I have known a lot of gay men over the years and only one would I call bright and happy but Mike died of AIDS. Every other gay man I have known has been dour at best with ranges to downright miserable.
While there are some commonalities of life experiences that make some gay men tend towards certain attitudes and personality styles (as noted above), I would say that you need to broaden the range of gay men that you know and the circumstances in which you know them.
Personally there are times I have wondered "why are all gay men so bitchy," then I realized, oh... it's just the type of gay man that this particular bar attracts, or that this particular friend circle has attracted, that tend to be of a certain, from certain backgrounds, and that includes a high percentage of people all acting similarly, dressing similarly, and generally being clones. When I've worked to get to know folks completely outside those circles and have found that many of them have strongly different attitudes and perspectives, resulting in very different personalities.
In my experience, many mature gay men -- if they've been out of the closet for a very long time (and I'm talking since high school or college) -- are often more emotionally centered than some of their straight counterparts. If you've made it into your 30s or 40s without killing yourself through suicide, drugs, alcohol, etc., particularly if you came of aged in a more repressed time, you've probably gotten to a point in which you have dealt with many of the demons that haunted you in your youth. The exact opposite is often the case with gay men who have only come out recently; they're often emotionally stunted and stuck in an endless teenage angst loop that, on someone in their 30s, is not a good look at all.
I don't think gay men have the corner on depression, self-esteem issues, or other factors that make them unhappy. I also have many straight friends who are in similar situations and have very similar attitudes and behaviors, with the unhappiness that comes along. There are many circumstances that drive people to take similar behavioral approaches to coping, and they wind up being nearly identical regardless of orientation. As a result, I know plenty of straight people who are indistinguishable in behavior and personality from some gay men: bitchy, full of angst and drama, emotionally unavailable, etc. Sometimes I think it's more about living in a big city than it is about sucking cock.
Broaden your view and look beyond orientation, you may find that the common characteristics overlap in larger ways.
Oh I believe there is significant overlap. For example, I know very few adult women who are not on a mood elevating drug. I actually have statistical proof of that. The urban setting could be at play too. I think people who live in close quarters have much more stress.
I was( no longer though) an investor in a string of higher end hair salons. Maybe gay stylists are more prone to unhappiness? They would be so wonderful in front of their clients, high energy, upbeat, terrific sales skills, but soon as the doors closed , darkness came over them.
I have known a lot of gay men over the years and only one would I call bright and happy but Mike died of AIDS. Every other gay man I have known has been dour at best with ranges to downright miserable.
I've never understood this. There were friends I had in my 20's and they had other friends that we would hang out with. Some of these guys were just miserable human beings. They never complimented each other. It was one insult, or sarcastic comment after another. Nothing and no one was ever good enough. I shared a house with two people and they wanted to go out every night of the week to hang out with these people. I just couldn't do it. Once a week was all I could handle, and many times I just went to talk to more pleasant people that I knew.
If almost all of the women you know have mood disorders then I'd say the problem in your area isn't associated with sexual orientation or gender.
Shade and bitchiness are an art and they have a time and place.
I agree, and in the right circumstance, a little shade can be hilarious. For this crowd, it was 24 / 7 and it becomes tiresome after a while. One in particular went after me one night and was particularly vicious. I had bad acne as a teen and have some scars from it. He decided to call me Freddy Krueger all night long. I put a big smile on my face and emptied my wallet buying him one drink after another. A few days later, he called me to complain about being hung-over for days, and having to leave his desk and go out to the parking lot so he could throw up behind some bushes where his coworkers wouldn't see him. I reminded him that maybe he should be nicer to people because there are ways to pay people back that don't involve cruelty. He was just a miserable person, and he let his misery bleed over to pretty much all aspects of his life. Having a drag bar title stripped from him for not fulfilling his obligations didn't help. No matter. I have no place for that in my life. He, and most of that crowd are just memories of the past now.
Calling you Freddy Krueger all night isn't shady at all, it's a tacky bitch misery's own dumpster queen feeling sorry for her busted ass. Pardon me, you didn't deserve that and I am sorry you had to deal with it. You did what I might have but perhaps I may have gone a little more hardcore in the past. Usually I just told security to put them in the street and not let them back in for a month. I was lucky coming up in that I had a really fabulous and generally kind group of reprobates and sodomites to hang with but I was also insulated somewhat by proximity to the center so to speak.
I have known a lot of gay men over the years and only one would I call bright and happy but Mike died of AIDS. Every other gay man I have known has been dour at best with ranges to downright miserable.