys and men are just NOT expected to be able to be domestic when it comes to cooking and cleaning, and frankly its socially reinforced on a lot of levels. Commercials about cleaning products are almost always aimed at women and shown during daytime tv. There've been studies that indicated that even when men and women enter into relationships where they attempt to share the household chores, the women almost always wind up taking on more. Hence the "second shift" work women tend to do when they work outside the home. You're making the smart connection though, given the way the working world has changed, and the role of women in it, the expectation should be that something would have to give, right? In most cases regarding social change, our behaviors change before our expectations as a culture. Plenty of women work full time and have to go back to their homes and do all the housework. Until the expectations change and we make it socially acceptable for boys to do the same things, I don't know how much its going to change on a large scale. Generationally though the issue is changing somewhat, and thats for the best.

 

[g_whiz]

Rommette, I don't know where you are from or what your culture is, but Mum is a Brit and Dad is a long, tall Texan, and every kid had an equal amount of chores. My brother cooks and cleans, and my sister and I know how to change the oil in Dad's truck. And we all did a lot! When we learned to drive we were sent to market with the list. We took turns not only cooking but coming up with menus!

Dad once commented to my brother that he would be a great wife for some lucky woman! He said he'd like to see the guy that would challenge me to arm wrestle. Well, I'm definitely not that buff, but I didn't let on that I couldn't do something.

I guess it's how you're raised, but I never thought myself inferior to anyone, and I don't think my brother or sister thought that as well.

And Ellie? Loved this post *applauds*

 

[petite]

Rommette, you are absolutely correct. Statistics show that in the majority of families where the wife works the same number of hours as the husband, the wife still does the vast majority of the housework.

An interesting statistic I read is that the less money the husband makes, the more likely he is to do no housework! The statistics implied that men who make the least money bolster their egos by insisting on being treated like a husband in a 1950s household, and men who do well economically are much more likely to load and unload the dishwasher because they don't require the ego boost of being waited on hand and foot by their wives. Isn't that interesting?

I want to raise my children like EllieP's parents raised them. They all need to know how to exist without a member of the opposite sex, which means they all need to know how to do laundry, cook, change the oil in a car, and replace the spark plugs.

Hickboy is right. Who cares what the reason is? You need to insist that whomever you marry is going to share the housework equally with you if you're both going to be working the same number of hours. Your family is treating you like you'll be lucky if you happen to find a husband, and they're teaching you to devalue yourself. Why wouldn't your husband be lucky to catch you?

 

[MarkLondon]

<snip>

I believe you're asking the wrong question. The question is, "What are you going to do about it?"

Get a home-help in. You can get a cleaning lady or man, some will even work nude (though they cost a lot more, and probably aren't as good at the cleaning)!

Seriously, if there's a domestic partnership and both parties work full-time, then there's a job vacancy in the house.

 

[dc46064]

That's interesting. My older sister and I sometimes reminisce and laugh about the Old days when she was allowed to do nothing around the house and my brother and I were the masters of all the chores. I guess every family is different.

Every family is different/ My sister never did a dam thing, was lazy as hell. I dont think you have much to worry about. Where I live it seems the men do all the work and the women sit and watch tv or read the paper. Times change.

 

[dolfette]

i'm teaching my son to cook and use a washing machine. he's 9. i say, start them early! i'm sending both my kids into the world ready to look after themselves.

 

[Trouty]

i'm teaching my son to cook and use a washing machine. he's 9. i say, start them early! i'm sending both my kids into the world ready to look after themselves.

...looks for the telephone number for Childline :biggrin1:

Seriously, this is a good idea and i'm trying to do the same with my own sons. One of them seems fine with this whilst the other can't be arsed.

To the OP: let you family know we now live in the 21st century!

 

[dolfette]

...looks for the telephone number for Childline :biggrin1:

Seriously, this is a good idea and i'm trying to do the same with my own sons. One of them seems fine with this whilst the other can't be arsed.

i've met too many adults who never learned to cook. it's not only their relationships but also their health that suffers.

they do mention childline somethines. ingrates :tongue:

 

[lipollo]

I agree that housework should be distributed between the husband and wife...when the wife is working. But when she has a baby I think it's only common sense for her to take a far greater portion of the housework.

