gymbrat
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Why cruise me?
- Thread starter cgttown
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tallguypns
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cgttown said:
When you're a Boeing 737, and on a board full of Airbus A3XXX and Boeing 747s, it's really easy to forget that the rest of us are just cessnas.
inkubus963
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tallguypns said:
I've always found that Cessnas give better customer service...
To chime in in the original topic, the Y, for some reason, still seems to hold a place in some gay men's minds as a place to hook up. I would propose that a lot of those men were thinking of sex before they even entered the gym doors. As far as why you? If you look better and are better endowed than most, you are going to get more attention. It's the rule of shopping: One lobster may taste the same as any other, but those with discernment still want the 'best' lobsters.
On another note, maybe the fact that the OP is not completely closed to attention from men does shine through, on some levels.
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You haven't said explicitly, but I assume you are naked in the steam room.
My advice: Wear a swimsuit or towel or *something*; the steam room works just as effectively when your privates are concealed. A few years ago a guy I didn't know patted my bare ass as I was leaving a steam room. Before that I'd seen all the other inappropriate activity you describe, too.
I've pretty much never been naked in a steam room since, and I don't get nearly as much cruising as I used to. Problem solved.
I think lots of horny guys view steam rooms as a place for cruising, and assume that anyone sitting naked in there is fair game. It's sad, but I think you send certain people the wrong message by hanging out naked in there. Good luck!
Steve
My advice: Wear a swimsuit or towel or *something*; the steam room works just as effectively when your privates are concealed. A few years ago a guy I didn't know patted my bare ass as I was leaving a steam room. Before that I'd seen all the other inappropriate activity you describe, too.
I've pretty much never been naked in a steam room since, and I don't get nearly as much cruising as I used to. Problem solved.
I think lots of horny guys view steam rooms as a place for cruising, and assume that anyone sitting naked in there is fair game. It's sad, but I think you send certain people the wrong message by hanging out naked in there. Good luck!
Steve
For millenia, men have gathered for sexual encounters where the water is warm and plentiful.
There are some men who believe the world revolves around the head of their penis and is only extant because it leads to their orgasm. These guys have no sense of self-consciousness and have come to believe that one's being naked in their presence is an invitation to sex.
One can have really hot sex in the gym wet area after a workout. Key phrase being "after a workout."
Since the wet area is a public space, guys have the right to sweat without being approached. It is very simple to read someone's body language to see if they're up to play. But there are some guys who can't or won't. This is the kernel of the rape gene, the inability to accept and process feedback from others as to what is permissible.
To my mind there are three classes of guys that each of us falls into with any given other guy:
1. Guys I'd do in an instant
2. Guys I'd not object to watching me get it on with someone else or alone
3. Guys I'd not do nor be able to maintain an erection in his presence
Attention to detail and feedback in the cruising scene should clearly indicate which category a guy falls into with you and you with him. Either you reduce each guy to an object there for your gratification or you acknowledge that these guys are real human beings whose sole purpose in life is not for your jollies. This means that sometimes you get rejected or sometimes you have to compromise, but such is life.
I cruise the gym regularly, generally after a workout, and cannot stand it when guys can't take multiple body language hints that I'm not interested. Hopefully I can read other guys so that I don't push what's not wanted. One of the curses of having a 7.8"x6" hardon is the unwanted attention it attracts. That said, I wouldn't trade the unwanted attention for the hot studs drawn to the pole.
But the quick answer to the problem is that all men are animals.
There are some men who believe the world revolves around the head of their penis and is only extant because it leads to their orgasm. These guys have no sense of self-consciousness and have come to believe that one's being naked in their presence is an invitation to sex.
One can have really hot sex in the gym wet area after a workout. Key phrase being "after a workout."
Since the wet area is a public space, guys have the right to sweat without being approached. It is very simple to read someone's body language to see if they're up to play. But there are some guys who can't or won't. This is the kernel of the rape gene, the inability to accept and process feedback from others as to what is permissible.
To my mind there are three classes of guys that each of us falls into with any given other guy:
1. Guys I'd do in an instant
2. Guys I'd not object to watching me get it on with someone else or alone
3. Guys I'd not do nor be able to maintain an erection in his presence
Attention to detail and feedback in the cruising scene should clearly indicate which category a guy falls into with you and you with him. Either you reduce each guy to an object there for your gratification or you acknowledge that these guys are real human beings whose sole purpose in life is not for your jollies. This means that sometimes you get rejected or sometimes you have to compromise, but such is life.
