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Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by earllogjam, Dec 14, 2007.
world is evil
It's retarded, isn't it? Surely with THIS many lonely people they'd find each other.
Maybe they're hermits by habit?
Or rather, Monks.
The thing is you can be incredibly lonely surrounded by many many people.
I think it is epidemic especially among teens and elderly people especially here in the land of wealth. Does our societal structure and the way we live unintentionally cut off certain people from the flow of life?
Or do people choose to be lonely?
I am very lonely myself. The reason very from time to time and situation to situation. But if I had to narrow them down to just a few, it would be my standard, what I want in a man, what I want in a relationship, my families opposition to me being gay, my unwillingness to accept my sexuality earlier in life, my inability to find a man who turns on my mind and not just my body. The list goes on and on. But, I would whether be single then like most people who are in bad and extremely dysfunctional relationships. As the old saying goes, I can be bad by myself then when someone else.
I have gay friends who date man just so not to be alone. They make fun of me for dating my dildos and my hands. But unlike them, I'm not sitting in my car watching my boyfriends house to see if he is cheating or finding naked pictures of another man on his cellphone either.
I just believe that one should wait to find their cat's meow then jumping from one bad relationship to another until when you find Mr. or Mrs Right. You are too hurt or afraid to accept the love that they are offering you.
So to all the single and lonely people in the world, I say keep your heads up and don't give up. Yes, it is hard and frustrating. Yes, it is a little scarely to think that you may end up alone in the end but sometimes its better then the alternative.
WE COME INTO THIS WORLD ALONE AND LEAVE ALONE
many partnered folks can also be lonely through inattention so isnt necessary something you feel as a single person.
im alone this xmas because my family live out of town and i havent accepted invites to spend xmas with them,my parents also died fairly recently so i dont have them to see or be close to like i normally did and of course my partner left after 14 yrs as he had a nervous breakdown and didnt know what he was thinking..he wants to be alone theis xmas.
so wether enforced or not - sometimes you just have to accept that ...just sometimes in your life you will be alone at one point or another.
Great Points. I think also that people often idealize the coupled state when they themselves are not a part of it at the time. Both being alone and being with others have their benefits and drawbacks. THere are some seasons of one's life where circumstance has made it so that one is too busy to focus the needed attention on a personal relationship that it deserves. So it is best to fill one's life with wholesome activities and find opportunities to enjoy people and things that are not necessarily romantic. If you dont have your family with you make family of others. I know I am not speaking for everyone. THere are those who are shut in or unable in other ways to reach out but for many of us we still do have that ability.
Good points, but I don't think that "being in a relationship" has much to do with being lonely or not.
One can be in a wonderful relationship and STILL be lonely. I don't expect anyone to agree with me, but I think it's unreasonable and unfair to expect a partner to "fill up" all your chinks and holes. What a dreadful burden to place upon another human being!
Most people have MANY sides to themselves. That's what make people unique.
In any case, I think "loneliness" is on the decline because the Internet makes it easier to find people with similar interests and quirks.
Interesting. What place do useless people have in any society? I take it you mean "useful" in the broadest of terms here. I gather not all useless people are lonely though, perhaps they just developed or were taught the social skills to find and keep friendships.
Perhaps knowing people has become more of a bother than good thing in our day in age and it is just easier being alone despite the anguish.
What do you mean by people in their prime who are "producing"?
I think most people feel lonely until they find someone that really understands them, and that's not so common. Human interaction is weird and there are so many expectations to live up to . . family, friends, partners, work, school, community, society. A lot of it doesn't fit in with what a person truly wants to be doing with their life. And a lot of people haven't figured out what they want to be doing with their life. So many questions, and no solid answers. When these expectations are en masse, someone is always going to feel outside what they believe is normal. We've written this big play to act in, created importance based on whims, and it's scary when you put too much thought into that.
Some people commit to fitting in, and lose the doubts by surrounding themselves with a created family of people superficially like them. Some people are able to make themselves busy enough that it's easy to ignore the loneliness. There are lots of escapes, and most of them are easier than facing fears, but they don't actually fill in the holes . . just sort of tape them over until a song or a rainy night or too much wine serves a reminder.
A few people get lucky, and find truly like-minded people. Acceptance and support even when you don't agree on everything mean a lot. Human nature is essentially self-serving, and so there's not always so much of that positivity going around. I'm not saying people are bad, they're just what they are.
And yeah, the internet makes it easier to find like-minded people in certain areas, but it also opens up a lot of vulnerabilities and experiences that are a freeway for the lonely thoughts to creep in.
That's my belief, anyway.
On an intellectual level, I think there is truth in that. But speaking for myself, while online intereraction has it's perks it's no subsitute for personal, flesh and blood contact. Barely a pale shadow of it.
I'd suspect that for many, 'online relationships' are likely to deepen a person's sense of loneliness by drawing into sharp focus the one thing they cannot deliver. It's been said people are very different and I agree with that - up to a point, but as a species we're quite gregarious. We haven't yet evolved the 'online' gene yet (if you will).
Technology is enabling us to behave in ways I'm quite sure some are not fully equipped to handle effectively. Of course, it's no doubt the case that for many people virtual contact is better than none at all. But I also believe that for some it's better than any other type and that I find rather saddening.
As you say, the Internet can be a means to bring people together, but it also allows them to keep those people at 'arms length'. Thus they can too easily depersonalise those interactions, perhaps forgetting that there is actually a person at the other end of that wire. One only need look at some of the bitter and twisted souls who pass through these hallowed fora for evidence of that.
The very nature of many of our lives is changing, the pressure of work, commuting, the fear of crime...and so on - means that for many time for social interactions is diminishing, it's perhaps logical, even inevitable people will therefore seek alternative arenas for interaction. I'm just not convinced it's a healthy long term trend, or rather that it has the potential to endanger society if it's not balanced with real world relationships.
see the film The Rules of Attraction.
I think that explains it.
Because people don't love themselves, and they aren't happy with themselves.
You're on the right track, I think.
I agree with TMM. I would add that we are encouraged (by TV, popular music, all forms of advertising, print media and movies) to obsess over our own flaws and to simultaneously believe that we deserve the "perfect" partner. I can see why insecure, narcissistic, demanding perfectionists might be lonely.
In the future, electronic interaction might very well BE the real world... :tongue:
(And by then who'll know the difference anyway?!)
All kidding aside, you do speak truth... maybe that's why some of us (who me?) find it so addicting... because it gives us what we can't have...
That is true. It tend to be a loner. At times I get lonely, but mostly I don't. I think Jerry Seinfeld said that all a man wants is to be left alone.
Such as today, I have to go over my parents house and my sister and her kids are coming over (because tomorrow is my B'day) and I would just rather stay home and rest from my Christmas shopping earlier today.
I didn't choose to be alone and when I was younger I found I HAD to have someone at all costs. Desperation leads to very bad choices.
Being alone has forced me to grow up in alot of ways.
It's forced me to be reliant on myself, and to be comfortable with my own company and keep myself entertained.
On the whole I beleive that this time alone has made me a more stable
and more rounded and less needy person.
It's give me the time to work out issues and to do my morning without
dragging another person onto the emotional rollercoaster.
For me now, I would like to be in a relationship but, it isn't something that I'm actively pursuing.
If and when it happens, it will be a lovely suprise and until then life will continue to be full, busy and happy.
I love and respect myself, and I am happy with the person I am, but still I get lonely for someone like me who I can share myself with. I am not lonely just being by myself, but I do wish I were not alone. In my marriage I was lonelier than I have ever been.