micro: I have had issues about my size for a long time, but now days especially after reading from this board, I am really feeling a certain feeling. "Why bother having sex?" Concentrating on size, be it big or small is rather a turn off. Its like being told 'you better like this, or else' or 'everyone else likes this, so it must be good'. I am not one to follow the crowd. Personally I am getting tired of the focus on the penis, especially in gay magazines, but I suppose that straight porn isn't immune either.
gigantikok: "Why bother having sex?"
hmmmm.
I guess because I enjoy emotional and physical intimacy with someone. Oh, and orgasms are cool.
hmmmm.
I guess because I enjoy emotional and physical intimacy with someone. Oh, and orgasms are cool.
aj2181: Why bother having sex?.......Hummmmm........
Lets see, because it's instinct, it's fun, it's the most incredible experience you can share with another human being, because the connection it can give you with the man or woman you love is indescribable, because if done right and safely it's healthy.
Why have sex????? WHY THE HELL NOT!!!!
Lets see, because it's instinct, it's fun, it's the most incredible experience you can share with another human being, because the connection it can give you with the man or woman you love is indescribable, because if done right and safely it's healthy.
Why have sex????? WHY THE HELL NOT!!!!
H8Monga: Well Micro, I guess I went through those same thoughts after I got here, but too I had a lot to say about it. At times I still think what's the use of having sex (which I have not) at times. I know people say for yourself, focus on your "other qualities" but given this society that can be hard to do when also those things you hold dear to yourself may not seem special or respected with criticism themselves. But all is not lost. People say there is someone for everyone... the trick is meeting them... But hey what people like also isn't always set in stone. Once they get to know you, the other stuff may just fly out the window. Be patient and don't put the focus on sex. Sex and size aren't everything as the media and our society likes to claim... hope this hasn't been a bunch of jibberish. It's hard... and I understand.
Honestly, there are plenty of valid reasons for not having sex. Consider some of these:
Micro sounds like he has much more involved issues in sexuality than simply the sex act itself. He specifically mentions discouragement at, I'm assuming, popular standards and desirabilities on penis size. Seems the partners he has found recently are more obsessed with his measurements than who he is on the inside, and I can see how that would grate anybody after a while.
(After all, Gigantikok, you specifically mention that you're not just a big dick. Whether someone harps on or denigrates you for your size, how does that make you feel?)
Micro, on the one hand, there are going to be "ideals" of beauty or attraction or success thrown in your face all the time. On the other hand, it takes quite a bit of fortitude on your own part in order to get past the vulnerability you have toward them. Look at it this way. If someone approached you with the "I want you to be this way" attitude, you'd kick them to the curb, wouldn't you? (I hope you wouldn't deliberately change yourself, just to please enough. And with trump cards like dick size, you can't really do much about that.)
That's empowering -- you know, telling people who want you to be something you're not, to go fuck off.
- Transmission of sexually transmitted disease is on the rise. Thankfully, there is a greater awareness for the importance of protection, but under no circumstances can conception guarantee a perfect barrier against them. After all, the safest way to protect yourself from disease is abstinence.
- Sex feels good, sure, but there are plenty of inherent difficulties in finding someone with whom you would want to have a relationship with -- sex included. That said, bootie calls may be immediately gratifying, but for those looking for more, they won't do.
- Perhaps I can relate best to this: Who has the time?! If people have more pressing priorities and engagements, then sex seems to fall rather low on the list. I can masturbate on my own time; sex isn't that convenient, unless you fall in the "bootie call" category above.
Micro sounds like he has much more involved issues in sexuality than simply the sex act itself. He specifically mentions discouragement at, I'm assuming, popular standards and desirabilities on penis size. Seems the partners he has found recently are more obsessed with his measurements than who he is on the inside, and I can see how that would grate anybody after a while.
(After all, Gigantikok, you specifically mention that you're not just a big dick. Whether someone harps on or denigrates you for your size, how does that make you feel?)
