Why Curious and Not Just Bi

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Capitolhillguy, May 6, 2009.

  1. Capitolhillguy

    Capitolhillguy Active Member

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    I've had lots of sex with "straight men" over the years and it seems the majority prefer the term "curious" to "bi". What's wrong with bi? When are we going to have "bi" liberation? Gay liberation took place almost 40 years ago.
     
  2. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    People still want to stay in the closet and live in denial.

    Some men want to hold onto the idea that they are heterosexual/straight when they have sex with men when they are really bisexual or gay, and just think that they are straight.

    There are also people from the other side who are really bisexual but call themselves gay/lesbian. Sometimes they have biphobia and do not want to come out as being bisexual since they are afraid of what other people will say about them or they are afraid that other people will not understand their sexuality at all, or say that their sexuality does not exist at all, so they call themselves gay or lesbian when they are really not homosexual at all.

    People can be curious when they are a kid or teenager but when someone is an adult, has had sex with multiple men or women, and enjoyed it they're no longer curious or unsure about their sexuality.

    Even if it's just a once a year type of thing or something that they do once every 5 years or a decade, and the desire to do it or events that take place seem to happen out of nowhere or still is not curiosity or unknown to them like it once was.

    I heard that there was bisexual liberation in the 1970s but I was not alive then.

    Lots of people, including myself use queer to define our sexuality nowadays.

    It's not a slur and it's being reclaimed and being turned into a positive label instead of a negative one. I know the professional complainer Larry Kramer says how it's a slur but he's been out of touch for decades and nobody cares about what he has to say anymore which is a good thing.

    In a way it does describe the entire infinite spectrum of human sexuality/gender better than GLBT does or the individual labels that are in the acronym GLBT. Some people like myself (maybe you too?) fall into two sexual orientations and some people are like this with their gender too so queer defines some people's gender and sexuality better than terms like G/L/B/T or man/woman would.

    More recently, queer has been reclaimed by non-heterosexuals as a word used to describe themselves. Queer can now be used to describe homosexuals, bisexuals, and transgendered/Transsexual people. Also I have read some queer theory for fun that says that the roots of queer sexuality go back to even before there were social-political sexual orientation labels that were invented in the 19th Century and 20th Century.

    I have read blogs, essays, and articles about how lots of people do not like how the label gay is associated with being white, male, affluent/upper class, and living in a gay ghetto/urban area and only surrounding yourself with other gay clones/white rich gay men like yourself, and many people do not like what dubiously gets touted as a gay/GLBT "community" or "culture" that does not seem to exist and what gets confused as both a gay/GLBT culture/community is just based on consumerism, conformity, and narcissism, so that is another reason why people call themselves queer.
     
    #2 D_Jerry_Atric, May 6, 2009
    Last edited: May 6, 2009
  3. cockneedy

    cockneedy New Member

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    okay, i am bi-sexual , i only have one experience under my belt(no pun intended) and i am curious about experiencing more.
     
  4. hud01

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    To me you are curious until you actually try it then just bi.
     
  5. Dr. Algonquin

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    I figure curious still applies as long as you're still completely not sure where your sexuality falls. Like you might have had a few same-sex experiences and liked them but you don't know yet if you'll continue to like it long term or if it's just exciting because it's new and taboo. Or maybe you like it so much you're thinking maybe you won't keep going back to hetero sex. For some people it takes a while to feel like they've really figured themself out.

    But for most it's just holding on to claiming straightness. Bi is lumped in with gay in many people's view, hence the GLBT acronym. So as long as you claim to be just curious you can still say "Oh, I'm straight, but..."
     
  6. sounder1

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    Hud you beat me to the punch. Once you do it than you switch from curious to bi. In any case its just a title or a name. I think all males are curious to some extent with many too afraid to admit it.
     
  7. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Bingo. Particularly if you intend on doing it again; it's either put to rest or it isn't.
     
  8. SpeedoMike

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    why admit being, OMG, gay or bi when you can safely be, whew, straight and curious forever.
     
  9. Capitolhillguy

    Capitolhillguy Active Member

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    Great responses guys.
     
  10. 7daysatsea

    7daysatsea New Member

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    Both of the relationships I've had were with men who considered themselves straight/curious.

    It was a very tiring thing that eventually broke both relationships up - respectively. Amongst other petty things.

    I still think after all the fucking and sucking we did - I don't think either guy would consider himself "bi".

    I have no idea why this is. But I think its base is fear.
     
