Why is it so hard to come out of the closet?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by andii, Dec 20, 2006.

  1. andii

    andii Member

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    Don't you wish it was much easier?
    like, society has basically labled gays and bi's 'disgusting' and 'weird.'

    and, every guy like covers his dick if it's out.

    I wish everyone didn't give a shit bout letting other men see their underwear and penis.
     
  2. D_Roderick Beresford Stiffington IV

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    I recently came out that I was bi about 2 months ago. I actually told my girlfriend of 3 years back in Jan 06 and she was very accepting of it and encouraged me to tell others when I was ready. We recently broke up but it had nothing to do with my orientation. I've felt so much better ever since telling people, and they're all very accepting of it. I do however live in New York City where bisexuals are definetly not the oddest thing you might see walking the streets.

    Society is becoming more and more accepting of all the aspects of sexuality very slowly, but it is happening. Just think back 50 years to what was acceptable and unheard of back then.
     
  3. WessexEN

    WessexEN New Member

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    If you look out of the window of a passing train,
    That is society TBH. Society is just like a big mafia gang that likes to go around, read the book by its cover and then label people accordingly, or if they know nothing, they are inclined to give people random deogratry nicknames, wierd is one, because they have a complete lack of understanding. IF they were in the same situation you were in, they would soon change their minds!.
     
  4. Onslow

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    Admitting to ones sexuallity is a different process for everyone. I got married--twice before I could admit to it, Some people know and talk about being homosexual by the time they are in their teens. Quite honestly I didn't even know why I had an interest in men. Gay, homosexuals, queers were not discussed at home so there was no preperation for what feelings were going on inside me. Its getting bettere over as people get to see queers everywhere and doing all the things non -queers have been doing for years like playing in sports and raising families working as mechanics and electricians and lesbians who are nurses. Once the world sees queers are not any different the uneasy ffelings will slip away.
     
  5. playainda336

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    I'm all for society being more accepting of people and all, but I mean think about it.

    Why would you expect people not to want to cover themselves in the prescense of you in full knowledge of your orientation? Whether you're attracted to the person or not, they will feel like an object of your attraction. For the same reason, women don't walk around topless everywhere they go. Because they don't want to be stared at.

    To be completely honest though. Most people wouldn't care about being less dressed around you if they didn't know. I mean...be true to yourself, but I wouldn't suggest telling everyone that you're bi. To be honest, it's nobody's business who you sleep with at night. If they don't ask, you don't tell and go on about your business. It's a lot less stressful that way, I'm sure.
     
  6. invisibleman

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    It actually isn't hard to come out. It is the people who have a problem with bisexuals and gays that make it difficult.
     
  7. Matthew

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    The problem with that is if everyone followed your advice, there would never be any of the social progress that Orbitz talked about. It's all the people who have taken risks to be open that have helped win gays and bis what we have won already. And more coming out will be necessary to help us reach equality in the future.
     
  8. playainda336

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    I guess. I really can't empathize too much on the subject. But injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere.
     
  9. Lex

    Lex
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    Coming out is personal and can be difficult. It certainly has been both for me. And it is an important process. People need to feel that they can live openly as themselves, making the best life they know how. Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered people coming out helps each of us grow and recognize more and more that we are all more similar than dissimilar. Everyone of us that comes out affirms our need to be afforded the same comforts, respects and rights are veryone else. Strength in numbers.
     
  10. dannymawg

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    I feel I need to come out in real life to show people around me why my double life causes me the stress it does. Why I do what it is I do. Or don't do.

    I was thinking of starting a thread like this, documenting what happens so that others can maybe learn from it - or goof on it :biggrin1:

    Something like this already been done? Too lazy for a blog and I like the audience here.

    I was thinking of using my 40th b-day in the spring as a target... to ignore societal pressure and relieve internal pressure.
     
  11. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    The problem of acceptance, respectability, and trust. All relating to the people that the individual has to come out to.
     
  12. Vestigial

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    It depends on the social circles... i've been in countless homophobic ones. Both in reality and the internet (which mostly uses gay as a derogative term).

