Why does no one love me?

[jeff black]

"Do you ever get that feeling? Like your world has become empty and alone, with no one to speak with? Friends disappearing, relationships faltering, no one to call your own."

I just had a friend ask me a question similar to this today and it got me thinking.

We live in a world of constant approval seeking. If we remove/lack friends, family, lovers, etc.... who validates that we are worthwhile? Who fills that empty void so that we can experience love? How do we beat that feeling of total abandonment?

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Lately friends leaving, don't know if I'm the reason...

 

[Principessa]

"Do you ever get that feeling? Like your world has become empty and alone, with no one to speak with? Friends disappearing, relationships faltering, no one to call your own."

I just had a friend ask me a question similar to this today and it got me thinking.

We live in a world of constant approval seeking. If we remove/lack friends, family, lovers, etc.... who validates that we are worthwhile? Who fills that empty void so that we can experience love? How do we beat that feeling of total abandonment?

Get a puppy. I don't mean that to sound smart alecky, I'm serious. Dogs are great for unconditional love. I'm thinking of getting one myself for just that reason.

 

[trentster]

I don't know. I've never felt like I was loved, so I guess when you find that right person everything will be filled.

 

[Industrialsize]

Get a puppy. I don't mean that to sound smart alecky, I'm serious. Dogs are great for unconditional love. I'm thinking of getting one myself for just that reason.

Even tho I'm gay, I prefer a nice sweet pussy to pet..............

 

[Golfbuddy]

It's the times we live in. Like Goethe said 200 years ago, everything is transitory. The world is so complex and difficult to figure out that developing lifelong, deep, meaningful relationships is next to impossible, at least in the Western cultures. My parent's generation grew up when living in a small, rural town was the norm. They have friends they've known for 80 years. Ever see some old WWII vets get together? They have a bond of love that my generation will never know. Today we may be richer, have more material goods, better medical care, nicer cars and all that, but the things that really matter in life are gone with the wind.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

I ignore it. If you repress the feelings enough, they will not bother you as much. Sometimes they come around, but it's temporary till you fight them off again.

I seek approval through lots of things on the internet, mainly this site. Not particularly love, but that guys get off to me.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

ive recently had the friends leaving thing but luckily my gf did help me through it and its all kinda cming together as the ones i do still have are getting better and u make new friends. i think the whole worthwhile thing comes from urself. if u think positively and logically u will see that u are loved in some form.

 

[D_Teasdale Tittithorne]

Get a puppy. I don't mean that to sound smart alecky, I'm serious. Dogs are great for unconditional love. I'm thinking of getting one myself for just that reason.

That's good advice. No one can love you like a pet can.

I don't know. I've never felt like I was loved, so I guess when you find that right person everything will be filled.

I disagree! We can't rely on other people to fulfill us, we have to rely on ourselves. What we should be doing is seeking out what makes us happy within ourselves (not that other people can give us). Once you love yourself and you're content with the life you're leading, the right person is just icing on the already scrumptious cake.

I ignore it. If you repress the feelings enough, they will not bother you as much. Sometimes they come around, but it's temporary till you fight them off again.

I seek approval through lots of things on the internet, mainly this site. Not particularly love, but that guys get off to me.

I don't think these kinds of feelings should be ignored, I think we should be working on them. Repression only works to an extent, until it all blows up and you're far worse off than you were when it all started.

I agree that it's fun to know that men get off on us, but to be using that as a means for validation? I don't know...

 

[jeff black]

Lately friends leaving, don't know if I'm the reason...

I know that when one is young, friends come and go. People grow and change in that case. It happened to me when I left for school, but you make new friends, and your true friends ever actually disappear.

Get a puppy. I don't mean that to sound smart alecky, I'm serious. Dogs are great for unconditional love. I'm thinking of getting one myself for just that reason.

She's actually got a puppy. I think she's just down in the dumps because a few of her closer friends are moving away, and there are two guys she was seeing casually both stopped talking to her. I can see that being really messed up.

I don't know. I've never felt like I was loved, so I guess when you find that right person everything will be filled.

I like your optimism, Trent.

Even tho I'm gay, I prefer a nice sweet pussy to pet..............

Typical man.