  11. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Most people dont enjoy their first sex so i dont think it can be as straight forward as do it once and make a decision. Maybe best out of 3 then decide.
     
  12. Principessa

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    That sounds fair. :cool: The only problem is the guys and gals who fear the stigma of being bisexual; and stick with straight or curious. Both of which after a certain activity level are a bit of a lie, IMO.
     
  13. auto90403

    auto90403 Member

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    I distinguish the act from the orientation/label.

    A straight is someone who is orients emotionally to the other sex. And that doesn't change just because a guy with a wife enjoys fooling around with cock from time to time. MM sex, for straight guys, is very often about getting your rocks off without all the hassle of chasing pussy. Then it's back to wifey.

    Are their actions homosexual? Of course. That makes them straight guys who engage in gay sex. Prep school boys. Boy Scouts. Prisoners. Sailors. What they do with one another doesn't change the basic fact that they're straight.

    I know a number of women who played with women, either FF or as an FMF encounter. Every college girl, it seems, has licked pussy once, twice, a few times. They liked it or they didn't. But they went back to cock.

    Are these women bisexual? Potential manhating, motorcylce-riding bulldykes with bad haircuts? To me, they're straight girls who fooled around with pussy, often only because their husbands/BFs pressured them.

    Years ago, people claimed that call girls were often lesbians who hated men. Which I doubt but which may have been true in a few, isolated cases. But let's say it happened. Is a lesbian who fucks men really a bisexual? To me, she's a lesbian who fucks men.

    Bi-curious men, to me, are basically straight guys who want to experiment with cock. Most will go back to/stay with pussy as their primary interest. A few will decide they are what they always suspected -- gay.

    But yeah, I get what it means to be bi-curious without understanding it as a label.
     
  14. Capitolhillguy

    Capitolhillguy Active Member

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    I do see a very big difference in 2 types of bi guys. The mostly straight type of guy who experiments with men occasionally but is emotionally open only to women for relationships. The other has sexual /emotional relationships with people of both sexes. I could see calling the first bi-curious and the other true bi-sexuals. Can anyone come up with better labels? I think there are a lot more of the first type than the latter type in practice.
     
  15. B_TalkingHeads

    B_TalkingHeads New Member

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    This is a prime example of what people were writing about how people will stay closeted and still call themselves "straight" even though it's clear that they are anything but that. Heterosexual or straight men and women do not suddenly just go out and sleep with members of the same gender when their partner is not having sex with them or putting out, and they also do not have affairs with people of the same gender when they're bored. If these people are so straight or heterosexual what are they doing having sex with people of the same gender? I have a bisexual female friend and while she's in a monogamous marriage with a husband and has kids this does not make her heterosexual or straight. Even if she were to have ended up with a woman that would not have made her lesbian. You can be a bisexual male, and be more into women for sex/romance but that still does not make you straight or heterosexual. Also just because a bisexual male may prefer men that does not make him gay or homosexual. There are gay men who pretend that they are bisexual but not every bisexual guy is like this and the ones that prefer men are not all like this either. Hell, you can be a virgin to both men and women and know that you are bisexual. Your personal viewpoints are very biphobic, outdated, and I suggest you actually meet some bisexual people and read or study about human sexuality. I know it's pointless telling you all this anyway.
     
  16. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I think a big change occurs in a guy when he actually has a relationship with another guy, not just sex. I think it's difficult to maintain a purely sexual connection with another person for a period of time and have no feelings for them. I like the label "bi-affectional" to define myself. It means that I can fall in love with either a girl or a guy whether I make love or have sex with them or not.
     
  17. heist

    heist New Member

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    This is why labels are sometimes so silly -- especially when they try to "define" something by giving it an ambiguous name.

    Then again, the word "hookup" is very useful, and its usefulness comes from the fact that it's ambiguous.
     
  18. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Maybe Curious refers to just wanting to try it a bit, whereas BI is a life commitment? for the person?
     
  19. B_biginalldepartment

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    i guess it depends wht u mean curious
    when i say curious i mean experimenting e.g getting a bj from a guy but i dont have the desire to do it back or get fucked
    also im not interested in a relationship with a dude
     
  20. zawfi

    zawfi New Member

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    I'm guessing that guys who cling to the term "curious" even after repeated sexual encounters with guys are just trying to maintain some distance, some emotional detachment. Yes, this is a form of denial, I suppose, but at various times many of us just want lusty sex and not a "relationship." And many of these "bicurious" guys probably want to define themselves in society as straight, not bisexual, so "curious" gives them that facade in their mind.
     
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