Why are girls treated different than boys?

[Tattooed Goddess]

Listen folks, im not here to argue about what you think is 1950's or not. I do things that work in MY house. I teach my daughter the skills I was never taught that was detrimental to my marriage for not knowing how to do ANYTHING. If i am teaching my daughter how to cook, clean, etc. Who fucking cares? I am raising my child the way she also prefers to be raised. She has no interest in working on the car with her Dad and i should respect that. If she wants to do it, she is more than able to go and help him with it.

There is NOTHING wrong with being traditional because if i need help in the house, my husband can also help if he needs to. After all, he taught me how to do it when we first got married. I've needed help throughout multiple surgeries and he did just fine. No complaints. He has no interest in learning to be a gourmet cook, sewing, or cleaning the toilets. I respect that.

I have no interest in wanting to learn how to work on a car or how to repair things around the house. I married a person who can do that. My marriage is happy and just fine, so teaching your child ANY skills is giving them benefits they can utilize later in life whether they are single or married.

I'm working where my mom went wrong, if my daughter feels i failed her, she can do better with her daughter.

I wish that people would stop consider traditional roles to be bad. You can have whatever role in your family you want to have and I'll have mine. I'll stay out of your marriage about it Ed69 and you can stay out of mine.

I have a very happy man at home and a daughter who is learning things from me. If she chooses to get married, she'll have an arsonal full of things she can use to be a good wife also. There is nothing wrong with passing down things to our children that makes you and I who we are. I'd rather teach a child what i know, what i know is what i can teach.

There are traditional marriages out there and there is nothing wrong with them. They may not be what you'd be happy in, but your marriage wouldn't make my life happy either. Respect people and how they live, we aren't living back in 1950's. I have a lot of respect from my husband, i work for myself, i get help when i ask, and i dont have to make a meatloaf in heels like Donna Reed.

I consider my marriage a Modern Traditional Marriage.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I have one child only, i'm trying to teach her the skills i know best and they are pretty traditional. If she shows an interest in doing the things she sees her dad doing, she can learn those too.

When you have one child, the gender of that child might relate more to Mom or Dad and be able to pick up more of the things he/she is interested in learning. My daughter loves to help me cook, go grocery shopping, grow a garden, etc. If we had a son, he might show more interest in his Daddy and what he is doing compared to Mommy.

I grew up in a traditional household, I am more traditional in what i do around the house, my daughter shows an interest in doing whatever I'm doing. So i'm just going with the flow.

If you have more than one child, it is easier to incorporate all types of chores into a group of kids. People can raise their kids however they wish. I am raising mine the way i see fit. She wants to grow up and work in the house, be a mommy and a wife. There's nothing wrong with that, i'm just grooming her with my knowledge about that sort of life so she can be better prepared to be a wife and a mother later. Or if she chooses to move off by herself, she will have the skills to make a home and take care of herself.

It could be argued that we can't just teach children that in which they are interested. I hate carpentry. Worse, I have no real talent for it. Same goes for dancing, but my mother made me learn anyway.

I feel sorry for grown women who can't deal with run-of-the mill car maintenance or car trouble such as flats or old oil. Or clean their own gutters. Similarly, I feel badly for grown men who can't make coffee, or do their own washing. Truthfully, I feel sadly for any adult who can't get any of those things done.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

See i dont feel sorry for that. If i need the oil changed in my car, i drive it to a locally owned business that doesn't charge me much for a fantastic job. If i need something in my house repaired and i cant do it, i can recruit my husband, if i weren't married i would call my Dad, if i didnt have a Dad i would call out and pay a handyman.

I work a domestic small business service, and if people didn't call to have others come and do what they can't or don't have time to do....so many businesses would not exist. I see no shame in not being able to be a handywoman around the house. No shame at all.

If we are going to go that route about feeling sorry for those who cant this or that....lets feel sorry for those who can hand build their homes or be their own fullcare nurse when they are elderly. Why not take nursing courses also so you can be the best nurse to your child when they get sick and you won't need to recruit the help of a professional who does it. After all, you could learn some of it, so why not learn it? Where does the cycle ever stop?

