Why do we fall in love?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jeff black, Jul 1, 2007.

  1. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Is it some form of pheromones?

    A desire to be accepted by others?

    A need for intimacy on a physical or emotional level?

    For the sex?

    The next logical step in a relationship?

    I'm sitting here trying to figure out exactly how it works. To be honest, I'm not coming up with much. I just know it happens and it can be the most incredible thing when you have it.

    Any ideas?
     
  2. ManlyBanisters

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    I'm not sure there is an answer to that question Jeff. It may be a combination of all of your points, some of them or something else. Why do certain animals mate for life and others not? Why are humans more prone to mate for life? And when we fall in love, is it always 'love'? Do we all even mean the same thing by 'love'?

    I thought I was in love with X til I met Y - and then the 2 years with Y felt like nothing compared to the depth of emotion I felt, and still feel, with Mr.B.
    Was I in love with Y and not X - was I a little bit in love with X? Or is Mr.B the only one I've really loved. But I'm drifting off-topic. Why do we fall in love? Another option, security or the need for security anyway. If you give yourself completely to someone, body and mind, and they give themselves completely to you - then you own a piece of eachother and that is safe. Do you know what I mean? I can never be completely lost because a part of me is with Mr.B and I can always shelter there if I need to - and, in return, I keep a piece of him. To be loved, to be in love, is to be safe - and to be loved you have to love.
    Just an idea based on a feeling...
     
  3. dongalong

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  4. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    For me I don't think it's any of the things you described, Jeff.
     
  5. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

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    Sorry, Pilgrim, no idea.

    But it doesn't seem to have evolutionary value. As a species it seems to me that we'd have the same results without it. And if it has no evolutionary value, how and why did it appear and persist?

    Sorry, no idea about that, either.
     
  6. vibratingfinger

    vibratingfinger New Member

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    We fall in love because as we grow older we begin to hate pretty much everything including our own lives most of all, so we try to balance out all that hate with some unconditional love for a partner or a child to justify our pointless existence. No, I am not serious. Or am I?
     
  7. D_Lee_Iacuckold

    D_Lee_Iacuckold New Member

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    im not really sure anyone knows completely why they fall in love with whoever they fall in love with. for me, the only reason to fall in love is to find happiness.
     
  8. MovingForward

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    I think its nature and I think somewhat chemical. Why is it you can kiss one person and its nothing, but you can kiss another person and it makes you knees week. I am married now and have a partner for the last 5 years, but there has never been a man able to kiss me like an ex of mine, who I consider my first love.
     
  9. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Interesting thoughts, people.

    MB~the part of your quote that intrigued me the most was the idea of security. It sounds like some people can equate love with safety. While I have been in love once before, I never felt any more safe with them than I did when I was on my own... Is it possible the safety (the thought that you can never lose yourself because someone has a peice of you with them always) is really just an illusion of romantics?

    Ryan~ So, why do you fall in love then?

    Bd~ The only thing I can think of is the idea the maybe feelings of love enable the best genetics to come out during mating. It's a shot in the dark, but it is possible that those who are in love, find sexual attraction with their mates and have better pro-creative sex.:smile:

    Dong~ Interesting page.:biggrin1: Perhaps there is no true way to say why people love.

    Vibratingfinger~ You are not serious. Thanks for trying.

    barsonlyone~So basically, you are saying that Love=happiness and that those who seek love are really just lacking in happiness?

    MovingForward~Interesting thought. Perhaps love has different ranges and levels of intensity. ( yah, I know that sounds obvious but I am just trying to collect and confirm as much as I can so that I can create my own way to understand)
     
  10. SomeGuyOverThere

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    I'm guessing there is actually evolutionary value - without love presumably we'd be less loyal to long term partners, the loyalty between people provides saftey to both themselves and their offspring, that may not otherwise happen.

    I doubt it's something that just "happened" somewhere along the line, there must be a value that it brings to the human lifecycle which has lead to it being present in [perhaps 'almost] all human beings.

    Perhaps its the feelnig that tells you that you are compatable with a certain mate, leading you to pursue presumably fruitful relations with them.

    Not sure, I'm not a biologist or a psychologist.
     
  11. No_Strings

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    A reaction of two different peoples body chemicals, hormones, pheromones etc.
    Some react better than others, hence stronger/weaker forms of love. Of course our bodies (and what it gives off) can change, and so can the love that it intially brought.

    I believe a the success of a long term relationship is to do with personalities however, and not necessarily dependant on those 'chemical reactions' being maintained - though, it does help massively.


