Why are some gay men exclusive tops? (Take 2)

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by Meniscus, Jan 9, 2008.

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For gay men who are exclusive tops: Why are you an exclusive top?

Poll closed Feb 8, 2008.
  1. My nature/orientation is to top. Bottoming goes against my instincts.

    15 vote(s)
    21.4%
  2. I have a medical problem (e.g., IBS, hemorrhoids, anal fissures).

    4 vote(s)
    5.7%
  3. No medical problem, but I find being penetrated uncomfortable/painful.

    25 vote(s)
    35.7%
  4. I simply don't enjoy the sensation of being penetrated.

    27 vote(s)
    38.6%
  5. I am dominant/aggressive; bottoming is too submissive/passive.

    7 vote(s)
    10.0%
  6. I am masculine; bottoming is a feminine role.

    3 vote(s)
    4.3%
  7. Topping makes me feel strong and powerful; bottoming would make me feel weak.

    7 vote(s)
    10.0%
  8. Topping makes me feel superior to the bottom; I think bottoms are inferior.

    3 vote(s)
    4.3%
  9. I don't want to be perceived by others as submissive/passive/weak/inferior.

    5 vote(s)
    7.1%
  10. Other

    8 vote(s)
    11.4%
  1. Meniscus

    Gold Member

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    Please read this post before answering the poll.

    I've been meaning to post this poll for several months now, ever since I joined lpsg.

    I am a top by default but, I suspect, a bottom by nature. For a long time I thought of myself as versatile (I'm the sort of guy who wants to try it all), but over the years I've discovered that it's not really possible for me to bottom. I've experimented quite a bit on my own with various objects, toys, fingers,...my own fist. I found it quite pleasurable, but I encountered certain...problems. As a result of which I'm extremely hesistant to try bottoming for another guy. In fact, I go so far as so say that I can't be a bottom; it's just not an option for me. (Ironically, the goal in this solo experimentation was to teach myself so that I'd be prepared for another guy to fuck me, if and when the opportunity arose.)

    So I began identifying as a top to others (if it even came up, which it usually didn't) although as versatile to myself. I had by that point become really inhibited about the idea of getting fucked, so I didn't want any potential partners to even think I was open to the idea, lest they try to talk me into it. I didn't want to have to fend anyone off and go through a lot of awkward and unpleasant explanations for why I wasn't willing to bottom for them.

    So, during my years identifying as a top, I've come across a wide variety of attitudes among gay men about tops and bottoms, most of which make me even more reluctant to bottom. One thing that surprises me is how many men identify as exclusively one or the other. Like I said, I'm the sort of guy who wants to experience it all, so I'm surprised to find that other people are more self-limiting. Also, it seems that most bottoms have done both and discovered that they like bottoming more (but are willing and able to top once in a while). But most tops I've met claim that they have never bottomed and that they never will. I thought this was rather closed-minded of them, but then I realized that I was also presenting myself as an exclusive top.

    So I began to speculate about the reasons why some men are exclusive tops. I tried to come up with as many reasons as I could think of and created this poll. You can select more than one option. I also realize that there may be reasons which I failed to include. Please just do your best to pick the choice that best fits you.

    If you'd like to elaborate and explain your choice...or explain why you didn't particate because none of the options worked for you, I'd love to hear what you have to say. However, I understand that this may not be a topic that's too private for people to feel comfortable talking about, so voting without posting is still greatly appreciated. Thanks.
     
  2. D_BEissua

    D_BEissua New Member

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    Hi,
    i have a question (please forgive my ignorance & I ask this in all honesty & do not wish to offend anyone as I'm a hetro female)

    I found what you've written here extremely interesting.

    Hypothetically, Is it possible that some gay men are in denial of their sexuality and top because it is "similar" to having sex with a woman (in their own mind, bearing in mind the androgyny of the bottom), whereas being penetrated themselves would make them feel "gay" as they are allowing this to occur?

    I guess it comes back to the power thing a bit doesn't it?
     
  3. Bbucko

    Gold Member

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    I doubt any guy uncomfortable with his sexuality would much enjoy any kind of sexual interaction with another man, except perhaps for getting a quick, anonymous, non-reciprocating blowjob.

    Real sex involves intimacy: kissing, bonding, sharing, etc. even between virtual strangers. Otherwise it really is devoid of meaning.

    Anyone who finds pleasure in kissing, sucking and fucking another man (in whatever role) is either bisexual or just plain gay.