I decided to stop mine at not wanting to learn to mow the lawn, not wanting to learn how to fix the car and that i would recruit the help of professionals who know how to do it. People do this everyday and it helps not only with other peoples times and skillsets, it helps promote small business to hire professionals.

What you see as sad or sorry, i see as an opportunity to have someone else do it, even if i have to pay them. People pay me all the time to come in and do things for them. I see no qualms about it at all.

 

[Ed69]

Listen folks, im not here to argue about what you think is 1950's or not. I do things that work in MY house. I teach my daughter the skills I was never taught that was detrimental to my marriage for not knowing how to do ANYTHING. If i am teaching my daughter how to cook, clean, etc. Who fucking cares? I am raising my child the way she also prefers to be raised. She has no interest in working on the car with her Dad and i should respect that. If she wants to do it, she is more than able to go and help him with it.

There is NOTHING wrong with being traditional because if i need help in the house, my husband can also help if he needs to. After all, he taught me how to do it when we first got married. I've needed help throughout multiple surgeries and he did just fine. No complaints. He has no interest in learning to be a gourmet cook, sewing, or cleaning the toilets. I respect that.

I have no interest in wanting to learn how to work on a car or how to repair things around the house. I married a person who can do that. My marriage is happy and just fine, so teaching your child ANY skills is giving them benefits they can utilize later in life whether they are single or married.

I'm working where my mom went wrong, if my daughter feels i failed her, she can do better with her daughter.

I wish that people would stop consider traditional roles to be bad. You can have whatever role in your family you want to have and I'll have mine. I'll stay out of your marriage about it Ed69 and you can stay out of mine.

I have a very happy man at home and a daughter who is learning things from me. If she chooses to get married, she'll have an arsonal full of things she can use to be a good wife also. There is nothing wrong with passing down things to our children that makes you and I who we are. I'd rather teach a child what i know, what i know is what i can teach.

There are traditional marriages out there and there is nothing wrong with them. They may not be what you'd be happy in, but your marriage wouldn't make my life happy either. Respect people and how they live, we aren't living back in 1950's. I have a lot of respect from my husband, i work for myself, i get help when i ask, and i dont have to make a meatloaf in heels like Donna Reed.

I consider my marriage a Modern Traditional Marriage.

Wow I was not aware that I was getting in your marriage.Did mommy teach you how to masturbate for stress relief?If not take a chill pill.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I didn't know how to fix the air-conditioning in the car when it broke last month. (I know now.) It took a mechanic 3 1/2 hours, and cost me $700. I can't make $700 in three hours as a pastry cook, but the next time the A/C breaks I can save $700 in 3 1/2 hours. A penny saved is a penny earned, to me. I have the time, so that's not a problem. Spending $700 on auto repair means I can't justify randomly going home to NY for no reason other than homesickness (which is what I had planned to do). I don't change my own oil because I live in an apartment. If I lived in a house, I'd take turns doing it with my husband and keep that $80/year for myself. These are extremely simple things. These are not difficult skills. The work is tedious and dirty, but when it's done I'm happy about my independence.

On the other hand, despite knowing how to dismantle or assemble a four-stroke, I will always pay a pro to do anything that requires resetting the timing, because that freaks me out. Despite knowing how to do it myself, I paid to have the alternator replaced because at the time I didn't have any place to do the work (nor own a multimeter). There will always be things I have to outsource, because I lack tools or resources. I assume that goes for everyone. Trust me, the local mechanic could never go out of business. Who has a hydraulic lift in their house?

I also understand that time is money, and there are things that have to be outsourced because the person paying simply cannot afford any time for that task. However, there is a difference between not having the opportunity to do something for oneself, and not having the ability.

Just to be clear, I'm not attacking MR or her marriage. I'm exchanging perspectives, and I wouldn't do so, if I wasn't gaining at least as much as I'm sharing.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Wow I was not aware that I was getting in your marriage.Did mommy teach you how to masturbate for stress relief?If not take a chill pill.

