Why Many Straight Men Here Are So Obsessed With Deciding Who Is Straight And Who Isn't ?

[JayPR]

I've seen in these forums how many straight men question the heterosexuality of other straight men when they express some degree of curiosity or attraction towards males. I am not talking about men who self identify as bisexual, I am talking about men who identify themselves as straight (maybe like a 90% straight 10% gay case)

If a guy say that he's straight but had a sexual encounter in the past with a guy or says that he enjoys watching a male stripper even if he doesn't want to interact with him, his heterosexuality is questioned by other straight men immediately.

That rarely happens with women. Usually, a woman is always perceived as straight no matter how many curious lesbian sexual experiences she has had in the past or if she says that she enjoys to watch females strippers or get a lapdance by one fo them.

But for some people, everything is black or white, and they feel the need to put labels according to very strict definitions. Sometimes it feels like they're the heterosexuality police.

Why do they think they have the right to decide who's really straight and who doesn't? And if they have an opinion, why they feel entitled to share it in such a preaching way?

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

Why do people pose questions when they aren't actually asking anything, but are preaching their opinions?

If your hypotheticals matched what usually happens here, then the straight guy isn't referring to an experiment or two, but has demonstrated a continuing bisexual behavior, seeking men and women for an extended period, but only acknowledging the heterosexual relationships. Questioning this isn't remotely "black and white"....it's asking why the person can't see shades of gray.

Because it must be repeated ad-nauseam here, I will: occasionally experimenting to understand oneself doesn't constitute a different orientation. People can change, or become aware. But pervasive feelings and/or behavior do indicate orientation. If not, then what does? "Just because I said so" might work for parenting, but not for identifying oneself. There's a fear of admitting to bisexuality, but in an anonymous and sex-positive place like this site, there shouldn't be such fear. Perhaps if the world was a more accepting place, these men would embrace who they are instead of hiding it.

 

[spaj8987]

So basically what you're asking here is why do straight men express their opinions on what is and isn't straight? Cause if so why not? I can understand if they were harassing those other men. Maybe even threatening them or something to that effect but aren't we all just expressing our opinions here? Could be wrong since lots of people use just expressing their opinions as an excuse to be bigots but with this i don't yet see the harm in it. Depending on how it's done that is.

Also, i don't think you can use women as an example with this. Woman on woman has for very long periods of time been seen as hot to guys. And we guys so far have had an unequal slant towards us just about everywhere. With woman on woman only being an issue with religious people and POS guys who only think attractive woman on woman is attractive.

So it's not that it's acceptable. It's kind of like cultural appropriation. Most men don't care not because they don't care but because it hasn't had the same things tied to it like gay/bi men do and have had tied to them. It's acceptable only because most guys either do get something out of it or think they will/do. So don't think it fits your example.

Plus, lesbians/bisexual women aren't nearly as known for being creepy, underhanded and downright rapey as certain kinds of gay and bi guys. No offense to the gay and bi guys out there who aren't but there are a lot and i mean a lot who are. Pretty sure there are more suck buddies out there than there are lick friends. Which right off the bat is disgusting. Not because of the sexual act but because it's always behind someone else's back.

 

[22D ROCK]

Not that anybody asked me personally...but Whatever you are, live free and prosper. The older I get the less I give a damn...Cheers!

 

[Hatt_101]

For one there is this.Questions We Never Ask Each Other

That rarely happens with women. Usually, a woman is always perceived as straight no matter how many curious lesbian sexual experiences she has had in the past or if she says that she enjoys to watch females strippers or get a lapdance by one fo them

Everyone else already hit the nail on the head. But why do men here constantly ask question that are either about straight men doing things that are not thing that straight men would ever do? The thread Lafemme made can be applied to here just replace women with straight men.

 

[RJ5on1]

There are those who choose to live within boxes that have labels… and then there are the rest of us!

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

There are those who choose to live within boxes that have labels… and then there are the rest of us!

I guess there's no such thing as LGBTQ. Because that is a box with a label. Should that be dropped? The box to the left of your posts has a "90/10" label....why not dispose of that?

Labels are just fine, until a man who is possibly bisexual is involved. Then it's all, "we don't need labels". But wait....he uses a label too....straight.

 

[GoingOnABoeing]

I don't understand why some straight guys are around here at all. They get easily offended. One of them even posted that if someone posted a pic of a penis then they would be blocked. Uh, you're on a website devoted to dicks.

 

[GoingOnABoeing]

So basically what you're asking here is why do straight men express their opinions on what is and isn't straight? Cause if so why not? I can understand if they were harassing those other men. Maybe even threatening them or something to that effect but aren't we all just expressing our opinions here? Could be wrong since lots of people use just expressing their opinions as an excuse to be bigots but with this i don't yet see the harm in it. Depending on how it's done that is.

