Why did you cheat?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Rommette, Dec 29, 2009.

  1. Rommette

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    I'm not sure if anybody ever asked this in a thread but what was your reason for cheating? I've never cheated myself (and never will) but i'm curious why you did? Also, if you didn't cheat were you the other woman? And men, have you had sex on the "the DL" with a married guy?

    Note: i'm not trying to bash cheaters or anything....I just want to know out of curiosity
     
    #1 Rommette, Dec 29, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2009
  2. eyescream

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    Been on both sides. Once I was the other woman. It was a special case where this biatch kept flirting with my bf when our relationship was on the rocks.

    So I dumped him and he turned to her for comfort but kept coming back to me so I slept with him and she found out. Possibly the most horrible thing I've done in my life but that woman shouldn't have gotten herself involved in a rocky relationship.

    When they ended it my ex came crawling back to me but I was already seeing another guy. It was an open relationship with this other guy so I was allowed to sleep with my ex. But I lied to my ex telling him that I've agreed to try and work it out with him. So while he thought we were getting back together I was only using him for sex.

    There's a first time for everything in life, I was "young and stupid" back then. I was also emotionally unstable (I'll spare you the details but I was going through a whole lot of nasty stuff). That is a closed chapter in my life.

    Getting involved with people who are already involved in a relationship isn't something I'd do right now.

    I wouldn't judge people who do it though because I definitely understand how emotions can get the better of us and cloud our way of thinking and control our actions.
     
  3. Rommette

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    so nobody on here cheats?
     
  4. eyescream

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    Now I feel like I'm the only horrible person in here.:redface::redface::redface:
     
  5. Gustavovolvo

    Gustavovolvo New Member

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    No I never have and don't ever plan to.

    that cheater was my exwife who was into cheatng and trying every prick that came in sight. I have some level of self respect for me and respect the person I am with enough not to do something like that. Even having interest in other women and sometimes in a hot lookng man I believed it would not be right to desanctify my marriage vows or to disregard our kids having respect for their mom and Dad.

    My ex has never given a reason for what she did she just shrugs her shoulders looks bewildered any one would ask even.

    I know its most likely an addiction but it still hurts what she did.
     
  6. Rommette

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    wow.....what did she say when you found out?
     
  7. John.Heath

    John.Heath New Member

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    I have... fairly recently too...

    Started talking with an old girlfriend on facebook last summer... went from there, we met, there was still a spark, we hit it off, had lunch a few times, took her to my office and had a fling one Saturday. We're both married... in bad marriages, I should say.

    That was the only time for me. Since then she decided she wanted to try to work it out with her husband...

    I don't know that I would have if it wasn't this particular person. Too much to risk on a one night stand with a stranger.
     
  8. Gustavovolvo

    Gustavovolvo New Member

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    She said nothing absolutely nothing. Throuugh the divorce procedure she said nothing. There has never been any explaining or even a fake I'm sorry or anything. I know she may be confused herself to why it happened and so many times. I think it might be a sex addiction she hasn't admitted yet for herself.
     
  9. D_Methamphetamine Blowvein

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    You are not the only bad person...lol.

    I have cheated before--I'd rather not go into details, but this is my second marriage and it's not going so great....

    Unfortunately I have to have my needs satisfied, otherwise I will look elsewhere. When I say needs, I mean it...I'm not being caddy, and I'm not being selfish. I'm just being honest. It's hard to live in marriages that include no intimacy or affection, but you have to stay.

    So...there's my soapbox...I will step down now.
     
  10. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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  11. the_reverend

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    i made out with another girl in 10th grade while dating someone else...it kind of started out as a joke and just went too far. i came to my sense before it went THAT far and backed off, but still felt guilty and confessed. naturally, she broke up with me.

    years later in college, my girlfriend and i were going through a really rough patch. she would "break up with me" about 3-5 times a week. during one of those breaks, i went out to drown my sorrows. my friend started hitting on this one girl who was there with her sister, so i played a bit of wing man and occupied the sister. we started flirting and i was angry and frustrated over what was going on in my relationship, and we wound up sleeping together. huge mistake, regretted it the next day...kept mum about it once we got back together, though, until several months later when things got really bad again. we broke up, but wound up getting back together a little while later. it seemed like we'd gotten past it and things were really good, but then it became clear she hadn't completely forgiven me and i couldn't take my "punishment" anymore...and around that time it looked like we were going to be moving to opposite sides of the country, so sadly called it quits.

    a little more recently, i was hanging out with an ex who i hadn't seen in years and who had gotten married in the meantime. we had some drinks and wound up fucking each other's brains out for most of the night (...okay, and for part of the afternoon a couple of days later). so i was the "other woman" there, i guess. as for why she cheated...you'd have to ask her, cuz i can't get a straight answer. lol!
     