Micro, on the one hand, there are going to be "ideals" of beauty or attraction or success thrown in your face all the time. On the other hand, it takes quite a bit of fortitude on your own part in order to get past the vulnerability you have toward them. Look at it this way. If someone approached you with the "I want you to be this way" attitude, you'd kick them to the curb, wouldn't you? (I hope you wouldn't deliberately change yourself, just to please enough. And with trump cards like dick size, you can't really do much about that.)
That's empowering -- you know, telling people who want you to be something you're not, to go fuck off.
Javierdude22: [quote author=DeeBlackthorne link=board=relationships;num=1063737614;start=0#5 date=09/16/03 at 21:40:28]
Micro, on the one hand, there are going to be "ideals" of beauty or attraction or success thrown in your face all the time. On the other hand, it takes quite a bit of fortitude on your own part in order to get past the vulnerability you have toward them. Look at it this way. If someone approached you with the "I want you to be this way" attitude, you'd kick them to the curb, wouldn't you? (I hope you wouldn't deliberately change yourself, just to please enough. And with trump cards like dick size, you can't really do much about that.)
That's empowering -- you know, telling people who want you to be something you're not, to go fuck off.[/quote]
Hm, I don't think it was an actual question, but indeed a question for moral help. But Dee, you hit the spot on this I think.
I've personally asked the same question Micro, but for other reasons, more related to the problems sex can cause you emotionally and also relationship wise. But thats another topic.
I can only add to what Dee said already. You have to get past this and set standards for yoursélf instead of having others set those standards for you. This is a self esteem problem yóu have to overcome, while at the same time telling others to deal with it or hit the curb.
I am compelled to ask however where you meet these people and under what circomstances. In certain places looks, physique and ize are all that matters, when thgese traitas are less important in more low key environments. If you know what I mean. Clubs, no matter if your str8, bi, or gay, are never good for anything else but nookie, I have yet to have a sensible conversation there. Bars give you the opportunity to chat, and move on to the other person if the one you were talking to seems to be shallow. I may be completely off track with this, if so, I apologize.
And concerning your issues around size. I can honestly tell you there are many people that do not care for size., but go for other, more meaningful qualities. Just don't expect to find those people on certain internetpages, or nightlife venues.
Micro, on the one hand, there are going to be "ideals" of beauty or attraction or success thrown in your face all the time. On the other hand, it takes quite a bit of fortitude on your own part in order to get past the vulnerability you have toward them. Look at it this way. If someone approached you with the "I want you to be this way" attitude, you'd kick them to the curb, wouldn't you? (I hope you wouldn't deliberately change yourself, just to please enough. And with trump cards like dick size, you can't really do much about that.)
That's empowering -- you know, telling people who want you to be something you're not, to go fuck off.[/quote]
Hm, I don't think it was an actual question, but indeed a question for moral help. But Dee, you hit the spot on this I think.
I've personally asked the same question Micro, but for other reasons, more related to the problems sex can cause you emotionally and also relationship wise. But thats another topic.
I can only add to what Dee said already. You have to get past this and set standards for yoursélf instead of having others set those standards for you. This is a self esteem problem yóu have to overcome, while at the same time telling others to deal with it or hit the curb.
I am compelled to ask however where you meet these people and under what circomstances. In certain places looks, physique and ize are all that matters, when thgese traitas are less important in more low key environments. If you know what I mean. Clubs, no matter if your str8, bi, or gay, are never good for anything else but nookie, I have yet to have a sensible conversation there. Bars give you the opportunity to chat, and move on to the other person if the one you were talking to seems to be shallow. I may be completely off track with this, if so, I apologize.
And concerning your issues around size. I can honestly tell you there are many people that do not care for size., but go for other, more meaningful qualities. Just don't expect to find those people on certain internetpages, or nightlife venues.