Also, i don't think you can use women as an example with this. Woman on woman has for very long periods of time been seen as hot to guys. And we guys so far have had an unequal slant towards us just about everywhere. With woman on woman only being an issue with religious people and POS guys who only think attractive woman on woman is attractive.

So it's not that it's acceptable. It's kind of like cultural appropriation. Most men don't care not because they don't care but because it hasn't had the same things tied to it like gay/bi men do and have had tied to them. It's acceptable only because most guys either do get something out of it or think they will/do. So don't think it fits your example.

Plus, lesbians/bisexual women aren't nearly as known for being creepy, underhanded and downright rapey as certain kinds of gay and bi guys. No offense to the gay and bi guys out there who aren't but there are a lot and i mean a lot who are. Pretty sure there are more suck buddies out there than there are lick friends. Which right off the bat is disgusting. Not because of the sexual act but because it's always behind someone else's back.

This is very strange. I've never associated gay or bi men with rape. Do you have some sort of evidence to support that claim?

And why are you judging other men on which ladies they find attractive? Typically both men and women want to watch porn with good looking people. Why call them a POS?

 

[deleted716371]

I think there is a misconception that being interested in cocks and maculinity means that you also lust for it sexually.
To me it's pretty simple, though. Having a cock is a central part of who I am. Why shouldn't I be interested in others, their experience etc. And even acknowledge the sexual power of a cock or admire a big one? I still want to use my own cock sexually with women. However, I might add, my "straigtness" is just as often questioned by gay guys with much the same idea. That if you are interested in cock related stuff, you are more or less automatically closet bi or gay.

 

[twoton]

There’s straight, and there’s not straight.

I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s a label. Do with it what you want.

 

[deleted1547822]

Why do people pose questions when they aren't actually asking anything, but are preaching their opinions?

This

 

[spaj8987]

This is very strange. I've never associated gay or bi men with rape. Do you have some sort of evidence to support that claim?

And why are you judging other men on which ladies they find attractive? Typically both men and women want to watch porn with good looking people. Why call them a POS?

You know what's even stranger? When people ignore statements such as (No offense to the gay and bi guys out there who aren't but there are a lot and i mean a lot who are.). I see you though. You want very badly to tell members of the lgbtq community that i've associated gay and bi men with rape.

Doing that would make it much much easier to dismiss everything i said outright and allow the extremely creepy men out there who don't take no for an answer when it comes to straight men to keep being creepy. It would allow husbands who lie to their wives about being faithful to continue sucking dick and getting their dicks sucked. It would completely help those kinds of men continue doing what they want to do no matter who they hurt or in some cases kill. Either their wives or suck buddies.

Making me out to be homophobic would very much help those kinds of guys out. Until of course you run into the kinds of people they've hurt. The kinds of people they've cheated on. And done so for no logical reason because most sane people don't care if a guy is gay or bi.

Still though. To do that you would have to ignore the fact that i said (Which right off the bat is disgusting. Not because of the sexual act but because it's always behind someone else's back.). And you would have to hope to everything you hold dear that people can't see that i said that. Cause if they did. They'd know exactly who you were and why you tried to paint me in the way you have.

They'd know the kinds of guys you were attempting to protect and the kinds of guys you were attempting to rip apart. Do you not know that creepy guys not only exist but don't have the self awareness to know that most people know about them? And have experienced their creepiness?

Anyway, good luck with that.

 

[GoingOnABoeing]

You know what's even stranger? When people ignore statements such as (No offense to the gay and bi guys out there who aren't but there are a lot and i mean a lot who are.). I see you though. You want very badly to tell members of the lgbtq community that i've associated gay and bi men with rape.

Doing that would make it much much easier to dismiss everything i said outright and allow the extremely creepy men out there who don't take no for an answer when it comes to straight men to keep being creepy. It would allow husbands who lie to their wives about being faithful to continue sucking dick and getting their dicks sucked. It would completely help those kinds of men continue doing what they want to do no matter who they hurt or in some cases kill. Either their wives or suck buddies.

Making me out to be homophobic would very much help those kinds of guys out. Until of course you run into the kinds of people they've hurt. The kinds of people they've cheated on. And done so for no logical reason because most sane people don't care if a guy is gay or bi.

Still though. To do that you would have to ignore the fact that i said (Which right off the bat is disgusting. Not because of the sexual act but because it's always behind someone else's back.). And you would have to hope to everything you hold dear that people can't see that i said that. Cause if they did. They'd know exactly who you were and why you tried to paint me in the way you have.

They'd know the kinds of guys you were attempting to protect and the kinds of guys you were attempting to rip apart. Do you not know that creepy guys not only exist but don't have the self awareness to know that most people know about them? And have experienced their creepiness?

Anyway, good luck with that.

"but there are a lot and i mean a lot who are"

That's what I was asking for an explanation of.

Where are you encountering these guys that don't take no for an answer? I haven't had that issue so I'm curious. Whenever I have told someone around here hey it's not my thing they have always been understanding and never pushed themselves. If it's online then it's very easy to block them. If you are encountering so many of these guys in person then you might want to reconsider where you hang out.

As far as guys cheating on their wives, why is that any of your business? I have news for you, women cheat just as often. But that's between them. The only time I would ever get involved is if it were a friend or family member who I knew would want to know if their spouse was cheating.

 

[spaj8987]

"but there are a lot and i mean a lot who are"

That's what I was asking for an explanation of.

Where are you encountering these guys that don't take no for an answer? I haven't had that issue so I'm curious. Whenever I have told someone around here hey it's not my thing they have always been understanding and never pushed themselves. If it's online then it's very easy to block them. If you are encountering so many of these guys in person then you might want to reconsider where you hang out.

As far as guys cheating on their wives, why is that any of your business? I have news for you, women cheat just as often. But that's between them. The only time I would ever get involved is if it were a friend or family member who I knew would want to know if their spouse was cheating.

Lets try to go over your feelings about what i said. So if i said cheating is wrong, cheating on your wife, cheating on your husband, cheating on your boyfriend and cheating on your girlfriend is wrong then it's none of my business. That it has nothing to do with me.

Though id i were the one cheating or if i were the one being cheated on then that's when it would be my business? Then i could have an opinion on it?

I'm curious. Have you ever criticized a corrupt politician? Stopped a fight between a drunk person and someone else? Stopped to make sure someone in an accident was ok? Expressed your opinion on anything that didn't directly have anything to do with you? But had moral weight to it? Something that makes the world a worse off place?

Did you not have the right to do those things? Not have the right to express your opinion there?

Do you think there aren't a lot of creepy guys in the world? Why and how? Lets say i haven't experienced creepy guys first hand. And instead seen how guys very rarely take no for an answer when it comes to someone saying they're straight or when a woman says she's not interested. Would that invalidate what i said? Would that mean that one person saying there are more creepy gay and bisexual men out there than creepy lesbian and bi women is any less true?

If one person hasn't experienced something while others have does that invalidate what the others have experienced?

Does blocking people online somehow mean those creepy people don't and never existed?

You're free to not get involved in other people cheated but what exactly does that have to do with someone else expressing their opinion on something they've seen? Was what i've seen not true at all? Or is it that you personally haven't experienced it or scene it?

 

[GoingOnABoeing]

Lets try to go over your feelings about what i said. So if i said cheating is wrong, cheating on your wife, cheating on your husband, cheating on your boyfriend and cheating on your girlfriend is wrong then it's none of my business. That it has nothing to do with me.

Though id i were the one cheating or if i were the one being cheated on then that's when it would be my business? Then i could have an opinion on it?

I'm curious. Have you ever criticized a corrupt politician? Stopped a fight between a drunk person and someone else? Stopped to make sure someone in an accident was ok? Expressed your opinion on anything that didn't directly have anything to do with you? But had moral weight to it? Something that makes the world a worse off place?

Did you not have the right to do those things? Not have the right to express your opinion there?

Do you think there aren't a lot of creepy guys in the world? Why and how? Lets say i haven't experienced creepy guys first hand. And instead seen how guys very rarely take no for an answer when it comes to someone saying they're straight or when a woman says she's not interested. Would that invalidate what i said? Would that mean that one person saying there are more creepy gay and bisexual men out there than creepy lesbian and bi women is any less true?

If one person hasn't experienced something while others have does that invalidate what the others have experienced?

Does blocking people online somehow mean those creepy people don't and never existed?

You're free to not get involved in other people cheated but what exactly does that have to do with someone else expressing their opinion on something they've seen? Was what i've seen not true at all? Or is it that you personally haven't experienced it or scene it?

Sure you have the right. I never claimed otherwise. I just said it's none of your business. Comparing political corruption to infidelity is a bit of a stretch. One affects you, the other doesn't.

 

[Gj816]

I've seen in these forums how many straight men question the heterosexuality of other straight men when they express some degree of curiosity or attraction towards males. I am not talking about men who self identify as bisexual, I am talking about men who identify themselves as straight (maybe like a 90% straight 10% gay case)

If a guy say that he's straight but had a sexual encounter in the past with a guy or says that he enjoys watching a male stripper even if he doesn't want to interact with him, his heterosexuality is questioned by other straight men immediately.