It's the times we live in. Like Goethe said 200 years ago, everything is transitory. The world is so complex and difficult to figure out that developing lifelong, deep, meaningful relationships is next to impossible, at least in the Western cultures. My parent's generation grew up when living in a small, rural town was the norm. They have friends they've known for 80 years. Ever see some old WWII vets get together? They have a bond of love that my generation will never know. Today we may be richer, have more material goods, better medical care, nicer cars and all that, but the things that really matter in life are gone with the wind.

And, I'd agree with that to an extent. I think the whole transition thing is a given. We all flux, change, grow, and become different people. I wouldn't say that our bonds are any less intense than they were 80 years ago. I just think it's harder to maintain close friendships with so much to do in this busy world of ours.

I ignore it. If you repress the feelings enough, they will not bother you as much. Sometimes they come around, but it's temporary till you fight them off again.

I seek approval through lots of things on the internet, mainly this site. Not particularly love, but that guys get off to me.

Is that healthy? I mean, didn't Lois Griffin get a tumour from repression?

 

[D_Teasdale Tittithorne]

We live in a world of constant approval seeking. If we remove/lack friends, family, lovers, etc.... who validates that we are worthwhile? Who fills that empty void so that we can experience love? How do we beat that feeling of total abandonment?

Bottom line: The validation should be coming from within. There should be no void if we're living life to it's fullest for ourselves and getting validation from our own accomplishments. I think we're ready for love when there is no void. How can we expect someone else to pick up all our pieces and put them together correctly if we can't do it four ourselves?

 

[nudeyorker]

Well very simply, to have a friend you have to be a friend. In terms of finding a lover who will fill all the voids, good luck with that. First you have to be the type of person you are looking for, once you fill the voids in your life yourself then emotionally you will be in a position to sustain a real relationship. You have to be able to validate your own life, thoughts and emotions.
In terms of beating the feeling of total abandonment; if you have parents call or visit them. Otherwise I would suggest doing some volunteer work once a week with people who have far more serious life issues than being lonely. You will be amazed how much you have to be thankful for.

 

[D_Teasdale Tittithorne]

Very well said, nudeyorker. That's the best advice there is.

 

[D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead]

Well very simply, to have a friend you have to be a friend. In terms of finding a lover who will fill all the voids, good luck with that. First you have to be the type of person you are looking for, once you fill the voids in your life yourself then emotionally you will be in a position to sustain a real relationship. You have to be able to validate your own life, thoughts and emotions.
In terms of beating the feeling of total abandonment; if you have parents call or visit them. Otherwise I would suggest doing some volunteer work once a week with people who have far more serious life issues than being lonely. You will be amazed how much you have to be thankful for.

I totally agree with nudeyorker. Great voice of wisdom there.

Look to meet some of your own needs before you expect someone else to fill your empty places. And start by giving some of yourself to others, instead of waiting to be filled up magically from outside!

 

[rob_just_rob]

I used to. As you get more comfortable with yourself, you lose the need for validation from other people to some extent, IMO.

Ironically, it's when you're comfortable with yourself that you tend to get validation from others.

 

[D_Tintagel_Demondong]

You are a very cool guy. Look at all you've accomplished in your life, and you're only 26! You have an awesome life ahead of you... don't stop fighting now!

I've had a few "friends" jump ship on me in the past few days. I feel your pain.

You don't need friends or family to be a valid person, but they certainly improve your happiness. You have family who loves you, and good friends. Remember this whenever you feel isolated or abandoned. I think that we need relationships to be healthy and have a full life. Ironically, you seem to be down because of a relationship. If there's anything that I can do to help, just call me up.

I hope this isn't buyer's remorse.

 

[Scrufuss]

Because you eat your boogers.

:ban:

 

[jeff black]

So, what I'm gathering from others is that a person can only be truly loved when he/she is loving themselves? That's not a bad concept. I think it's tricky to achieve though. Especially when you feel like people are leaving you. I didn't have much to give her in terms of advice, because i hadn't thought about it until I was asked... but the more you think about it..... well, golly gee.

 

[jeff black]

Because you eat your boogers.

:ban:

I'd NEVER eat boogers. That's disgusting. Personally, I thought it was because of my extreme flatulence.

 

[Scrufuss]

I'd NEVER eat boogers. That's disgusting. Personally, I thought it was because of my extreme flatulence.

You mean those wern't boogers coming out of your nose?