    (I put forward the same theory for when two people have an almost instant dislike for each other - the opposite end of the spectrum)
     
  12. ManlyBanisters

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    Maybe I'm confusing 'in love' and 'love' then - the 2 are not the same. I was always in love with the man who later became my husband but I didn't realise that I really loved him til we (nearly) split up and my world fell apart. In love can be whim - it can pass, it can turn into something deeper - circumstances have a lot to do with that. The security thing is love - I feel similarly, but not quite as strongly, about my parents.
     
  13. Ethyl

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    I wish I knew.

    I've fallen in love more than once. The second time slowly grew out of friendship. The first time was like being struck by a lightning bolt. I've experienced amazing chemistry with someone I wasn't compatible with in other areas and was able to recognise the chemistry was just that and nothing more. The most frustrating is finding someone with whom you share unbridled passion, flawless rapport, respect, general compatibility....and other circumstances prevent you from forging a real bond with the object of your affection.

    Bottom line? Most people only scratch the surface when getting to know me. The person who digs deeper and encourages the same from me is always a prime candidate for my consideration.
     
  14. basque9

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    Your question suggests that we fall in love on a conscious level and do so for any number of reasons. My experience with falling in love suggests that it occurs mostly on a level which is not conscious and further suggests that we share little responsibility for its taking root. There is a condition which I think of as receptivity, where mysterious and unspecified conditions within an individual are amenable to falling in love. It seems that when two receptive individuals are dissimilar, that is, each possesses that which completes the other being, then conditions are right for a fusion to occur. I think of the fusion of these two dissimilar beings into one as falling in love.
    Love seems as natural as the molecules which comprise us, and on some level it appears to be that love is a self-perpetuating chemical process which can not fully be understood, nor can it be controlled once fusion has begun!
     
  15. B_ironsoul

    B_ironsoul New Member

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    all of those reasons, and none of them.
    It is that feeling you get in your body and mind, a chemical reaction of giddy and comfort and excitement... all jumbled together. It is that pure happiness that just fills you up when you think of them. You can't find the reason why it happens, you can't control it, and that is probably why when it gets fucked up, it hurts more than you can describe.
    I agree with donkey boy really, in that I don't think we set out to fall in love. I just happens. He said it better than I can right now though. Words are just not flowing right now.
     
  16. nice_guy_here

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    From what I gathered from a paper I read this year, women find men more attractive depending on how "similar" their smell is to their own smell at a genetic level. Those on oral contraception prefer men that smelt like them, those not found men with a dis-similiar smell more attractive. This is though to be to do with mating with people you are not related to. So maybe there is a genetic element to falling for someone as well.
     
  17. sargon20

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    Read 'Why We Love: The Nature And Chemistry Of Romantic Love' by Helen Fisher

    Fisher argues that much of our romantic behavior is hard-wired in this provocative examination of love. Her case is bolstered by behavioral research into the effects of two crucial chemicals, norepinephrine and dopamine, and by surveys she conducted across broad populations. When we fall in love, she says, our brains create dramatic surges of energy that fuel such feelings as passion, obsessiveness, joy and jealousy. Fisher devotes a fascinating and substantial chapter to the appearance of romance and love among non-human animals, and composes careful theories about early humans in love. One of her many surprising conclusions suggests that, since "four-year birth intervals were the regular pattern of birth spacing during our long human prehistory," our modern brains still deal with relationships in serially monogamous terms of about four years. Indeed, Fisher gathered data from around the world showing that divorce was most prevalent in the fourth year of marriage, when a couple had a single dependent child. Fisher also reports on the behaviors that lead to successful lifelong partnerships and offers, based on what she's observed, numerous tips on staying in love. And though she's certain that chemicals are at love's heart, Fisher never loses her sense of the emotion's power or poetry.
     
  18. Kassokilleri2ff

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    Simple. To improve our chances of survival. If your parents didnt love you, they would easily abandon you, and of course humans would never have survived. Just one example of many.
     
  19. earllogjam

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    If we didn't fall in love how would could we put up with someone we couldn't stand?

    We would be a world without glue holding people together.
     
  20. aido

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    I'm working on a theory that love is actually caused by a retrovirus called LV, which is short for Limbi-Virus. The limbic system in the brain controls emotion and connects to the endocrine system to release hormones related to emotion, including the complex feelings caused when you're in love. Nervousness, butterflies in the stomach, higher temperature, irrationality are symptoms of a viral infection, as well as love. See LV is carried in pheromones; specifically targeted to an individual, which causes you, once infected, to be attracted to the person who infected you in the first place. A stronger emotion can cause the LV virus to be overwhelmed and driven out of your bloodstream, but the only guaranteed cure for LV sickness is to get infected by someone else and start the cycle all over again.

    [btw; this is mainly tongue-in-cheek but I am actually working on a theory of how higher brain functions can be controlled through virology]
     
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