Why women go off sex.........

petite

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Why do women go off sex?

They deal with the mindless muppets that post in the women's forum.
Every time I read their crap my gay percentage rises.

I understand exactly what you mean, except my gay percentage doesn't rise, I just feel less inclined to visit LPSG. If it weren't for awesome LPSG-ers like yourself and Mickeylee, I might never come back!
 

The Dragon

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I understand exactly what you mean, except my gay percentage doesn't rise, I just feel less inclined to visit LPSG. If it weren't for awesome LPSG-ers like yourself and Mickeylee, I might never come back!


Thank you Sweetheart for that truly lovely compliment. Hugs.
 

lgej

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It's simply this.

Decades long "romantic" relationships are unnatural to the human species.
The entire foundation we build our societies on is nothing but a lie.
Maybe that explains why the world is so screwed up.
Marriage DOES NOT work.

To be able to stay in that lovey/sexy mode with partner year after year after year after year, it is ALWAYS choice. You have to make yourself want your partner once you've gotten past the honeymoon phase. And some people just don't really want that.

Paradoxically, human beings are also jealous & possessive wanting to hold one partner all to themselves. This is all out of the instinct to raise children beyond their greatest chance of mortality. This is why people who try to have "open" relationships get moody & antsy when a partner follows through.

It doesn't make a bit of sense & you have to wonder why The Creator programmed it like this. You have to wonder why we didn't design society differently in a way that more matches our natural functions.

It's a beautiful thought to have someone love you in that way for the rest of your life. You can have friends for the rest of your life. If not dysfunctional, you can have family for the rest of your life. But not relationships of the "romantic" variety in any other way than try-hard.

Some can make that lifetime thing come true & have as true a bond in their 60s, 70s & 80s as they did in their 10s & 20s. But that's like Lotto. It's not reality for most people.

This sexologist is REALLY dealing with reality on this subject & that's refreshing. If a couple wants to go against their inborn grain & mate for life, they have to CHOOSE to. They CANNOT expect it to be automatic.

I can see someone with a major illness stopping sex. That makes sense. But when you have the ability & you refuse, you have basically ended the relationship right there. The TRUE basis of "romantic" relationships is SEX & SEX ONLY. The other stuff is window dressing.

Those who are able to become long-termers have to see their partner as a friend & wish to reciprocate out of respect & regard like all friends should do for each other. It's basically the ultimate Friends With Benefits.

People age & their bodies slowly deteriorate. Sometimes the woman's sex drive is rock bottom, sometimes the man's testosterone is below sea level. It's not fair to hold a grudge against them when life happens but at the same time those who are suffering from the lack of drive have to want to get the drive back. Nothing but simple reciprocation & respect.

Sex problems are not treated as a medical issue & that's why things never get solved. When sex drives plummet that should be treated just as seriously as when red blood cell counts plummet or airflow is restricted.
If we want to keep up this façade of society built upon the lifetime romantic union together, then we had better get real on ways to keep those unions together.
John Lucas

Your opinion is obviously well thought-out and heartfelt. But, my entire life would say "bullshit" to your hypothesis. At least for me. I've been romantically in love with the same person (and my only love...as I have been hers) for nearly 45 years, including 41 years of monogamous marriage. We took each others virginity in 1967 and then, like swans, essentially mated for life. Sure there have been ups and downs and occasional difficulties...but bottom line = I love her even more now than ever before, including sexually. Some of what we've shared is "luck of the draw," but a lot of it has been focus on making things turn out the way we wanted them to. Maybe we are the exception and therefore deviants in your mind. Just thought I'd share one couple's story...an antithesis of your hypothesis. I hope my tone has been respectful. It was meant to be. I'm a very happy guy in a very happy relationship as we head into our golden years together (we're 62-63).
 

lgej

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And that's why I say it doesn't really work. You can only control what YOU do. You can't really control what someone else does. You can influence them. You can persuade them. But in the end it's ultimately up to them to make the decision.

You know the more I think about it, the foundations we build our lives upon are utterly flimsy! The ability to make a baby has to be born in a madness where 2 people who probably don't get along long-term come together passionately & sexually. But paradoxically the ability to raise this baby has to be born in sanity where 2 people who get along long-term live together safely nurturing this child to adulthood.