 

[AlteredEgo]

My mother made me do household repairs, and household chores. It was all part of maintenance. There were no men in our household, just my mother, grandmother and I. My mother never distinguished between "man's work" and "women's work" because it was all work we had to do for ourselves.

When I moved in with my husband, his schedule was really intense, and mine was relaxed, so I worked and did all the housework too. When we moved again, his work life was much easier, so I gave him a list of things I don't like doing (emptying the dishwasher, sorting socks, putting away clean laundry, plumbing, carpentry) and let them be his responsibility. Everything else is still mine to do.

It works out. None of the other wives of his co-workers get up early or stay up late to cook him real meals for breakfast and lunch every day. The envy of his colleagues strokes his ego (mine too, to be honest) and makes him more than happy to do the few chores to which I object. We're each happy with our workload.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

My parents never made me do anything. My brothers had a lot of chores and a lot of freedoms i couldnt have because i was a girl. Because my OCD perfectionist mom couldnt stand the thought of something being done differently than she would do it, i wasnt allowed to help with dishes or laundry.

In fact, my husband had to show me how to work a washing machine and how to sort clothing. I was a horrible example of a wife when i first got married. I had no skills whatsoever. I could bake a cake and that was it. I couldnt even make instant mashed potatoes.

Now im a gourmet cook and baker and a fantastic cake baker decorator. And i can wash dishes and run laundry 12 years later LOL

Teach your girls how to do things so when they move out, they won't be clueless. Teach your boys how to change the oil in the car, how to change a tire and how to fix things about the house also, and how to mow a lawn. So our kids can grow up and contribute to their households.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Teach your girls how to do things so when they move out, they won't be clueless. Teach your boys how to change the oil in the car, how to change a tire and how to fix things about the house also, and how to mow a lawn. So our kids can grow up and contribute to their households.

Correct me if I misunderstand, but this sounds a lot like assigning specific chores to specific genders. I am completely against this. My husband is as capable of making a gourmet meal, sewing a garment, doing the shopping and the wash, as he is of building a table, replacing the disposal, adjusting the plumbing, or changing the oil in our car. If he were not, we'd be screwed this week, since I badly injured myself and literally cannot pull my weight right now around the house. At the same time, if need be, I could build the table, replace the disposal, adjust the plumbing, or change the oil. This is true independence, and equality. If between the senior member of a household, there is a wide and varied skill set, why wouldn't all the children be taught all of the skills? Isn't that so much the better?

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I have one child only, i'm trying to teach her the skills i know best and they are pretty traditional. If she shows an interest in doing the things she sees her dad doing, she can learn those too.

When you have one child, the gender of that child might relate more to Mom or Dad and be able to pick up more of the things he/she is interested in learning. My daughter loves to help me cook, go grocery shopping, grow a garden, etc. If we had a son, he might show more interest in his Daddy and what he is doing compared to Mommy.

I grew up in a traditional household, I am more traditional in what i do around the house, my daughter shows an interest in doing whatever I'm doing. So i'm just going with the flow.

If you have more than one child, it is easier to incorporate all types of chores into a group of kids. People can raise their kids however they wish. I am raising mine the way i see fit. She wants to grow up and work in the house, be a mommy and a wife. There's nothing wrong with that, i'm just grooming her with my knowledge about that sort of life so she can be better prepared to be a wife and a mother later. Or if she chooses to move off by herself, she will have the skills to make a home and take care of herself.

 

[Ed69]

My parents never made me do anything. My brothers had a lot of chores and a lot of freedoms i couldnt have because i was a girl. Because my OCD perfectionist mom couldnt stand the thought of something being done differently than she would do it, i wasnt allowed to help with dishes or laundry.

In fact, my husband had to show me how to work a washing machine and how to sort clothing. I was a horrible example of a wife when i first got married. I had no skills whatsoever. I could bake a cake and that was it. I couldnt even make instant mashed potatoes.

Now im a gourmet cook and baker and a fantastic cake baker decorator. And i can wash dishes and run laundry 12 years later LOL

Teach your girls how to do things so when they move out, they won't be clueless. Teach your boys how to change the oil in the car, how to change a tire and how to fix things about the house also, and how to mow a lawn. So our kids can grow up and contribute to their households.

Did we just time warp back to1950?