Your comment could definitely be perceived as rude, so it's not out of line for her to feel defensive.

 

[WriterGirl]

Having grown up in a traditional Asian household, with a stay at home mom and parents who followed traditional gender roles, I completely understand where you are coming from. In my family, I received a lot of criticism for pursuing graduate degrees - the commentary from some of the older generations was that education is good because "a man wants an educated wife", but ultimately they felt it was not a good use of my time/efforts to pursue graduate degrees because I should be getting married anyway and staying home to care for my children and family. I was completely steamed that they would not allow me choices in my own life.

But as another post pointed out, at the end of the day being angry won't change anything. You have choices to make. In my particular situation, I got my degrees, selected a career path that I love and find intellectually as well as financially rewarding. I am like you in that I believe in being honest about expectations - and I told my boyfriend that in a double income home I should not be expected to do the majority of the household chores. He agreed. (I have never heard anything negative about this from any of the men I have been in a relationship with. I have found the men I know to be generally quite fair and objective when discussing this, and they all followed through! Among your age group, I don't think you should have too much of a problem either.) I will say that we like to take care of each other, and don't count off who is doing what. We've learned how to be good partners in that we recognize that he does more in some areas, and I do more in others. Household chores include not only what is inside, but the outdoor living spaces/garage/gardens. We made a choice as a couple, to have a weekly cleaning service and yard maintenance. With our work hours, we prefer to spend our time with each other doing other things. It just makes our lives easier and it is a luxury we give ourselves.

With our positions in the companies we work for, we have a wide circle of friends and co-workers. I have found that most of the people we know, have a fairly equal division (women appearing to have a little more) of household & childcare chores even where the men make more money than their wives/partners. But in instances where the men made less, there appears to be an equal division if not skewing a little bit more being done by the men. I realize this is purely anecdotal for a specific socioeconomic group, and I don't have current statistics on any of this. But I find it surprising to hear that men who make less do or expect to do fewer household chores. It is a complete reversal of the findings from studies done in the 1990s and early 2000s, which showed an increasing trend where men are doing more in general, especially if they are the lower income earner - although not a true equal split. Particularly among men who grew up after the 1960s. I think a lot of couples with children are teaching them to be self sufficient regardless of gender roles, so a more even division of chores would not be unexpected.

 

[HiddenLacey]

My SO made a considerable amount more than I did last year and he does NO household chores. I simply believe it comes from not having to do chores when he was younger.

 

[GogMegog]

You work and keep on doing as a daily routine, it will keep you healthy and active. You will never fail in practical life.

For the matter of husband, it depends on the personality of your soul mate (whom you choose or get by chance), that how active or lazy he is. If you continue working after marriage, it will not harm your married life nor make your husband lazy. Because if a person don't like to sit idle, he will never do so irrespective of others behaviors.

You are expecting a husband who will share the home work, I appreciate your expectations and assure you that you will find one soon. There are many good and nice guys around and someone will welcome you too.

 

[TroMag]

Q: Why are girls treated different than boys?
A: Because girls are different than boys. Though our modern, androgynistic culture would tell you that the only difference between men and women is their genitals and the color their rooms were painted when they were babies.

 

[EboniGoddess]

Well, some of you have some interesting thoughts.

At the same time Madem made some points that I think I should address. Yes, you have the right to raise your daughter as you please but at the same time it hurts all women. Why? Because your daughter is going to grow up thinking she only has certain roles in the household. This stuff affects progressive women like myself. Why? Because I have to "compete" with women who have been raised as your daughter has. Of course men are going to preffer your daughter (men who benefit from what society thinks in this situation never have any complaints). After all, house repairs only happen periodically while food needs to be cooked everyday and such...

We all know men were never on board for any of the women equality movements (quite a few women died from hunger strikes for us to get the right to vote) so to think men are going to change when it comes to house chores isn't going to happen overnight. Now, some men are compromising but I don't want to feel like marriage is me being sold into slavery. That's just me...

