why do some women think like this?

D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele

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so a lady in my life has this issue where her boyfriend was not faithful to her... I could tell it hurt her because i literally grew up with her and know everything about her. (She is my sister).... well anyways in one of our conversations she said "I don't care that he fucks bitches because at the end of the day he comes home to me..." now she said this with a lot of hurt and denial in her voice. long story short i want to know why some women think like this? I mean really now. :confused:
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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I've never thought that way. But i know it's not just women who think that way. My gay male friends have said the exact same thing to me. My straight male friends have said the exact same thing. It's not a chick thing, it's a human thing. It's probably because said person is in love with said arsehole. I'm sure she'll get over it in time.
 

AlteredEgo

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My grandmother built two businesses with my grandfather, and bore two of his children. They made a nice home together too. My grandmother turned a blind eye to his cheating. The only time she took any action was when some girlfriend of his was in my grandmother's store, straightening his tie. She established right then and there that his lovers were never to come to her home or business, or he and they would be subject to violence.

I asked her why she never just left. My other grandmother put her cheating husband out. My grandmother said to me, "We built so much together. He was home with his family every night, and no bills ever went unpaid. So, what should I do? Should I roll over and let some other woman, who is nothing but a wet hole, have what I worked hard for. No! They can have his penis. I don't need it. I never touched it again after that one came to my store. I just wanted to keep the father and friend, and business partner. Those other women could have the leftovers. " Or something like that.
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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^^^I can definitely understand her reasoning here. But as it was your grandmother, i'm assuming this was a while ago and divorce was less acceptable then so maybe there were social pressures too? However as much as i agree that these choices are very personal things, there's no way i could stay in that situation. I was head over heels in love just a few years ago. He was the only guy who ever cheated on me. As much as it killed me, as soon as i found out, i threw him out. No way was i going to be that girl. If a man loves you, he won't put his penis in other women. End of story.
 

D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele

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way to change my perspective but how can you look at them the same way. like your grandmother how can you see him as a father and friend after that? yes bills are paid but how can you respect him again? or them it doesn't matter the sex.

I don't think i could ever be like that. I love to purely to forgive so easily. You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it becomes a choice and not a mistake.
 

EllieP

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I cannot understand this behavior yet I have witnessed it so many times and from close friends, too. One of my best friends lives in Orlando and is the same way. But she is as unfaithful as her beau might be.

My parents had good friends who were actually divorced and lived in the same house and ran a business together. I have to say that he was one weird bird, but she seemed sane enough.

Low self esteem? Self image? Hard to say, but it sounds like your sister is selling herself short or doesn't want to make the effort. If it were my sister I would try to get to the root cause of the problem, because there definitely is a problem here.
 

D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele

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My grandmother built two businesses with my grandfather, and bore two of his children. They made a nice home together too. My grandmother turned a blind eye to his cheating. The only time she took any action was when some girlfriend of his was in my grandmother's store, straightening his tie. She established right then and there that his lovers were never to come to her home or business, or he and they would be subject to violence.

I asked her why she never just left. My other grandmother put her cheating husband out. My grandmother said to me, "We built so much together. He was home with his family every night, and no bills ever went unpaid. So, what should I do? Should I roll over and let some other woman, who is nothing but a wet hole, have what I worked hard for. No! They can have his penis. I don't need it. I never touched it again after that one came to my store. I just wanted to keep the father and friend, and business partner. Those other women could have the leftovers. " Or something like that.

I cannot understand this behavior yet I have witnessed it so many times and from close friends, too. One of my best friends lives in Orlando and is the same way. But she is as unfaithful as her beau might be.

My parents had good friends who were actually divorced and lived in the same house and ran a business together. I have to say that he was one weird bird, but she seemed sane enough.

Low self esteem? Self image? Hard to say, but it sounds like your sister is selling herself short or doesn't want to make the effort. If it were my sister I would try to get to the root cause of the problem, because there definitely is a problem here.


i figure out the root problem... he was her ticket out my parents house... she controls everything about him... like i mean everything... and he is the only one that lets her do it. now i know that last part doesn't make too much sense since he cheats but he is really stupid and she tell hims what to do and what to think. in other words she emasculates him. so maybe the reason is there. I mean like my sister is in no way an angel but she is my sister and I'm upset about it but she is older and in her words "I know nothing of love..."

anyways i was just wondering
 

D_fci03fxc

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^^ Agreed. That used to be me in my high school years. It was insecurity that I would never find another guy that would want to be with me. I gave him three strikes and then, decided it was enough.

Now, I don't mess around with that. My bf knows that the minute he messes up, I'm out. No strikes/chances-goodbye.
 

AlteredEgo

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Honestly, I think both of my grandmothers were relieved to never be expected to fuck their husbands again. Neither of them suffers from any low self esteem. The one who tolerated the cheating is extremely proud of all she accomlished, including running a very successful store, beating mafia "insurance collectors" at their own game, paying off a mortgage in only seven years, and ensuring that her children and grandchildren received the college education neither she nor her husband did. She knows very well her strengths and weaknsses. She just prioritized other things over who had access to her husband's penis.
 

D_Sandy_Krautch

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I think it certainly *can* be an issue of self-worth. I think it can also be a case of priorities. There's an AWFUL lot more to a relationship than sex. Sex does not define a relationship, it's merely a part of it. For me, the issue is one of the lying and broken promises. Personally, I would never stand for cheating, but I suppose in the case of AE's grandmother... sex just wasn't something she really valued in their relationship to begin with, so it wasn't completely devastating that he sought it elsewhere. I still struggle to understand being accepting of the deceit... but I suppose someone, somewhere has a way of justifying that? *shrug*
 

AlteredEgo

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I only know what she told me. She decided, once she knew, that she didn't care as long as it was done with discretion. She only cared when somone got out of pocket. I think she had the sexist assumption that all men are dirty like that. She witnessed som ugly things from men growing up. Her husband didn't act like those men, so she figured, better the devil you know.

My other grandmother received a phone call one day, whe she was pegnant, from her husband's equally pregnant lover. My other aunts are the same age as my mother and her sister. That grandmother kicked him out right away, and soon after, bought a house 11 miles away, and moved. Oddly? She unintentionally moved within two miles of the other family. My mother was quite young, but remembers this. When I was that same age, my grandparents reunited. Strange, but true.