Why is he so damn clingy after the first date?!

PhillyPrick

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I went to an gay meetup.com group at a fall festival. There was a guy there that was pretty hot and he was like extremely into me. We talked a lot and made out a little. I would have gone to bed with him that night but he already had plans. We decided to go on a date with each other. Anyway he texted me a lot and we talked on the phone a couple of times before the first date. I seemed way too formal for me but I just went a long with it. Then we went on the date the other night which went well. I asked him what he was looking for. He said he didn't want anything serious but thought we were very compatible. I told him I was alright with that. It got late we both took public transportation and had work in the morning so we just ended it.

The problem is he keeps texting me all day everyday and wants to talk on the phone or video chat or tell me how bad or good his day is or what we should do on our next "date". It's annoying and I don't understand whats going on. Why can't we just text like once per day or something or just make plans for the next time we meet? I would even be fine with a 24 hour period of no contact. I'm not going to lie, part of me feels like I'm super important to have someone text me so much but the honest truth is that it's annoying and doesn't make much sense. If he want's casual this isn't it. This isn't even "getting to know you"!

Does anyone know why this guy is so damn clingy?!
 

cedarizzo

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I don't know why he is so clingy, there could be numerous reasons. But I think him sending texts everyday and his wanting to talk to you on the phone all the time is huge turn-off. To me is seems like he is very lonely. Some people have horrible social skills (like myself) and he is trying very hard to overcome them. He might not be aware that he has gone overboard. If you like the guy, give him a chance. Maybe next time you talk to him, tell him when you think you would like to hear back from him. Maybe tell him it would be nice to hear back from him in 3 or 4 days. Maybe he will take the hint. Maybe he won't.
 
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deleted1048037

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There are a number of reasons why people can be clingy.

1.) They might have had bad experiences with people in the past. If they have had people treat them badly or they have been overly criticized then that causes them to cry out for attention from people they like because they want to feel better about themselves.

2.) They might be suffering from boredom. Not having a job to go to, or not having a family or friends might cause people to beg for attention from someone because loneliness is too difficult to deal with.

3.) Fear of losing the one you like. When people meet for the first time and hit it off, there is the awkward phase where you both don't really know what they other is thinking and what they want from you. This mystery and confusion can cause people to try too hard to cover all bases in a relationship to keep the other person interested.

4.) There is a risk that the person you like might find someone else who is their type. This thought can drive people a bit nuts. The idea of losing someone you really like to someone else causes jealousy which then causes the constant check ups to make sure that you are not forgotten in the person you likes mind.

5.) Fear of embarrassment. Whether you've had an in depth conversation too early, or you've given to much away about yourself or you've had sex that you've enjoyed but the other person didn't causes people to worry about being embarrassed. They then try to keep in touch with you so you stay on their good side so you won't discuss them in a bad way to anyone else, which you shouldn't do anyway but people can be horrible enough to do that.

6.) They could be a hopeless romantic. Some people meet someone for the first time and then they become convinced that that's the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Just because you have some things in common does not mean you see things the same way and so you shouldn't assume and make decisions for the other person.

7.) They could have a mental condition you know nothing about. The dangerous thing about engaging into intimate relationships too fast is that you don't really know the person well enough to know how to deal with them when you've triggered a mental problem that they have without even realizing this. Watch the film "Fatal Attraction" and you'll understand what I mean. ;)

8.) They see you as an escape. Some people are tied down with family, obligations or responsibilities and this person might want to get into a relationship quickly to then leave everything they're tired of to start a new life and in this case, you are being used.

9.) Some people demand mutual interest. If someone doesn't feel they are getting enough attention from you, then they will demand it in simple ways. They will be friendly, but they will constantly contact you to remind you that they're still there and they would like you to invest into the conversation or relationship a little bit more.

10.) They are sexually frustrated. If someone see's you as "easy meat" they will beg for you to feed their hunger. Someone who isn't getting any and really wants it can sometimes try anything to get some action.

Be careful with this mate. It sounds like you've gotten into something that needs to be handled delicately. Don't aggravate the situation but merely remind them that you need some space. If you start ignoring them or you start giving one word answers, this will make it worse. If you give them full answers and even over compensate then the chances are they will start losing interest and you'll be the clingy one. Try and balance this situation if you can.

Good luck! ;)
 
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I guess he was really into you and thought you were into him?
 

OKCLane

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You’ve been given good advice and sounds like you took a step that fits your relationship style.
I’ve told my family and friends, if you really need me during the day you can text but don’t expect a response. If it’s truly an emergency then call. Otherwise look for a response after work.
 
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1222288

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The problem is he keeps texting me all day everyday and wants to talk on the phone or video chat or tell me how bad or good his day is or what we should do on our next "date". It's annoying and I don't understand whats going on. Why can't we just text like once per day or something or just make plans for the next time we meet? I would even be fine with a 24 hour period of no contact. I'm not going to lie, part of me feels like I'm super important to have someone text me so much but the honest truth is that it's annoying and doesn't make much sense. If he want's casual this isn't it. This isn't even "getting to know you"!

Does anyone know why this guy is so damn clingy?!
I highlighted that part because I think it's important. You just met him, and have only been on one date. And, you are already annoyed and confused by his behavior, so much so you are seeking online help.

Dump him.

There isn't any commitment there. You don't even have to give a lengthy reason. One date is not a relationship.

As to why he is so clingy and insecure? Who knows. 3rd party diagnosis doesn't work, and we'd have to chat with him directly to get any insight. Regardless. It's not your problem. You aren't his therapist.

If he is showing this type of annoying behavior after only a couple of hours of meeting him, imagine what it will be like in a month, or a year. Imagine living with him.

Yeah.
 
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