Why Are So Many Gay Men So Sassy?

JayPR

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First, let me clarify that I know that gay people are as diverse as straight, bisexual people, etc. and not every gay is like that. That being said, I'm going to talk about those who are like that most of the time.

In my experience, I've encountered many gay men that are in a sassy, bitchy attitude when meeting people. It happens in social scenarios like bars or parties, when meeting friends of friends, but also when you're meeting a guy on a date. It can be very annoying because it's like they're in defensive mode all the time like they need to be fierce and witty and put you down with some sarcastic comment just because they feel like it. It feels like there's facade all the time, no realness or a genuine and kind person behind that.

Do you feel the same? Why do you think this happens?
 

OKCLane

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I’ve not experienced this as much as you apparently have. I suppose it could be a generational thing. Growing up gay in the 70’s was a lot different than growing up in the 90’s or 00’s.
Society can force us to spend a lot of time in defensive and protection mode so I understand that to a degree.
The thing I enjoy most about gay cruises is that guys seem to let their defenses down since we’re the majority on a 3-5k person ship. If you’re getting this in a gay venue that seems odd (and sad) to me.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing a lot of attitude. Maybe your “vibe” puts them in a defensive posture? I don’t know you and am not trying to piss you off or cast aspersions but if “everyone” reacts to you with a bitchy attitude maybe they feel threatened by you. I’m just tossing out an idea and certainly not judging you.
Sometimes if someone comes at me with undeserved attitude, I say holster the attitude sister, we’re on the same team. Usually gets a laugh and is disarming without being confrontational.
Good luck and my apologies if I offended you in any way, truly not my intent.
 

Stratavos

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I understand how off-putting it can be, and kinda struggle myself with not falling into doing that. we should be building each other up more often, than tearing each other down.

I know i carry a pessimistic/realistic view in group situations and in general, because I'd rather be pleasantly surprised when I'm not thrown into the dirt.
 
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Brodie888

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I believe it's a defense mechanism they used growing up to push back against haters.

They survived by believing they were fabulous and threw shade better than any mean girl.

Unfortunately they just never grew out of it.
 
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I understand how off-putting it can be, and kinda struggle myself with not falling into doing that. we should be building each other up more often, than tearing each other down.

I know i carry a pessimistic/realistic view in group situations and in general, because I'd rather be pleasantly surprised when I'm not thrown into the dirt.
We should be doing that, but unfortunately we know all too well how that works out....

Your philosophy sounds a lot like my philosophy: I expect the worst every time so that I won't be caught gobsmacked, but on the rare occasion good happens, I am pleasantly shocked. Of course, then I grit my teeth and wait for the other foot to drop and balance things out.....

"No hope = no fear." --Pete Steele
 

Infernal

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I always had a reputation for speaking my mind and not caring if people wanted to hear it or not. A friend I grew up with said it was because of my "lifestyle". I open my mouth and speak the words. My sexuality has nothing to do with it.
 

JayPR

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I understand that is better be prepared for the worst and be pleasantly surprised. I do it myself, but why not just be neutral until the person or situation show their true colors? Why some people just start in a defensive way from the start, with no motivation? My only explanation is that they do it to create a reputation, to scare people away so people don't mess with them. The thing is that using that defense mechanism you push away the mean people but also the good ones.
 

concupisys

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funny topic.... i come off pretty flamboyant at times, but it's generally when i am actually bitching about something.... in general though, i am definitely an obvious homosexual, but you don't need to follow me around with fire extinguisher.... depending on where you live and the kinds of people you hang out with, the degree of flamboyance or 'sassy' can vary, and people gauge it differently.... i came from a conservative town, and the people i grew up with would describe me as a flamer there.... as a young child, i actually wasn't allowed to go to some of my friends' houses to play because their parents said i was too sassy.... how does one do that to a seven year old????? but when i moved to toronto, i actually am very tame compared to the outrageous personalities i've discovered here.... it's just a form of expression, and yes it is a protection device for some people.... but different people have other ways they express themselves for the same reasons like those who come off as bullies or use foul language....

i wouldn't be able to handle an outrageous flamer in a relationship, but i can sass as well as they do.... it's just not as sparkly.... but i digress.... i have a lot of dealbreakers when it comes to character.... some people are just annoying.....
 
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