Why do they refer to my boyfriends as "friends"?

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Not sure if this is an "old person" trait or what, but both my mother and father have always referred to my boyfriends as friends. They'll introduce him to other people as "Meghan's friend"... ask me things like, "So when is your friend coming over?" or other such oddness... and it doesn't make sense to me! He's CLEARLY my boyfriend, I call him my boyfriend, I refer to him as my boyfriend when talking with others, and I introduce him as my boyfriend. We kiss, we snuggle, we hold hands... why call him a friend? I'm not sure if it's supposed to be some sort of respect thing, or if they're just uncomfortable discussing the topic? I don't get it. My dad was born in 1940 and my mom in 1946. Wasn't sure if it was an era thing or if my parents were just weird. :tongue:

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I guess no one else has experienced this? lol.

 

[Hoss]

Not sure if this is an "old person" trait or what, but both my mother and father have always referred to my boyfriends as friends. They'll introduce him to other people as "Meghan's friend"... ask me things like, "So when is your friend coming over?" or other such oddness... and it doesn't make sense to me! He's CLEARLY my boyfriend, I call him my boyfriend, I refer to him as my boyfriend when talking with others, and I introduce him as my boyfriend. We kiss, we snuggle, we hold hands... why call him a friend? I'm not sure if it's supposed to be some sort of respect thing, or if they're just uncomfortable discussing the topic? I don't get it. My dad was born in 1940 and my mom in 1946. Wasn't sure if it was an era thing or if my parents were just weird. :tongue:

Old person trait??? old???? (I have a brother the same age as your dad and I'm less than 10 years under him)

There might be any number of reasons that your parents call the boyfriend a friend. This may be regional where you live or where they came up. My dad never said much and when I was with a man or woman in a romantic way he just refered to them by name. My mom was deceased by the time I started dating and the replacement mom diidn't like me and I despised her so the subject never came up with her since we never spoke with each other.




Old?! 70 isn't old, it's barely ripened!

 

[SilverTrain]

Not sure if this is an "old person" trait or what, but both my mother and father have always referred to my boyfriends as friends. They'll introduce him to other people as "Meghan's friend"... ask me things like, "So when is your friend coming over?" or other such oddness... and it doesn't make sense to me! He's CLEARLY my boyfriend, I call him my boyfriend, I refer to him as my boyfriend when talking with others, and I introduce him as my boyfriend. We kiss, we snuggle, we hold hands... why call him a friend? I'm not sure if it's supposed to be some sort of respect thing, or if they're just uncomfortable discussing the topic? I don't get it. My dad was born in 1940 and my mom in 1946. Wasn't sure if it was an era thing or if my parents were just weird. :tongue:

I've encountered this. I file it under the category of: "He's not really her boyfriend if I don't acknowledge that he is." See parental neuroses in the Great Big Book of Everything.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

SilverTrain, I was sort of thinking the same thing. :tongue: My mom never seemed like that type of person, though. My dad, yes... not so much my mom though. Who knows! My mom is deceased now so I can't very well ask her, and asking my father will get me nowhere. So I guess I'll just continue being curious. :tongue:

 

[witch]

have you asked them why?

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

You didn't read my last post, did you. :tongue:

 

[witch]

oops .......... so much for my speed reading talents

 

[surferboy]

your parents are as old as my grandparents

that said, i don't think it's an age thing. my ex girlfriend's mom referred to us as "friends" and her mom was born in 68

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Yeah, I was the "oops" baby. xP My parents were 36 and 42 when I was born...

And yeah, I wasn't sure if it was an age thing or what! Maybe they just hate my boyfriends so much that they don't want to admit that we're actually together? lol

 

[Bbucko]

Gay people have gone through this forever. It seemed demeaning until the first time my mother used the word "lover" to describe my then-partner (in the early 80s). After that, "friend" seemed just fine, thanks.

 

[nudeyorker]

Gay people have gone through this forever. It seemed demeaning until the first time my mother used the word "lover" to describe my then-partner (in the early 80s). After that, "friend" seemed just fine, thanks.

I've been trying to articulate my response to this thread but you summed it up nicely. However I did not have to endure the term lover but "Special Friend" I never brought anyone home after that!

 

[MarkLondon]

Yeah, when you become adult, at some point beyond your teens when you're acknowledged to be a sexually responsible person, "friend" implies a lot more than mere aquaintanceship. He'll probably remain a "friend" unless and until he becomes a "fiance".

 

[nicenycdick]

It's all about parental denial. You don't sleep with a "friend" (they think!) but you might be fucking your boyfriend (if they only knew!) So it saves them from imagining you in a coital position with your "friend"...and saves their acquaintances from forming that same image at introduction.

 

[cdarro]

Yeah, when you become adult, at some point beyond your teens when you're acknowledged to be a sexually responsible person, "friend" implies a lot more than mere aquaintanceship. He'll probably remain a "friend" unless and until he becomes a "fiance".

Have to agree with this. My father died before I started dating, but my mother always referred to any girl I saw as "your friend". It seems that once you're past your teens the term "boy/girlfriend" is seen as a bit juvenile. Though some younger aquaintances of mine use the term, few that I know over about 35-40 would be caught dead using it when referring to themselves.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

What I tend your dear mother might've been doing with regards to her reference of your boyfriend was to keep it polite so as not visualize you & BF rather intimately. Alot of families will do this so as to spare the true nature of the "relationship" from other be they outsiders/family members/friends etc. etc. My 1st thought next you are near anyone you feel willing to know to just plain announce, "Everybody, this my boyfriend."

 

[joyboytoy79]

My husband's grandmother does this. She introduces me as his "friend." She was at our wedding, so i'm sure she knows we're more than just friends. Her daughter (his mom) has no problem introducing me as his husband. My mom introduces him as my husband. I think there's a bit of a generational culture thing going on there.

 

[dreamer20]

why call him a friend? I'm not sure if it's supposed to be some sort of respect thing...I don't get it.

I find being referred to as a friend to be acceptable and dignified. Much better than hearing the alternative "So this is your latest piece of ass." stated. :censored:


:biggrin1:

 

[Ethyl]

I think there's a bit of a generational culture thing going on there.

Most definitely and it isn't limited to referring to their children or grandchildren's significant others as "friends". After my grandfather died, my grandmother had several long term relationships with men to whom she referred as "friends". We were always puzzled about her choice of words but attributed it to a generational difference.

 

[accemb]

Have to agree with this. My father died before I started dating, but my mother always referred to any girl I saw as "your friend". It seems that once you're past your teens the term "boy/girlfriend" is seen as a bit juvenile. Though some younger aquaintances of mine use the term, few that I know over about 35-40 would be caught dead using it when referring to themselves.

I agree with Darro.... "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" simply sound silly after a certain age....