  12. Rommette

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    I noticed that after I started the thread
    yeah, when guys cheat often times we think he'll do it again. If you say you're going to the grocery store....then you're cheating, if you're hanging out with the boys......your cheating. Its kind of hard for women to get trust back. I can be sorta like punishment




    So, are there any men out there who have had sex with men on the DL?
     
  13. cbrmale

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    My wife was a virgin when we married, and sex started out okay and she responded well enough to me. Then it sort-of stagnated, with too many boundaries and limitations for my taste, and certainly for most men's tastes. We talked about it a few times without labouring things, 'cause you can't talk someone into being sexual if they aren't. About the time of my dissatisfaction I was doing some business travel, but that was the opportunity rather than the reason I had sex with another woman. The sex we had was fantastic, and for more reasons than she was in tune with what most couples do. My afterglow was much more complete, as if having sex with someone else after a number of years of monogamy had lifted a weight from my shoulders. In any case we kept seeing each other during our time in the same city, she was married too of course, and I was having sex with my wife when I was home (this is why my travel wasn't the reason).

    After my travel ceased, I saw another woman, and another, and then had a fairly long-term casual relationship with a fantastic woman who I eventually fell in love with, but kept that to myself because that wasn't where she was at. By this stage my wife knew but kept it to herself, and then I confronted her with some hypothetical scenarios about men and unsatisfying sex lives. She took that on board and agreed to experiment a bit more, and my home sex life changed overnight. Not only that, the things she refused: me doing oral on her, she doing oral on me and things of that nature, she absolutely loved!

    Despite that, from time to time I still have my casual liaisons, the most recent just last week. And always, after several months, the afterglow is much stronger and more intense. It still feels like I have a 'need' to have sex with someone else, I get a tension that builds and builds and then it gets released. And then I'm centred, and it's all good again. It's not better sex, just different, and that's what matters.

    If not all of us, then some of us aren't meant to be faithful to one person for a lifetime. My studies of primitive people who had marriages but did not expect complete faithfulness, mirrors this drive to stray. Sex is a very intense drive, and we attempt to put boundaries around it and try to control it, but we never have, not even in the most repressed of times. My own view is that none of us are meant to be faithful for a lifetime, but some are better at repressing the drive to stray compared to others.
     
  14. Rommette

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    Whoa.....your wife knew and didn't say anything? Thats interesting.

    Is/was your wife ok with you having sex with other people?

    Would you have left your wife for the the mistress you fell in love with if it was where she was at too?

    your story is very interesting
     
  15. eyescream

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    I do occasionally feel that way. But that would explain why I'm not married. I feel choosing to take the marriage vow changes a few things. Sometimes I feel it's impossible for me not to cheat after marriage, I just really hope I don't. I guess I'll have to consider an open marriage.

    Would you be ok if your wife was having an affair with other men?
     
  16. cbrmale

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    To answer these questions, first my mistress was a fuck-buddy rather than dedicated to me, so I wouldn't have left my wife for her. But my 'mistress' had personality traits very similar to my wife, only it took me a little while to get beyond sex to discover her true personality. Indeed, she was even the same star sign as my wife. My mistress was very attractive, and she oozed sex from every pore without putting effort into it. She once got dressed in lingerie and appeared at the bedroom door, and I went fully hard in one second at the sight of her, which is something that has never happened to me before or since. She was just like that: sweet, gentle, caring, thoughtful, attractive and sensual!

    My wife is African, and her cultural background was the difference. Perhaps it was ironic that she was partially attracted to white men because African men are so often unfaithful.

    I would be hypocritical for me not to be okay with my wife having an affair, and sometimes I think it would do her good as long as she didn't get emotionally entangled with someone else. This is something that women can have problems with (my mistress aside). For my wife, birth control beyond condoms would be mandatory, as I don't trust latex on its own (I had a vasectomy some time ago).

    If anyone now believes that monogamy is an unnatural state of affairs, I suggest you consider your marriage vows and re-write them in such a way as to leave the door open, even if at the time you have no intention. As the years pass, things change. Think about this: my wife and I have had sex about 4,000 times in 23 years of marriage. For many years now I have always enjoy having sex with my wife, but I still had sex with the young woman the other week, and I got a real buzz out of it. I was almost high, and I certainly had a spring in my step. Thats when I realised that I, at least, just am not built for one woman.

    If I wasn't sexually frustrated those years ago, and if I hadn't had the temptation of sharing a hotel with someone who was also wanting to release her own sexual frustration, I wouldn't have discovered this. Possibly, many who have posted that they would never cheat, would, in fact, get great satisfaction out of extra-relationship sex had my scenario played out for them.
     
  17. metas

    metas New Member

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    EXACTLY...I LIKE YOUR STORY. I MAY COPY YOUR WORDS TO SOME EXTEND IN OTHER BOARDS (WITH QUOTE IF YOU PERMIT) Just like I read the psycology of relationship.
     
  18. metas

    metas New Member

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    And yes, I have 3 wifes.
     
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