- Joined
- Jan 6, 2020
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- Coventry, UK
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- Sexuality
- 100% Gay, 0% Straight
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- Male
I'm sorry you were treated so horribly.I'll leave update in here.
I honestly don't like being a bottom, or gay, for that matter. Everything is way much more complicated.
Douching is the worst thing imo, I just have to choose between eating and being happy, that means eating all I want, OR starving and have anal sex. So unfair.
It also takes a lot for me to be able to meet a guy (the 0.1% that are kinda worth it), I always get anxiety attacks, and I literally shake and tremble when with someone having sex, almost crying. Of course I love men and having sex, but at the same time I feel so scared and terrified 99.999% of the time.
Anyways, last night I met a guy (grindr of course) and I felt comfortable to bottom, I douched (ugh), took ages, but well, I was "ready", although I told him that NO anal for the moment, only rubbing the cock and that's it.
You know what the guy did? He wanted to fuck me, which is fine, but he slid his cock so abruptly and with suck force into my hole that I almost cried, heck I wanted to cry, it was horrible and painful, he thought he was in a porn movie?
So violent, no touching me or fingering or at least something, no, just BAM. It was really bad...
I usually (since always) have anxiety attacks whenever I will meet a guy (for sex specially), such a pressure in my chest, I get little dizzy, can't breath etc... Every single time. I hate it, it's awful, and I don't know why that happens to me. I think social media such as Grindr has something to do with it, because everything is more frivolous and people want to be in a porn movie.
Last night I was having a mini panic attack as well as usual, before meeting the guy, but I tried to do my best to relax, and... he basically destroyed my ass and left me almost passed out with the pain. He didn't even apologize, he was like "alright, well relax a little bit and I'll do it again". I was like Excuse me?
I don't know if he raped me, I don't think so because I told him to come to my house and have fun.
Terrible experience, didn't help with my anxiety attacks with men, and now I don't know when I will be able to have sex again...
I hate myself.
You know, if you were nearby, we are chatting on Grindr and you tell me that you feel like this when you meet a guy... I'd invite you over and hold you into my arms and cuddle you until you manage to feel more relaxed. I'd feel so proud if I managed to give you a positive sex experienceIt also takes a lot for me to be able to meet a guy (the 0.1% that are kinda worth it), I always get anxiety attacks, and I literally shake and tremble when with someone having sex, almost crying. Of course I love men and having sex, but at the same time I feel so scared and terrified 99.999% of the time.
Anyways, last night I met a guy (grindr of course) and I felt comfortable to bottom, I douched (ugh), took ages, but well, I was "ready", although I told him that NO anal for the moment, only rubbing the cock and that's it.
Thank you! That's very nice of you.I am really sorry to hear what happened to you.
It is infuriating. Fuckers like this ruin it for everyone. You have all my solidarity, and please make sure you feel better, both anally and emotionally. What was going through his mind? Ugh.
You know, if you were nearby, we are chatting on Grindr and you tell me that you feel like this when you meet a guy... I'd invite you over and hold you into my arms and cuddle you until you manage to feel more relaxed. I'd feel so proud if I managed to give you a positive sex experience![]()
Thank you!Im
I'm sorry you were treated so horribly.
Ugh. If you didn't ask for it, it shouldn't have been assumed that you wanted it.Thank you!
Sometimes I feel like I kinda deserve it because I don't live up to other top guys standards, and I wish I was like other bottoms that are so comfortable bottoming or being submissive etc.
I know it's easier said than done, but I wish you loved yourself more and found some more self-worth. You should learn how to set boundaries with men, and how to lead the game. Bottoms do not need to be submissive.Thank you! That's very nice of you.
It is a shame that people on Grindr don't care about other people's feelings, I get it, it's a sex app, but doesn't mean you have to be so frivolous.
Sometimes, like 99% of the time, I honestly despise being gay, and in my opinion (based on my experience of course) I consider it a curse. I know, it's horrible thinking something like that, but it's how I feel...
And did he live up to your standards?Thank you!
Sometimes I feel like I kinda deserve it because I don't live up to other top guys standards, and I wish I was like other bottoms that are so comfortable bottoming or being submissive etc.
I honestly don't know... Having been bullied in school since a young age seems to have something to do with it. It's the fear of "not be liked" and feel lonely again, or laughed at. I don't know how to explain it. For me, meeting new guys every single time is terrifying, and takes a toll on me, I sweat, get dizzy and have panic attacks... I wish I was more "normal". So I always tend to want to content the other person. Always happened to me.And did he live up to your standards?
Why do other guys' standards matter... And yours don't?
I'm really sorry to hear about the bullying. Those things indeed leave a scar.I honestly don't know... Having been bullied in school since a young age seems to have something to do with it. It's the fear of "not be liked" and feel lonely again, or laughed at. I don't know how to explain it. For me, meeting new guys every single time is terrifying, and takes a toll on me, I sweat, get dizzy and have panic attacks... I wish I was more "normal". So I always tend to want to content the other person. Always happened to me.
Sometimes I really wanna feel desired, touched, and then... that never happens because of the guys I meet, 99% fails.