Why I Am I Alone?

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

Seriously> I@m pissed but why else. I think I deserve someone!

 

[D_golden parachute]

Drunken threads are always the funniest

 

[Ethyl]

Seriously> I@m pissed but why else. I think I deserve someone!

Who do you want?

 

[ManlyBanisters]

SLB - If you are pissed may I respectfully suggest you step away from the keyboard, get a big glass of water and have a bit of a lie down.

Anyway, you're only temporarily alone til the next one comes along... think of it that way.

 

[2322]

Maybe your screen name says more about your self-image than you think?

I'm not throwing stones, I'm alone too. If you really want to explore this then get ready. It's a bitch. Do it when you're sober.

 

[ukmale]

Seriously> I@m pissed but why else. I think I deserve someone!

seems to me you spend a lot of your time on here...looking at your posts.. i wonder if you have also changed your i.d on here too and been a member a very long time. I went away for a while from here maybe u need to.....just a thought u seem almost addicted to this place...I could be wrong, just my thoughts..hope i dont offend u?

 

[viking1]

Everybody deserves someone. I too, am alone. Always have been. I never have had anyone, and probably never will. At my age I accept that.

At your age, I wouldn't accept it. Particularly, if I was as nice, intelligent, good looking, and hung as you are. Someone will come along, and it will all work out for you.:smile:

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

So why do you accept it then Viking when you clearly have a lot to offer, you're not bad looking at all, you're clearly intelligent, the only thing stopping you from meeting someone is you.

 

[ukmale]

So why do you accept it then Viking when you clearly have a lot to offer, you're not bad looking at all, you're clearly intelligent, the only thing stopping you from meeting someone is you.

AGREED

 

[Dave NoCal]

What she said!
Viking, I'll say this out of concern:

Your negative view of yourself is a pathogenic belief, a belief that makes you miserable.

The reality of the idea is in your head. Most guys are not hung underwear model material. AND, it's my belief that a large number of women don't care about that anyway. You are smart, kind, steadfast, helpful, and attractive in a regular guy sort of way. You have what it takes.

If you actually want your situation to change, you need to do something to change it. Your life is unknown to me but I suspect you have, or could have, many opportunities to get to know people in person.

Possibilities include;
Take a class
Get involved in some kind of community service
Get involved in local politics
Begin attending some sort of social spiritual practice (There's something for everyone in that area)
Join a gym
Limit your online time
Ask yourself daily "What possibility did I fail to recognise and act upon, today?"

If you keep denouncing yourself, I'm going to have to smack you around, And I don't think gay B&D is your thing!

 

[WildHoney]

DaveNoCal _ Thanks for saying that to Viking, I have wanted to do so for ages but my posts are never quite so eloquent.

xx

Honey

 

[jeff black]

In terms of scared..... he tends to get like this when he get's drunk.

Buddy, lay off the booze, it makes you feel worse. You are young and there will be someone. You just have to wait.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Why are you alone? That's easy. Because you aren't ready to be with someone. I believe very strongly in fate, and that things happen the way they are supposed to. I go out and meet people, but if nothing comes of it, I don't fret. It'll happen when it's supposed to. :smile:

 

[Principessa]

Why are you alone? That's easy. Because you aren't ready to be with someone. Pffft! I believe very strongly in fate, and that things happen the way they are supposed to. I go out and meet people, but if nothing comes of it, I don't fret. It'll happen when it's supposed to. :smile:

Pffft! I used to have the same happy go lucky attitude, at your age, but it's 16 years later and quite frankly I am beginning to feel cursed. I feel fated to be alone and sometimes lonely.

Dave NoCal has offered excellent ideas to change my fate and that of many others. I have bolded the ones which I have consistently tried and even added some which he did not include.

Take a class
Get involved in some kind of community service
Get involved in local politics
Begin attending some sort of social spiritual practice (There's something for everyone in that area)
Join a gym - I hate gyms! I am not at my best physically or mentally in a gym.
Limit your online time
Ask yourself daily "What possibility did I fail to recognise and act upon, today?"
Tell your friends, family, congregation, and co-workers you would like to meet people or just date more.
Accept any and all blind dates. You never know you may just meet a friend. I didn't, :tongue: but you might. :smile:
Change careers - Yes, shy me really did that! I wasn't meeting anyone working in a 4 woman non-profit arts office. I did what my mom calls "stepping out on faith." I took a job, 5 hours away, in another state, where I would get to travel the country and meet new people every day.

