Why do women feel its ok not to sleep with their husband/boyfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bigtool4u, Dec 15, 2010.

  1. bigtool4u

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    As the title of the thread suggests, why is it that women sometimes seem (outwardly lestways) unconcerned about a mans sexual satisfaction, and that them being tired or not feeling like it is an excuse?? (not feeling like it as in when one makes a concerted effort and still sex isnt initiated, not when a man, pulls the sex doll act. you know what I mean)
    Then they sometimes feel bad about their man being unfulfilled but still do not fulfill him. Please give me an insight ladies xx
     
  2. Fleur

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    I don't feel that way at all...I'm very concerned with my boyfriend's/husband's sexual satisfaction. Him being happy and satisfied is a reflection of how I am being as a girlfriend/wife. Then again, I'm not like most woman and have a high sex drive and think sex and intimacy is important.

    I think a lot of women (not any you'll find on this site) don't see sex as very important and have much lower sex drives.

    You also need to understand sex is not just something done to satisfy one partner. It's a mutual thing. A lot of people get together and simply don't have the same views as each other about sex nor have the same sex drives. This leads inevitably to one person being unsatisfied.
     
    #2 Fleur, Dec 15, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2010
  3. WSEATTLE

    WSEATTLE Well-Known Member

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    Everyone is different. My lady is very giving and its great.
     
  4. bigtool4u

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    Ya I just had a gf before, she would fuck me like every day, but I wanted it ALL the time. I just wanted her to desire me, to worship my cock, in the same way I worshipped her vagina, and it led me to hurt feelings, and feeling like she wasnt the one for me.
    My gf now, is perfect for me, first night we met, she sucked my cock, and kept telling me how beautiful it was/is.
    Nothing has changed, I have met someone really special for me, but I have had the shit, sorry incompatible gfs too with the low sex drive.
    I just do not understand why people dont want to have sex ALL the time.......
     
  5. D_Sheila Bootieshaker

    D_Sheila Bootieshaker Account Disabled

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    :wtf1:
    :dunno:
     
  6. Riven650

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    Seconded!
     
  7. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    I really fucking hate the title of this thread. Women constitute half the world's population it's impossible to make the kind of stupid generalisations about them inherent in the question in this OP.

    Besides women are not obliged to have sex whenever their male SOs want it, and men are not obliged to have sex whenever their female SOs want it. Sex is a consenting act in which no element of coercion or obligation should be present.
     
  8. D_Sheila Bootieshaker

    D_Sheila Bootieshaker Account Disabled

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  9. D_Rosalind Mussell

    D_Rosalind Mussell New Member

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    Seconded.
     
  10. ryan25yo

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    morals?
     
  11. Wrat

    Wrat New Member

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    The title of this thread makes very little sense. Why do children think its okay to lie? Why do men think its okay to pass on the right? Why do dogs think its okay to lick the countertops?

    Jeez!
     
  12. B_prettyswinggirl

    B_prettyswinggirl New Member

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    And a third closes this thread!
     
  13. Drifterwood

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    I don't think it's this simple, and in fairness, Hilly, you seem to have far more empathy for women than you do for str8 men.

    Perhaps the thread title is rather blunt, but this is an issue which is showing itself more and more. In my own age peer group, I never gave a second thought that my friends would be having sex issues until our late thirties. Then the divorces and break ups happened and all the dirty linen started coming out. The issue of male sexual dissatisfaction is now snowballing from my perspective.

    Yes, women have hormonal swings that men can't begin to comprehend.
    Yes, women seem to suffer more depression than men.
    Yes, some people find that they have lower sex drives after the bonding phase free for all.
    Yes
    Yes
    Yes

    But

    Male sexuality is not as simplistic as your mothers liked to tell you.

    When you stop making your man feel like the stud he was when you fell in love, it's the beginning of the end.

    Just saying.

    PS - yes, there are men with very low sex drives.
     
    #13 Drifterwood, Dec 16, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2010
  14. Cybearia

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    Im afraid I cant agree on this point. Sometimes sex is something done to satisfy one partner. Even if ones juices may not be flowing, but ones partners are, then in a caring, loving relationship I would see it as beholden on me to ensure my partner was satisfied.

    To with-hold (cant spell) sexual satisfaction to a partner who was feeling frisky is, to me, as cruel as with-holding (that word again!) a hug from a partner that was feeling sad. Relationships sometimes mean being selfless.
     
  15. LadyJaneGrey

    LadyJaneGrey New Member

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    You are over simplifying and I believe you know you are.

    A man's sexuality and how 'stud' he feels is a complex thing and cannot be put in such simple terms as a woman no longer making her man feel like a stud.

