Why Handsome Men Make Bad Husbands

Tight_N_Juicy

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Why not do the approaching yourself. Probably make life easier for everyone.

Societal norms make it difficult in both directions sometimes... The same way some women aren't comfortable doing the asking, some guys aren't comfortable being asked.

I don't want to generalize on either part, or speak for @rtg personally, this is not meant to be an answer on her behalf. I just saw that post and had a thought to share.
 

rtg

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Why not do the approaching yourself. Probably make life easier for everyone.
@Tight_N_Juicy hit the nail on the head. Also, most of the time when I see a cute guy he is with friends and when I have initiated conversation in the past I feel as though they don’t want to be speaking to a woman with their mate there. They seem to moreso be caught up in all the testosterone and don’t want to shift their attention to a woman.

Also, it’s never easy to know when a man is single not. Not all wear weddings rings and of course they don’t wear engagement rings.

And I’m just shy in general and hate (and am not good at) small talk. It’s easier for me to speak to someone if they start talking first.
 

spaj8987

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When instead hot women have a difficult time finding quality men--the assholes and ignoramuses are all over them, but the polite/shy guys are so convinced they won't have a chance that they don't even approach.

Or so I've heard.

NCbear (who wishes sometimes that dating were done in situations in which people's true personalities were obliged to come forth and reveal themselves)

There's a lot of truth in that. Personally i kind of stopped even trying to approach women because after a particularly bad breakup i did some soul searching and fell on why those relationships didn't and couldn't work. Those weren't like expendable expected values though. The reasons were and are concrete for most women. So why even try when you know for sure the same rules will apply?

At this point it's much better to look for friendships instead of a relationship. Which isn't all that bad on my part. Though that does leave a certain large number of assholes and ignoramuses to do what they do. And if i'm not alone in that thinking then that would leave even more room for the assholes and ignoramuses.

Also, that study or the interpretation of those studies doesn't account for men losing their good appearances. And not being able to pull in as many mates with age.
 
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I know I definitely don't consider myself handsome. And some people who are handsome may not realize they are.

After some thought, I think the article should perhaps be rephrased as "Why Conceited People Make Bad Spouses". Because the general school of thought behind that article is that men who believe themselves to be hot shit won't stay faithful.

At least, that's what I'm gathering from it.
 

TheExcalibur

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It depends on the guy, but if I were to make a guess: It is probably because they're attractive. Almost every guy wants to be able to get beautiful women (or men, or men & women) whenever they want.

For some, they can actually get their wish.
 

ItsAll4Kim

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The title had to be chosen as a draw. No serious author would open with such a wild broad brush stereotype. Would he?

I see nothing resembling even a clue to his supposed data. I'd love to know how whatever "study" is his source decided who is considered "handsome", and how that completely subjective factor was determined. Attraction is infinitely variable, changes by person constantly, and takes into account far more than the face.

The author's assumption that "ugly" guys have to play the "dad" angle because they have no shot at getting a bunch of short-term sex is beyond stupid. And he dovetailed it with the equally dumb notion that "handsome" guys just want to hook up. Way to go, dumbass...

If this blog had been "why gals with huge knockers make bad wives", we wouldn't be having this chat, because it would've been immediately rejected for its obvious idiocy. So why is this being given any credence? It's assumptions and premise are at least as ludicrous.
 

Sagittarius84

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I don't think its as ludicrous as you're making it out to be, if that were the case to discuss anything objective would be similarly ludicrous because theres always exceptions to what rule is established..
The credence here is that for the vast majority of straight men, sexual fulfilment exists only when they actively and somewhat aggressively pursue non obvious or non pursuant opportunities. But once a certain slider is maxed out in our lives, that opportunism can be practised in a much more passive manner, because said opportunites tend to much more aggressively make themselves known, if not initiating themselves.
This is an issue in same way as a child born rich, or someone bred into royalty, or any type of advantage that bumps one to the front of the opportunity line; not that they're incapable of developing a personality that pertains to healthy relationships, but rather life doesn't force them to, as say it would a less than handsome man, or a short man or any other man whose appearance, status, or personality doesn't immediately register as attractive to the women they come across...Male comedians are well known for this phenomenon, as in a lot of them aren't exactly easy on the eyes, and so they had to learn to appeal to other aspects of women's taste in order to get an opportunity with them...hence why many male comedians are either married or in relationships with women that wouldn't normally look their way twice, or are just banging conventially hot women left and right. The Notorious B.I.G literally has done entire verses and specific bars in raps highlighting how he had to learn to romance and swoon women with his words and experiences to get them attracted to him, self described as, "Black and ugly as ever, however, I stay/Gucci down to the socks"

It's not that "hot" men make bad husbands as just a blanket statement, no more than the adage about rich people and heaven compared to a camel through the eye of a needle, its that boys and men brought up in a manner where they are constantly positively reinforced by women's attraction and sexual interest independently of how they actually interact or treat these women, are probably not going to make the best partners later on.
 
