Why Don’t Women Date Or Accept Bi Men?

BINGME

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I’m obviously a male and for the last few years have only dated males. Any female Ive been attracted to never wants to date or can’t see them selves having sex with a guy whose been with another guy.
 
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Whether it's accurate or not, I wonder if bisexual people know what they want. I'd want to know that I definitely am what trips their trigger.

I recognize that it's possible to be attracted to someone for who they are on the inside and not for superficial reasons. I go for kind, confident, smart, funny men with genuine smiles.... and that has come in all kinds of packages. Tall, short, skinny, chonky... but all dudes. I think I might spin around inside my own brain if I had to question if a guy wanted me vs another dude. I deal with enough insecurity without adding that. And this really is one of those "it's not you, its me" things.

Hope this makes sense.
 

LaFemme

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I used to date bi men, but every last one of them felt they couldn’t be satisfied by having a relationship with just a woman. Cheating occurred. Forget that. No more bisexual men for me. If you can’t engage in monogamy, then I’m not interested. Don’t tell me one thing then do another.
 
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I used to date bi men, but every last one of them felt they couldn’t be satisfied by having a relationship with just a woman. Cheating occurred. Forget that. No more bisexual men for me. If you can’t engage in monogamy, then I’m not interested. Don’t tell me one thing then do another.

This. I don't only do monogamy, but if that's what we agreed to, you better by all that is sacred fucking hold to that agreement. Thus far I have been immensely disappointed with any bisexual AMAB men I have been involved with.

I do not think it's every bisexual man, but my personal experiences make me intensely wary. So does this site, seeing swarms of men justifying infidelity because it was with another man. Tons of them don't use safe sex practices either, which makes me even more leery. I'm not saying it's impossible that I would ever be involved with a bisexual man, but even if I weren't in a monogamous relationship of years, it would be pretty unlikely. That's just me, though.
 

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Whether it's accurate or not, I wonder if bisexual people know what they want. I'd want to know that I definitely am what trips their trigger.

I recognize that it's possible to be attracted to someone for who they are on the inside and not for superficial reasons. I go for kind, confident, smart, funny men with genuine smiles.... and that has come in all kinds of packages. Tall, short, skinny, chonky... but all dudes. I think I might spin around inside my own brain if I had to question if a guy wanted me vs another dude. I deal with enough insecurity without adding that. And this really is one of those "it's not you, its me" things.

Hope this makes sense.
I can remember back in college I went out with a group of friends clubbing, I was the designated driver. One specific time really blew my mind:
There was this guy who was bisexual, who was with us. I wasn’t really paying attention to everyone, but apparently this guy and my best friend where hitting on the same guy. I gave The guy a ride to his hotel, when he got out he kissed my best friend good night - then looked at the guy and said you coming?
There was a very sobering silence in the car....
it really was hysterical, my best friend was mortified.

Then I had a co worker who’s wife left him for a woman. It took him a long time to accept this.

Those two experiences are enough for me to
Tread very lightly in the bisexual realm
 
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918177

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He wants what he wants.
Being with me, a woman, doesn't automatically shut down desire for men.
I think repressing desire leads to resentment which can manifest it's self as passive aggression and or risky behavior on the sly.

I won't set myself up for that.
 

BINGME

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(To answer everyone I guess lol) what if he’s honest it about though? What if let’s you know “yea, I like guys and I like women but I’m with you.” I can definitely understand you saying you don’t trust men (let’s face it regardless of sexuality men lie) which brings me to my next point.

I don’t want to lie about my sexuality but I really miss being with a woman .. it’s hard to find someone who will believe me when I say if I’m with them then I’m with them! That’s goes for guys and women. Gay men even most of the time have a issue with me being bi..
 
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I'm pansexual. A whole lot of lesbians want nothing to do with me. Shitty, but it's their loss. I would disclose early on, and if it's a deal breaker, well, you probably didn't want to be with them anyway.

If as a hypothetical I was single and an AMAB man disclosed that he was bisexual, it wouldn't be an immediate "no" but it would definitely be a "proceed with extreme caution". I've been cheated on by a man who claimed he had no interest in men. A man who as is my general behavior pattern, I checked in with regularly to see if the current relationship parameters were working for him. He chose to cheat on me. He chose to not use safe sex practices. He chose to expose me to risk, because we were fluid bonded.

