Why Do I Fear Becoming Involve With A Bi-Man Again?

D_alex8

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headbang8 said:
Using the phrase "safer" sex implies that all sex is inherently dangerous, dirty, and morally stigmatised. It's about as useful as talking about "safer" eating or "safer" breathing. Is breathing a bad thing to do? Is eating? You might as well say all living is dangerous.

I feel quite strongly about this. I can feel a new thread coming on...

I think it's a battle of semantics in which neither side wins.

Those who go with "safe sex" will focus on issues of enjoying and promoting sex in a wholly positive light.

Those who go with "safer sex" will focus on reminding people that they should still exercise caution within the context of enjoying sex.

I don't think either term is especially useful, ultimately, as one promises of a world of woe, and the other a world of absolute safety.
 

Gisella

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Thanks Headbang.

Can u tell me the other rules -if u don't mind -

i'm sooo curious :rolleyes:
 

headbang8

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Gisella said:
Can u tell me the other rules -if u don't mind -

i'm sooo curious :rolleyes:
Rules like:
  • Only when one of us is out of town
  • Only if you tell me
  • Only if I don't know about it
  • Only in a threesome with both partners
  • Only certain sexual acts which the other partner doesn't want to do
I was surprised to learn how many gay couples have negotiated great relationships while allowing outside sexual activity. Kind of makes me proud of the tribe...
 

Gisella

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headbang8 said:
Rules like:
  • Only when one of us is out of town
  • Only if you tell me
  • Only if I don't know about it
  • Only in a threesome with both partners
  • Only certain sexual acts which the other partner doesn't want to do
I was surprised to learn how many gay couples have negotiated great relationships while allowing outside sexual activity. Kind of makes me proud of the tribe...

Yep, i understand the feeling...

My rules are: I dont want to know about it and hide it good & before u do it tell me first!!!

Thanks !:wink:
 

headbang8

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alex8 said:
I think it's a battle of semantics in which neither side wins.

Those who go with "safe sex" will focus on issues of enjoying and promoting sex in a wholly positive light.

Those who go with "safer sex" will focus on reminding people that they should still exercise caution within the context of enjoying sex.

I don't think either term is especially useful, ultimately, as one promises of a world of woe, and the other a world of absolute safety.

All your points are absolutely true, Alex. But...

I did volunteer work for a local AIDS education charity some years ago. They had studies (which I'll try to sniff out on the internet) which showed that talking about the behaviour in terms of "safe" sex actually increased compliance. If you you keep reminding people that all sex involves some level of risk, then they lose faith in safe sex measures. "If it's all unsafe, I might as well be really unsafe and enjoy myself more."

Alas, I think the lawyers got hold of the material and insisted that they talk about "safer" sex lest it be interpreted as an express warranty. (They gave out their own branded condoms, you see...)

For the record, I had an HIV positive lover for a year, and we practiced safe/safer sex. I remain negative, you'll be pleased to know. Though I hear my lawyers in the background with a caveat that this may not hold for everyone...
 

D_alex8

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I did volunteer work for a local AIDS education charity some years ago. They had studies (which I'll try to sniff out on the internet) which showed that talking about the behaviour in terms of "safe" sex actually increased compliance. If you you keep reminding people that all sex involves some level of risk, then they lose faith in safe sex measures. "If it's all unsafe, I might as well be really unsafe and enjoy myself more."

No, I totally agree, and certainly wasn't trying to start any kind of argument to the contrary. There's just a little part of me that still wishes that neither term had gained the currency that it has, since both 'safe' and 'safer' come across as emotionally-charged terms laden with expectations. A more neutral term like "sex with a condom" will win out for me every time. But, of course, in the bigger picture of the real world where these terms are in use, I concur with you 100%.
 

Lex

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I am a firm believer in two (or more) consenting adults being able to set the boundaries of their realtionship are they see fit for what works best for them. Within that worldview--many things are possible.
 

MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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windtalkerways said:
Just my take on relationships...I am
NOT passing judgement on anyone else...

I am 100% straight. So for myself I
also want a man who is 100% straight.
This has always been my preference
and always will be.

You know yourself best Atia but it
sounds like you are having reservations.

Make two lists: Pros & Cons...

Whichever ends up being the bigger
list, there is your answer.

Good luck.
I'd have to echo WTW's sentiments on this as well, since for the truth is I am hetero, and have no desire to alternate. I'd expect my SO other if she's really and truly commited to reciprocate and be satisfied with me & me alone.
 

Chuck64

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Gisella said:
For sure is not.

Chuck, do u think that in our choosing be 100% in something, are we telling that we are kind of a "no, no" for that kind of situation or not ?


It will make me crazy if he chooses me and at some point he misses his other any% and still wanting to have me too...i Gisella can't live like that....

I'm far too emotionally involved to allow my man (btw- the position is open :wink:) to be with anyone but me. I'll share just about anything, but not him. If he can't be completely monogamous, then he's not the right match for me. If he can't feel 100% fulfilled having only me, then I'm not the right match for him. If a bisexual man can honestly tell me that he can live within those parameters, then there's no problem.
 

windtalkerways

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Lex said:
These scenarios seem to hinge on falling in love with someone exactly like you. What if you don't?
Life is never so textbook.

Yes true Lex but we all live by
the rules that feel good to us...
whether we're governed by our
hearts or libido or both.

I just know when I am with a man
I want him 100% into the female sex,
not whatever catches his fancy at
the moment.

Not getting personal at all, 'k? :)
 

steve2727

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I don't know how I'd feel about being in a long term relationship with a bisexual girl. Even if she promised to be faithful and kept it (I'd never be in an open relationship, if I were to fool around I'd expect to get dumped, she should expect the same), I think I'd still be insecure because I'd know there's always going to be sexual desires she has that I could never fulfill. I like to be able think I at least have a sporting chance of fulfilling all my woman's desires, lol!

I'd just rather just avoid that issue, there's plenty of nice straight girls out there, but I suppose Lex is right, you don't choose who you fall in love with
 

steve2727

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windtalkerways said:
Steve...a preposition??? :biggrin1:

and no "full stop"!

Tsk, tsk...what's the world coming to

or ah er...to what is the world coming? :wink:

Hmph!! I was going to post a suggestion that Rob puts a spelling and grammar checker on the site, but it seems we don't need one, we have windy instead! :tongue:

Lol, ignore me. I'm hung over and grumpy today.:biggrin1:
 

Chuck64

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I've thought about suggesting a spell check also... Or better yet, is there someway to interface directly with Alex's brain? Not only could we spell-check and grammar-check everything, but we could automatically add whitty sarcasm to every post!
 

windtalkerways

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steve2727 said:
Hmph!! I was going to post a suggestion that Rob puts a spelling and grammar checker on the site, but it seems we don't need one, we have windy instead! :tongue:

Lol, ignore me. I'm hung over and grumpy today.:biggrin1:

Oh you know what they say, Steve...
we only tease the ones we like! :tongue:

Hope you're feeling better on the
'morrow!

Certainly can't tell your'e being
grumpy, though. :smile: