Why is it so hard to find someone?

CareyD

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I hate the search. I hate the excitement and then the let down. I hate seeing the potential and the. The red flags. Are some of us just destined to be alone? Am I asking for too much? Is it that difficult to actually enjoy someone’s company and want to spend more time with them? I’m so frustrated at the games and the lack of communication and honesty.
 
1.Laws/culture/explainable. (If you're in a country/locale, that LGBTQ [or at least being Male same gender attracted. There are some areas to where female/Lesbian relationships are okay but male/Gay aren't] is illegal/unlawful/punishable, [in some cases fatal/gays are ritual and honored killed without any repercussions etc.] of course it's going to be hard, statistically impossible to find a partner.)

2.Area/region you're in is convoluted. (If you're somewhere that LGBTQ isn't totally shunned, but it's still something taboo, or has a lot of nuances or caveats to it, it's going to be hard to find someone. As I guess in essence you're lucky to be somewhere where it isn't against the law, but it's still a iffy and rough area to be in as far as LGBTQ relations etc.)

3.Area/region you're in is too competitive. (Kinda the opposite effect. You're somewhere that's for the most part okay with Gay. [New York, San Francisco, LA, Chicago, Miami, Philadelphia, Seattle, Washington DC, Atlanta etc.] But it's just a big competition, as all the good guys are already taken, and the guys that are available, you weren't fast enough to the finish line to get and snag. So yeah.)

4.Small dating pool. (At the moment we don't know the official statistic of how many Gay/Bi men exist in the United States, [OP you and I both are American], and probably sadly won't ever know, as it's something some guys will forever feel it's nobodies business or won't come out/be open with himself etc. But what is certain, Gay/Bisexual men are a minority and so therefore it's going to be harder to find someone.)

5.Looking for something impossible. (If you are trying to get with those perfect 10 Instagram guys who are thrist traps and all those Onlyfans guys. Think again. smh.)

6.Too high standards/Being too picky. (Are you rejecting guys for silly reasons. I understand we all have preferences, but come on. Maybe he is more extroverted/more talkative than you. Maybe he is more introverted/shy/low key than you. Maybe he is a different race than you. Maybe he wears glasses, or is short, or he's a bigger/chubby guy, or he has a big nose, or dog ears, or has a lazy eye or something. In the gay world, you can't really do that. These are things that are kinda silly to reject someone on, and you're probably passing up on a good guy if you do this.)

7.Not being bold/taking risks. (If some guy randomly starts conversation with you in the supermarket line, are you going to reject him. If you're at the gym and some guy starts complimenting you, are you gonna have your headphones in and ignore him? If you're at the train station and a guy is striking up conversation, are you gonna shun past him etc. These could have been connections that you passed up on, but since you ignored these guys away, it doesn't matter in the slightest. So you see etc.)

8.Unlucky things about you even though you're being yourself. (Such as race. OP, Judging by your photo, you are Black, and I'm Black as well. That just right there on principal, is gonna make gay dating hard. You could be Tyrese, Michael B. Jordan, Tyson Beckford etc. but just simply being Black is going to make dating hard. This goes for other POC/minority race men as well, so possibly Brown/non white Latinos, Native American men, Asian men, and Indian men. So yeah. If you're feminine/flamboyant/gender non conforming etc. Doesn't make things easier. If you're not conventional looking, or on the more bigger bear/chub side, or more skinnier/frailer side etc. Doesn't make things easier, and you're gonna get judged.)

9.Not committing. (So you connect with a guy, and [either you do it, or he does it] and you guys hookup, and have fun, and that's it. You never speak again. Or it could be more concerning, and you guys didn't even get to that stage and never had sex/were intimate, and for whatever reason you ghosted him after a couple of dates, [sometimes even at the first date/stood up etc.] and I can understand if a red flag popped up, but just because you got bored of him, or you think you're missing out, and you ghost him. So this makes dating hard.)

10.Luck (Luck, time, space, things happening for a reason, things manifesting and appearing the way they do, which is out of our control etc. I don't like to totally believe "Love happens when you least expect it" and I think that saying gets misconstrued and misunderstood, and it's more Love just happens. Especially being gay as I said to where it's more difficult. Love isn't something that you can force, it has to happen organically one way or the other. All I say is that if you want love/you're gonna get it, and the best of luck to you.

Thank you. :)
 
I hate the search. I hate the excitement and then the let down. I hate seeing the potential and the. The red flags. Are some of us just destined to be alone? Am I asking for too much? Is it that difficult to actually enjoy someone’s company and want to spend more time with them? I’m so frustrated at the games and the lack of communication and honesty.
I totally feel you and have the same thoughts. I'm very open-minded and try to engage with someone, but it gets more and more difficult - and I have the feeling that many men are not able to keep a relationship (whatever it is)... It's commitment, I know. But actually it's strange 'cos normally I'm not looking for a sex date ... but I get an interesting offer from a man during my vacation and he wanted to meet me ... I agreed ... and then: nothing. He disappeard. I try to be honest: it's disappointing.
 
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You're not alone, I have been looking for my type of guy with 1 simple thing that I have as well: A big dick (that's it, but I have to be Pacific for it) I'm not too picky but most dudes would come up to me expecting to be a dominant black top that wants a hookup when that's not the case (imagine how frustrating it is). I want no nothing more than connection/ long term relationship with someone versatile, but some gay guys nowadays are too fucking scared of commitment because the concept of it. The first reply hit every problem that everyone is facing today, and now we're wondering why we're single.

Not everything is a red flag, yet no isn't looking for green flag getting to know each other. Theres alot of flaws and no one isn't willing to meet.