I cruise the gym regularly, generally after a workout, and cannot stand it when guys can't take multiple body language hints that I'm not interested. Hopefully I can read other guys so that I don't push what's not wanted. One of the curses of having a 7.8"x6" hardon is the unwanted attention it attracts. That said, I wouldn't trade the unwanted attention for the hot studs drawn to the pole.
But the quick answer to the problem is that all men are animals.
Steve26 said:
Exactly, Steve26. As one who's been there and done that lots of times, the very fact that 1) testosterone is raging from pumped up muscles, 2) relaxation is provided by either steam or dry heat, 3) friendly male conversation lowers resistance, 4) attractive guys and sizeable endowments, all work together to set the scene for sexual stimulation, which sometimes overcome restraints. Simply removing the most immediate ingrediate from this scene by covering up the genitals would be telling the onlookers that they're not available for their 'fun'. Yes, it's sad, but being considerate of another guy's 'weakness' does restrict your rights in this case, cgttown. As has been pointed out in this thread, I'm looking forward to some pictures, too, because you must be quite awesome!:smile:
Thanks to many of you who have responded. I do appreciate it. You are right, of course, that the greater philosophical question is why do men cruise anyway. I have to respond to a bit of that.
First, on the practical side, one of you suggested I cover up. Well, while I see your point, I don't really like the suggestion. A swimsuit is out as it is constricting. A towel, while okay, gets hot and damp and I just don't like it. I prefer to be totally unclothed.
Secondly, as I mentioned, I'm not always averse to the attention. I was really pondering the WHY they seem to hit on me when they don't necessarily do so with other guys. I've seen guys in the locker room who had the type of body I'd love to have. There's one guy who has it all--great build, great dick, great ballsac, even great hair for goodness sake--and he doesn't get hit on. I think I know why, though. I tried to strike up a conversation once and he was monosyllabic, clearly giving me the signal he's not interested--in a casual conversation or anything else. (Since then we've talked outside of the locker room and now he greets me when he sees me, even if we're in the shower or steam room. I think he was afraid I was hitting on him and I wasn't.)
Maybe it's my generally open disposition, which I think does lend itself to being approachable. Or, as one guy told me when I posed this question to him (um, I think he was on his knees when I asked but that's beside the point), "You got a nice package man. Tasty lookin'." How can one argue with such logic, I ask you?!
I must disagree with the conclusion that we are animals, however. While there is certainly a base instinct at work here, I do think we can show some respect, discretion, and aplomb in these situations. That's not always easy to muster when one is naked and horny, but certainly we can do it.
Any further insights would be much appreciated. Many years ago a girl I worked with (well, really she was an employee of mine which surprised me all the more) told me she thought I was gay, even though she knew I was married and expecting. Others agree with her assessment, and I've wondered since then if I was sending out signals I didn't intend. Mind you, there are many people around here who think if you can dress decently, are relatively fit, have a nuanced sense of humor, and like literature more than sports, you must be gay. I do, after all, live in Oklahoma.
But in the steam room, they don't know this. Ah, the trials I must bear. I'm stressed just thinking about it. I think I need a steam.
First, on the practical side, one of you suggested I cover up. Well, while I see your point, I don't really like the suggestion. A swimsuit is out as it is constricting. A towel, while okay, gets hot and damp and I just don't like it. I prefer to be totally unclothed.
Secondly, as I mentioned, I'm not always averse to the attention. I was really pondering the WHY they seem to hit on me when they don't necessarily do so with other guys. I've seen guys in the locker room who had the type of body I'd love to have. There's one guy who has it all--great build, great dick, great ballsac, even great hair for goodness sake--and he doesn't get hit on. I think I know why, though. I tried to strike up a conversation once and he was monosyllabic, clearly giving me the signal he's not interested--in a casual conversation or anything else. (Since then we've talked outside of the locker room and now he greets me when he sees me, even if we're in the shower or steam room. I think he was afraid I was hitting on him and I wasn't.)
Maybe it's my generally open disposition, which I think does lend itself to being approachable. Or, as one guy told me when I posed this question to him (um, I think he was on his knees when I asked but that's beside the point), "You got a nice package man. Tasty lookin'." How can one argue with such logic, I ask you?!
