Why Do I Fear Becoming Involve With A Bi-Man Again?

[Atia]

I kind of figured out he was bi by some of the comments he would make, and he finally confessed last year. (We were friends with benefits)

However we have great chemistry and can't seem to stay away from each other. A week ago he called and wants to renew our relationship.

Should I run for my life, or give in to sweet..sweet...temptation.

 

[Sam Beckett]

It's up to you, if you're okay with him being bi and seeing other people then go for it.

Maybe try finding a hung straight guy and having a one on one deal.

 

[Gisella]

Dont know Atia...hope u decide whats the best 4 u.

What i know is that i can handle a bi sexual man for myself because in my head i see "him" attracted to a buch of people and very hungry sexualy and it scares me and makes me insecure.

Call me whatever but my mind has a mind of its own and its hang on a foundation and principles that i just can't and or do not want to cross.

Im not open minded for especific things and that is one of them.

 

[windtalkerways]

Just my take on relationships...I am
NOT passing judgement on anyone else...

I am 100% straight. So for myself I
also want a man who is 100% straight.
This has always been my preference
and always will be.

You know yourself best Atia but it
sounds like you are having reservations.

Make two lists: Pros & Cons...

Whichever ends up being the bigger
list, there is your answer.

Good luck.

 

[Chuck64]

I can tell you this is not specifically a "straight" issue. My friends and I have all discussed this at length (it's a long long highway between Vegas & Phoenix)

Nobody wants to get dumped or cheated on when the bisexual member of the relationship has urges for the other sex. A lot of people can't handle a 3rd person on the side. Even fewer people can handle an open relationship. It's up to you to decide what you're willing to allow in order to love this person.

 

[Gisella]

I can tell you this is not specifically a "straight" issue. My friends and I have all discussed this at length (it's a long long highway between Vegas & Phoenix)

Nobody wants to get dumped or cheated on when the bisexual member of the relationship has urges for the other sex. A lot of people can't handle a 3rd person on the side. Even fewer people can handle an open relationship. It's up to you to decide what you're willing to allow in order to love this person.

For sure is not.

Chuck, do u think that in our choosing be 100% in something, are we telling that we are kind of a "no, no" for that kind of situation or not ?


It will make me crazy if he chooses me and at some point he misses his other any% and still wanting to have me too...i Gisella can't live like that....

 

[headbang8]

This is not a question of bisexuality, but of fidelity. Gay, bi and straight men are all equally likely to stray. The question is, if he were straight, and judging his character, would you trust him to be faithful? If the answer is "yes" then go for it.

 

[windtalkerways]

Hmmm...there must be a study someone
somewhere conducted at some point to
see if in fact that is true, Headbang.

I'm not disputing what you are saying,
just curious if there was a study and
what the results where.

 

[Atia]

Thanks for your advice guys. I think I will make the pro/con list because it is something I usually do when I'm confused.

I'm not looking for an one-on-one relationship. Due to school, I really do not have the time to invest in one. However, I like having someone I can dial-up when the urge strikes me. And not to mention the sex is great between us.

Futhermore, most people can not handle a friend with benefits relationship because one of the two partners will stray from the rules....:swordfight:however it was never a problem for us.....

 

[Atia]

This is not a question of bisexuality, but of fidelity. Gay, bi and straight men are all equally likely to stray. The question is, if he were straight, and judging his character, would you trust him to be faithful? If the answer is "yes" then go for it.

In all honesty, I don't have a problem with "straying", because we are only friends with benefits...I guess my real issue is ..... *ahem* AIDS...

We practice safe-sex but the A was/is always in the back of my mind..... I am very well verse about AIDS..but ....... :redface:

 

[headbang8]

Hmmm...there must be a study someone
somewhere conducted at some point to
see if in fact that is true, Headbang.

I'm not disputing what you are saying,
just curious if there was a study and
what the results where.

No study that I know of, Windy. Just my (maybe biased) experience.

Monogamous couples of all persuasions seem to have trouble with straying--and not just teh male partner, either.

Though I observe more M/M couples seem to manage to negotiate open relationships. Sounds like that's not too much of a problem with Atia.

 

[headbang8]

In all honesty, I don't have a problem with "straying", because we are only friends with benefits...I guess my real issue is ..... *ahem* AIDS...