 

[dolfette]

I agree that housework should be distributed between the husband and wife...when the wife is working. But when she has a baby I think it's only common sense for her to take a far greater portion of the housework.

or if the man decides to be a stay at home dad, for him too.
it's still a fair split. one earns, the other runs the house.

My parents never made me do anything. My brothers had a lot of chores and a lot of freedoms i couldnt have because i was a girl. Because my OCD perfectionist mom couldnt stand the thought of something being done differently than she would do it, i wasnt allowed to help with dishes or laundry.

my mother was like that.
i left home unable to turn on hoover or boil an egg.
i make my children do things so that they never face that. they'll always know how to look after themselves.

gotta say, though my son likes to learn DIY from his dad, my daughter has no interest. she's not an engineer of the future but she does love to cook. and my son does prefer DIY to cooking. that's ok...she can always pay a tradesman and as long as my son knows the basics he'll eat ok.

it's important they know the basics but beyond that i'm not forcing them to learn what they hate, just to be pc.

 

[dolfette]

At the same time Madem made some points that I think I should address. Yes, you have the right to raise your daughter as you please but at the same time it hurts all women. Why? Because your daughter is going to grow up thinking she only has certain roles in the household. This stuff affects progressive women like myself. Why? Because I have to "compete" with women who have been raised as your daughter has. Of course men are going to preffer your daughter (men who benefit from what society thinks in this situation never have any complaints). After all, house repairs only happen periodically while food needs to be cooked everyday and such.

what a ile of shit, rom.
her daughter learns stuff from watching her mother and learns stuff from watching her father.
why do you assume this will make her a meek little doormat?
and even if she has decided that she prefers learning traditionally female roles that is NOT a betrayal of feminism, because those women went on hunger strike to give us choice! not to simply change the shackles we already wore for a new set.

maybe her hubby works harder and for longer hours, in which case it's only fair that she does a bit more around the house.

to assume she setting a bad example without knowing these things is just plain rude.

 

[alx]

We all know men were never on board for any of the women equality movements (quite a few women died from hunger strikes for us to get the right to vote) so to think men are going to change when it comes to house chores isn't going to happen overnight. Now, some men are compromising but I don't want to feel like marriage is me being sold into slavery. That's just me...

There were some males that protested on behalf of womens rights, well in the UK anyway. Don't get me wrong it wasn't many.

To some extent it's just how your family works, ie traditional.

In my house I do everything, my dad taught me all he knows ie building, DIY and always helped out even if it makes a job twice as long.
My mum has taught me all the day to day runnings of the house, cooking etc

My mum and dad both came from traditional families so I guess times are slowly changing in regards to the way a home is run. Males are now able to do anything house related.

I thank them for it as I can do anything and it's good practice for when I move out, on the other Hand I have a mate that does jack all and is happy as larry.
Guess it's just how your brought up.

Somethings will never change ie males open the jam jars, carve the meat, this is just being gentlemanly. Nothing disrespectful about that.

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

All my life I always have had to do things my brother didn't. Till this day he'll sit around all day doing nothing while my family has me slaving around. Mop the floor, wash the dishes, wash the comforters and towels, do this, do that...

My family requires nothing of my brother but to put out the trash...occasionally. I don't think this is fair. The older people in my family say I should want to do these things because it'll help my find a husband. Um, hello???? I'm 21...slow down!

This has been happening every since I can remember. Not only is this not fair to me but to any future wife of my brother. He's grown up expecting the woman to do everything while he does nothing.

The older people in my family say it's expected from me and when I tell them that I plan on having my future husband doing half of the housework they all say "good luck finding a husband then". I know some married people and lying is what causes their marital problems in the first place. Some of these women feel just like I do but would rather lie about it. For the first 2 years (newlywed stage) they do everything for their husband and then they start saying "why can't you do more around the house" and guys like to then say we're nagging them. I'd rather be upront about what I expect out of my marriage... no secrets with me.