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1345864

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I don't think its as ludicrous as you're making it out to be, if that were the case to discuss anything objective would be similarly ludicrous because theres always exceptions to what rule is established..
The credence here is that for the vast majority of straight men, sexual fulfilment exists only when they actively and somewhat aggressively pursue non obvious or non pursuant opportunities. But once a certain slider is maxed out in our lives, that opportunism can be practised in a much more passive manner, because said opportunites tend to much more aggressively make themselves known, if not initiating themselves.
This is an issue in same way as a child born rich, or someone bred into royalty, or any type of advantage that bumps one to the front of the opportunity line; not that they're incapable of developing a personality that pertains to healthy relationships, but rather life doesn't force them to, as say it would a less than handsome man, or a short man or any other man whose appearance, status, or personality doesn't immediately register as attractive to the women they come across...Male comedians are well known for this phenomenon, as in a lot of them aren't exactly easy on the eyes, and so they had to learn to appeal to other aspects of women's taste in order to get an opportunity with them...hence why many male comedians are either married or in relationships with women that wouldn't normally look their way twice, or are just banging conventially hot women left and right. The Notorious B.I.G literally has done entire verses and specific bars in raps highlighting how he had to learn to romance and swoon women with his words and experiences to get them attracted to him, self described as, "Black and ugly as ever, however, I stay/Gucci down to the socks"

It's not that "hot" men make bad husbands as just a blanket statement, no more than the adage about rich people and heaven compared to a camel through the eye of a needle, its that boys and men brought up in a manner where they are constantly positively reinforced by women's attraction and sexual interest independently of how they actually interact or treat these women, are probably not going to make the best partners later on.
I agree with @ItsAll4Kim 's assertion that the article is ridiculous and paints with too broad a brush, but you raise a very salient point.

It would seem the theme is privilege. For very similar reasons that rich people look down on and treat those of lesser wealth like shit, when one has never had to struggle and do without, they lack humility.

When one has had their ego stroked and been fawned over, they learn they don't have to work for others' attention. It becomes trivial to them. So many of them learn to be cavalier in their relationships.

Again, this isn't necessarily true about ALL handsome people, but it is with some.
 
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ItsAll4Kim

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I don't think its as ludicrous as you're making it out to be, if that were the case to discuss anything objective would be similarly ludicrous because theres always exceptions to what rule is established..
The credence here is that for the vast majority of straight men, sexual fulfilment exists only when they actively and somewhat aggressively pursue non obvious or non pursuant opportunities. But once a certain slider is maxed out in our lives, that opportunism can be practised in a much more passive manner, because said opportunites tend to much more aggressively make themselves known, if not initiating themselves.
This is an issue in same way as a child born rich, or someone bred into royalty, or any type of advantage that bumps one to the front of the opportunity line; not that they're incapable of developing a personality that pertains to healthy relationships, but rather life doesn't force them to, as say it would a less than handsome man, or a short man or any other man whose appearance, status, or personality doesn't immediately register as attractive to the women they come across...Male comedians are well known for this phenomenon, as in a lot of them aren't exactly easy on the eyes, and so they had to learn to appeal to other aspects of women's taste in order to get an opportunity with them...hence why many male comedians are either married or in relationships with women that wouldn't normally look their way twice, or are just banging conventially hot women left and right. The Notorious B.I.G literally has done entire verses and specific bars in raps highlighting how he had to learn to romance and swoon women with his words and experiences to get them attracted to him, self described as, "Black and ugly as ever, however, I stay/Gucci down to the socks"

It's not that "hot" men make bad husbands as just a blanket statement, no more than the adage about rich people and heaven compared to a camel through the eye of a needle, its that boys and men brought up in a manner where they are constantly positively reinforced by women's attraction and sexual interest independently of how they actually interact or treat these women, are probably not going to make the best partners later on.

Was it unclear where my issue was with this article? You've made several examples, and included conditional phrases, such as "many", "a lot of", etc. The article did none of this. The title stated an absolute. The article attempted to defend it. It sorely lacked any figures, a source for its data, or anything else that told me real work went into it. It's a stereotype.
 
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ItsAll4Kim

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I agree with @ItsAll4Kim 's assertion that the article is ridiculous and paints with too broad a brush, but you raise a very salient point.

It would seem the theme is privilege. For very similar reasons that rich people look down on and treat those of lesser wealth like shit, when one has never had to struggle and do without, they lack humility.

When one has had their ego stroked and been fawned over, they learn they don't have to work for others' attention. It becomes trivial to them. So many of them learn to be cavalier in their relationships.

