Why do guys always

[13788]

wvalady1968: Things are NOT happy at Chez David. Perhaps some of you can shed some light on this and keep me from sleeping in one of the other bedrooms tonight.

I am hot. I confess. But I'll take this down to the bottom line to keep it simple.

I have never, ever been in any relationship with any man when he hasn't eventually decided that he has the right and the authority, no, the God given mandate, to tell me what to do....

AND THEN

he gets pissed off when I say, "That's a nice idea, but, no, I'm gonna do it my way."

And then the fight starts.

WHAT IS IT WITH THAT?

 

[Pecker]

Sounds to me like a woman who thinks she has the right and authority, no, the God given mandate, to tell him that she is going to do it her way, no matter what.

Compromise, compromise, compromise.  That means half of his idea + half of your idea = bliss.

Pecker

When I was a boy, my mother wore a Mood Ring.  When she was in a good mood it turned blue.  In a bad mood it left a big red mark on the back on my head.

 

[jdoe86]

I was married once and my ex always had to be right. If I told her it was raining, she would tell me it wasn't even if it was pouring. Then she would turn it around a few minutes later and tell me it was raining as if it were a new thought. It is a matter of control. "the last word" you get the picture..it isn't just a guy thing.

 

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wvalady1968: [quote author=geo8x6 link=board=women;num=1069029803;start=0#2 date=11/16/03 at 17:59:06] I was married once and my ex always had to be right. If I told her it was raining, she would tell me it wasn't even if it was pouring. Then she would turn it around a few minutes later and tell me it was raining as if it were a new thought. It is a matter of control. "the last word" you get the picture..it isn't just a guy thing. [/quote]

Yeah, I know people of both sexes who're like that. [God knows I do.] In fact, I can't think of anything I want more, now, than for my ex to fall for your ex.

A control thing, eh?
hmmmmm

 

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wvalady1968: [quote author=Pecker link=board=women;num=1069029803;start=0#1 date=11/16/03 at 17:34:11]Sounds to me like a woman who thinks she has the right and authority, no, the God given mandate, to tell him that she are going to do it her way, no matter what.

Compromise, compromise, compromise.  That means half of his idea + half of your idea = bliss.

Pecker
[/quote]

Of course, you're right. If we can do that. I was thinking geo was right and he was just trying to control things. But, no, that's not it.

And I get ticked because, yes, dammit, sometimes I do have the God given mandate to make my own decision about the way I'm going to do something without having a male give his opinion. [Yeah, there's a knee jerk thing going on there, definitely.]

Too bad we're both still pissed off at each other.

 

[13788]

palladen: Mayhaps it's a control thing. Even subconsiously, any one of us has the propensity to act without thinking, but some reason testosterone surely doesn't help the equation.
Have you told him how you feel about his reaction/ opinion? Perhaps he's never been 'called' on it. Ask him why he thinks that way. I've found that, in most cases, even being challenged can make you take step back.
Bottom line, if he's as in love with you as much you are with him he'll figure it out Compromise compromise...

 

[13788]

gushiggins: I personally am a BIG believer in free will. I of course will make sure that someone knows the possible consequences of his/her actions (if asked or if physical or emotional danger might be involved), but a person's choice is a person's choice. I of course will make the final decision when I see indecision present, but I would never think that I have control over what someone does and doesn't do. Some of my past girlfriends have actually gotten angry at me for letting them do whatever they want. I would tell them that of course she can do whatever she wants, but that doesn't mean that I don't want her to do it; I'm just not going to say to anyone, "No, you can't do that -- I forbid you."

. . . Maybe I'm a bit confusing that way, but that's me.

-Z

 

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wvalady1968: [quote author=palladen link=board=women;num=1069029803;start=0#5 date=11/17/03 at 12:25:30]Mayhaps it's a control thing. Even subconsiously, any one of us has the propensity to act without thinking, but some reason testosterone surely doesn't help the equation.
Have you told him how you feel about his reaction/ opinion? Perhaps he's never been 'called' on it. Ask him why he thinks that way. I've found that, in most cases, even being challenged can make you take step back.
Bottom line, if he's as in love with you as much you are with him he'll figure it out Compromise compromise...[/quote]

Well, 24 hours later, I believe you guys are right, in a reverse kind of way. I know I have this tendency to dig in my heels and blow my top [although I did give him fair warning] when anyone tells me I can or can't do anything. Knee jerk reaction, as I said. Only I am the jerk.

It was very easy to compromise on such a trivial matter. It was over a really stupid thing; not important in the scheme of things. We can handle the heavy issues, whose folks to have holiday dinners with, and that kind of thing very sensibly and sanely.

I guess we're still learning where each other's buttons are.

 

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palladen: Just remember... fiestyness is a virtue nice lady.