Even my college proffessors laugh about it. They talk about how women work just as hard as men and have to come home to start the "2nd job". Perhaps sexists people (like the older women in my family) are the reason many women get paid less for the same jobs. I don't like the fact that everything is expected of me and very little is expected of my brother. I've always been a feminist and thought women and men should be equal.

The older women in my family always had to do everything around the house because they didn't work. The men worked and the women did housework. The saying men have is "I'll make the bacon and you fry it." This is different today though. Most women in America work and yet we're expected to perform the same duties that house wives did. I think it's obvious that I have no intentions of being a house wife if i'm in college. I don't know what else to say. It seems like it's me against all the women in my family. Any thoughts?

your family sems stupid and stuck in the past. i suggest you move to one of the coasts

 

[B_subgirrl]

I believe that housework should be shared out according to who works the most hours. Until i was about 11 my mum did most of the housework because she was either a stay at home mum, worked part time, or worked full time but still less hours than my dad. When I was 11 my mum started uni so she was working full time and had a full time load at uni. So dad did the majority of the house work. Us kids were always expected to help out, but not necessarily with gender-specific jobs.

As an adult I still live with my parents (I'm not moving out again until I get married - if ever!). My brother also still lives here, and my sister only moved out recently. My dad does all the outdoor work because he actually likes it. He also takes out the rubbish. My mum and I do the indoor housework. Mostly because we really don't want to have to do the outdoor stuff or take out the rubbish. And we have to do something, so we do the indoor work. My brother does not much at all most of the time. But if dad needs a hand with something we send him. He is our sacrifice! Again, it's not something we want to do, so we're happy to let him off the housework if it means he's the one who gives dad a hand when he needs it.

So I guess in this house we base it on amount of hours worked and what people are most comfortable doing. I intend to do the same when/if I get married, and it has worked this way for me in previous LTRs.

I suppose I should also note that I CAN do a lot of the jobs around the house that are traditionally considered to be men's work. But really, I'm inherently lazy. And unloading and loading a dishwasher is a whole lot easier than taking the rubbish out or doing an oil change on my car.

 

[scottredleter]

We had all boys in our family (5 of us) then came our little sister. The rule before she got here way once you hit 18, you either went to college, which parents would help with, or you moved out and got a job. The only other big rule was that we would never get a car given to us. On my sisters 16 birthday we were shocked to find a T-bird in the driveway... and they were shocked when we threatened to bust it up with baseball bats. She was always treated differently... never cleaned her room, helped around the house or did any chores... and I think it affected her as an adult.

 

[B_subgirrl]

We had all boys in our family (5 of us) then came our little sister. The rule before she got here way once you hit 18, you either went to college, which parents would help with, or you moved out and got a job. The only other big rule was that we would never get a car given to us. On my sisters 16 birthday we were shocked to find a T-bird in the driveway... and they were shocked when we threatened to bust it up with baseball bats. She was always treated differently... never cleaned her room, helped around the house or did any chores... and I think it affected her as an adult.

We were all treated a little differently but it was based mostly on birth order and a little on personality. The rules were always more strict for me as the oldest. By the time the others got there I'd already worn mum and dad down :smile:

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Well, some of you have some interesting thoughts.

At the same time Madem made some points that I think I should address.

Yes, you have the right to raise your daughter as you please but at the same time it hurts all women.

Oh it does? I'm not a single woman looking for a man to take up my ideas of "progressive femininism", i've been married for 12 years. Quite happily. I also get to do whatever the hell i want to pretty much on a daily basis. My husband for a majority of our marriage has worked residency hours (80-100 hours a week) to support our family. I don't have to be obligated to pay a single bill because i prefer to stay mostly at home with our special needs daughter whom daycare was not an option for. So i found a way to make money by working a little here and a little there. I don't think my lifestyle of raising my daughter in a happy home where she is taught skills that will not only help her be a great wife if she wants to be but also a great home maker for herself if she wants to move out on her own is a bad thing.

If i had your attitude of having to work because he works and making him do the housework because i do the housework, you know what? What kind of marriage would i have, what kind of family life would my daughter have with us having problems because there are no roles at all. It's all gotta be equal all the time or else.