The shit is simply 180°. Incompatible aims. Yet we build our entire society around this construct. When a woman sees a man as too familiar, she thinks of him as her brother & can't have sex with him. But the dangerous mysterious stranger appeals to her & she can't wait to have sex with him.
Maybe when the man sees a woman as too familiar, he's seeing her as his sister—maybe even his mother—& can't have sex with her. But that femme fatale intrigues the shit out of him & he can't wait to have sex with her.

And what does marriage or any long-term relationship do? It turns strangers into the familiar. Familiar = Family. And when strangers become family, like with family they are taken for granted. People often won't do to a stranger what they do to a family member. People will say a friendly hello to people they meet walking on the street or in the supermarket but won't say the same to a family member they see on a regular basis.
Hell, people treat their distant relatives better than they do their close ones. You may give a hug to the great aunt you see once a year at the family reunion but you don't give a hug to your mama who's there for you every single day.

It's the distance that keeps relationships vibrant crazy enough. When you see the same person every single day, day in, day out, most hours of that day, there's nothing new. You have already seen it all. Marriage expects that you stay in the same house together all the time. That you sleep in the same bed together all the time.

It's a broken model & never really worked. Unless people can consciously make their mates exciting, it's always gonna end up like this. After a certain period of time, people get used to each other & take each other for granted. And with no decent time of separation like you may have with friends, there's no chance to find new things.

I think the antidote to your situation has to deal with the internal. I'm talking about the mind. The human mind is such than even the person themselves don't fully understand what's going on with it. I think when couples share their imaginations with each other that can help renew that "stranger spirit".

The stuff that goes on in our heads is psycho, man. It's fucked up! Hahahaha! The human mind is full of the most unusual bizarre twisted strange odd freaky things imaginable. It processes all that we have ever seen, heard, smelt, felt, tasted from our senses in our lifetimes & recombines them in the most unpredictable random ways.

When a person become introspective & travels the interior journey a whole new world opens up. When a couple shares their imaginations with each other, their most guarded secrets, fantasies, & fetishes, they learn new things about each other. They become strange again. There's something to discover now.

I think that's the only way couples can survive lifetime "romantic" relationships. Not talking about "married 50 years". That milestone means nothing if it's out of habit. Not that "on paper" type of relationship. I'm talking about a vibrant relationship where the 2 WANT to be with each other.

And even then it may only go as high as 50% because the choice is not all up to one person. If the other party will not be interested no matter what, the union doesn't exist nowhere else but on paper. The whole key before anything else is done is making sure that both sides want to progress. If you are willing to open up & share but the other one just doesn't, it's over simple as that.

Sexual education is pathetic, I realize this more each & every day. We teach people how to drive, how to read, how to count, how to cook, how to set up home theater systems, but nobody REALLY has more than a trial & error handle on sexual relationships...excuse me "romantic" relationships—one of the most vital relationships of all. Nobody understands what you are supposed to do in these types of relationships. It's not properly taught.

A 35 year old man shouldn't expect his woman to go without affection & intimacy & there not be any problem. A woman shouldn't expect her man to go without affection & intimacy & there not be any problem. But so many do this. Most of it I think is medical. The human machine runs on nothing but a series of hormones after all. Maybe there's a deficiency. But at the very least be willing to look into the problem. Blaming behavior is easy but behavior is governed strongly by the hormones that fire in the brain.

When sex drive wanes that's a warning sign. The body is haphazard & full of chaos. Aging causes some components to malfunction & a person may not even realize how he/she has been changed by the malfunction. Fixing these malfunctions is the problem. They don't understand the machine yet so all you get to hear is half-assed behavioral solutions.

To me, a relationship shouldn't have to be this hard. People do enough "work" at their jobs. It proves to me how weak the "romantic" human relationship is to other human relationships. You can keep enemies longer than you can keep lovers. If a couple wants to make this—the flakiest of all human relationships—work, then the base reason has to be they want it to. 'Cause it sho' ain't part of our nature.