That rarely happens with women. Usually, a woman is always perceived as straight no matter how many curious lesbian sexual experiences she has had in the past or if she says that she enjoys to watch females strippers or get a lapdance by one fo them.

But for some people, everything is black or white, and they feel the need to put labels according to very strict definitions. Sometimes it feels like they're the heterosexuality police.

Why do they think they have the right to decide who's really straight and who doesn't? And if they have an opinion, why they feel entitled to share it in such a preaching way?

As a man who identifies as straight, who lives a straight life. It has not always been the case for me. Both before marriage and post marriage. I'm single. We all have an opinion.

While I don't judge anyone for how they choose to live their life. I do judge myself. I think that by and large the problem is that someone who says they are straight but wants to suck dick isn't really straight. There are some things that are engrained into us as we're growing. Men don't do that. Men don't cry, blah, blah, blah. It's not easy to go against the grain of what is expected.

When someone who identifies as straight talks about or wants to suck dick or get fucked up the ass by another guy. Those are not things that straight guys are into, as a rule. So other straight guys see that as problematic. It's not exactly an activity your average heterosexual man fantasizes about. It makes it difficult for the straight man to wrap his mind around.

I've made a conscious choice to live my life for me. What is right for me. While I've enjoyed sex with both men and women. I enjoy it more with women. I'm not interested in having sex with men. I enjoy women too much. It's what's right for me at this point in my life.

Men don't turn me on. Sure I like looking at others albums and pics on this site. But I don't want to have sex with them. I can admire another man for his physique, his endowment, but he really hasn't done anything special to have a big dick it's all genetics.

I think that most straight men fear having their masculinity questioned. Because in their eyes, being percieved as bi or gay is equated to being feminine. Maybe I'm wrong?

Also some may have curiosities, but are fearful that they may be seen as less manly by their peers. So they suppress those feelings. Again maybe I'm wrong?

Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one. If I let what others think I'd be in a sad shape. I don't let others opinions affect how I live. What's right for them isn't necessarily right for me.

As a straight man there's nothing that makes me feel more manly than to have a woman orgasm on my dick. Granted that's only a small part of it. But sex is a big part of who we are. Most straight men don't find other men sexually attractive, as a rule.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Because as "straight" men try to redefine "straightness", it casts disparity over actual straight men from the women in their lives. Im not trying to excuse male homophobia amongst women, but I can understand where they might come across confusion when trying to find or maintain a straight partner, when the waters are constantly and unnecessarily muddied by cis men wanting to retain the privileges of heterosexuality while mitigating the consequences of bi/homosexuality.

 

[GoingOnABoeing]

Because as "straight" men try to redefine "straightness", it casts disparity over actual straight men from the women in their lives. Im not trying to excuse male homophobia amongst women, but I can understand where they might come across confusion when trying to find or maintain a straight partner, when the waters are constantly and unnecessarily muddied by cis men wanting to retain the privileges of heterosexuality while mitigating the consequences of bi/homosexuality.

Some women, including one of my former fuck buddies, thinks just looking at this site makes you less than straight. So I'm not sure how good of a measure that is. And why would anyone care in the first place? So long as I got along with a girl, had a good sex life, and had a stable relationship; I really wouldn't care if she enjoyed looking at nice breasts or vagina and enjoyed talking about those things with other ladies.

I enjoy jacking with some of my friends and can appreciate a nice dick. But we've never had the urge to suck each other or penetrate each other. I also enjoy tag teaming girls with a friend. The attention is on her though and for my buddy and me it's just a good bonding experience. But some of the 100%'s seem to only come around here to judge others. Even though the behavior of others takes nothing away from their own life. Usually that is a sign of some sort of insecurity.

I know a married couple who have been together for years who are swingers. Plenty of people would look down on them. But if it works them, I think it's great. They are happy. I know so many married people that are unhappy. A married friend from college said he is lucky if he gets sex once a month. All his wife does is shop and doesn't pay him any attention. That's not a healthy marriage but the 100%'s seem to think that's the way life should be. If that's what you want, go for it.

I don't want to get old and think about what might have been if I hadn't stayed with the same woman in a loveless marriage just because that's what society thinks is correct. I've never obsessed over one girl. I think it's insane when incompatible people keep trying to make their relationship work. There are too many people on the world to get stuck on just one person. Nope, I'd rather grow old knowing I had a lot of fun.

 

[deleted1547822]

Monogamy and straightness have nothing to do with each other. Straight people can be players, swingers, etc... while gay people can have monogamist relationships.

I think there’s room for straight men who have curious ideation, or even experimentation. Paraphrasing the “I Kissed a Girl, and I Liked it” song title... it’s not the kissing, it’s the liking.