Women with the brow beating progressive feminist mentality don't do themselves or their kids any favors by insisting everything in life be split evenly and fair. You know there are various things we each do in the household that makes the household work as a whole. If we both come into this marriage with equal skills in every possible category- why pair up with anyone at all? Part of a good relationship is having someone else in the home who can do things you can't do. Vice versa.

Why? Because your daughter is going to grow up thinking she only has certain roles in the household. This stuff affects progressive women like myself. Why? Because I have to "compete" with women who have been raised as your daughter has.

It's interesting that in times past we never had the amount of women single in the world, wandering about clubs having no idea why they can't find a good man or keep a good man. Not every man is progressive in his thinking and honestly that's not a bad thing. I love being the wife and mother that i am, i go to bed happy at night. I can leave this marriage if i want to, i can go get a full time job if i want to. See the key here is: If i want to. But i dont. Those aren't my desires. Why? Because I'm also happiest doing what I am doing. There was a time when women had NO choice whatsoever in what they were going to do. I have a choice, you have a choice and my daughter knows she has a choice.

So when my daughter helps me prepare for dinner and she squeals in delight because she thinks wow, i helped make that awesome food....i know i've taught her a skill that will not only help herself one day, but her husband will surely appreciate having a good cook. My husband sure does. I take pleasure in his pleasure.

My daughter can grow up to be whatever she wants to be and i will support her. So there is nothing prohibitive about our family. In fact, she doesn't want to go to college and if she ultimately chooses not to, it's ok with me. Although i'd prefer her to go. But im not making her go. She has choices in life.

I'm tired of single women who want to be tough girls all the time about equal rights, equal this, equal that trying to change that men like to be cared for in special ways that show them that you love them. You aren't going to change all men in this world.

You need to go find a progressive modern feminist man and take up life with them. But don't be complaining and me and my choices because you won't even try them (even though it is a choice to try them or not, no one is making me do them) and try to make people like my daughter think more like you do. No thanks. I want my daughter to find someone good like her Dad and i want her to do a better job of being a mom and a wife than i ever could be.

Going to work everyday and coming home and sharing every chore between the both of you might work for your household, but if you get a feeling that it wont...there might be a reason. Because men are the way they are and women are the way they are. They want a nice little gift for anniversaries, they want to be held when they cry, they want someone to go shovel the snow off the drive way in the morning before the sun comes up. Most women think this way but they are in no way shape or form going to do anything HE might like you to do in order to earn that sort of work back out of him.

Of course men are going to preffer your daughter (men who benefit from what society thinks in this situation never have any complaints). After all, house repairs only happen periodically while food needs to be cooked everyday and such...

I show my husband i love him by ironing his dress clothes. He shows me he loves me by scraping the ice off my windshield before i wake up. Do you see any gender can do either of those things, but i found what he likes me to do and he's found what i like him to do?

My husband has been building me huge walk-in closets, master suites with a whirlpool tub, rebuilding our entire 100 year old home piece by piece, he hand carves each plank of my fence around my house with his saws....he takes out the trash, he works 40+ hours a week while i stay at home mostly. He does all of the balancing the checkbook and paying the bills. I could never compete with what he does around my house and how he provides for me. So what if i want to make him a nice dinner most nights? So what if i want to give him sex often without asking? So what if i want to raise his daughter to be a good woman who would know how to please most men with her skills?

My husband is on his feet twice to three times as long as i am even on a work day for me. So while huge household projects don't come up, that man still deserves a beer when he walks in the door. He deserves to have a woman who feels like she has done her part and doesn't wake up bitchy every day because she's harvesting some feelings of inadequacy.

We all know men were never on board for any of the women equality movements (quite a few women died from hunger strikes for us to get the right to vote) so to think men are going to change when it comes to house chores isn't going to happen overnight. Now, some men are compromising but I don't want to feel like marriage is me being sold into slavery. That's just me...