 

[13788]

wvalady1968: Well, he can laugh about it today, but he didn't believe that yesterday!

 

[13788]

palladen: (see above)
I'm sure he's seen that side of you do well for him as well, Allie

 

[13788]

Donk: Sounds like he hasn't yet learned those two little words that a guy must know to ensure harmony in a relationship: "Yes, dear."

 

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captainstupid: well i would never tell u what to do ;D

 

[13788]

ORCABOMBER: Makes me wonder if I EVER want to be in a relationship. :'(
Mainly because I have a vengeful personality when angered.

 

[Max]

Orca,

I hope that isn't your final answer! Anger, like everything else, can be dealt with.

My reflection on this thread (for what it is worth): The one guaranteed way to have everything as you like it, and to have to consider no one else as you make your decisions and live your life ... is to live alone.

At the other extreme .. to commit yourself 100% to someone else for the rest of your life is the act of a lunatic ... you are handing over to them so much power to hurt you, to thwart your plans, to make things complicated for you and to let you down. You are surrendering your "God given mandate" do exactly as you please (if indeed you ever really possessed it). But then, they offer the same vulnerability to you.

26 years after I committed this lunatic act I am still very glad I did it, however.

 

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wvalady1968: [quote author=Max link=board=women;num=1069029803;start=0#14 date=11/18/03 at 13:52:15] At the other extreme .. to commit yourself 100% to someone else for the rest of your life is the act of a lunatic ... you are handing over to them so much power to hurt you, to thwart your plans, to make things complicated for you and to let you down.   You are surrendering your "God given mandate" do exactly as you please (if indeed you ever really possessed it).  But then, they offer the same vulnerability to you.  

26 years after I committed this lunatic act I am still very glad I did it, however.  
[/quote]

That was nice, Max. Thanks.
You have a lucky lady.
[You had me scared for a minute, tho. ]

 

[13788]

palladen: BRAVO! Well said Max
psm

 

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Tender: [quote author=wvalady1968 link=board=women;num=1069029803;start=0#0 date=11/16/03 at 16:34:23]Things are NOT happy at Chez David. Perhaps some of you can shed some light on this and keep me from sleeping in one of the other bedrooms tonight.

I am hot. I confess. But I'll take this down to the bottom line to keep it simple.

I have never, ever been in any relationship with any man when he hasn't eventually decided that he has the right and the authority, no, the God given mandate, to tell me what to do....

AND THEN

he gets pissed off when I say, "That's a nice idea, but, no, I'm gonna do it my way."

And then the fight starts.

WHAT IS IT WITH THAT?



[/quote]

i have been thinking some on this.
i do not mean this in a bad way so please dont take it as such.
not sure of his age?
but it has occured to me, though your post is vague as to what he is wanting you to do....
that perhaps he was raised in a home where his mother was quite submissive to his father?
i do believe personally that a man has authority over his wife.
oh no im in deep now !!

simply put, if my SB says NO i respect that.
usually hes sorry later and i get apologies lol !!
there have been times that i have put my foot down on something that i could see needed to be done that way.
later he was glad i did it.
but should he have said NO and not been wishy washy i would have to honor that.
exceptions of course are if he is asking you to do something you feel is morally wrong....
i would note there is a difference between controlling, and simply being the head of his home.


now, for the rest of my answer,,,,

it is for the same reason they put diapers on backwards, fry eggs in 2 inches of grease, and mix up the entire box of fast patch at one time... (oh if you know anything about that stuff it sets up like ROCK in 10 minuets lol)
might have something to do with the way they always are late because they had to wash the car, and forget your birthday, and cant remember his own kids middle name... need i go on?!
BOYS! cant live with them cant live without them!
well it could perhaps have to do with the way he mows the yard in half the time it takes me, can fix thingies in the house, or your car. and he always brings flowers or chocolates to say hes sorry he forgot your birthday. no he cant match the girls clothes or fix their hair, but they scream for DADDY! when he comes home in the evening.... play horsie!! and guitars and such....
maybe its the testosterone? but then my SB doesnt have any!! (er were working on that... :-/)
maybe a pride thing?
an ego thing?
maybe just the way God made us all different?
or the difference between men and women?
:-/
Tender

 

[13788]

wvalady1968: Interesting, Tender, very interesting. And, No, you aren't in any trouble for your beliefs.

You may be surprised to learn that I believe a lot of what you wrote. And when we discuss things with mutual respect, I DO defer to him most of the time.

We all have red flag or hot button issues, and he and I still learning about them. He's already trying to get a rise out of me by "ordering" me to do things, with that ornery grin and one raised eyebrow. [And he's minus quite a few chest hairs as a result. ]

 

[13788]

Tender: ah i seeeee.

make that 2 ice cubes, instead of 3....

Tender