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Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by earllogjam, Jun 5, 2007.
Assuming your premise is accurate, which is a big assumption, then it would be arrogance on their own part combined with knowledge of how a man works. He, as a straight man, would come on to every attractive woman around given the chance. He assumes a gay man simply transfers that same single-mindedness into the same sex and, thinking that he himself is all that, therefore assumes he's an object of attraction for every gay man.
Not all straight guys think gay guys are coming on to them. You make it sound like we walk around paranoid a man might fancy us.
If someone is different you might be a bit precautious in your judgements and thus misjudge there intentions. Sometimes it's justified by the fact that a gay guy can fancy a straight man and come on to them.
I know lots of straight guys who are like... "I don't care if you're gay, but you better not hit on me." The MAJORITY (not all) of those guys are the guys who think that any gay man will hit on them. They're okay with homosexuality, but they won't step into a gay bar. Whenever I hear a straight guy get full of himself like that, I just look at him and say, "Don't think so highly of yourself." It usually puts them in place pretty quick. :tongue:
I think for me just being friendly is interpreted sometimes as a sexual advance which causes uneasiness. This usually only happens when someone tells them I'm gay or tagged gay by association. It never happens in a business setting or similar instance. Not all guys think like this but I'm not sure why some men are comfortable with gays and others aren't. Some say they are OK with it but deep down they are not. We just people after all not rapists.
I don't know. I consider myself 100% straight... and I have had gay men hit on me. Personally, I think it's a compliment. Means I'm good looking in someone's eyes.
My partner says that she likes it when anyone hits on me... it validates her attraction to me.
I don't think EVERY gay man is hitting on me. That sounds to me like homophobic paranoia.
Ok, maybe not 100% strait... after all, my profile says 99% straight and 1% gay... Cest La Vie
No gay man has ever come on to me, probably because of my invisible signal on their gaydar!
But seriously, body language tells both parties what is possible!
Reminds me of a story one of my teachers told me. One of her male students went into a gay male prostitution area thinking that someone would try to pic him up, and then he could write about having someone pick him up for class credit.
No one even looked at him twice.
1. Why do straight guys always think gay guys are coming on to them?
Answer. They don't. In my case, I can fairly say that I devote approximately zero percent of my cogitation time to the matter.
2. Why do straight guys sometimes think gay guys are coming on to them?
Answer. Because on rare occasions, to casual observation they seem to be doing just that.
3. Do straight guys give a monkey's patoot if gay guys are coming on to them?
Answer. Maybe sometimes, but most likely not.
Does that help?
1. Because they think that they are attractive to both (if either) of the sexes.
2. Paranoid that being gay is a disease you catch
3. Hurts their sad excuse for pride
4. They are secretly gay, and don't want others to find out.
i've had gay guys come on to me
i've had gay guys not come on to me
i've never had a gay guy come on me
the short answer is whenever you find yourself typing "always", "never" and the like, you can be assured you're working in the world of absolutes, a world destined for disillusionment
Very apptly stated.
Want to change that last one? :wink:
Paranoia. Mostly unfounded.
Last year my boss told me he didn't mind being around lesbians but had difficulties with gay men. I informed him that's because he's afraid a gay man will flirt with him. He agreed. I asked him if a gay man had ever flirted with him (no, of course not). "That's because they know you're straight". I told him he had absolutely nothing to worry about.
It's only the insecure ones that do.
But when it actually does happen, you are secure enough to say "thanks, but no thanks..." instead of getting a group of buds to beat the shit out of him. Thanks for that!
Thanks for that, too, big D. Do you ever wonder how sad life is, in general, for those so insecure that they freak out so easily?
And most of the ones I've ever met who have that particular world view REALLY have nothing to worry about.
Thanks BD. What exactly is a monkey's patoot? :smile:
I think it's less about them being afraid a guy is going to find them attractive and more about what being attractive to a gay man means to them. Straight men who have that concern think that if a gay man hits on them, they aren't masculine enough or they're giving of some sort of homo-"signal." Which can be true and it can be just imagined.
On the other hand, it could be their degree of masculinity that makes the gay guy wanna make a move.
Gay guys like me are interested in a completely masculine, brooding hunk of Brawny-monster truck and chopper bike-full-sleeve tattooed-Guinness drinking-wall-punching-ax-weilding-pissing-contest-winning-"I don't give a fuck if you suck my cock, just don't look me in the eye" Straight guy.
In my defense, I don't come onto guys at all. I just don't. However, I have had a guy find out that I was gay and say "Hey man, I don't swing that way...don't get any ideas." A simple "Please, you're not even in my league" put him straight in check.
You seem to be proposing a lot of absolutes. What's up with that?
Some straight guys are comfortable in platonic friendhips with gay men. Some straight guys' worst fear might be getting labeled "gay" by their buddies. Others' worst fear could be completely different like dying of a toxic reaction to general anesthesia (which my best friend worries about a great deal since he has had toxic reactions in the past).