what a pile of shite.
date rapes are the most under reported. most victims say nothing to anyone because they know that people will assume they're lying.
and 'i knew a guy who...' does not prove most women who report it are liars.
most date rapers never even go to court because it's almost impossible to prove she said 'no'.
and he thinks they're selfish for not wanting to face attitudes like yours?
Interesting how you flip from agreeing to disagreeing despite the fact that my position is consistent.
I did not mean to say that actual date rapes are over reported... I meant to say that FALSE allegations of rape are almost always date rape scenarios... i.e. someone the woman KNOWS who she wants to impugn.
And I mean to say that a lot of what is reported as date rapes are, upon investigation, a case of TWO drunken idiots doing something ONE of them regrets later. Meaning that date rape is often exaggerated for reasons of self absolution.
This is not to say that real date rape does not occur, a LOT, nor that most women who experience one will elect to not report it.
It is to say that OF THOSE THAT ARE REPORTED, admittedly a tiny fraction of actual events, a disproportionately high percentage will be questionable. Enough to give the society as a whole a general sense of doubt and suspicion.
Please understand that I am not dismissing the seriousness, nor the prevalence of rape- per se... I am trying to examine why the public response to rape accusations is so generally adverse... why the societal response seems so incredulous and ready to further traumatize the woman making the claim.
I am not saying I agree with nor endorse that this is how it is...
Rather the opposite. I am saying that women who make false allegations or exaggerate their claims do a disservice to women who really are victimized.
I am saying that if you were violently assaulted, you should not encourage a woman who had sex under circumstances of ambiguous consent to claim that she, too, was raped. What happened to her is NOT equivalent to what happened to you.
That is not to say that it's ever okay to take advantage of a drunk woman's impaired judgement. it's to say that we need a classification of
wrongdoing that does
not conflate regrettable inebriated experience, or unethical conduct with real violence.
We need society to discriminate accurately between a forcible rape, and something less traumatic if we want society to treat rape without whispers and doubts.
I am not by any means excusing any man who does anything without cogent informed consent. I have never had sex with a woman who was drunk, no matter how eager she seemed at the time, because I was raised to believe a gentleman did not do such things...
And I think all men should be held to that standard.
But does that mean classifying a drunken groper as a "sex offender"?
Let me ask you...Dolf
The drug dealer who raped my friend undoubtedly committed a crime.
I would prosecute him and toss him in jail...
However, do you think my friend, as a woman, bears ANY responsibility for what occurred?
She made a day long and determined effort to FIND an ethically questionable man, she accepted hundreds of dollars worth of drugs, meals and favors, she gave him every impression that his expenditure in time and attention and money would be reciprocated in the form of sex.
And She willingly went to his apartment, and engaged in sexually exciting and enticing activities and waited until that very moment to tell him no...
Knowing full well what he expected, and knowing full well that he was under the influence of drugs...
Do you think that any of that scenario acts as a mitigating factor in the man's punishment?
How was his poor impulse control any different than your own in maiming your attacker?
I think women are as intelligent and as capable as men, if not moreso.
I think they can and should take equal responsibility for their actions.
My friend never reported the rape. She told me that, while what he did to her was wrong... she understood and accepted that she had a part to play in what happened... and she could not stand up in court and say she was blameless.
Seems to me your attacker never accused you of a crime in maiming him because he felt and accepted that he had given you just cause.
Is it possible that many unreported rapes are women who, while not excusing their attacker... are neither excusing themselves?
And to be clear on how I feel about this personally... There are times when I feel a woman can deserve a good punch in the mouth over their behavior... but that has nothing to do with their gender...
I would punch a man in the face for the same thing...
But any time a man, in getting back at a woman or women in general, takes out his dick to hurt her... THAT is misogyny. That is rape. and that is criminal.
To me, it falls under a hate crime. An intimidation of an entire gender.
And I think it is up to men to beat the shit out of any man they see doing such a thing.
