why sex is good in a relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by mk1sr5, Nov 25, 2010.

  1. mk1sr5

    mk1sr5 New Member

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    I know this may seem stupid or obvious to a lot, but i really can't think of what to say or put what i feel into words, and it has really screwed me over, multiple times.
    So the girl i am with asked why i feel we should have sex or why i want to. I just have really strong feelings for her and really want to, but i'm not sure how to put my feelings into words or what to say.
    Can women, guys too i guess, think of what i should say, I always blank out and say something bad i don't mean. I'm a virgin too and i haven't been close to a girl before this one, so everything is new to me. thank you
     
  2. zaragoza

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    No one can tell you what to say,just tell her what you told us that you have really strong feelings for her.

    You just need to be sincere,you can't ask us to tell you the exact words,and is she ready to have sex with you?


    Maybe she's just afraid,have you thought of that?
     
  3. curioustitan

    curioustitan Member

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    Marvin Gaye - Let's get it on.

    Put ^^ him into the driver's seat and let him do all the talking/explaining.

    But on a more serious note, she may be trepidatious as to becoming 'physical' simply because she's not yet ready. What you really have to ask yourself is "Do you love her enough to wait until she is?"... as i think that is the measure or the yardstick of this love thay you've described.
    If you honestly believe in what you're saying with regards her importance to you, then you'd do well to give her time to come around to the idea.
    On the upside, you've broached the subject and now the (your) balls in her court.
    Just take it easy and enjoy having someone special in your life to share with for the moment.

    Sex or the physical manisfestation of your love will all happen in due course. And you'll find that she might be far more receptive to the idea when you don't pressure her into anything that she might not be comfortable with.

    Good luck...but seriously...trust The Marvin!!!
     
  4. Incocknito

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    "It makes me feel good just being around you. Let me make you feel good too."

    "I want to please you"

    "I've got a raging hard on that I think you should see."

    "I want to be closer to you."

    "I want my cock to be closer to your cervix"

    "I love you." (works every time lol)

    Some of those are comedic but really anything works as long as its honest. Although really, if you're doing the right things and saying the right words she should be horny for you too.

    Sounds like she may have some hangups about sex...either that or you aren't doing a good enough job of turning her on.
     
  5. HiddenLacey

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    Sex is good in a relantionship to me because I care about that person enough to be in a relantionship with them. The more I care about someone the more I want to have sex with them and the better the sex will be because I care about them.

    The best thing that you can do in my opinion is just be honest with her about the way you feel.
     
  6. mk1sr5

    mk1sr5 New Member

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    thanks guys for all the responses. She was ready earlier, we went pretty far, but then she asked me that question and i said something retarded because i got nervous and blanked out. That's when things really went downhill and now i rarely even get to kiss her. I miss even kissing her so much, it really sucks. But she is still seeing me and spending a lot of time with me so i'm hoping if i say the right thing things will get a little better.

    Thank you for what you wrote there, i think that is very similar to how i really feel, i am just horrible with putting something into words like that. The only problem i see, is if i tell her that i think she will ask why do i want to have sex with someone i care about. And then i'll blank out and not know what to say.
    Because it's these feelings and desires to get really intimate and close to her because i really care and really like her, but i don't know what to say beyond that, and i think she want's a more in-depth answer than that.
     
  7. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    If you blank out a lot in the moment, you could try writing her a letter explaining how you feel. Then you would have plenty of time to think about what you want to say, and you'll be under less pressure.
     
  8. rob_just_rob

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    It's a bonding thing. Couples can - should - feel closer after sex. There are some psychological benefits as well as physiological ones along those lines.

    And it feels good, and it feels good to make your partner feel good.
     
  9. Hockeytiger

    Hockeytiger Active Member

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    That's a pretty good answer. I think what she's looking for is for you to reach down and express yourself emotionally in some way with her to reinforce your bonds together before sex. That in itself is quite reasonable, especially for a woman. Women need that emotional connection in a relationship to bring sex to that next level. Secret is that men need it too, but at a young age it is VERY difficult, if not impossible to do. It is something that develops over time. At a young age guys are just more interested in getting laid. It is up to women to push the guys in the right direction. But women need to be patient. Just as men tend to be physically stronger, we tend to be (especially at a younger age) emotionally underdeveloped and it takes time. So don't take the fact that you blanked or are having some difficulty expressing your feelings as a big deal. IT IS NORMAL! But she needs to understand that and doesn't emotionally or sexually blackmail you over it. Just as you need to occasionally open that pickle jar for her, sometimes she will need to metaphorically assist you in opening that emotional pickle jar for you.
    She needs to understand that you aren't being an unfeeling jerk. You are just being a NORMAL guy. And if she wants you to open up emotionally she is going to have to patient and understanding.

    Writing a letter is a great option for you. It lets you sit down and take your time in expressing your feelings. But you need to let her understand that it is normal for guys to have difficulty with this. Let her see that struggle to express yourself emotionally to her. The fact that you care enough about her to struggle to do it, should go a long way with her.
     
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