Why can't I own Canadians?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by D_Elijah_MorganWood, Nov 23, 2006.

  1. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Some of you may have already seen this:


    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses
    advice to people who call in to her radio show.

    Recently (years ago actually), she said that, as an observant
    Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
    18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

    The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US
    resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as
    informative:

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
    have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
    knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
    the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
    Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of
    debate.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
    specific laws and how to follow them.

    1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates
    a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
    neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I
    smite them?

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
    Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
    price for her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
    her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15 :19-24. The problem is,
    how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

    4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
    female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A
    friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
    Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
    35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
    obligated to kill him myself?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
    abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
    homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
    have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
    glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle
    room here?

    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
    hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
    by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
    makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
    different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
    garments made of two different kinds of thread cotton/polyester
    blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
    necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
    together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
    to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep
    with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
    you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
    eternal and unchanging.

    Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,
    Jack
     
  2. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    I hadn't see this before...it's great!
     
  3. Lex

    Lex
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    It's almost not fair to make fun of that book like that.
     
  4. Ethyl

    Gold Member

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    I've seen this before but it was good to read it again.
     
  5. Chrysalis

    Chrysalis New Member

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    Never seen it before...awesome. I'm going to copy it and email it to a gay friend of mine who was raised as a Southern Baptist. Thanks for the post.
     
  6. rawbone8

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    Well then, I am going to shop for an American if NAFTA has any reciprocity in it. :cool:
     
  7. Draconis71

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    Wrong.
    Offensive.
    Heretcial(sp).
    Damn, I love it.

    Oh, and to why you can't own Canadians...
    There was a provincial election in Ontario a few years back, when King John (Chretien) was in power. The Liberal party won a sound landslide.
    King John of the Federal Liberals decided to invade the states. Victory was guaranteed. The invasion never took place, due to one problem. There was debate on what to call the new captured territory...
    They were thinking of "The U S of Eh?"...


    :eek:wned22: :eek:fftopic: :hijacked:
     
  8. headbang8

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    Why not?
     
  9. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Dr. Laura unwittingly illustrates a persasive fundamentalist propensity--a desire to turn the clock back. She's a convert anyways and they tend to be most zealous to prove their chops.

    I think the usual idea is that it was safer, more religious, simpler, more pure or something like that in the ancient of days. This is more a type of blind nostalgia that people like to imagine than a historical accuracy.

    She also says a lot of daft things about my most unfavorite of favorite topics, circumcision.

    I don't hate her, she does good too, but she is absolutely totally blind to anything that doesn't fit in her worldview. She actually runs a charity for abused and neglected kids, but genital cutting of boys is okey dokey by her if it was okey dokey with the old prophets. She often reinforces this to her millions of devotees.
     
  10. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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    Well, I have to say I am so fucking disappointed by this idiotic post. LPSG is becoming the pits.

    Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    This would have to the WORST thread ever.

    Fuck, I'm really pissed off now.

    When I clicked on this thread, I was really looking forward to finding out how I could get a nice, fine pair of Canadians, to look real pretty out in the back garden.:mad:

    :eek:
     
  11. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    But Sorcerer ... for three weeks, you owned me.
    And you didn't even care.:cool:
     
  12. Lordpendragon

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    Well I have three Canadians. Apart from the beard rash, I think they are lovely girls.
     
  13. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    An they would bring your number to what?:rolleyes:
     
  14. stetree

    stetree New Member

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    hmmmmmm wander if she ever saw/heard about it?? Would be fun to find out her reply
     
  15. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    Three.
     
  16. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    He'll get you for that one, Rubi.:tongue:
     
  17. Lordpendragon

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    God - I wouldn't fuck a Canadian - give me some respect.
     
  18. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    I always said, the whole implicit posturings in your postings aside, that you'd never fuck a beaver.
    And now the proof.
     
  19. Lordpendragon

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    Oh I've even fucked a Moose or two and some strange badgers (UK Google slang for that SR), it's just they start hollering "Oh Can adaaaaaaaaa".
     
  20. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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    I first got the idea about getting me some Canadians when I saw this advertisement, I didn't realise it was you Senor (I didn't reply to the advert because I was really after a pair):

    Canadian to give away to a good home.

    House trained. Very cute. Answers to the name of "Go Away".

    Call Sorcerer Ph: ***** ****


    Well, I'm over my pout fest, I've been offered an American as a consolation prize. They seem to be cheaper to keep anyway.:smile: ​
     
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