why cant i cry??

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by treeoflife, Sep 13, 2008.

  1. treeoflife

    treeoflife New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2006
    Messages:
    113
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi guys! i need some help and advice. I'm sorry if this seems a bit heavy for this forum but I'm really struggling at the moment with things in my life, and one of the main problems is that i find it so fu**ing hard to show my emotions and to express my feelings to the people that i care the most about in my life. The consequences of this is that im loosing people who i care about and they care about me but I just cant seem to show them how im feeling.

    What effects me the most is my apparant lack of ability to CRY!! I can honestly say that I can not remember the last time that i have cried!! I have gone through so many emotional turmoil situations recently and over the last few years and not once have i cried, this is starting to really effrect me as i feel that I am not dealing with things properly and I just dont know what to do!!
     
  2. bek2335

    bek2335 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    527
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East Coast
    trav, I am going to write you a PM.
     
  3. sargon20

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2006
    Messages:
    11,388
    Likes Received:
    2,128
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlantis
    Are you on any medication?
     
  4. Domisoldo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2008
    Messages:
    4,079
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    I honestly don't believe you have to cry to show your emotions.
     
  5. unabear09

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2007
    Messages:
    7,083
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    24
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Little Rock, AR
    If you are on any anti-depressants, you most likely will not be able to cry. I'm on 2 of them, and crying is next to impossible for me. The recent passing of my grandfather was the first time in years that I have cried. It hurt (both his passing and crying) so much. I still wasn't able to like sob, but I did cry. Crying is such a sweet release. I think other than laughter, it is the most powerful thing a person can do.
     
  6. ohhhey

    ohhhey Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2008
    Messages:
    300
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Currently traveling Southeast Asia
    I don't think you specifically need to cry to deal with your problems, but have you tried giving yourself a chance to cry? Lock yourself away in your room, maybe put a song you find really sad on a loop, possibly with headphones. Then close your eyes and put your head in your hands and relax. I think it's ingrained into guys that we shouldn't cry and so we stop ourselves, but if you let it build up you'll probably find yourself crying after 10 minutes.
     
  7. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2006
    Messages:
    7,319
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Southwest U.S.
    Maybe could be a cultural type thing too trav. Stiff upper lip is an anglo trait. Duty to God and Queen and all that. Not necessarily a terrible thing. A strong sense of duty drives some people to make incredible accomplishments. But it may drive others to drink and an early grave.
     
  8. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    If you communicate the feelings you expressed here to those you care about, it should open some dialogue as to what they expect of you and you in turn will be able to share your true feelings for them.
    I have always subscribed to the theory that actions speak louder than words. If your actions and everyday behavior are kind and caring and honest, they should know your true feelings.
    If you are masking your feelings for fear of getting hurt or dejected you need to do some soul searching for your feelings about them and yourself. Good Luck!
     
  9. sexplease

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,724
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Santa Monica CA
    try starting with this:


    to cry or not is NOT a problem nor should it be an issue.
     
  10. unabear09

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2007
    Messages:
    7,083
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    24
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Little Rock, AR

    what the hell are you talking about man? not having the ability to cry really really hurts badly. My grandmother (who played a big role in my upbringing) died 3 years ago, and I never cried. I wanted to cry so badly, but I was totally numb. I don't think there is anything more painful and devistating than not having the ability to cry and have that release.

    it IS a problem and it IS an issue. don't be a dick
     
  11. treeoflife

    treeoflife New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2006
    Messages:
    113
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    to sexplease
    :
    im sorry but maybe to u it is not a problem not been able to cry. but to me and alot of others it is a major issue not been able to show this emotion. The old age talk of oh a man should never show his emotions by crying is total bull**** i actually think that nowadays that makes a man more of a man!

    the fact that i cant cry and the reasons that i want to cry is so crushing for me that i would do anything just to be able to do this little thing that so many others can do. I know in myself that by not crying I am not dealing with things rightly!! I am going to get professional help ASAP as this is not good for me or others around me.
     
  12. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2006
    Messages:
    7,319
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Southwest U.S.
    I watched a movie called Freedom Writers the other day and I cried through half of it. Not sobbing, just eyes tearing. Try that.

    I do find crying cathartic. I think you can probably figure it out. For me crying is not as much from something bad or sad as from something good.

    Good luck.
     
  13. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
    Messages:
    3,029
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    WA
    Nice. Been there. Because I don't cry, my ex thought I was an emotionless robot.

    It's just, I never felt the need to cry over such meaningless things, when things could be so much worse.
     