View_From_Below: [quote author=Javierdude23 link=board=relationships;num=1063737614;start=0#7 date=09/17/03 at 02:01:51]I can only add to what Dee said already. You have to get past this and set standards for yoursélf instead of having others set those standards for you... And concerning your issues around size. I can honestly tell you there are many people that do not care for size., but go for other, more meaningful qualities... [/quote]
Is this a nice way of advising that if you are unhung, you have to recognize that you can't play in the major leagues; you can only play sandlot? Not as many fans, not as nice a park, not as much cachet...but that's what there is. I'm putting it pretty bluntly, but if that is the analysis, I think it's right. Hard to accept, but right.
Is this a nice way of advising that if you are unhung, you have to recognize that you can't play in the major leagues; you can only play sandlot? Not as many fans, not as nice a park, not as much cachet...but that's what there is. I'm putting it pretty bluntly, but if that is the analysis, I think it's right. Hard to accept, but right.
Javierdude22: Hm, I didnt know I was that bad at getting a certain message across cause that was the total opposite of what I meant.
I'm not sure what yóur attitude on this is VFB, but there is a lot more needed then any physical attribute not considered as perfect by our society, to make someone a sandlot in the playing field in my view ( I dont believe in Darwinistic views). What if someone has the biggest dick in the world but is so butt ass ugly, that little children immediately start crying within a 50 yard radius, when they see a glimpse of their atrocious face. Do you think he's still playing in the major league then, or is he a sandlot?
I'm not sure what yóur attitude on this is VFB, but there is a lot more needed then any physical attribute not considered as perfect by our society, to make someone a sandlot in the playing field in my view ( I dont believe in Darwinistic views). What if someone has the biggest dick in the world but is so butt ass ugly, that little children immediately start crying within a 50 yard radius, when they see a glimpse of their atrocious face. Do you think he's still playing in the major league then, or is he a sandlot?
prepstudinsc: I took Javier's post to mean that there are more important qualities than size. What good is being hung if you're too hideously ugly to get attention or if you're hung, but are such a dick about it that no one is interested? A big dick is like icing on a cake--it's a nice extra, but it's not who I am. I try to be known for things like my talent, intellect, and personality. I'm sure the fact that women find me attractive and that I have a big dick help things, but I've found that people are usually interested in me for other reasons than the phyiological ones. A relationship can't survive if it's only built on sexual interest. There's got to be more to it than just the physical. Good looks can fade, a big dick can become impotent, but inner qualities last.
H8Monga: One of my co-workers tonight said, "If I get married, he has to be well endowed." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like she has the right to be picky! She can hardly get A man much less a hung one. However, she likes me (not like that) but IF anything were to happen (and it won't, she's my mother's age), she already likes me for me and all the glorious things about me, but because I don't have the "icing on the cake" will she overlook that or will it be a problem? But even if we were to get married and whatever, will everything else be tossed aside or make up for it? Oh well anyway... SEX ISN'T EVERYTHING...
longtimelurker:
You never know - one of my mates lost his virginity to someone his mothers age...
I think the big hint was waking up in a drunken daze and seeing the glass for the falsies!
You never know - one of my mates lost his virginity to someone his mothers age...
I think the big hint was waking up in a drunken daze and seeing the glass for the falsies!
AnonyMs: You know, Hapi, the sexiest thing you have ever said on this board IMHO is the line under your avatar - "hung at heart". It exudes confidence and it makes me smile - that is an unbeatable combination.
ORCABOMBER: [quote author=Hapi Papi link=board=relationships;num=1063737614;start=0#12 date=09/17/03 at 22:25:35]One of my co-workers tonight said, "If I get married, he has to be well endowed." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like she has the right to be picky! She can hardly get A man much less a hung one. However, she likes me (not like that) but IF anything were to happen (and it won't, she's my mother's age), she already likes me for me and all the glorious things about me, but because I don't have the "icing on the cake" will she overlook that or will it be a problem? But even if we were to get married and whatever, will everything else be tossed aside or make up for it? Oh well anyway... SEX ISN'T EVERYTHING... [/quote]
Got it right on the head Happi. I've said it to my female friend, that I am happy with what I've got (heck, some of you lot would get me really depressed otherwise!) and I want to find a special someone and my manhood is going to be her reward for sticking around.
