Why are these women interested in me only when I'm with someone else!!!!?!?!?

[wallyj84]

Okay, so I just got back from a drinking party at this English club I'm involved in and this one girl pretty much stuck by me the entire night. She even insisted that we ride the train back together, since we live near the same station. So we're talking and such and maybe it's cause I'm drunk, but I got the feleling that she was into me. Normally, this would be a good thing, she's pretty hot and under any normal circumstances I would try to get a date with her and shit like that, but no this isn't any kind of normal circumstance, you see I'm dating someone right now! I have a girlfriend and we're happy together and have a nice relationship. Sure, she's not as hot as the girl I was talking to at the party, but she's good enough and we get along. My question is, why do these women only seem interested in my when I'm with some other woman? Where was what's her name I can't remember her name anyway where was she when I was single? This isn't fair, dammit. How come no women are interested in me when I'm single!??? How come this computer's keyboard is too damn small? I have to correct every other sentence!? This sucks. I have a hot girl that I can't bang and then I have a computer that can't type right. This is a damn something or other.


Anyway, why is that women are only interested in men that are seeing other women. It doesn't make any sense. At least to me. But I'm stupid so maybe it will make sense to someone else. Anyway, explain, please!

 

[mexdude]

Interesting, i would like to hear the responses of the ladies

 

[EmJay]

Because you exude that you are happy and content..and that is attractive..

 

[helgaleena]

Happiness is attractive. Most people just say thank you and don't think they have to go all the way to screwing with every person who thinks they are attractive. Get used to your new attractiveness level, wally.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Also- when you are in a relationship, you probably are not coming on to these women... you are confident sexually in that you know you are wanted by someone and will have sex soon ) and so not trying so hard... this probably results in your being more relaxed and seeming less 'needy'... that is a good tip for the next time you might be single... that the easy going and relaxed attitude of not expecting anything is a more attractive persona for you than they guy on the prowl...

Also... if women KNOW you are in a relationship... if they SEE that you stop flirting with other women when you are in one, this is also attractive to them. When a man HAS a woman, that is like a stamp of approval... in that, if another woman finds you worthy, then you probably are worthy... and if women se a man who is solid in a relationship... that he doesn't go out on the make when he is seeing someone... that bespeaks a guy who is true to his woman, and that is also an attractive trait.


Biologically... when you exhibit these traits in a relationship, you become a "proven" potential mate... women, like anyone else, would rather invest in a surer bet than in an unknown.

 

[EmJay]

Well..I am not interested in guys who have girlfriends at all..but what does happen is that I feel more free to be myself..because If he exudes that he is faithfull..I dont have to worry that every smile or look I give will immediately be about me wanting to get in his pants, thus him trying to get something from me.

I can engage more freely when he's just relaxed...

Guys who really love or are into their girlfriends are finally open to actually have a decent conversation with.. And if you are attractive too..that is a pulling combination..

 

[alx]

All of the above, plus the fact it's December. Seriously there's alot of single women that want to feel 'wanted' this time of year.

Oh I'd like to add.... Gay guys also want to try it on. I was actually out with the gf on Tuesday and two guys were trying it on. She was not impressed.

 

[ConstantComment]

I have a swtich that automatically goes off when I learn through whatever means that a guy I was interested in is otherwise engaged. Thanksfully so. this is because I know what awaits with this new found knowledge. Last minute dates and last minute cancellations and that, "well, honey, you always knew that I had a gf" so it was going to be this way.

Maybe other women see some challenge in it, but I don't.

 

[B_625girth]

what's real interesting is women who know you, and know you're in a relationship, that are coming on to you left & right. after I got engaged, I had women flirting with me like never before. some were disappointed that I was going "off the market".

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

A friend of mine had a long term girlfriend who would become really interested when they broke up, and then lose interest in him again when they were back together. Their relationship was on and off like a light switch as a result.

For some people (note: not only women!) there's an element of control - they want to control everything and when they can't, they want to, and when they do, it's boring to them. So as a result they only really seem to get turned on by what they can't have.

Alternatively she just wanted to be friends with you, and thought it was safe to talk to you because you were already in a relationship. Alternatively again she just really liked you a lot and either didn't care or couldn't stop herself from hitting on you.

 

[LeeEJ]

Well..I am not interested in guys who have girlfriends at all..but what does happen is that I feel more free to be myself..because If he exudes that he is faithfull..I dont have to worry that every smile or look I give will immediately be about me wanting to get in his pants, thus him trying to get something from me.

I can engage more freely when he's just relaxed...

Guys who really love or are into their girlfriends are finally open to actually have a decent conversation with.. And if you are attractive too..that is a pulling combination..

That's the gist of what I've figured, too. I've usually not been the kind of guy to always come on to a woman, but once I got a girlfriend, then engaged, and finally married, other women are even more sociable.

I also wonder about what 625girth said, especially about women he knew lamenting that he was "off the market". Think they might have been only joking about it, or could they have been interested before but were just waiting for him to make his move?

 

[helgaleena]

I think a lot of males think if a female acts with a normal level of friendliness to them, the same as they would to a female friend, they are flirting! Is it because they are so very used to the 'get away desperate predator' treatment they have been eliciting previously?

I have been told this by males, that I was being a flirt, when I was simply acting friendly. One even surprised me with a kiss and a grope as I was about to get on the bus home after we'd been studying and eating together. He had not even bothered to ask previously if I had a boyfriend! (I did)

Consider that if you have been getting 'go away' vibes from a lot of females, it may be because you are frightening them away. Relax and be your true self. It will attract friends of both sexes much better and lead to actual relating.

 

[LeeEJ]

I think a lot of males think if a female acts with a normal level of friendliness to them, the same as they would to a female friend, they are flirting! Is it because they are so very used to the 'get away desperate predator' treatment they have been eliciting previously?

Yup. That happens even when I leave the conversation without groping or even asking for a phone number.

 

[RedScrotum]

Maybe she was just looking for an escort on the train home, and didn't get too far away from you, so you wouldn't leave without her.

 

[LeeEJ]

Maybe she was just looking for an escort on the train home, and didn't get too far away from you, so you wouldn't leave without her.

That could be true, too. She would've been more comfortable appearing, as far as the world can see, to be "taken" instead of having to suffer drunken advances from random guys she'll inevitably meet on the way home.

 

[softyadmirer]

I have found that women are slightly more interested in me when I'm involved, but far more intrigued when I'm about 2-6 months away from a breakup (this is in retrospect--clearly they can detect things far more accurately than i can, being mired in the immediate morasss). The funny thing is that since they know that I'm involved, things are going badly (either b/c of or despite what I say) and are thus faithful--it is literally like ALL the buttons of cad AND dad apply--the harley thing, PLUS lack of availability, PLUS faithfuless to current mate no matter how sticky (pun intended) the situation.