Why do so many women...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Jeffin90620, Jul 3, 2006.

  1. Jeffin90620

    Jeffin90620 New Member

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    Friday night, a woman I met at a club invites me back to her place and, after we have been in bed for close to half an hour, says, "I never do this. I haven't had sex since last September when I broke up with my boyfriend."

    Why do so many women (in my experience, about half) feel the need to tell the men they have boinked on short notice that they are not usually sluts? Shouldn't this be something they tell their girlfriends if they get found out?
     
  2. B_Spladle

    B_Spladle New Member

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    They're not trying to convince you - they're trying to convince themselves.

    <3<3<3
     
  3. thedude111

    thedude111 New Member

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    Actually there are alot of women that do just that. They have not had sex in awhile. They may have a small kid at home that takes up all their attention etc. She has sexual needs and decides she is a grown woman. She can have sex if she wants. And so...goes out and finds what she may consider....suitable. The telling " I don't really do this" is because she RESPECTS YOU... she wants YOU to know she does not sleep around. And found you to be special at least at this moment.
     
  4. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    To justify themselves..and try and re-assure you that they arent a slut
     
  5. karmen

    karmen New Member

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    thedude111, that was spoken like a gentleman. Thank you.

    But to answer the question at hand: At one time, I was a single parent and between the demands of a full-time, the demands of raising a child and lastly not being a club type of person, I unfortunately went long stretches without male companionship.

    This actually lead to my making some inappropriate choices in my love life. I was so thrilled to find someone who was somewhat considerate of my being a single parent that I let certain types of relationships go on a lot longer than they should have done.

    Not necessarily because I was desperate but because I did not want to be alone again and without a lover.

    I think as females, we always are aware that this person MIGHT BE "The One". We just want to be seen as good girls. You know, wife material. :rolleyes:

    I've done it myself. And I'm sure other females have as well. Like I said, at the time, I was a single parent and not necessarily searching for a husband but you never know . . . . . . :biggrin1:

    The fact that a woman is strongly attracted to a man and chooses him to breake that 13 months, 2 weeks and 4 days of celibacy doesn't seem to matter so much to a lot of guys. **shrugs** And it defiantly does not make her a slut.

    Damn, that double standard is going to die with the human race.

    Hugs and Kisses,

    Karmen
     
  6. Mr. Snakey

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    Yes my dear. The double standard! A man can lay up with every women in town and he is a hero. A women has a cup of coffee with a man she just met in a dinner and she is a slut! :cool:
     
  7. nick22ca

    nick22ca Member

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    I don't know...I'm sure 10 years ago this popular double standard existed. But in my neck of the woods there is no dissociation between a female slut and a male slut. I don't even find that the term man-whore is used exclusively by women, I've heard more men use it than women.
     
  8. Mr. Snakey

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    There is a double standard for women. Its not right. It will probably never change either and its a shame......:cool:
     
  9. karmen

    karmen New Member

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    Uncut:

    I don't know if anyone else has heard this saying but here it goes:

    Good enough to bed. Not good enough to wed.

    This helps to give rise to that double standard. That "good girl" mentality. In actuality, it's not only women who suffer this line of bs. It's also some men.

    Believe me, I've bedded a few guys who I figured out were not good husband material.

    I heard this saying from my own dear grandmother. It was one of her many "pearls" of wisdom. Okay. okay. LOL. The woman was born in the 1920s so it's an old pearl.

    But it is funny how times haven't changed all that much--especially when it comes to sexual mores and issues.

    Hugs and Kisses,

    Karmen
     
  10. B_chinagirl73

    B_chinagirl73 New Member

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    As a 33yo, I know many of my peers are guilty of this...feeling guilty. No matter how often they tell themselves that it is OK to pursue casual sex with new partners they still get the "guilties" and recoil from their pursuits to self justifying remarks and thoughts.

    I don't have this reflex myself! But, if I am honest even I have tried to rationalise incidents and behaviour in the past - so evidently it is something that can be addressed and changed with time. I mean, there is no vestige of this left in me.

    I had great hopes for the younger generation until recently. It seemed that the girls (of 18-21) were less guilt-ridden and more sexually free than people my age and older. Some of the girls I met and talked to behaved as promiscuously as I did when I was their age - but witht he difference that their behaviour is unexceptional these days and they did so with less of a struggle with negativite reactions.

    I don't know, it seemed like that. But at other times, it seems that the more things change the more things stay the same.
     
  11. nick22ca

    nick22ca Member

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    Then the intricacies of what that double standard is and when it applies will have to be described very well to me. Saying something doesn't make it true.
     
  12. OmahaBeef

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    The burden of the "double standard" will ALWAYS exist between men and women who are sexually active. It is in place out of the innate necessity within men to avoid competeing with another man in fertilizing her egg. It really isn't a double standard, its nature.

    ...OB
     
  13. nick22ca

    nick22ca Member

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    I think what you are trying to describe is the increased interest men have in sex, or the interest in men to have sex with many women, or the higher sex drive in men. Regardless, I don't think there is any such form of innate disposition. The driving force for men to have sex with many women could be the same as the driving force of women to have sex with many men. In any case, the huge amount of variation WITHIN men should be a clue that whatever you are describing is not innate...much less the lack of variation between men and women.

