I have been utilizing dating sites lately. I have been on 4 dates. 3 of them were amazing (I thought?) and they are displaying that they're attracted I think. (Lower back touching, just kind brushing across me). Like the entire afternoon/evening was great conversation
But then I get a hug and a text that they had a great time. I don't hear back if I DM them.
Please leave your sexual thoughts at the door. I am looking for real advice.
I was just having this conversation with a friend - I, too, have had some recent dating hiccups and been wondering if it's me, or the game, that has changed. I think there are 3 out potential out takes - 1) it's you (the obvious, and first response, reaction we default to; 2) it's them (this is usually when our defenses kick in and we don't want to admit it's on us); and 3) it's the game. Personally, I think it's the game that's changed, which is the cause for 'why' it's us or them. Apps, websites, etc. have made dating far too easy. It's become a numbers game and often the smorgasbord of options has nothing to do with someone's intent. He/She can want the exact same things you want, but having too many options (all presumably as interesting to them) means that someone is getting overlooked while their attention is elsewhere - digital dating also doesn't allow us to focus our attention on more than one person, so we are 'full in' with this one and then when they are out of site, we focus on the next - so most likely, lack of response isn't because they didn't like us, or we did something wrong, but more likely they are focused on the new, shiny object. I've said this all along with how digital communication has changed 'how' we communicate (less able to engage in small talk, look people on the eye, meet people in the flesh and have proper conversations, talking to/meeting strangers)..and I think the same applies to dating. I also think we apply the same interpretations/assumptions to behavior that we would if we met someone in a more traditional manner - and this isn't practical. Digital dating also reshapes our expectations - we expect if we sent a DM or a text, event to a friend, that they reply nearly immediately or else they are blowing us off. We expect everyone is as consistently connected as the next person - or as we are. And this doesn't fit with how most dating scenarios historically work. We have to adjust our expectations, and actions, in these scenarios...and sometimes just DM'ing, not getting a reply and then wondering what went wrong isn't where we start panicking - likewise, expecting that because someone might have been 'immediate' in their replies/attention before doesn't mean that will continue once you meet. It makes us form a whole new set of expectations - and not all of them make sense, or follow reason. Personally, I've found having a set list of standards for what I want, expect, how I act, etc. is a more satisfying approach - that way, no matter how cool, or aloof, someone is - I'm judging their actions/response based on what my standards are - how I want to be treated/communicated with/reacted to - so I worry less about them not liking me of what went wrong. So, not sure if that helped - but I think it's more likely the manner in which we date that's the cause and not 'how men think.'