 

[Dave NoCal]

It's hard to be alone when it's not what we want. We have all been there. To those of you worrying about your age and time passing you by (which I did, believe me), the "right" relationship did not happen until I was 48 (well beyond the "Best used by" date for gay men. We are now going on nine years. To me, it was hard to find the right balance between seeking and not seeking.
Dave

 

[naughty]

SLB,

I once had a male classmate come to me in college and ask me why no one wanted to date him. It took me aback for a second but this is what I said. I told him that he was brilliant , handsome and had so much to offer but he was tooo open. People are afraid when you bare your soul to them too quickly. It seems to hold true. Most of us want to think we are winning a prize, getting the best bargain for what we have to offer. Whether it is true or not, showing big gaping emotional wounds and looking like a SCARED LITTLE BOY can often 1) attract other lost souls to you ( you have already experienced that) 2) attract people who will take advantage of you confusion 3)Drive away the quality person you so want to meet. I know it is hard to wait, but dont take this in between time as a confimation of your ultimate unloveability. You are all we tell you that you are, but you have to come to the point where you really believe it. Set a life's plan for yourself and stick with that. WHen someone sees that you are about your business they will be drawn to your direction. Try it.....
This is from an old lady who cares.:biggrin1:

 

[Divine1]

Be happy with who you are 1st....then identify what you want in a partner 2nd....then go out and find that person 3rd and finally enjoy the love and passion!

 

[MovingForward]

You are alone cause you are straight, now if you wanted to convert.......

 

[Meniscus]

When SLB said he was pissed, I'm not sure he meant that he was drunk. His profile doesn't say where he lives, but in the U.S. "pissed" means angry.

Dave NoCal's advice is good, as usual. I came up with a similar list of ideas several years ago, not just to meet someone but to improve my life more generally, but I have yet to get off my ass and do any of them.

There are lots of reasons why a good-looking, intelligent person could be alone. I don't know if any of these apply to SLB, but here are a few that I've observed in others:

• Are you shy and quiet? If so, people won't know how to talk to you or relate to you.
• Are you well-spoken? You need to be able to express yourself clearly and confidently.
• Are you attentive and a good-listener, or do you treat other people as an audience and expect them to listen to your ideas and opinions?
• When someone disagrees with you, do you really listen to what they have to say, or are you mentally composing a counter-argument while they are talking? Are you willing and able to change your opinion, or are you argumentative and confrontational? Do you cut other people off?
• Do you perceive women as equals? Do you want a woman as a partner to share your life with, someone with her own friends, career, goals, ambitions, etc., or do you want a woman to be an accessory, someone to serve you and entertain you, and to get out of the way and leave you alone when she's not wanted?
• Do you have good personal habits, including grooming and hygiene? A few years ago I went on a date with a gorgeous, intelligent man who had terrible body odor. (If there had been more of a connection I would have found a way to tell him as gently as possible, but as it was we didn't have much in common, so I didn't say anything.)
• Do you complain a lot? About work, your family, how lonely you are, etc. All of these things are a turn-off. When meeting someone or going on a date, keep the conversation positive and talk about things you like and enjoy, not about the things that frustrate you and make you unhappy.

I don't think it's still on the air, but there was a show on VH1 called "Can't Get a Date" which featured perfectly normal people who were making lots of mistakes in the way they related to other people. You probably won't have the opportunity to get help from the TV show (and you're probably better off not having your difficulties broadcast on TV), but consider the possibility that you're either doing stuff that turns people off and/or you're not doing anything that would catch their interest.

Of course, it won't be easy to figure out what your mistakes are and what to do about them.

Do you have a sister, or a close female cousin or friend? If so, and if you've got the guts to ask her, she may have some good insights into what you're doing wrong. For example, my sister told me I was too selfish, and she was right.

 

[Meniscus]

SLB,

I once had a male classmate come to me in college and ask me why no one wanted to date him. It took me aback for a second but this is what I said. I told him that he was brilliant , handsome and had so much to offer but he was tooo open. People are afraid when you bare your soul to them too quickly...

Yes, this is another common mistake. This is also a good example of what I was saying about asking a sister or close female friend for her advice.