In my experience, people are "triggered" for one of two reasons...they feel they are being diminished or marginalized without cause, or they feel they are being called out with cause, and they feel embarassed. Reading the above responses, I would say it's a mix on this issue.
First of all, let's get something semantic clear here, "toxic masculinity" is different from "masculinity" or "masculine." Equating the terms is an erroneous exercise, either by mistake or purposefully. If purposeful, it is because one wishes to obfuscate the conversation. This tactic is overused by many politicians...for example, if you have issue with illegal immigration, there are those who conveniently leave out the word "illegal" and simply say you take issue with immigration. The two are not the same, though given the fervor around some of Trump's rallies, it seems to be for some people. (And for the record, asylum is not illegal immigration, though those two get conflated as well.)
Likewise, "toxic masculinity" is not condemnation of masculinity in toto, it is a different term. And I think that anyone honest with themselves knows that.
As I understand it, "toxic masculinity" refers to certain objectionable behaviors traditionally associated with and exhibited by certain males - such as chauvinism, physical violence, the "might is right" mindset, lack of emotion or emotional display, domineering attitude, and self-entitled status due to simply being male. There are others, but these will suffice. All of these are "traditionally masculine" traits - there are those who actually teach their young boys to adhere to these principles - to "be a man." Therefore, semantically, these can be said to be traits of "masculinity" for certain parts of society.
Further, these traits have been widely acknoweldged to be detrimental to the individual, and to society at large. They serve no useful purpose, but instead create a "toxic" condition in the mind of the male, and a "toxic" situation for those around him.
Taken in sum, then, it is logical, and illustrative, to utilize the term "toxic masculinity" to describe these negative behaviors. And further, it would seem that anyone taking personal issue with the term, or taking it to be a personal attack, might be suffering from the effects of an inculcation of "toxic masculinity" ideals from their primary caregivers, or primary social group.
As others have said, we as creatures, in our natural states, simply are. Beyond physical differences, male and female roles and traits are more increasingly seen as a prescribed set of attributes, rather than a natural state of being. The adjectives we use, "masculine," "feminine," etc, are useful only insomuch as they allow us a common base upon which to build our understanding of ourselves, and the world around us. More than that, when we strive to live up to an adjective or ideal that does not fit us ("be a 'man'"), nor allow us to fit peacefully in the world ("men are dominant"), we become toxic, to ourselves and others.
There are, though it has not been coined to my knowledge, examples of "toxic femininity" as well. Any stereotypical trait, ascribed as an expected ideal, and pushed to its zenith will be toxic. In a bygone era, women expected to be silent wallflowers with no agency, and later barefoot and pregnant would be toxic, I think. Women who were taught to "lie back and do their womanly duty" would be another example.
Yes, people sometimes throw terms around they do not understand, or worse, use them in incorrrect ways, as a weapon, for their own agenda. When one is accused of "toxic masculinity" and yet has done nothing worthy of the moniker, it is unjust, and must be decried as such. That does not mean, however, that others are not guilty of the behavior, nor that the term should not be correctly used where appropriate.
Saying that women are "whiners" when they complain of boorish behavior is, as far as I can tell, an erroneous blanket statement that smacks very clearly of toxic masculinity, if the person truly believes this. So is disregarding any criticism that might encroach on a male's sense of "rightness" and superiority. Not listening is toxic, too, and I think that trait crosses sexual and gender boundaries.
There are many, many threads here on LPSG where examples of toxic masculinity is on display, and not just here in this one. And unfortunately, it is on display in the real world too.