I tend to read threads in the other Ask a blank sections, because sometimes they're interesting. I generally don't read Ask a Bisexual Man because so many of the threads reinforce negative opinions I have about bisexual men. If you're so inclined, go take a peek. See how many are men trying to get others to give the okay/give approval for infidelity. Go see how many are men talking about cheating being okay, since it's with another man.

I know, not all men, not all bisexual men, etc. Between this site and my personal experiences, though? Not an immediate deal breaker, but I'm pretty reluctant. If the person doesn't disclose their orientation early on, it's likely to make me distrust them and then become a deal breaker because of that. I am open as heck about myself. I'm fortunate (and appreciative) of living somewhere that being LGBTQ+ isn't likely to make anyone react violently. I know it isn't the same for everyone. I'm out to my family. I respect and acknowledge that not everyone is able to be out of the closet. Having said that, it's my personal choice to not want to be involved with anyone who IS in the closet.

I'm a blunt, brutally honest person. Also, my memory can be spotty as fuck. It's so much easier and fits my code of ethics to just be truthful about shit. If someone hid their sexuality from me, as generally accepting as I am? Deal breaker. Being bisexual or pansexual, proceed with caution but not a deal breaker
 

EllieP

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To my knowledge I have never dated a bisexual man. I can honestly say that I've never dated a bisexual woman.

My dating days are hopefully over.

The quote attributed to me once was that I was "pathologically monogamous" because I wouldn't consider an affair.

I'm loyal, and I demand loyalty from a partner with whom I've exchanged vows. Been there done that with a partner who considered vows more of a suggestion.

To me there's no difference expressing a desire for a sexual relationship with another woman or a man. As I've said before, if my partner wishes to have sex with another person I will not stand in his way. And I will continue to stand out of his way as he exits the premises permanently.
 
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(To answer everyone I guess lol) what if he’s honest it about though? What if let’s you know “yea, I like guys and I like women but I’m with you.” I can definitely understand you saying you don’t trust men (let’s face it regardless of sexuality men lie) which brings me to my next point.

I don’t want to lie about my sexuality but I really miss being with a woman .. it’s hard to find someone who will believe me when I say if I’m with them then I’m with them! That’s goes for guys and women. Gay men even most of the time have a issue with me being bi..

If my guy came out and told me this second that he's bi I'd be like, "ok, you making breakfast tomorrow?"
 

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And I have a question for you: What does it say about your ability to understand the emotions of others that you make assumptions in absolutes that women never accepting bi men? Can you actually quantify that hypothesis, or is it an unfounded one that indicates poor critical thinking skills and lack of perspective?

Question 2: Why do you use the term "female" to describe women? Are you aware that terms like that are emotionally interpreted by us as casually sexist because of how oddly distant and clinical it makes you sound regarding your feelings about women (do you call your family members and close friends female? Would you say about your wife, "she's a great female?" Or does that maybe sound more like something you'd hear in David Attenborough's narration of a BBC nature documentary?")?

Ultimately, you're exhibiting several tells in your two posts ITT alone that indicate sexist attitudes. I recommend doing more reflecting, possibly seeking therapy to figure out why you might be struggling with getting dates. Unless you live in a mostly conservative and backwards area, it's unlikely that it has as much to do with your sexuality as it does some potential attitudes you have that we're seeing some glimpses of in this thread.
 

Brianne_24

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BTW, if I'm reading too much into your posts and your second post was in good faith (first one was really was dumb though), here's an honest answer:

There's a perception that lots of bi men are actually gay on the low and secretly prefer men but want to date women to seem more "normal". This kind of thing happens more often than you might think and causes some understandable trepidation.

I do think sometimes it seems a bit...phobic to just swear off ever dating bi men, considering there are genuine bi men out there who have none of these issues and for that perception to be mainstreamed is kinda fucked up because it harms them. However the first thing is still a social phenomenon that happens and it can't be ignored either.

This is why I advocate talking to a legit therapist or sex therapist before dating: You need to know yourself and address any shortsightedness, confusion, etc before dating because simply put it's better for everyone in the big picture. Know yourself before trying to get to know a partner in a serious relationship. Otherwise it can potentially lead to negative experiences, even trauma for you and them. Getting any hang-ups or whatever issues you have worked out in therapy before putting yourself out there, or taking a break from dating to do that, is crucial imo.