why do people who are single by choice

D_Sal_Manilla

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or dont want to have children till they are older or never, get judged so harshly by others.

my friend thinks it stupid that i want to start a family at 35-40yrs old and enjoy my youth. he plans on having children soon and he is 22yrs old. been with only one woman.

i'll give you my humble opinion.

your friend seems like he does not know what he is getting himself into. its very difficult having children at an early age. everything you do has to be for the child. if you want to go out friday night with your friends and you can't find a babysitter than you have to stay with your kid. So a lot of stress comes with having a child. you begin to feel like your missing out on some fun. now remember i said it was difficult not that it wasn't rewarding.


now with you, you might be waiting a little too long. 30-35 seems like the perfect window in my opinion because now you really are an adult. now like some people stated before that the older you wait the harder it will be but it can happen.


i just view it this way. i rather have my child when I'm thirty, experienced, and have a stable job that i know will support both me and my child. i want to give my child a better life than i ever had and that means I need a good job. when your in your 20's not everything is certain and you might have a hard time providing things your child.
but thats just in my opinion.

I'm the type of person that would want my kid to go to the best private schools and universities.
 

blazblue

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Wow, that's just ignorant and full of BS. My parents had me when they were in their late 30s and 40s. I turned out fine. In fact, I appreciated that they were older, wiser, mature and not going through any sort of growing pains when they had me. The fact that they were financially stable also helped. They never had any physical 'aches' or 'pains' that prevented them from parenting me. And even if they did, 40 - 60 is far from geriatric these days especially with modern medicine.

My parents were never out boozing it up, coming home drunk or feeling resentment towards me for taking their youth and fun times away from them.

In terms of biology, men have a wonderful sperm count through their 40s and 50s. Women however, hit menopause around their 40s. My mother had three biological children without any help at 36 and 38 (twins, naturally, no ivf etc). Your 25 cutoff is BS. Your difficulty of getting pregnant may rise in your 30s but it's not impossible to get pregnant. In your 40s as a woman, that's another story and it's usually considered a higher risk pregnancy and significantly harder to get pregnant but also not impossible especially with fertility treatments if needed (sometimes they aren't).

Either way, your 'younger' parents are better theory is BS. If two loving parents are there, that's all that matters.

What cutoff? He's simply pointed out that people who in their late teens/ early twenties will have the easiest time having children since that's when our reproductive peak is.
 

Fleur

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What cutoff? He's simply pointed out that people who in their late teens/ early twenties will have the easiest time having children since that's when our reproductive peak is.

No, that's not "just" what he was saying. Go re-read it. He tried to give some fake biology statistic but then it quickly turned into a post about his personal opinion that older parents were somehow inept.

After that, the probabilities change, and frankly so does your suitability as a parent.
Start there.
 
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D_JoeBitem

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I am 37 and childless, but me and my gal are considering starting a family this year or next. I have no problems with that.

I've traveled the world and did lots of interesting stuff in my earlier years, and now feel more ready to be a parent heading into my 40's. I can't imagine being burdened down with a wife and kids in my 20's as I still had so much to do and see and have accomplished all that. Now I am ready for new challenges and to have a family to start the future with.

We all have different lives and timetables. Live first and then decide if a family is right for you is my advice. There's no hurry and it's better to be a parent when you feel right for that role,not when society dictates you should be ready.
 

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or dont want to have children till they are older or never, get judged so harshly by others.

my friend thinks it stupid that i want to start a family at 35-40yrs old and enjoy my youth. he plans on having children soon and he is 22yrs old. been with only one woman.

I didn't become a father until I was nearly thirty (and that was a LONG time ago) and it all worked out just fine. I would think with modern medicine, nutrition and lifestyles starting a family at age 40 would be no different now than what I did half a lifetime ago. Most importantly you wouldn't be the best parent you could be if there were even a little resentment or remorse over having given up your youth to start a family early. Those who do start early have the advantage of enjoying their middle aged years after the kids have left the nest, but your reasoning of being foot loose and fancy free in your twenties is just as valid a preference.

Do whatever you're most comfortable with and let those who think they know best how to live your life be damned.
 

blazblue

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No, that's not "just" what he was saying. Go re-read it. He tried to give some fake biology statistic but then it quickly turned into a post about his personal opinion that older parents were somehow inept.

Fluer, My Dad was 38 and my Mom was 34 when I was conceived and they struggled for a long time trying to make children before that so there's definitely truth to what redneckgymrat is saying. Of course my parents turned out to be really good parents, however that doesn't mean that all people who have children that late in the game make great parents either, especially if they don't have the energy to raise children if the parents are that old. Just because our parents didn't have any problems doesn't mean the same for everyone else who chooses to have children who are within that age group.
 

Hoss

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or dont want to have children till they are older or never, get judged so harshly by others.

my friend thinks it stupid that i want to start a family at 35-40yrs old and enjoy my youth. he plans on having children soon and he is 22yrs old. been with only one woman.

Because people like to judge others. It's the same as when a couple has 3 or 4 children and people rant about them having a 5th child even if it's been 10 years since the last 1.


I figure do what you feel best with but remember that a woman is on a time clock and if her eggs stop dropping it will be too late. This happened to a couple I know, they waited a long time and after 15 years together decided they were ready. Her career was good and he had a good job, they wanted to make a baby part of their life. She was just 40 at the time and after 5 years including hormone treatment it wasnt happening, harvesting her eggs didn't work either for some reason. All was not lost, they adopted 2 beautiful baby girls and 2 handsome and cute baby boys. The children are now in high school and all of them are very happy.

I know other people that never have had children and then some, like 1 of my daughters, who have them young.

Do what makes you both happy when it comes to having or not having children, it's nobody else's business.
 

spoon

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i'm in my 50's, and, have never been married and have never had kids. i just haven't wanted to-haven't found the person. i have gotten interesting reactions from people. when i've been in situations where i'm just meeting or don't know the people well--the usual questions arise. are you married, have kids, yada, yada, yada. when i answer--i have the people stumped. those always put a huge smile on my face. when i explain, it seems as if a light has gone on.
 
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tanstaafl16

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I think there is a bias in the working world

People who are single are more likely to go through a layoff at work than one with a family

I would like to get married and have a family, but I have had struggles with the job market recently and cannot commit to anything. I also thinking want to leave NYC before any of that happens, not raising kids in NYC
 

dcsurvivor92

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I was 29 when I had my son and yes, it was by choice. Wanted to have a house, and a little nest egg before I committed to a huge responsibility like that. It worked out fine. Everyone is different though.
 

DavidXL

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I was in my late 30s when I became a father. I didn't think of myself as old, though I was lucky in that my wife is younger and we didn't have biological clock issues to worry about.

I wanted to wait until I had traveled a bunch, finished grad school, get settled in my career, have fun being newlywed for a few years, get happy with my financial situation so I could afford for my wife to stay at home, etc. Everyone is different, but you have to do it when you're ready to do it, and I think you have to do some living first before you become a parent. It is far more time consuming (and I'm not complaining about that) and life-altering than I ever imagined, if you want to do it right. I would have been a terrible father at 22.