What are you going to do that makes any man happy? Have you thought about what you have to offer him? When you move in with some guy, tell me what your plans are to have a happy life, then lets talk about what your plans are once kids arrive.

I think my husband is the one who has a million more things on his plate than i do to get done most days. I feel honored to serve him anyway i can. He's a great man, a great boss at work, a respectful husband and a loving father. He loves and cares for "his girls" and we love and care for him back in our own ways.

If you could sit in on my day, you'd probably envy it and words like "slavery" "suppression" "rights to vote" would never cross your mind. Those crossroads have already been crossed by the women before us who had no choices and paved the way for those of us in this generation who do have the choice. I take no one back in history by finding a man who wants what i have to offer him, vice versa. He makes my life quite good in so many ways.

There is no way in hell i'd revert back to being the pampered, bitchy little princess who knew nothing about keeping a house and i had a husband who worked all day to come home to that and a grumpy wife on top of it all. I do probably 35% of what my man does in my life. I could actually get up from the computer this afternoon and do a few more things to benefit the house while he is at work.

So tell me, how does my life compare to marital slavery? I've done that mindset you have, i used to work fulltime. I was miserable, he was miserable and our child was miserable. I *had* to change things if i wanted a better life and feel like i was making a difference in my day.

This current coming of age generation has completely lost all desire to want to please anyone else. It's all about ME and when they have 2 divorces behind them and 3 kids without a father in their life, don't they have a clue they have something to learn from their Grandma?? She was doing *some* things right with her mindset. You don't have to live Grandma's life entirely. But there is nothing wrong with making an apple pie every now and again and hanging up the laundry in the backyard and rubbing your mans feet when he gets home.

Because what i get back for doing that is precious. I get beautiful cards, lovely flowers and jewelry on special occasions. I get what i am earning back from him. It's all a give and take, trade off, you scratch my back here, i scratch yours there.

Is it all traditional? No. My husband had to show me how to change a diaper. Because i was bedridden for 2 weeks after birth i couldnt change her. He would diaper her up and hand her to me so i could nurse her. He had to go back to work everyday and he would still wake up with me all night long to diaper her and help me sit up so i could feed her. I got to stay at home that day while he went to work. I have a good guy. He will do whatever it takes when i need the help. But i try whenever and whereever i can to not have to need it until i absolutely have to.

I want him to come home to a wife in a good mood who wants to be in his presence. I want to be the wife i would want to come home to. It's a very simple concept that works for us. I hope my daughter can generate the same success in her relationships that i have.

I'd like to add:

I wasn't raised this way, i wasn't taught to do anything. I've had to learn what i can do to get what i want in my marriage. A smart woman will choose wisely and treat kindly. That's the key to success. Not just chore division and equal everything.

Men and women are very different. There is a primitive side to most of us that fit the bill of traditional male or female thinking. I love to have the door opened for me, he loves to have his dinner prepared for him. While each of those things are not equal in physical effort, they still trade off as "chips" to be used later for bargaining tools, sometimes you don't even have to remind the other person what you've done for them. They remember and want to do something back for you.

That's the kind of relationship to aim for, trying to out do one another between the monotony of day to day adult responsibilities. Make it sweet, make it something you'd want to come home to. Simplicity counts.

 

[dolfette]

beyond the basics of cooking & cleaning for themselves, i don't think it matters that much what we try to teach our kids when it comes to chores. there are books & shows on how to do DIY. there are classes for those who want to cook like a pro. once they're adults they can choose what role to fill...and usually with teens it's the opposite of what their parents expected.
rom's family like traditional roles, but rom is set on ignoring that advice and her brother might get a nasty shock if he falls for a strong minded woman who expects him to pull his weight...or he might decide on his own that he likes helping her out. or he might not.

realistically, you can only teach a child what you already know. i'm never going to teach my daughter how to fix a car and my ex is never going to teach our son how to sew. i was good at being a stay at home mother and he was good at being an engineer.

the only two things that piss me off are parents who don't teach their kids the very basics they need to live alone, and parents who treat a child like a serf.