Why women don't hook up "just for sex"

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Jovial, Dec 18, 2007.

  1. Jovial

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    A lot of men don't understand why women aren't willing to hook up with them for sex. Some women can do "just sex" for fun, at least sometimes, but it seems most don't. I'm not criticizing any women for not wanting "just sex," just trying to get their take on it.

    There are plenty of single women that masturbate because they don't have a partner. I wonder why women would choose masturbation over hooking up with someone "just for sex." Or would they take the sex every time if the guy was attractive and nice enough (and big enough cock)?

    Anyway, I thought of these possible reasons. Please tell me for which of these reasons you (or other women) don't hook up "just for sex," or add/modify reasons that I didn't list.

    1) It probably won't be good
    a) Most guys are just bad in bed (small dick or bad technique), so chances are the sex will be bad, so it's just not worth it. She'll be disappointed.
    b) If a guy is just in it for sex, then he will be selfish and only care about himself and she probably won't have an orgasm or much pleasure.
    c) The first time people have sex it won't be good because they don't know what each other likes, so she'd prefer to wait for someone that will have a longer relationship.

    2) Slut factor
    a) If someone finds out then she will be labeled a slut and she doesn't want that stigma.
    b) It's just so ingrained from an early age that women shouldn't have sex except in a relationship that even if she knew no one would find out, she still couldn't let go of those guilty feelings and enjoy herself.
    c) Sex is special and casual sex cheapens it. She feels more valuable by limiting her number of partners.

    3) She needs to be emotionally connected
    a) Sex isn't enjoyable unless she truly has deeper feelings for someone.
    b) Sex isn't enjoyable unless she knows the man has deeper feelings for her.


    4) Dangers. These go without saying. But I'm more interested in how the above reasons compare.
    a) Diseases
    b) Unwanted pregnancy
    c) Fear of physical harm
     
  2. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    These 3 answers combined mostly sum up why i don't do 1-night-stands.
    I dont have to feel love for the man but i do need to feel secure with him. Im not secure enough with myself that im happy to show my body off to any random person. The few times i have tried i have been so nervous that i could relax enough to enjoy the sex let alone orgasm

    Also disease. Even with condoms it still isnt 100% safe so sleeping with someone who's history i have no idea of puts me at to much risk
     
  3. B_blackkid

    B_blackkid New Member

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    Sexual Sanctity. I have to admit it makes me a hypocrite to hold sex as something more than what it actually is. I know, consciously, sex has no real meaning and emotions are nothing more than sparks for sexual contact, but for reasons beyond me I'd never actually just have casual sex whether single or not.

    It's not out of fear really; it just doesn't entice me.
     
  4. shaguar

    shaguar Member

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    5) Rationing sex is a revenue centre for many women.
     
  5. ClaireTalon

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    I keep wondering about that too. There is this trend, especially among mid-aged divorcees, to either stay on their own completely or to avoid the sex. While I can understand that after bad experience they are not in for a new relationship, I never could fully understand why they hit the off-button on their sex life. Again, the only explanation I can think of is bad experience, with violent partners or rape having occurred beforehand.

    I can hook up with men just for sex, have done so often in the past time, and that got me more than one frown and wrinkled nose. It might be that you have another explanation here, the slut factor. While men hooking up just for sex are widely accepted, this still labels a woman as a slut, and understandably that isn't everyone's cup of tea.

    So on your list, I'll label a few of the answers that I think are good hits.

     
  6. thugcock05

    thugcock05 Member

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    Lee is right to a degree with the stigma attached and so on but I have run across a few women that were pretty open and honest that they were just loooking to fuck. I am only talking about two ever here but i think they are out there.
     
  7. thugcock05

    thugcock05 Member

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  8. ClaireTalon

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    LOL, I suspect a major case of hypocrisy here. Prowling for men at bars in the evening and acting as the honest, good girl during lunchbreak. Ah, morale isn't what it used to be.
     
  9. thugcock05

    thugcock05 Member

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    LOL you nailed it. It is like a trip to see all these women in sharp little business suits and professional garb come in at 6:00 and by 8:30 me and my co=workers are looking for the "Girls Gone Wild" crew to video tape the action.
     
  10. Tristessa

    Tristessa New Member

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    Women don't hook up just for sex?

    I realize that this is stereotypically true, but I know plenty of women that have absolutely no qualms about sex-only . . myself included. There are many people I'd consider for sex partners, but have absolutely no interest in on a long-term basis. No need to get involved until the right person comes along, but I'm not going to sit by idly meanwhile. *Just* sex can be fantastic, even without any sort of commitment. Yes, I prefer the intimacy and love and whatnot with my partner, but when I've been single it's not always a necessity.

    I haven't had many one-night stands, but sex with friends=totally okay under the right circumstances.

    In response to your reasons:
    I'm a bit more optimistic than that, or else I've just been lucky . .
    Maybe I lived in Sweden too long, but this just isn't an issue for me. Do people truly still feel slutty for having sex when they want to? Liking sex doesn't mean I have to take shit from anyone who disagrees with my actions . . why would I care what an outside party thinks about me anyway?
    This one I at least understand, but it doesn't apply to me. As I said above, it's better, but that doesn't make unattached sex bad.
    I use protection (IUS/condoms), get tested regularly (before and after a partner), have open communication, and don't have sex with strangers. Not foolproof, but many activities have risk and I'm taking care of myself the best I can.
     
