why do people so often blame the other woman/man

[august86]

This is a non sequitur. << before the issue gets lost in the language, best I amend my previous statement to be more elucidatory, and thus say: "However, marriage in it's very definition is (an undertaking of committment) between two individuals. So at it's very core, marriage is meant to monogamous.

I think the logical conclusion is that if marriage is between two individuals, it is what those two individuals decide it to be; unless of course there are set or presumed cultural expectations and demands laid down within the contract, religious or otherwise.

All that I have been saying is that your religious and cultural expectations are that it will be monogamous, in every sense of that word, yet clearly the reality of people's behaviour is at odds with this.

I don't recall anyone (any posters) being against polygamy, but rather against the concepts of cheating, betrayal and lack of consideration for the other party to the relationship. i.e.: the sentiments are morally and ethically driven and not culturally or religiously. If I were to break it down even further, I'd say people can boink whomever they want, just stay away from people who are in relationships/married which are not open or allow for such activity.

 

[Drifterwood]

If I were to break it down even further, I'd say people can boink whomever they want, just stay away from people who are in relationships/married which are not open or allow for such activity.

Three problems with this.

What gives you the right to judge how other people choose to live their lives? Having a personal opinion about the issue is one thing, but what we have seen here is the presumption of a right to judge and damn.

As has at last been established, people don't know if the other person is in another relationship if they don't tell them.

Morals are inextricably linked with culture and ethics were long dominated by church control. Thank the Lord, because you can now just about discuss the ethics of something without reference to a set of religious rules.

 

[august86]

Three problems with this.

What gives you the right to judge how other people choose to live their lives? Having a personal opinion about the issue is one thing, but what we have seen here is the presumption of a right to judge and damn. Me? the person being cheated upon? your society/culture?

As has at last been established, people don't know if the other person is in another relationship if they don't tell them. and logically, those people don't fall under the ambit of the sentiments.

Morals are inextricably linked with culture and ethics were long dominated by church control. Thank the Lord, because you can now just about discuss the ethics of something without reference to a set of religious rules.

 

[helgaleena]

As has at last been established, people don't know if the other person is in another relationship if they don't tell them.

This is the dishonesty part, obviously, and when revealed, it gives one much to work with, good or bad. Dishonesty is the problem, not the lack of monogamy itself.

 

[D_PooNaHoe]

I'd just beat both of them and be done with it. No need to point fingers.

 

[D_Dick_S_Lapp]

I'd say its easier to blame someone you don't know than the one you do. Or thought you knew. Its way more painful to admit that the one you've invested this/that into is the one that threw it away then to blame a stranger or other offending party.

Anyone whose been cheated on knows the sometimes long road to recovery ahead. Sometimes the road seems and is sometimes easier to bare when you have a joker to your batman.

And if you've had it happen a number of times, that easy road looks more and more desirable.

I think it makes it a tad bit easier to forgive your SO too. I know personally a ton of things went through my mind. Like maybe they were having a moment of weakness and ________ took advantage of that, maybe during such and such argument what i said could have crossed the line, or maybe i'm just not good enough. All of this stuff makes it easier to forgive when you probably shouldn't.

And all of this stuff is harder to face honestly. To yourself that is.

 

[DQSundae]

Does it count as cheating if you're in a different zip code? Let's face it men are controlled by the small head and not the big one. Men can not be trusted, even if we don't engage in the physical act of cheating with someone, we all entertain the idea in our heads. I'm thinking gay and straight men are alike in this regard. Plus, men and women are wired very differently in regard to sex. Men aren't emotionally tied to sex like women. Men are primarily interested in the physical pleasure and the feeling of being sexually desired by their partner. Women are primarily looking for an emotional connection with someone and sex is a byproduct of that. Men cheating with men are just horny bastards.

I'm not making any excuses for anyone, blame clearly rests on the cheater. Women put up with it cause they don't want to be alone. It's a self esteem issue. Any man, even a cheating dog, is better than no man. Sad.