I must disagree with the conclusion that we are animals, however. While there is certainly a base instinct at work here, I do think we can show some respect, discretion, and aplomb in these situations. That's not always easy to muster when one is naked and horny, but certainly we can do it.
Any further insights would be much appreciated. Many years ago a girl I worked with (well, really she was an employee of mine which surprised me all the more) told me she thought I was gay, even though she knew I was married and expecting. Others agree with her assessment, and I've wondered since then if I was sending out signals I didn't intend. Mind you, there are many people around here who think if you can dress decently, are relatively fit, have a nuanced sense of humor, and like literature more than sports, you must be gay. I do, after all, live in Oklahoma.
But in the steam room, they don't know this. Ah, the trials I must bear. I'm stressed just thinking about it. I think I need a steam.
Lex
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- Lex,
Either you like the male attention or you don't. Either you want to appear like you're trolling for male attention in the steam room, or you don't.
There are many books and internet resources that could help you not send mixed messages or rather, to send the message you think you want to send.
But first, you have to make up your mind.
About both your intention and your message.
There are many books and internet resources that could help you not send mixed messages or rather, to send the message you think you want to send.
But first, you have to make up your mind.
About both your intention and your message.
Understood. You are right, of course. There is a bit of conflict here, and that is the impetus of the question, I think.
Again, I wasn't saying I never wanted the attention, but I don't know what I'm doing specifically to bring it my way. Some of the comments here have really helped, and perhaps the simplest one (wear a towel) is the most practical. I'm not saying I like it, but it may simplify things.
I think what I'm asking is this: If you're cruising, how do you know whom to hit on and whom to not?
Finally, I get it to one sentence!
Again, I wasn't saying I never wanted the attention, but I don't know what I'm doing specifically to bring it my way. Some of the comments here have really helped, and perhaps the simplest one (wear a towel) is the most practical. I'm not saying I like it, but it may simplify things.
I think what I'm asking is this: If you're cruising, how do you know whom to hit on and whom to not?
Finally, I get it to one sentence!
Lex
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cgttown said:
If a male makes eye contact with you and refuses to break it, he is cruising you.
If you do NOT break eye contact, you have cruised him back and are officially interested.
So, don't look anyone in the face.
Or DO, if you want them to think you are gay or open to male-male activities.
cgttown said:
The towel has its advantages, cgttown. If the eye contacts are made, as Lex explained, and you find the 'suspect' interesting, the towel's corner can so easily be flipped up to expose the main subject of interest. A tightly drawn towel definitely will reveal the underlying object's substance and condition. Oh, the weighty decisions of health club wear!
Lex said:
Whoa Lex, that's kinda scarey to me! I mean, not necessarily in a steamroom. I'm in college & guys always look other each straight in the eye & say "hey" or whatever. I'm not sure that it means that they are interested in the other guy for sexual contact!
Could you please explain? Thanx.
Lex
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HungSpermBoy said:
Gay men cruise each other by staring.
I'm not talking looking someone in the face and saying hello.
I'm talking me looking at you and refusing to break contact with your eyes, waiting until you make eye contact, looking you up and down, possibly smiling, looking in your face again (way past the point where Americans find eye contact unsettling).
Trust me, when you are being cruised, you know it. The point of the intensity of the stares is that the cruiser wants you to notice him noticing you.
Also--be careful about calling this scary--some here might consider that homophobia (not me, of course).
I understand the eye contact thing, and I've responded in kind before. Cruising is an interesting phenomena, and I remember being cruised in the men's room at college for the first time and it scared the shit out of me. This wasn't the subtle eye contact thing, though. This guy was at the urinal next to me where I'm minding my own business taking a leak. I feel like someone is staring at me and look over to see this guy standing back from the urinal strokin it and staring at my dick.
I'd never seen such a thing and was shocked (and a bit turned on at the same time). I bolted from there in a heartbeat, but have to say I made my way back a few days later to see what would happen.
I guess I was a random cruise with this guy, which sort of goes back to my original question. It's probably just statistics that I get hit on...OR now I'm just aware of it and know the signals. Hmmm, hadn't thought about that one.
I'd never seen such a thing and was shocked (and a bit turned on at the same time). I bolted from there in a heartbeat, but have to say I made my way back a few days later to see what would happen.
