Why wont my GF have sex with me anymore

[wellhung9]

As someone with some experience in long-term relationships (ltrs), this is just something that happens in the course of things. You guys met and had an intense experience getting to know each other, falling in love, and exploring each other's bodies. It was a rush, I'm sure, and I'm sure you were having sex often. But now you have gotten to the plateau part. The initial rush subsides into a more general, background warmth--and you have sex less. Once you get to 2-3 years, your relationship transitions into something else, an ltr. This is just how it works. You can't sustain that initial rush forever.

So, as I see it, you have two options. 1) You can keep that excitement going by not getting comfortable, by continuing to make yourself desirable. Don't look needy or desperate for sex. That didn't work when you met her, and it won't work now. Just think about what it is that attracted her to you initially, and do that. Seduce her, but don't vocalize your intentions. If she shuts you down, don't get pissy, just try again.

2) You can break up with her and start a new relationship with someone else. It will give you that initial "rush" that you crave (which, btw correlates with having tons of sex). There really is something about having sex with someone new that is just fun

Yeah a part of me thinks she's more attracted to the guy she met, which was more of an arrogant dick, but in a fun way if that makes sense. But I haven't been like that in a while now that I've become a serious boyfriend. I'm starting to think if I ignore her more, and I'm not that nice/kind of mean she will want to have sex with me. But if that's what she's attracted to I'm not sure what that says about her.....

 

[wellhung9]

I have been in your shoes and I feel for you. I met a wonderful lady and we had sex every day. We got married after 6 months and a year later had our first child together. After our daughter was born there was NO sex. I was soooo frustrated, had all the thoughts you are having. Later on we had sex 1 time in one month and she got pregnant again. After that child she left me and we later divorced. I really think she had hormone issues....post partem depression? I didn't realize at the time that this could have been the problem and I really feel like a dick for not being more understanding instead of suspicious.
I also had problems after that. I had no interest in sex. Stress can really be a BIG factor. Hormones are another BIG factor. I had NO interest in sex for almost 20 years because of stress and a low T count that went undiagnosed. Now I get hormone replacement and I am in great shape. I know I am a man but her problems may be similiar. Hang in there and LOVE her.....support her. Just sayin....I learned the hard way.

This is what I'm worried about. Thank you for sharing. I just don't know if moving in and marrying this girl down the road is such a good idea anymore. I love her. More than I've ever loved anyone. But the way she's been makes me worry, suspicious, and doubt that I would be happy if I married her. I just feel like we would never have sex again if we got married. She must only get excited with having sex with someone new

 

[sizequeenNY]

This is what I'm worried about. Thank you for sharing. I just don't know if moving in and marrying this girl down the road is such a good idea anymore. I love her. More than I've ever loved anyone. But the way she's been makes me worry, suspicious, and doubt that I would be happy if I married her. I just feel like we would never have sex again if we got married. She must only get excited with having sex with someone new

Are you seriously reconsidering your relationship after listening to a bunch of Internet strangers? You don't know their full stories and you don't know their partner or former partner perspective. If you can't work through your issues now and aren't fully committed to wait through lulls, you might be part of the problem

I built my career in my twenties and there were times I neglected sex with my ex. He understood that I was promoted and had work. We planned vacations and weekends away to set aside us time. He also picked up some of my share of chores to make it easier. Our relationship ended for other reasons but we try to be fair about things

The biggest issue here is your jealousy and insecurities. You stalked her, searched her phone, both are a little crazy. You said you are worried that she has cheated. Have you been cheated on or have you cheated on a partner? If you had a healthy view of your relationship, besides the sex then infidelity should be the furthest from your mind. When you have a partner, you are there to support each other but all I am reading is your side of wanting sex. Where are you taking about doing something nice for her to help during this difficult time, not including trying to get her drunk

On another note, some people on here should not give advice ever

 

[wellhung9]

yes I was cheated on before in a previous relationship.

Me and my current girl also broke up. Then started hooking up again, and made some rules. Her rules were no hooking up with any mutual aquantinces. I kept my end of the bargain and only hooked up with a girl she didn't know.

She however did not. Hooked up with some guy that was always a dick to me. And someone told me. I confronted her, and she admitted it. Said things like it was stupid, she was so sorry, and he was nothing but dissapointing without clothes on.

But the fact that she broke a rule that she made hurt. Especially knowing it was this guy. An inferior guy, which made me really confused. Anyways she wanted to get back together and I accepted bc I was a mess without her and the goal was to get her back the whole time. I know many of u will say I should have not gotten back with her, but I did. But my trust is not all there when we dont have sex anymore.

 

[ManicRichey]

With those sort of rules a relationship is never going to work. I'm out.

 

[sizequeenNY]

yes I was cheated on before in a previous relationship.

Me and my current girl also broke up. Then started hooking up again, and made some rules. Her rules were no hooking up with any mutual aquantinces. I kept my end of the bargain and only hooked up with a girl she didn't know.

She however did not. Hooked up with some guy that was always a dick to me. And someone told me. I confronted her, and she admitted it. Said things like it was stupid, she was so sorry, and he was nothing but dissapointing without clothes on.