  11. Linda Sue

    Linda Sue New Member

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    Most women just aren't wired that way. We are civilization builders, not conquerers. And all that has been said about needing emotional connection, romance, not wanting to be a slut, etc., is true.

    Now, many women have affairs and one-night stands they will never admit, and these run contrary to their stated values and hard-wiring. But that's what keeps life interesting.

    I have known a couple of women who could "fuck like a man," but they are rare.
     
  12. snoozan

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    I've had sex just for sex, and even more, I've enjoyed it. Being monogamously married I honestly miss sex just for sex, and ironically since I'm in a relationship it's much easier to not let it turn into something else.

    The main reason sex for sex has been difficult for me is that I've never been with a man who could satisfy me sexually with just a casual, one-time encounter. It's usually fun anyway, but sex is better with someone who knows what to do with my body.
     
  13. whatireallywant

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    I can do it (and have) but keep quiet about it due to the social unacceptance, what was called the "slut factor". There is also the fear of personal harm, so I have to know the guy isn't a psycho. I hate having to hide such a big part of my personality for fear of being socially unacceptable, but there it is.
     
  14. B_Veronica_Divine

    B_Veronica_Divine New Member

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    I won't say I've never gone for hook-ups, but the fact of the matter is that it was usually in response to some depression or another. A recent break-up, rejection from a job-interview...basically anything that was a blow to my self-esteem could at least be somewhat salvaged by that sense of being desired.

    That being said, the main reason I think it's different for us, is because the option is always open. A man who "bags" some girl is usually bolstering his ego even if he's pretty secure to begin with, because it isn't assured that he could manage to get some casual sex.

    I know few women who could not casually pick up a guy up if they desperately wanted to, hence that desperation isn't usually there.
     
  15. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I have sex for sex? I like it.. I don't want the attached emotional crap or I would go after straight boys.
     
  16. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    I'm sure I'll be hearing a lot of "you're a slut" but I do hook up just for sex.
    I am married so I have my emotional attachment I need with him, and I have my lover who I also love.
    I also have a "few" men I hook up with just for sex. Hubby and lover know. I have a very high sex drive, possibly driven by my high level of testosterone (which is higher than "normal", it's called hersitism).

    I have always had a huge sex drive and when I married hubby he knew and the marriage was open to others. It has to be that way for me.

    Of course I practice safe sex and would never dream of going without a condom.

    Some of my friends disapprove and some are jealous. As long as my husband and I are happy, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks.
     
  17. Jovial

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    Maybe LPSG attracts more women that are willing to hook up just for sex. I must admit that I'm a little naive to just how frequently people hook up just for sex in the real world.

    I think each woman allows herself to have a certain amount of "sluttiness," like they reserve the "just sex" for only the exceptional men that they come across.

    Another reason I didn't list is that part of sex is the joy of giving, not just getting oneself off. And some people don't deserve the pleasure you can give them. At least the way I look at it is I don't want to give pleasure to a woman unless she somehow deserves it (which could just mean she is a nice person or something). I'm not good at going into it just for myself. Do any women think like this?
     
  18. D_Prudence_Admonition_Drightits

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    It has been a while since I have posted a response on the board, but this topic has sparked my attention.

    There are plenty of single women that masturbate
    This is a funny statement to me. Married women, just like married men, also continue to masturbate. (That is another topic, will not go into that.)

    Or would they take the sex every time if the guy was attractive and nice enough (and big enough cock)?
    Just because the wrapping is attractive doesn't mean the present is good. As mentioned on the board before, it takes more than just a thick cock- GOTTA KNOW HOW TO USE IT. And although being attractive is important women don't just go by looks alone.


    From your possibilities listed:

    b) If a guy is just in it for sex, then he will be selfish and only care about himself and she probably won't have an orgasm or much pleasure.
    c) The first time people have sex it won't be good because they don't know what each other likes, so she'd prefer to wait for someone that will have a longer relationship.
    In my single, youthful days I did have "just sex/one night stand" with two guys (separate times) from my apartment complex. Both were not pleasant experiences. Both only wanted their penis manipulated. Both barely touched my nipples and both did not even bother to touch my clitoris. They both had orgasms quicker than minute rice cooks, and left me alone, to masturbate myself. THAT WAS VERY FRUSTRATING. NEVER AGAIN.

    If someone finds out then she will be labeled a slut and she doesn't want that stigma.
    BINGO! The fact that women are called sluts and men are not really angers me, but it is what it is. Was I labeled a slut at the complex? Probably so, but I moved away from the town and did not get a chance to get a scarlet letter pinned to my breast. Did not repeat the same scenarios in the new town.

    b) Sex isn't enjoyable unless she knows the man has deeper feelings for her.
    I say this one because- not for the feeling of "love" but the fact that when a guy has a little feeling for the woman, he is more concerned that the experience will be pleasurable for both parties. Nothing like sharing an orgasm.
     
  19. bek2335

    bek2335 New Member

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    I can and have had sex with a man just for the sake of the sex, and it's been good. But sex is only really good with another woman if I am in love with her. And for whatever it means, I have never been in love with a man.
    At my age (fifty-something), I have no expectation that I ever will be.
    This is just my own experience. I'm not speaking for about anyone else.
     
  20. bek2335

    bek2335 New Member

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    :wink:
     
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