    I very much believe that people are responsible for their own sexiness and sexuality.

    If a woman is saying 'oh no poor me my husband does not make me cum' I would say to her it is not his responsibility to make you cum it is your responsibility to find your own orgasm and share with him how it works.

    Yes it is lovely if a husband tries new things and is trying to make sex good for his wife but the succeed or fail of her orgasm is ultimately down to the wife.

    If a man does not feel like a stud it is ultimately his own responsibility.

    Are you so sure that every man needs to feel like a stud in order to be happy in his relationship?

    I have a very good friend who in his younger days needed to sleep with many women to feel like a stud and that seemed important to him.

    His wife was not so happy as first but she came to accept that it was about him not about her nor even about the other women and that she did not need fidelity to be happy in her marriage.

    Had she not accepted that then by your argument the end of the marriage would have been all her fault for stopping him from feeling like the stud he was when they first met, yes?

    Maybe it is because more women are talking to me about their relationships than men are but I seem to know just as many women who are unfulfilled sexually as men.

    Women whose husbands will not have sex with them despite their best efforts at seduction and communication and even outright begging.

    Every relationship has its own complex issues and it is very rare that that does not effect a couple's intimacy.

    Awhile back I read a very good post by a poster called Bellydancer about why she went through periods of no sex with her husband I will try to find the link.

    She gave a very good explanation of why as a woman with a high sex drive she was unwilling to have sex with him.

    That was her individual relationship and she was not trying to say that all people are the same and I am not trying to say that either but I do think it is worth considering what she said.

    These women the OP complains about and the men who do the same each have their own particular issues and there is no blanket cure and also no blanket blame by which I mean you can not bring it all down to 'When you stop making your man feel like the stud he was when you fell in love, it's the beginning of the end.'

    Do you think that these men and women who prefer to live without sex should be the ones to do all the changing?

    Do you think the men and women who need sex but are married to the other type should do all the changing?

    I think one thing we do agree on Drifterwood is that if a person needs sex and the partner they want to share their life with does not there should be a conversation where the possibility of having sex with other people is discussed.

    If one partner wants celibate monogamy and the other can not live with that then there is a fundamental mismatch.
     
    #15 LadyJaneGrey, Dec 16, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2010
  16. Drifterwood

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    I have to go out, so I can't respond to all your points, but yes, I am simplifying, but then I don't have time to write a thesis, it remains the germ of what I observe.

    If you believe the last quoted sentence, then relationships are irrelevant, which of course may be true.
     
  17. LadyJaneGrey

    LadyJaneGrey New Member

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    Here it is http://www.lpsg.org/198719-what-is-it-with-women.html#post2941344

    While these men may think everything else in the relationship is good and that they are doing everything a man can do to make his wife happy it is very possible that there are other issues.

    Is it OK that the wife does not discuss these resentments if she is aware of them? No.

    Should she have sex when she does not want to? No.

    The solution is not in just shutting up and having sex the solution is in working out the other issue and that is very very complex and you need to know you have issues and what they are first.
     
  18. LadyJaneGrey

    LadyJaneGrey New Member

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    Relationships are not irrelevant but then I am a bit confused by you drawing that conclusion from my words as relationships are not sex and sex is not relationships even when you are defining relationships as the relationship of a sexually exclusive couple.

    I do believe what I said and I do not believe that it excludes another person being of great importance or even vital to a person's expression of sexuality.
     
  19. EmJay

    EmJay New Member

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    Right on the money this post..absolutely true..

    You start to resent the man for more and more things, but you are not able to express these feelings, or not correctly..so you distance yourself sexually..because you just don't feel attracted anymore..to HIM.

    When I endured a dry spell in my old rels i even disliked the way his fucking rithm was while having sex..It was like I could tell by the second when we would go slower, he would move that way or the other..I was bored. I wanted to say..fuck me differently..But i was affraid to hurt his feelings because he was so sensitive to criticism. Weird huh?..

    The things we do to protect ourselves and others..so we think.


    Glad I am over that shit..
     
  20. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    What are you talking about? Exactly where did I express empathy of any kind in fact? And where did I show partiality?

    You may be happy with crass over-simplifications which mischaracterise billions of persons, I am not.

    You may be happy with the notion that people should feel obligated or coerced into having sex with their partners, I happen to see that as one step away from rape.


    You can attempt to portray me as having some kind of grudge against straight men if you really want to, but I think that says far more about your own paranoia and reactionary and faintly dubious attitudes than it does about me.
     
    #20 D_Tim McGnaw, Dec 16, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2010
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