Again, this isn't necessarily true about ALL handsome people, but it is with some.

Exactly. Some. Some is not all.

Blondes are dumb.
Italians are greasy.
Whites can't jump.
Asians are smart.
Blacks have rhythm.
Handsome men make bad husbands.

If an article is to be taken seriously, the people it discusses should be defined clearly, the observed facts presented accurately, the judgment for criteria spelled out. Otherwise we get what we have here.
 
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Taya

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Since the expert opinion of the article author carries so much weight with me, I just texted my husband and told him that he is either handsome or a good husband, but can't be both. He tried to object but I sushed him.
I must have been drunk all these years.
Googling the nearest AA meeting now.
 

halcyondays

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The article makes generalizations based, I hope, on population studies. Handsome men on average. No LPSG member in this forum ever makes generalizations do they? :laughing:
 
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Lance V

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Sorry to dredge up a petrified post, but I'm not an objective judge of if I'm handsome or not. But I do know that I make a bad husband. I've tried. Twice. I could make excuses to blame my partners, but I'll share 51% of the problem.

I have a roving eye, but when I was married I was always 100% faithful. Opportunities have always presented themselves. I always figured I had too much to lose. Spouse #2 did not share my philosophy. So back on the streets.

I've never had an issue approaching a woman, but I have been cautious so that it doesn't look like I'm on the prowl. Most of the women I meet are mainly through social interaction, and that's as far as I wish to take it most of the time. I don't have an end zone in sight. But should our interaction evolve into a sports activity then I adapt.

I was raised by a gentleman who taught me how to be a gentleman. So, I think I could edit that article to say that true gentlemen are presented with more opportunities than the more crass of our gender. Whether those gentlemen are handsome or not becomes immaterial in the presence of ladies.
 

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The article's thesis is expressed in the first paragraph: ". . . couples in which the woman is more attractive than the man are more successful and happier than couples in which the man is more attractive than the woman."

That may be true. But it doesn't address what happens when the two are equally attractive. I'm very good-looking, well-built, and confident. I've normally had no problem attracting and nailing really attractive women. My first wife and I both became equally promiscuous in the latter half of our marriage. I lived with a girl for two years. I fell for her right away, even though she wasn't typically beautiful. More in the tomboy mold. To paraphrase Ava Gardner when Frank Sinatra, her former husband, married Mia Farrow, "I always knew Frank would end up with a boy!" We were both completely monogamous, even after I met my current wife. However, to paraphrase the late Princess Diana, after awhile she became aware that things were getting rather crowded with three of us in the relationship. She sensed, maybe long before I did, that I was in love with someone else. We split amicably and she's now happily settled down with a disturbingly average-looking guy. My current wife is gorgeous. She's my best friend and the love of my life. She claims to be equally head-over-heels with me. I can't ever foresee us splitting up. If we ever do, it will be her doing the leaving.

But maybe in my case there's a wild card in the deck. Despite my looks and all, I'm hung like a chipmunk. Maybe that alters the equation enough to make me actually less attractive when things are weighed up completely.
 
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ItalTony9

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The article's thesis is expressed in the first paragraph: ". . . couples in which the woman is more attractive than the man are more successful and happier than couples in which the man is more attractive than the woman."

That may be true. But it doesn't address what happens when the two are equally attractive. I'm very good-looking, well-built, and confident. I've normally had no problem attracting and nailing really attractive women. My first wife and I both became equally promiscuous in the latter half of our marriage. I lived with a girl for two years. I fell for her right away, even though she wasn't typically beautiful. More in the tomboy mold. To paraphrase Ava Gardner when Frank Sinatra, her former husband, married Mia Farrow, "I always knew Frank would end up with a boy!" We were both completely monogamous, even after I met my current wife. However, to paraphrase the late Princess Diana, after awhile she became aware that things were getting rather crowded with three of us in the relationship. She sensed, maybe long before I did, that I was in love with someone else. We split amicably and she's now happily settled down with a disturbingly average-looking guy. My current wife is gorgeous. She's my best friend and the love of my life. She claims to be equally head-over-heels with me. I can't ever foresee us splitting up. If we ever do, it will be her doing the leaving.

But maybe in my case there's a wild card in the deck. Despite my looks and all, I'm hung like a chipmunk. Maybe that alters the equation enough to make me actually less attractive when things are weighed up completely.

there are many guesses here as to what works and wgst doesn’t, but no real insight into the problem or rather, the reason why your marriage is lasting.
Perhaps deeper qualities like how you make each other feel trumps attractiveness including the chipmunk endowment. That said, you may turn each other on for physical and emotional reasons that transcend the typical superficial attractiveness attributes.
 
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