    And I do want to (gently) admonish you for describing the bottom as naturally androgynous. Most gay men are actually quite versatile, meaning that they will either top or bottom as the situation (and their own desire) dictates. And most gay men are really just regular guys, not hyper-masculine macho studs or fey, limp-wristed swishy Nancyboys...just regular fellas (albeit with an inherently superior sense of fabulous :biggrin1: )

    I'm an exclusive top because I really dislike the sensation of being penetrated anally. I wish I could bottom (really I do), but it's just not within my skill-set. I feel violated emotionally and physically when even a finger is attempted. Entire penises are really just too much for me to handle.

    I'm sure this comes, at least in part, to the sexual abuse I suffered as a child.

    But I have no problem sucking cock. In fact, I am a very enthusiastic fellator and am highly skilled at throatfucking without all the gagging and carrying on I've seen in other guys.

    So my being an exclusive anal top has nothing to do with superiority or any perception on my part that bottoms are less masculine. In fact, I am not attracted to overly passive men or overly feminized men. I've always said that I'm gay because I like to fuck men, not something gender non-specific.

    I'm sure I'll add much more to this interesting thread as it progresses.
     
  4. ActionBuddy

    Gold Member

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    Wow! For the first time on this topic, anywhere... I feel normal... as I am in with 80% of responders to the poll.

    "I simply don't enjoy the sensation of being penetrated." ...

    It's just not my thing... but I love providing the pleasure for others... :smile:
     
  5. D_MarquisDeSodOff

    D_MarquisDeSodOff Account Disabled

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    I have to say that I am a versatile that prefers top because I really just dont get much pleasure myself from being penetrated. It feels awkward at first, then just stays awkward, never getting to the pleasure part, I've heard about. I have done it and probably will again, because I like to please my partner and it doesn't hurt me so I have very little problem with it. I always thought it was interesting too that gay guys have never tried to be the bottom. I personally don't think you should bad things about something if you haven't tried. As the saying goes "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it."

    So, I'm not an exclusive top, but just don't enjoy being penetrated.

    Also, I don't feel that bottoming is female or submissive or any of those things. No offense to girls, but having breasts and a vagina is what makes you a female. Guys can feel other things too, but thats a different subject. If anything, bottoming gives you mre power because if you move a wrong way the penis inside of you will go with you and the person attached won't. so you get a bit of power that way.

    I guess I just can't relate t any of the problems that people have with bottoming. I realize that doesnt change anything, but that's my opinion.
     
  6. Andresito

    Andresito Member

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    As a former exclusive top (until my current bf): I didn't like the sensation. It was painfull.

    BUT, with patience and saliva, the elephant fucks the hormiga (it's an ant boys, but in spanish suits better)
     
  7. auncut10in

    auncut10in Well-Known Member

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    The two questions in the poll are pretty similar for me. I didn't really know which one to put down. It hurts to much and I don't like the feeling of being penetrated. I actually don't have anal sex very often. But when I do, the guy always wants me to top anyway so it seems to work out. There is something else that prevents me from bottoming. I know that you increase the chances of getting AIDS by quite alot. Even though I always play safe, I figure hey if I am not that excited about being a bottom, why take the increased risk anyway. And yeah, I know that using a condom makes it safe, but it is still there in the back of my head.

    All the power crap does not interest me at all. Whoever I am with I want it to be about the both of us and not about someone humiliating the other guy.
     
  8. silvertriumph2

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    IAlthough I prefer oral sex, when I do participate in anal sex (which I do enjoy as a top), I am never a bottom, but an exclusive top.

    I only tried being a bottom once, and immediately found that I disliked the idea and the sensation of being penetrated. However, for some reason, I do like to be fingered when receiving a b/j or while, as a top, I am having anal sex with another person.

    Although he knew it was my first time and that I was not all that happy about it, he was gentle and tried to make me feel as comfortable as possible. But, I felt emasculated and emotionally violated by the entire process. I just have no desire to be a bottom and find it not my cup of tea, as they say.

    Although I share the role playing of being the Dom, or not, I do think of myself mainly as the Dom. However, I don't think that has anything to do with controling the other, just the one that is the stronger, so to speak, of the two. I don't know, maybe that doesn't make much sense.

    Oh, and if I do anal sex, it is ALWAYS with a condom. I would never do it any other way, even though he is my LTC.
     
  9. Lex

    Lex
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  10. bottombuddy

    bottombuddy Member

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    i have topped exclusively in a past relationship but in most recent one (14 yrs) i was exclusively bottom......i havent had sex since either way (about 9 mths now) but id like a 100% top when i eventualy meet him........suggestions welcome as is a potential long term partner....its getting real lonely having no contact with anyone this length of time.
     