    The term double standard (by definition?) is implying some sort of societal value judgment. My point was that in my observations, the double standard aforementioned does not exist. I have no doubt that this double standard does exist in some places, but in other places it is an artifact.

    Maybe men like to say that they think this double standard exists so as to make themselves appear more down-to-earth, and in general appealing, to women. After all, no one likes a misogynist.
     
  14. Gisella

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    Well, I dont know why she after the sex had to said that...as some said to justify a sexual urge...or she was just lonley and used sex as emotional urge to have someone around...or who knows?

    In my mind woman that are really ok with a nightstand sexual urge will not give no excuse and just enjoy it...

    But we are all different and even with all sexual revolution we have to listen to ourselves inside...I still had not such a strong sexual urge that I would feel ok and safe to take strange men to my/him place as meeting like that.

    As much social and playful I can be I'm not that social regarding my body being touch by completly stranger. For me to bed some one I have to like and to like is to know someone more than superficialy. Than in a situation like that I may have a night stand with him.
     
  15. wi_sugargrl

    wi_sugargrl New Member

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    Interesting point of view Omaha :biggrin1: !

    Yes, I do think that there is a double standard still today. Maybe it's old fashioned, I don't know, but I think that plenty of people still think that women should be the "good girls". I mean, do any of you watch Grey's Anatomy? How many people, I wonder, watch that show and think that Merideth is a slut because of how many men she's slept with on the show. Just an example.

    Sugar :rolleyes:
     
  16. WildHoney

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    I think men who view women they are sleeping with as sluts are imature and probably lousy lovers....you were there too were you not? What does that make you?

    I hate that women get a "bad reputation" especially when younger. Men over 30 seem way more accepting and appreciative of women who enjoy sex.

    I have an extemely high sex drive and do alot of weird and wonderful sexual things. I also have a gorgeous family, a high profile business and a good social skills.

    I NEVER justify my sexuality to any man ( or woman) but will defend to the hilt my freedom to fuck how and whom I choose behind closed doors without judgement.

    Who the hell cares if she has fucked other men before you , as long as your having safe sex ..... she might just teach you a thing or two.

    Women have sex, alot, some women like it more than others, and like some men , some women do it out self esteem issues or other mental blocks.

    I don't think anyone has any right to stand in judgement of women who enjoy sex. It's the reaction coming from either fear ( what if I am no good and she can tell ), or jealousy, that makes men call women sluts.

    :smile:

    Honey

    P.S feel free to call me a slut, but make sure your cock is up my arse at the time....otherwise..duck :tongue:
     
  17. AlteredEgo

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    His post is clear. And you have clearly misunderstood him.:biggrin1:

    Omaha is NOT trying to describe anything. And he's not discussing male urges to relate to a number of women, but what a male experiences each time he is trying to relate to an individual woman. He's saying that when a man is with a woman, he doesn't want to worry about competing on a biological level with other men who might be with that same woman. Not that I'm sure I agree with him. But who knows? maybe there is such a natural drive. Some women do talk about a "biological clock", an urgent feeling that they should reproduce while they can. I have known women who for years claimed to never want children who suddenly desperately wanted to conceive. But I have my own opinion to share about such urges later.

    Have I heard men being refered to as "man=whore"? Sure. But it always seems to me that even to those people, a promiscuous woman is worse than a promiscuous man. Even the word: "man-whore" indicates that he is a male version of a whore; that only women can be true whores. The existence of the term (a term you claim) proves the existence of a double standard. It's still in some places? Find me the place where you think it truly doesn't exist, and I'll show you a place where a bunch of people are fakin' the funk. That's my experience. Not that I'm mad at y'all. Healing has to start somewhere right? Fake it 'til you make it, right?

    Maybe it's because they're experience has been different from yours.

    Now. The point I earlier said I'd get back to. I don't know how beholden we are to any of our instincts and urges. People ignore their instincts every day. And people deny their urges all the time. I have the urge to polish off the leftovers from dinner right now, but I won't. I have the urge to cheat on my presently unavailable significant other, but I won't. I can give you explanations from nateure regarding both of these, but like every other human being, I am part of the only species on earth whose volition and will are strong enough to override reproductive drives. No other animal can choose not to reproduce, can choose not to copulate when a suitable partner is available, and both bodies are "in season". Don't you think that's a significant indicator?

    I know this double standard does exist, and I think it exists because enough people want it to: just like any other social more or standard.
     
  18. Elmer Gantry

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    You are a Honey!:biggrin1: :biggrin1:
     
  19. scanjock8

    scanjock8 Active Member

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    Omaha: Thank you for taking the Darwinian stand. His theory of sexual selection remains relevant today.

    Equating acknowledgement of double-standards with misogyny is a stretch. Misogynists hate women. My mom was a virgin when she married, does that make my dad a misogynist because he likely fucked around? I don't think so.

    WildHoney: I fucking love your posts. You rock on with your sexual freedom!
     
  20. AlteredEgo

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    Does marrying a virgin after fucking around mean he holds women to a double standard. No. Maybe he does, but that doesn't prove it.
     
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