But the fact that she broke a rule that she made hurt. Especially knowing it was this guy. An inferior guy, which made me really confused. Anyways she wanted to get back together and I accepted bc I was a mess without her and the goal was to get her back the whole time. I know many of u will say I should have not gotten back with her, but I did. But my trust is not all there when we dont have sex anymore.

You need to deal with your trust issues. It is going to affect every relationship you have. Did you discuss how you feel about when she had sex with that guy? Her apologizing is one thing but you have to be fair and tell her that you trust her less because of what happened. What she did with that guy might have been vindictive or a thoughtless encounter, addressing it will help you understand how it happened and knowing how it happened will help you decide in which way you want to continue. Make sure you sit down and talk in a neutral space out of the bedroom with distractions turned off. You both need to share your side of things. She also needs to try to make it work too. Work changes are a learning process and it is going to happen again in life. If you want to stay together then you both need to build a plan on how to overcome time management issues

 

[D_bgn02bcx]

um...just a thought. TALK TO HER. what's the worse that will happen?...she says that she doesnt want u any more and u move on. the best? u live happily ever after.

 

[ShannonH]

It's pretty normal for the sex to drop off a bit - thinking that the most likely reason is she's fucking someone else (and especially to think she's measuring dicks and comparing) is just male paranoia.

If she used to be the one initiating a lot, then it stands to reason that she likes to initiate sex. Everybody fucks with a higher frequency the first 3-6 months than they do after -- it's certainly true for me that the frequency has gone down, but in my case the quality has gone way up because we took those first months to figure each other out.
Since your frequency has gone down (I'd say relationships where that doesn't happen are the exception, not the rule), then you're probably initiating a lot more, but here's the thing: she doesn't like when you initiate. It can be a vicious cycle: less sex, you initiate more, she wants to initiate so you trying to have sex with her pushes her away and you have even less sex.

Before you immediately jump on the polyamory idea, just look for ways to take some pressure off first. Masturbation is good, but too much can be a bad thing. You could have sex in ways that are less pressure than just ramming your dick in her -- one of my favourite releases at the end of the day is to just massage my girl's butt while I jerk off on her back. Or I'll bend her over, give her a few spankings, then get on with my day.

tl;dr - if you don't try and fuck her as much, you'll end up fucking her more.

 

[wellhung9]

Thanks. She didn't actually fuck the guy, but he went down on her. She said he either couldn't get hard or was reallly small.

Anyways I think I overreacted. I didn't try anything last night, and she wanted to drink wine, which led to her initiating sex. The sex was really good too, better than usual.

 

[Daisy]

Im not going to read all of the responses because frankly none of this matters. Like SizeQueen said we dont know your full history so how the hell can we advise you? My advice as someone who's been there is to get to the root of this problem NOW. Don't wait until it's too late, and yes it can become too late. If you're serious about the relationship see a counselor or ask her to see one. Her lack of interest could be hormonal, it could be emotional, it could be situational but you need to get to the root of it now before too many hurt feelings creep in. Don't ignore it. I have been in her shoes and I ignored it for too long. And as opposed to what was said above by those with a penis you CAN lose your sex drive and it is entirely possible she's not cheating on you or secretly masturbating furiously. Get some outside help if you cant resolve it.

 

[citr]

Ask her about it.

Really. And if she doesn't want to talk about it, respect that but don't totally give up.

I'm learning right now what seaside just said. A woman's libido can just flat-out drop off the map.

My SO normally has a higher sex drive than I do. For a long time I got pretty good at "willing" erections. And I got accustomed to having a partner that was ready pretty much whenever I wanted it.

When it stopped I had all those same crazy feelings. Is she not attracted to me anymore? Is she cheating? Am I not big enough? Hard enough? Does she not even love me? Is this over?

Being rejected sexually by the person you love hurts a lot, and I was just going completely nuts until the day we finally had a frank discussion about it.

I bet something at work is stressing her. If she's completely exhausted and shaken from work she likely won't want sex.

Just hang in there. And, like others said, maybe initiate less and engage her sexual imagination in more indirect/subtle ways. For many months I was trying to initiate several times a day and getting shot down, and it probably just made her less likely to fuck me, as she's got the frustration/annoyance/guiit from my constant pestering hanging over her head.

A couple weeks ago I decided to stop initiating and devoted myself to being indirectly sexy for her, if that makes sense. I wanted to stop making her feel pressured and let that energy build up in her on its own, at her own pace. And then this past saturday she practically threw me on the bed while I had been organizing my office and sucked me off like a maniac. :biggrin1:

 

[Scraps_McGee]

I was in a relationship that was without sex for almost the entire time. I know how hard it can be. The key is to listen to her, try to understand her feelings and not take it personally if she's not in the mood. If she's stressed, then she's stressed. Stress can be a libido KILLER, especially if you're not used to dealing with it.

That being said... we ultimately broke it off because we realized we were never really in love with each other. We got married for the wrong reasons, because it was easier and more economically viable for us than being single. Sex only happened a few times and was awkward for us both. Ultimately after a few months we stopped having sex all together. Don't let it get to that point.

 

[joe_smith]

I would let her know one more time that's sex is important in you and that if you don't see a change in this soon that you are moving on. Life is too short not to be in a happy relationship.