I guess I was a random cruise with this guy, which sort of goes back to my original question. It's probably just statistics that I get hit on...OR now I'm just aware of it and know the signals. Hmmm, hadn't thought about that one.
My thinking has it that some measurable percentage of what is dismissed as "gay bashing" is, in actuality, gay men who resist "cruisers" who can't/don't read body langauge and don't know what "no" means. I know that I've had to get violently physical when guys touch me inappropriately, without permission or in the face of negative body language. Does this make me a self-hating fag or a gay basher? It is never okay to touch another person sexually unless you get the okay from them, either verbally or through crystal clear body language.
I have also found that one way to upset the staring cruiser's advantage is to, if you have the stomach for it, to stare right back at them. Most times this so disturbs the troll that he retreats. Have tried this at nude beaches before when trolls set up their towels within a few meters of mine on an otherwise empty beach and stare...
A few more thoughts on steam room and sauna cruising. Numbers are important. If there are, say 3 guys stroking and a 4th comes in who is not cruising, then the advantage is to the cruisers. Conversely, if there are 3 guys not cruising and a cruiser comes it, then the advantageis to the non cruisers.
The best way to test the waters is to "innocently" spring a boner in the steamroom/sauna without touching yourself, letting your brain do the stimulation. If one is a candidate for membership in the lpsg.org, then the signal should be both clear and plausibly deniable.
Many men cannot "go with the flow," and allow their cockhead to do the thinking that their brain should be doing. Just as all white Americans are racist due to growing up in this racist culture, all men are animals at the end of the day. Like racism, the question is not whether you are or not, rather, "what are you doing about it?"
For men, the question is not whether the sex drive is lurking behind the scenes waiting to pop out and run the show, rather whether a man acknowleges that he is wired in a way to enable such abusive conduct and what conscious steps he is taking to ensure that only those who wish to be cruised by him are the targets of his cruising.
I have also found that one way to upset the staring cruiser's advantage is to, if you have the stomach for it, to stare right back at them. Most times this so disturbs the troll that he retreats. Have tried this at nude beaches before when trolls set up their towels within a few meters of mine on an otherwise empty beach and stare...
A few more thoughts on steam room and sauna cruising. Numbers are important. If there are, say 3 guys stroking and a 4th comes in who is not cruising, then the advantage is to the cruisers. Conversely, if there are 3 guys not cruising and a cruiser comes it, then the advantageis to the non cruisers.
The best way to test the waters is to "innocently" spring a boner in the steamroom/sauna without touching yourself, letting your brain do the stimulation. If one is a candidate for membership in the lpsg.org, then the signal should be both clear and plausibly deniable.
Many men cannot "go with the flow," and allow their cockhead to do the thinking that their brain should be doing. Just as all white Americans are racist due to growing up in this racist culture, all men are animals at the end of the day. Like racism, the question is not whether you are or not, rather, "what are you doing about it?"
For men, the question is not whether the sex drive is lurking behind the scenes waiting to pop out and run the show, rather whether a man acknowleges that he is wired in a way to enable such abusive conduct and what conscious steps he is taking to ensure that only those who wish to be cruised by him are the targets of his cruising.
alejandromdq2003
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for me, it was in the showers. I was going to the gym regularly in the morning before work, so it was consistently at about the same time each day. This one guy, (who initially smiled at me and said "hi" to me once, and I politely said "hi" back to) started to follow me into the showers, and just watch me. I never made eye contact with him in the showers. He was trying to be discrete about it at first, but then it was getting more and more obvious.
I then started trying to get to the gym earlier. But then, if he saw me head for the showers, he'd head straight for it too, even if he had just got to the gym.
The problem was that it wasn't any "proof" I can hit him with, especially since he was not pulling his pud or anything. Just staring. So I didn't know how to confront him.
It creeped me out too much, so I just decided to change gyms. Probably not the best way to deal with the problem, but at least now I feel comfortable working out and showering afterwards!at:
I then started trying to get to the gym earlier. But then, if he saw me head for the showers, he'd head straight for it too, even if he had just got to the gym.
The problem was that it wasn't any "proof" I can hit him with, especially since he was not pulling his pud or anything. Just staring. So I didn't know how to confront him.
It creeped me out too much, so I just decided to change gyms. Probably not the best way to deal with the problem, but at least now I feel comfortable working out and showering afterwards!
at: