why do people get offended by

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dolfette, Jun 25, 2011.

  1. dolfette

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    other people having distaste for aspects of their sex lives?

    the viagra thread put this in mind, but it's not the first time it's struck me as odd. in that thread fans of viagra seem quite angry that others think it's lame to use it if you don't need it. i once dated a guy who was still mortally offended that some woman on an internet site said she wasn't into cut cocks

    now, it's not like the people who think it's dumb/ridiculous/gross are planning to change the law and have you executed for it. it's just that they're saying, 'ew! i wouldn't!!'

    from my POV, i'm a bisexual, sadistic masochist with a fetish for knives, bondage and corsets. the world is full of people who blanch at the thought of my cunt electrodes. other than ruling them out as sexual partners, it doesn't impact my life. though i may enjoy a good bicker over the sanity/morality of bdsm, my feelings aren't all hurted if you tell me you'd never try that freaky shit.

    so...why does it bother some people so much?
     
  2. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    Well I imagine its a matter of degree Dolf. People who overreact to being told someone else doesn't like their sexual practices and wouldn't be doing themselves are probably taking things too seriously, but when that expression of personal preferences turns into judgement and condemnation that I can easily imagine getting pissed off by.

    Fine you don't like what I do in bed, you wouldn't do it yourself, great, you find it gross, good to know.

    But when you start to condemn me for what I do and for what I enjoy, then I'm going to come at you. ;)
     
  3. HappyBoi

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    Oh, please come at me.. :redface: :rolleyes:


    *Sorry, I just had to! xD*
     
  4. HiddenLacey

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    I don't know Dolfette. I'm not usually offended by another person's sexual practices unless they involve really abhorrent things. For the most part, I'm a whatever floats your boat type of person. Better yet, I'd ask questions and want an explanation if it was something I'd never heard of before. I've met someone like that here and I didn't hesitate to pm and ask about it.

    Maybe people get freaked out by things they don't understand or they're possibly afraid of the unknown? Then again, maybe they are a closet participant and refuse to admit it..... or then again maybe they're just being judgemental?

    Never answered the question as usual. People probably get upset, because who wants to be judged and found lacking/ unappealing in any way?
     
    #4 HiddenLacey, Jun 25, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 25, 2011
  5. monel

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    We like to tell ourselves and others that we don't care what other people think. In my experience this is rarely true. We do care and it makes us sensitive to criticism. When someone says they don't like something we may be into, often this is taken as criticism and disapproval of the person. So we become defensive.
     
  6. galaxus

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    I think those people who get offended, hurt and angry are insecure. They may feel jealous or they may just feel left out.

    It almost like the fetish of interracial sex... or not. Some white people can only see themselves having sex with another white person. They can't utter the thought that black people of the opposite sex can be attractive. To me, the upsets me a lil bit. (Black people can be the same way)

    Or now, there is a small group of black men who will never date a black women for whatever reason. And that upsets black woman. That even upsets me. They think, "what's wrong with me?" "I couldn't even change that part about me even if I wanted." "this sucks!"

    But I know that I can only speak for myself. I want to be known as a universal pleaser and attractive to everyone (or labeled attractive by society, I know its stupid but hey...). I think a lot of men do. I like to have the power to please. But when I find out that potential partners will never enjoy sex with me because I'm black, or short, or too freaky, it disappoints me.

    Its not like I feel attacked or anything... its just disappointing. It doesn't make me hate them either. If it did, I would have a problem.
     
    #6 galaxus, Jun 25, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2011
  7. rob_just_rob

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    People love to judge. Particularly if they're accustomed to people judging them for their own interests/fetishes.
     
  8. dolfette

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    interracial as a fetish...
    the pc in me wants to say that it's just another sort of racism to objectify them that way.
    the chilled out me says that fetishising a skin colour is no different to fetishising a hair colour or breast size.
    the artist in me wants to point out the aesthetically pleasing contrast in skin tones.
     
  9. galaxus

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    Some people do use it as a fetish. Some (a small percentage) of black men just have sex with white women just to look at themselves as powerful and successful. Not because they're particular beautiful.

    Some (another small percentage) white women have sex with a black man just because he is perceived as a bad boy/gangsta/thug they want to do something naughty (when in reality it isn't). They do it to be rebels.

    their racism intertwined in their sexuality.
     
    #9 galaxus, Jun 25, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2011
  10. Pecker Check

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    I don't think it's any more illogical for people to get offended by others' ciritical posts about their preferences than for someone else to feel obliged to post something that is critical of others. It's just the way it is. Live and let live would probably be the best solution, but I'm not sure when that's going to happen. Fortunately I don't do (or think) anything weird. (Yeah, right.)
     
  11. airc3

    airc3 New Member

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    I am a virgin and pretty asexual.

    My sister, on the other hand, is a VS salesperson, beer promoter (wears those skimpy outfits in bars), is training to become a sex therapist, and now hosts female sex toy parties.

    I can't help but feel ashamed of her. When people ask me what she does, I just say social work. I just wish she was a bit more normal. It's really putting a strain on our relationship because I'm so morally opposed to her lifestyle and career goals.
     
  12. MickeyLee

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    says the man with 26 peen photos on an adult website :rolleyes:
     
  13. LaFemme

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    Social work??!! :lmao:

    Ok...but to answer the original question - I don't know why people get so bent out of shape. I actually just responded again to the Viagra question again. I mean, all I did was say "hey, it's my preference and offered an opinion - if it's your thing, knock yourself out!" In other words, I couldn't give a shit what you do in bed.

    There are things that I'm not necessarily into sexually that others are and vice versa. I think sexual differences are fascinating to talk about, and maybe even test out. And maybe some stuff might make me go "ew", but nothing that's going to make me get angry or get defensive. LIfe's too short to get pissed off over everything.
     
  14. Countryguy63

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    Now Mickie, you be nice :shhh:, hehe


    I agree with galaxus, definitely insecurity. If you say that you don't like, or are not into something they enjoy, to them, you are saying that you don't like "them". They are not separating the "activity" from theirselves in person.
     
    #14 Countryguy63, Jun 25, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2011
  15. willow78

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    I always LOL at the threads that start with "Your opinions, please....." because I just know the OP's gonna regret it.

    I can vaguely recall a thread from a couple years ago about poppers during sex. The OP wanted to try them and asked for advice and opinions about the best ones. Myself and another member merely gave the opinion not to try them at all (after all, they are dangerous to one's health and illegal to boot) and the pro-poppers went MAD about it, accusing us of 'forcing our beliefs onto others' and so forth. But to be fair, the OP himself didn't take issue with our opinions, it was just the users that got shitty.
     
  16. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

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    I think its because when that person posts something, on some level they are seeking validation for whatever they happen to be doing. When they don't receive that validation and instead receive criticism they are thrown into a defensive state. Like it was said before, it us an insecurity in themselves that makes them so suscetible to others opinions of them. I would be a liar if I said I didnt care what other people think. I do care, alot. But the difference is I choose who's opinion I do care about. That makes it easier for me to accept criticism, which I still suck at btw.
     
  17. dolfette

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    maybe it's freaky but i get off on a little disapproval.
     
  18. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

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    Not freaky, your just a rebel. ;-)
     
  19. galaxus

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    its freaky. and its fine.
     
  20. umami_tsunami

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    800lb Gorilla here is religious bullshit being drummed into the heads of innocent, impressionable children and other vulnerable or emotionally disadvantaged people.

    Religion is the single largest source of shame, disapproval, self-loathing and judgement in the world. It makes people feel empowered to legislate, judge and scorn many forms of sexual expression that are not approved of by some idiotic, iron aged book written by scared, ignorant desert dwellers before we knew the earth revolved around the sun or what germs were. We owe all the freedom we currently do enjoy to scientific, secular values and reasoned, rational thinking. I highly recommend Sam Harris' new book The Moral Landscape It's a great discussion how we treat each other and where our morals come from (*spoiler alert* it ain't the bible)

    The dogmatic, hypocritical sway the profound stupidity of religion holds over our everyday life is a constant source of annoyance and frustration to me.

    The sooner we abandon the absolute horse shit that is religion, the better. We certainly would have a lot fewer people offended by others' sexual choices.
     
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