Kinda romantic like that.
Got it right on the head Happi. I've said it to my female friend, that I am happy with what I've got (heck, some of you lot would get me really depressed otherwise!) and I want to find a special someone and my manhood is going to be her reward for sticking around.
Kinda romantic like that.
wvalady1968: [quote author=ORCABOMBER link=board=relationships;num=1063737614;start=0#15 date=09/24/03 at 11:17:48]
I want to find a special someone and my manhood is going to be her reward for sticking around.
Kinda romantic like that.[/quote]
Sweetie, you just answered the original question, "Why bother having sex?"
We're all hoping to find a romantic [and a reward] like you.
And, anyway...like we could stop??????
I want to find a special someone and my manhood is going to be her reward for sticking around.
Kinda romantic like that.[/quote]
Sweetie, you just answered the original question, "Why bother having sex?"
We're all hoping to find a romantic [and a reward] like you.
And, anyway...like we could stop??????
Valkyrie: Why bother?
And as always - protect yourself and the ones you love today/will love tomorrow.
/Val
- Because it's a great relaxer
- Because it makes you feel good
- Because it's a great way of showing affection and love for that special someone
- Because you sleep so well after
- Because it's a great way of waking up
And as always - protect yourself and the ones you love today/will love tomorrow.
/Val
micro: ...I just wish I was. What I am saying is that is seems like a LOT of other people are expecting that from a man. But I am not. Thats not exactly exciting for me. I often feel like I am a disappointment.
After all, my ex-boyfriend sought out hung men and paid for it. He said it was just sex, but that He wanted to get what he really wanted without all the fuss & BS from other people. He says that big is something nice, but He also wants them handsome, and gymn tone, and also big height wise and muscle bound. Actually the gymn toned body is what he valued the most. I used to be, but not anymore. I guess I have to get back into a program, at least I can get the gymn tone body, whatever that is worth.
After all, my ex-boyfriend sought out hung men and paid for it. He said it was just sex, but that He wanted to get what he really wanted without all the fuss & BS from other people. He says that big is something nice, but He also wants them handsome, and gymn tone, and also big height wise and muscle bound. Actually the gymn toned body is what he valued the most. I used to be, but not anymore. I guess I have to get back into a program, at least I can get the gymn tone body, whatever that is worth.
longtimelurker: [quote author=micro link=board=relationships;num=1063737614;start=0#18 date=09/26/03 at 13:03:36]
He says that big is something nice, but He also wants them handsome, and gymn tone, and also big height wise and muscle bound. Actually the gymn toned body is what he valued the most. I used to be, but not anymore. I guess I have to get back into a program, at least I can get the gymn tone body, whatever that is worth.[/quote]
Well this isn't something that only relates to the gay community - I mean everyone fantasises about the slender, fit, beautiful people - even when we may be far from it ourselves. The revalation comes when we realise that 90% of people that do fit the idealised image know it and use it as an excuse to just go around treating everyone else like dirt. Hence why Hollywood marraiges have a life expectancy of years rather than decades...
Sure, go to the gym if you want to make yourself look better - it will also make you fitter, healthier and boost your self-esteem, but don't feel that you are a complete failure because you have other things that you prefer to enrich your life with instead.
He says that big is something nice, but He also wants them handsome, and gymn tone, and also big height wise and muscle bound. Actually the gymn toned body is what he valued the most. I used to be, but not anymore. I guess I have to get back into a program, at least I can get the gymn tone body, whatever that is worth.[/quote]
Well this isn't something that only relates to the gay community - I mean everyone fantasises about the slender, fit, beautiful people - even when we may be far from it ourselves. The revalation comes when we realise that 90% of people that do fit the idealised image know it and use it as an excuse to just go around treating everyone else like dirt. Hence why Hollywood marraiges have a life expectancy of years rather than decades...
Sure, go to the gym if you want to make yourself look better - it will also make you fitter, healthier and boost your self-esteem, but don't feel that you are a complete failure because you have other things that you prefer to enrich your life with instead.
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