  11. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    I, too, do not like the feeling of being penetrated even by my own fingers, much less by those of a fb. Really dig oral sex and consider myself a tit, pit and crotch animal. Am really not into role playing or domination.
     
  12. Balljunkie

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    I have bottomed maybe eight times. The only time that I enjoyed it was when I was with my first boyfriend. The other times, it was uncomfortable.

    I prefer topping, but will bottom in the right circumstances; i.e., it is my boyfriend. I believe in a relationship that you shouldn't label yourself the "top" and the "bottom".

    On a side note, I hate the stereotypes that go with being a top or a bottom. A bottom is viewed as feminine, real skinny, acts like a woman, prissy, etc.

    Tops are viewed as masculine, loves sports, manly, etc.
     
  13. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    I've tried bottoming for anal sex (I'm a switch for BDSM and I'm not an oral top, even if I am picky about the men who I suck/69 with) and I find being penetrated uncomfortable/painful even when everything is done correctly and I'm relaxed, and I simply don't enjoy the sensation of having my anus penetrated with a toy/cock and it just feels like going to the bathroom backwards to me (sorry if that's TMI but that's what it feels like) and I'm not wired like my bottom/hardcore anal sex bottom bi/gay friends are. I'm more into having my ass played with on the outside with a finger/vibrator and I love being rimmed. I know those are all anal sex but I don't call myself a top, bottom, or versatile for anal sex since I'm more into oral sex and jack off, kissing/making out, bondage/SM, and rubbing around AKA frot/frottage. Also it sounds weird but I love licking men's hairy ripe armpits!
     
  14. hrconsulttex

    hrconsulttex New Member

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    I've bottomed some, but am mostly a top. I've even had a few experiences bottoming that were very hot and enjoyable. These days I'm an exclusive top because my boyfriend only likes to bottom.
     
  15. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    Hmmm I mostly date/get into relationships with bi/gay men who are either not into anal sex at all or they're tops for that. I'm bi and it wouldn't be a big deal if I were in a relationship with a guy that wanted to get fucked every so often; but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a hardcore anal sex bottom that needs to be fucked by me or with a toy each and everytime we have sex. I don't have an interest in having a woman use toys or fingers on me, and while I once did have an interest in having a woman use toys (like a strapon dildo) or having a woman fist me I'm just not into bottoming for anal sex and it doesn't give me any pleasure. I have bi male friends who love bottoming for women, and I have some het male friends who like it too.
     
  16. D_Scurfielde Skinflute

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    In contrast to this thread, I am an exclusive bottom. I'm bi, and when i'm with a guy it usually works out that he blows me, then fucks me, guys enjoy fucking my ass because I have really intense anal orgasms, but when it comes to topping, it's not that much of a turn on for me. When I'm with a woman, I just do the normal type of thing, but occasionaly, I will manage to get her to fuck me with a strap on (vibrator)
     
  17. RogersPkBi

    RogersPkBi New Member

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    thank God for all these tops!
     
  18. QuiteOne

    QuiteOne New Member

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    I am a total bottom in my current relationship for two reasons. First, my bf doesn't like to bottom (doesn't like the feeling). Second, my dick no longer gets hard enough for me to penetrate :( :(
     
  19. inside_man

    inside_man Well-Known Member

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    Before answering, let me just take a sec to rejoice again in finding this site. It is by turns funny, titillating, curious and more. It is my new obsession.
    Now...I've always been a top. Every time I tried getting fucked, it hurt like hell and I love the sensation of fucking and getting sucked and all that other top stuff so I just figured that was the end of the story. But several years ago when topping a regular fuck buddy whose eyes where rolling in his head as I was banging him hard, I realized by his expression that he was enjoying the sex a helluva lot more than I was-and I was having a great time.
    Fucking was great, but clearly there was something to getting fucked.
    So months later, I tricked with a guy who had a little cock and I decided to let him fuck me. I got the wee dick in. It wasn't ideal but I managed to break thru the pain & psychological barriers I had had to get my ass penetrated.
    It's helped me kind of have the best of both worlds.
    My boyfriend is a submissive bottom. As a top, I'm rough, verbal, aggressive. Our sex is fantastic and I love him so although I abuse him, it's not b/c I'm acting on a sense of self-loathing. But when I'm alone and masturbate and want to come quickly, I break out my (small) dildo (my asshole is still hella tight), lube it up, sit on top and cum very quickly. Still think of myself as a top (not really interested in bottoming with a guy-and my BF couldn't be less interested in having me bottom) but now get to see what all the fuss was about and to satisfy an itch I didn't know I needed scratching.
     
  20. Dorian_Gray

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    DITTO.
     
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