We practice safe-sex but the A was/is always in the back of my mind..... I am very well verse about AIDS..but ....... :redface:

Atia,

SAFE SEX ACTUALLY WORKS. Have a ball!

Cheers,

Marty

 

[windtalkerways]

No study that I know of, Windy. Just my (maybe biased) experience.

Monogamous couples of all persuasions seem to have trouble with straying--and not just teh male partner, either.

Though I observe more M/M couples seem to manage to negotiate open relationships. Sounds like that's not too much of a problem with Atia.

I'm guessing socio-economic concerns and
the amount of testosterone in a relationship
as just two of the leading reasons why your
observation could very well be true.

 

[Dr Rock]

Monogamous couples of all persuasions seem to have trouble with straying--and not just teh male partner, either.

that's because humans are not naturally monogamous animals. the concept of exclusive relationships is a social one, primarily intended to make social units easier to control.

 

[windtalkerways]

that's because humans are not naturally monogamous animals. the concept of exclusive relationships is a social one, primarily intended to make social units easier to control.

True Rocky...Judge Maybelline's court
is just so backlogged with women
wanting to get unhitched from their
carrousing hubbies. :tongue:

 

[GoneA]

I kind of figured out he was bi by some of the comments he would make, and he finally confessed last year. (We were friends with benefits)

However we have great chemistry and can't seem to stay away from each other. A week ago he called and wants to renew our relationship.

Should I run for my life, or give in to sweet..sweet...temptation.

quite honestly, Atia, it all depends on where you stand in your own life. if you were to renew this relationship, would it be a lasting relationship? do you want a lasting relationship, or are you looking for a flash in the pan fling with a simply good-looking guy?

if i were you, i would use my past experience with this gentleman as a means of reconnoitring any future stability between us. again, that is, if you're looking for a stable, lasting relationship.

 

[D_alex8]

SAFE SEX ACTUALLY WORKS. Have a ball!

"Safe sex" is a misnomer, and as I'm sure you know, it was long argued (and still is) that "safer sex" would of course be a better name for it, since the best one can ever hope for is to make sex as safe as possible. You can never expect 100% safety or a world without condoms that fail/come off, etc.

 

[Gisella]

This is not a question of bisexuality, but of fidelity. Gay, bi and straight men are all equally likely to stray. The question is, if he were straight, and judging his character, would you trust him to be faithful? If the answer is "yes" then go for it.

In my head :biggrin1: i think:

Well, if he likes both when he has just one he will probably miss the other...:biggrin1:

If i was a bi i think i would have 1 steady relationship with each one of my preferences...but a steady one! its the way iam :wink: :tongue:


How does bi relationships works ??? Dont have an ideia.

Another thing: does a gay man are really more open and ok with infidelities of their partners because they are man and man are supposed do be unfaithfull and they understand each others better for that???

 

[headbang8]

"Safe sex" is a misnomer, and as I'm sure you know, it was long argued (and still is) that "safer sex" would of course be a better name for it, since the best one can ever hope for is to make sex as safe as possible. You can never expect 100% safety or a world without condoms that fail/come off, etc.

True. Nothing is ever 100% safe.

The food I eat might be contaminated with salmonella or some other bug. Does that mean I shouldn't eat anything?

No. I wash the food (and/or cook it at high temperature) and buy it from a reasonable source that obeys the health and hygiene laws of the land. And that for all intents and purposes, is a "safe" way to eat. Practice "safe" sex, and you'll be "safe".

Using the phrase "safer" sex implies that all sex is inherently dangerous, dirty, and morally stigmatised. It's about as useful as talking about "safer" eating or "safer" breathing. Is breathing a bad thing to do? Is eating? You might as well say all living is dangerous.

I feel quite strongly about this. I can feel a new thread coming on...

 

[headbang8]

..does a gay man are really more open and ok with infidelities of their partners because they are man and man are supposed do be unfaithfull and they understand each others better for that???

"Faithful" = keeping your promises

I think that gay men who have negotiated monogamy in their relationship find infidelity just as unacceptable in a relationship as straight men or women would.

However, in my experience, I've found many more gay male couples negotiate committed relationships that don't necessarily involve complete monogamy. Many of them have other rules, though.