    Some circles of society are 'alright' though, and if you come out with another friend or associate you can provide each other support.

    Example:~
    Recently a friend admitted to his gf he's Bi through an email.
    He had second thoughts as he wondered how such exposure could ruin his school and social life.
    He mailed again and rang up too, begging her delete the first mail before reading it.
    He's been burnt before.
     
  13. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Email.. is not a good idea for telling anyone anything.
    I remember when my best friend came out to me... I was so shocked I think I almost cried... then giggled, and said well I guess a lot of things make sence.
    Many of his friends left him, but he gained sooo many more, and every gay guy in town it seems want's in his pants. I can see why too, I was attracted from him when I met him... now that he's gay he is supposed to be "untochable"...

    He hasn't come out to his parents though.
     
  14. fortiesfun

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    Hear, hear.

    I still think that your thread on coming out is one of the best on this site, Lex, and I remain in awe of your courage. It is genuinely inspirational.

    LPSG has been a great place to find support for coming out. A couple of posters in the past have started threads to document their process, and a rather large band of folks cheered them on. More power to you, Danny.

    From my own experience, I have to say that the thing that was hardest for me to get my mind around is that you don't come out once and for all as I imagined it worked. Coming out is a new process with each and every person you choose to inform. It gets easier each time you do it, and you get better at figuring out whom to trust and when to tell them, but it never gets simple.
     
  15. dannymawg

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    I have an anectdote I carry with me that I never get to use...

    When I was 22 I attended a group therapy/coming out thing, totally on the sly from whatever else I was doing. My memory is hazy, but a current, prominent, and very out television personality might have actually been one of the two? three? group leaders - but was at least a leader among the coming outers. Said to me by him - "We need guys like you to come out. To show that guys like you are attracted to other guys."

    Unfortunately, that one little statement was the nucleus of my m.o. for age 22 up until a few weeks/months ago. Thinking I was one of those "straight acting/straight appearing" guys who thinks he's getting away with a facade.

    Only in recent days I've realized that attraction is not a choice. At least not in a cut n dry sense.

    Time for me to join brothers in arms.
     
  16. DC_DEEP

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    Coming out will always be a terribly difficult process for sexual minorities until society at large acknowledges that it is not a bad thing to be a minority. Until society at large makes gay-bashing as serious as race-bashing. As it is now, in this country, gay-bashing is something that makes people say "tsk, tsk", not "that is completely unacceptable."


    If you have ever heard of "the gay panic defense" in murder trials, that in itself is evidence of why the majority don't come out. It is basically the legal system claiming that it is less of a crime to murder someone based on sexual orientation than for any other reason.
     
  17. Lex

    Lex
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    Thanks for the shout out, Fortiesfun. My coming out experience is stil ongoing and began the day I proclaimed myself a bi-sexual (here on these fora) and admitted to my attraction to men. Since then, I have realized that I am more gay that not. I came out to my parents beginning this summer. It has been tough and liberating all at once.

    Here is that thread: (Again) Coming Out

    Sadly, I agree totally with you DC.
     
  18. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    My best friend lived in the damn closet so long that he deprived himself of a full life and honest relationships for almost twenty years. Twenty fucking years! It makes me want to cry. Does anyone really need to ask what societal pressures were so powerful that an intelligent man would choose to live an embarrassing (in retropsect) double life? A recent experience with a man coming out to little fanfare or hostility does lead me to believe the societal climate is changing enough that men and women will not be so reluctant to come out.
     
  19. DC_DEEP

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    The recent Ted Haggard debacle is another brilliant illustration of the circular problem: prominent figures teach that homosexuality is wrong; when those prominent figures are discovered to be, themselves, homosexual, they are "shamed." They claim that their homosexual actions were wrong. While it should actually prove that anti-gay teachings are wrong, it does the opposite, reinforcing the errant ideas.
     
  20. Shelby

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    Traditional standards of morality continue to recede. Sooner or later they will diminish to the point that what was once unacceptable will be the norm.

    Of course society will collapse shortly thereafter. It's a repeating historical cycle.

    I'm not saying this is a bad thing.
     
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