John Lucas

Your last paragraph is so right on!!!
 

helgaleena

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Your opinion is obviously well thought-out and heartfelt. But, my entire life would say "bullshit" to your hypothesis. At least for me. I've been romantically in love with the same person (and my only love...as I have been hers) for nearly 45 years, including 41 years of monogamous marriage. We took each others virginity in 1967 and then, like swans, essentially mated for life. Sure there have been ups and downs and occasional difficulties...but bottom line = I love her even more now than ever before, including sexually. Some of what we've shared is "luck of the draw," but a lot of it has been focus on making things turn out the way we wanted them to. Maybe we are the exception and therefore deviants in your mind. Just thought I'd share one couple's story...an antithesis of your hypothesis. I hope my tone has been respectful. It was meant to be. I'm a very happy guy in a very happy relationship as we head into our golden years together (we're 62-63).
:love:
 
D

deleted356736

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Your opinion is obviously well thought-out and heartfelt. But, my entire life would say "bullshit" to your hypothesis. At least for me. I've been romantically in love with the same person (and my only love...as I have been hers) for nearly 45 years, including 41 years of monogamous marriage. We took each others virginity in 1967 and then, like swans, essentially mated for life. Sure there have been ups and downs and occasional difficulties...but bottom line = I love her even more now than ever before, including sexually. Some of what we've shared is "luck of the draw," but a lot of it has been focus on making things turn out the way we wanted them to. Maybe we are the exception and therefore deviants in your mind. Just thought I'd share one couple's story...an antithesis of your hypothesis. I hope my tone has been respectful. It was meant to be. I'm a very happy guy in a very happy relationship as we head into our golden years together (we're 62-63).

Thanks to the wonders of DNA testing, we now know that swans, and indeed no birds, are faithful to their partners. To go further, no species that mates for life are faithful to their partners. Biologically speaking: humans aren't designed for it (men with a proportionally large penis, and being bigger and stronger than women shows that we are naturally polygmous). The proportion of marriages where one or the other or both partners have an affair is about 75%, which shows that humans are about as faithful as swans.
 

Drifterwood

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The proportion of marriages where one or the other or both partners have an affair is about 75%, which shows that humans are about as faithful as swans.

And therefore, if you want to improve the chances of your partner being faithful, you should have an affair.

I love statistics.

Only joking Cbm. Where can I see more regarding your testosterone research?
 

lgej

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Thanks to the wonders of DNA testing, we now know that swans, and indeed no birds, are faithful to their partners. To go further, no species that mates for life are faithful to their partners. Biologically speaking: humans aren't designed for it (men with a proportionally large penis, and being bigger and stronger than women shows that we are naturally polygmous). The proportion of marriages where one or the other or both partners have an affair is about 75%, which shows that humans are about as faithful as swans.

"Whatever"...I was using the swan analogy because it's popular. I just know and am thankful for my situation despite others who are skeptical about relationships like mine. More evolved? Less evolved? Neither? Matters not...I know what works for us.
 

AlteredEgo

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Why have I gone off sex at times in my still-new marriage? Sometimes it's jealousy. My husband has periods where he has no drive to have sex with me, because of issues regarding which I have previously given details. When this happens, he tends to masturbate more. A lot more. At the same time, when he is in one of these phases, he rejects most of my sexual overtures. Sometimes this makes me so jealous, that I have no desire for him when he comes to me. This is very difficult to override. Sometimes I go through my own stages, where I am so tired of feeling rejected that I simply cut him out of my sex life, which then revolves around masturbation, and pornography. I'm not even inclined to cheat because I feel too sexually selfish to actually want to bother dealing with the needs of anyone else. It takes a lot to bring me back out of this, and sometimes, he comes out of his shell again, and wants to be with me, but I can't come out of mine, and by the time I do, he's lost to me again. Sometimes we sync up, and those times are very, very good.
 

Drifterwood

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I think a lot of people will find much in your post AE.

To simplify my understanding, it seems that when you are tuned in, you have to work hard to remain tuned in to each other (even though being tuned in can initially be the easy thing in the world), because there are one hell of a lot of things going on that get couples out of tune with each other.
 

AlteredEgo

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I think a lot of people will find much in your post AE.

To simplify my understanding, it seems that when you are tuned in, you have to work hard to remain tuned in to each other (even though being tuned in can initially be the easy thing in the world), because there are one hell of a lot of things going on that get couples out of tune with each other.
In our case, getting tuned in is very difficult initially, and we have to work very hard to stay tuned in. When we are not in sync, it's way too easy to remain that way.