Why do we feel the need to tell our best friends how we feel?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_ShiaLeTubeSteak, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. D_ShiaLeTubeSteak

    D_ShiaLeTubeSteak New Member

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    - when it's totally innapropriate?

    Like -
    I really like my mate at the moment - he's straight - nothing would ever happen - WHY do I have the urge to tell him how I feel?
    Not just me - but in general

    Is it selfish? Is it considerate?
    Discuss.
     
  2. Smartalk

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    Hi Bigdickjake,

    I think the "urge" as you aptly name it is bourn out an innate trust and sence of loyalty for someone you have come to know equally well. I would describe it as considerate in relation to your question.

    It is a way of showing how much you implicitly trust your friend for you to feel comfortable impart such personal and intimate detail.

    It is a very good question one that makes you stop and think.
     
  3. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    as above i agree it is about trust and feeling comfortable with them. we all need someone to talk to and bottling up feelings is not healthy.
     
  4. D_ShiaLeTubeSteak

    D_ShiaLeTubeSteak New Member

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    But speaking to the person to whom it concerns?
    Wouldn't ur ruine the friendship?
    Thanks for your replys ;)
     
  5. crazy_one53402

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    if he was reall your friend he would not judge you
     
  6. D_ShiaLeTubeSteak

    D_ShiaLeTubeSteak New Member

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    You reckon?
    ... I don't know how I'd tell him? He knows I'm bi ... But how do you say something like that?
     
  7. Principessa

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    I don't think it's selfish I think it's just you'd like it to be true. Before I read the post I thought maybe you had boundary issues but I don't think that's the case. I think the urge comes from a gut need to be honest.
     
  8. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Sounds familiar to me, it isn't wrong but somehow it can frighten them. But yeah, don't know what is good to do. In one way it is selfish, but in another way it is good to be honest, in the end that is the best I think and they will see that too. An important word here is: patience. :smile:

    Good luck man.
     
  9. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    that's what friends are for ...
     
  10. D_Whitcomb Whistlereed

    D_Whitcomb Whistlereed Account Disabled

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    I wouldn't do this unless you plan on potentially not having this friend at all later. I have fallen in love with three straight guys. The first two I told and our friendships did not last much longer. Not because they were homophobes, but because I obviously was not interested or content with just friendship anymore after telling them and it led to lots of awkwardness.

    The other friend I fell in love with, I did not ever tell. We are still great friends to this day and I kind of have feelings for him, but not so much now that I have a boyfriend I am in love with. I'm really glad I never told this friend because it would have made our friendship awkward. I understand when people say, "If they are real friends, they won't care," but seriously, knowing someone is in love with you - regardless of their gender - is going to affect how you treat them/they treat you. I'm 100% gay. If one of my best girl friends told me she was in love with me, I would definitely be okay with that, but I would definitely not treat her the same. If I had been touchy-feely before, I would be much more hesitant. I would try not to get too close so as not to lead her on. I would wish that she just hadn't told me, nice as it is to know someone is in love with you.

    Only way you tell a straight friend you are in love with them is if you are positive they are actually not straight and probably feel the same way as you. But in that case, you two probably would've hooked up by now anyway.

    I'm just speaking from experience...
     
  11. D_Whitcomb Whistlereed

    D_Whitcomb Whistlereed Account Disabled

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    However, if you mean like in a non-sexual way, I think it's totally appropriate to have a private moment with your friend and tell them how great you think they are. I've told both guy and girl friends how much they mean to me and home much I love them (platonically), and that always makes the friendship stronger.

    Adding sexual attraction into the equation can just make things awkward though.
     
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