  14. priapo8

    priapo8 New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Millau, France
    If this is really is an issue for you, look for profesional help. You can begin talking with the people you need to and tell them you need to be heard and tell what you feel about them, tell them is hard ( or impossible ) for you to express your emotions, but that doesn't mean you don't care about them. Every time you feel gratefull about something verbalize it. Once you can express yourself about simple things you can begin trying to express more complex emotions, then begin talking about your fears, anger, etc. You'll feel more released and liberated. Take your time, be brave.

    Good luck
     
  15. curious n str8

    curious n str8 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    941
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The big AK
    Trav I have the same problem I have never been able to cry I hardy shead a tear for 3 loved ones to whom I was very close too. I will admit that iIm an old softy when to come to some touching movies I have seen, and when bad things happen to good ppl.
     
  16. Nala

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,331
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    The Netherlands
    Verified:
    Photo
    Trav, is it difficult for you to let go of control? The 'need' for control can keep you from showing or feeling your emotions. It happens, especially when there are a lot of things going on in your life at the same time. Some people have higher 'barriers' than others.
     
  17. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2007
    Messages:
    2,102
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    The important thing is that you HAVE those emotions, even if they're aren't on display...it would be a problem if you didn't feel anything, but clearly you feel things very deeply...

    I am not one who cries either...and I don't open up to others easily either...when I realized that some people who are close to me really were upset that I kept everything inside the way I do, I decided to begin to share some things with them...

    I started out very slowly by sharing some things with my best friend...eventually I began to open up to some others in my circle...I still hold a lot in, but at least I do give bits of myself to others & it seems to draw them closer...

    maybe you should choose one person you can trust enough to let go with them...
     
  18. ucsb123

    ucsb123 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    I don't cry, but I consider myself at one with my emotions.Trust me I have A LOT going on. (my best friend thought I should seriously write a script for the insane, messed up situations that have been pushed my direction). But, then again I don't know what you are going through. What I do know is that going to people that you most likely have never met outside of the internet and confessing this is a large step. It means that you do have emotions. It shows that you truly do feel something. The intent to seek help is also a large step. I personally believe that you don't have to cry to show emotion. Don't force yourself to doing something unnatural; this will compound the problem. Seek professional help and see where to go from there. I hope this helps.
     
  19. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    Maybe you express your sorrow differently than other people.

    If you can't cry because you feel dead inside and numb to life then it's something you need to work at dealing with. I have had certain things trigger uncontrollable bouts of weeping many many years after something emotionally painful had happened to me. Sometimes we don't cry because we need to believe we are strong to get through rough patches in life simply because we need to be strong then. We, after all, are in control of our emotions why would crying and sadness be excluded.
     
  20. silvertriumph2

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5,507
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2,088
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastcoast USA (NYC-Manhattan)
    Verified:
    Photo
    Trav
    I think I know what you are going through and it is'nt easy or enjoyable, but
    I think it is possible to change. I did.

    My family believed that showing emotions of any kind was a sign of weakness,
    and that was how I was raised. I never saw my parents or either grandparents
    hug, kiss, hold hands, or say "I love you" to each other....not even in private.
    Of course, the mothers told their children they loved them, but I never heard
    and of the men say it to their wives or my father to my mother...or did he even
    say it to me.

    I know they loved each other, and loved me, but it was just not verbalized.
    Therefore, I grew up holding all my emotions inside of me...but being the highly
    emotional person that I was....I was one of the "sensitive ones" that I heard
    people call other boys....so I cried in private.....oh how I cried!! But, never so
    that anyone ever saw or heard me do it.

    I was small as a child and got into a lot of scrapes and fights...but even though
    I was really hurt and bloodied sometimes, I never cried.

    But, things have changed. Some years ago, I decided that NOT showing emotion
    was wrong and it was tearing me apart. Some of my friends were killed while in
    the service and I was unable to cry for them....it was just wrong. I had to change
    inorder to be a complete person. My wife helped me find the way and taught me
    how to express my feelings and to enjoy doing it. It took me some time, but it
    finally became easier and easier.

    Today, I cry at the drop of a hat....at sad and romantic movies and I am a real
    sucker for getting emotional at weddings, etc. No one likes to go anywhere with me
    now because I embarass them. And, they laugh and kid me about how much I have changed. I tell my lover, probably too much and too often, that I love him and show effection for friends and family all the time now, something that I would have never
    done before. It really is liberating. But, I still was unable to cry at my father's and mother's funeral, because I just felt they wouldn't understand. But, I did do it in
    private later.

    I say, get some professional help, and try showing emotion a little at a time, and yes
    cry in private for a while.....that helped me a lot.

    Good Luck
     
Draft saved Draft deleted