Wife and her ex...

[Skull Mason]

I stopped reading the thread once the pissing match started, so forgive me if I missed anything good points brought up...

But, trust is complete bullshit. I have had a ton of girlfriends who trusted me til the very end when I was fucking their friends, their enemies, their sisters, and so on...

Trust is like believing in God. It is there to comfort you and keep you from going mad during tough times. But it isn't necessarily real, and deep down you probably know that. Trust is there to give you an excuse for essentially lying to yourself about the situation. "Oh its ok, I trust her". Please. What if you trust a person, or they trust you, and one of you fucks up and makes a mistake like we all do at some point? How much does trust matter at that moment? Because you had trust meant absolutely jack shit!

If someone told me, "Its ok, we have communication", then that might be a little more believable, and tangible. Not a pure construct of the mind, much like Valentine's Day.

If you are with a girl who cheated on you before, got seeded up by you (you sure its yours?) therefore locking you down, and then told you [which is not only dishonest but legitimately deceitful, devious, EVIL AND WORTHY OF A SERIOUS RED FLAG], and is now hanging out with her x-boyfriend (and hitting the weed with him!!!), and all you have is trust to go on then you are getting played.

I never met a liar and a cheater who all of a sudden stopped lying and cheating. That's what you get.

 

[maverick86]

BigBlack9: I think it's pretty obvious from her behaviour what happened: she did something with her ex she wasn't supposed to. Having said that, you'll never really know what happened because she's not telling you the whole truth and she probably never will. I can say that because your girl doesn't sound trustworthy. She cheated on you once and instead of dumping her immediately like any man should have, you stayed with her for some reason. Why? Because she told you about it and seemed really "distressed." Gee-golly, this woman has sooo much character! I hate to see you in this situation and asking us a question YOUR GUT ALREADY KNOWS THE ANSWER TO. Sure, there's a chance nothing happened but I doubt that with every fiber of my being. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. YOU ARE NOT BEING PARANOID. Dude, find someone who doesn't inspire you to start threads like this--someone like AlteredEgo...

AlteredEgo: I respect your opinion and I admire your character, but I believe wholeheartedly that your advice, while well-intentioned, is dead wrong. BigBlack9's girlfriend is NOT you and from the sound of it, does not dig her man or value her relationship as much as you do. Your relationship is NOT the standard by which most relationships, especially BigBlack9's relationship, should be measured. You alluded to this yourself when you mentioned the divorce rate. Having said that, I believe that you are a good example of what a mature "grown-ass woman," if you will, looks like. I believe you are a woman who deserves to be trusted. But trust is something you earn, not something you just give away because that's what you're supposed to do when you're in a relationship. You might say, "well there's no point in BigBlack9 being in a relationship if he can't trust his girlfriend!" Exactly. That's why he should have dumped her as soon as she admitted to cheating way back.

Good luck, BigBlack9!

 

[maverick86]

Skull Mason sounds a little cynical. Don't let that detract from the fact that a good chunk of what he said is true.

 

[Skull Mason]

too bad this thread got killed, I thought some interesting discussion was going on.

 

[D_Hyacinth Harrytwat]

too bad this thread got killed, I thought some interesting discussion was going on.

We can further discuss your point that trust is B.S. :tongue:?

I'll actually argue that trust=bullshit but I do agree that sometimes people make mistakes. It's ok to make mistakes, just make new ones! I made a mistake in my first relationship; I kissed another guy. I will never, ever make that mistake again. Not everyone considers that cheating but I still felt disgusted.

Right now, my bf and I can trust each other on certain things, but there's no rule saying that neither of us are going to have a character change in the next lifetime. And if one of us does, I hope we'll have the lucidity to acknowledge and embrace it instead of deny it or keep it a secret and get someone hurt.

 

[Proud7]

The fact that she previously cheated before sends red flags to me. Without getting into or knowing why she cheated, that would be a perfectly good reason to be hesitant about her meeting an ex.

I'm friendly with just about all my exes. I can see them on the street and have a 'hey, how's life?' conversation and go about my business. I can't say I would be able to hang out with them though. If someone was important in your life romantically at some point, I can't imagine how hanging out with them wouldn't cause certain feelings to surface again. For me, once I've crossed that line from platonic to romantic, I don't see how I can go back. Especially if you're seeing someone else, that's just way too much temptation, for me anyway. I can think of 4 exes right now that if I went out 'for a drink' with, things would happen.

 

[D_Hyacinth Harrytwat]

If someone was important in your life romantically at some point, I can't imagine how hanging out with them wouldn't cause certain feelings to surface again. For me, once I've crossed that line from platonic to romantic, I don't see how I can go back.

Guess we're all different on this. I can't understand how you could get back with an ex. Once I've broken up with someone, I find them really unattractive, and there's nothing in the world that could make me kiss them ever again.

 

[Proud7]

Guess we're all different on this. I can't understand how you could get back with an ex. Once I've broken up with someone, I find them really unattractive, and there's nothing in the world that could make me kiss them ever again.

Depends on why we broke up. Most of my exes was a case of just growing apart or some(looking back at it) overblown issue. I can actually only thing of one ex that repulses me or that I find unattractive as you put it. As you said, we're all different. But me personally, I can't imagine a scenario where I hung out with an ex like bossom buddies after being emotionally involved. Just a random conversation could lead to bringing up past feelings, which can lead anywhere, especially if you've had a few beers in you. To me, if you're seeing someone else, it's just treading on dangerous ground, but to each their own.

 

[BobLeeSwagger]

Human beings are not by nature monogamous. Human beings are by nature jealous. You all can say what you want, but we all get jealous, and we all try to control each other. Some will say they don't, but the manipulation we engage in is so deep we often miss it. I do believe that we can make a truly valiant attempt at not being jealous, but in our heart-of-hearts, we all feel the twinge of it.

You're right that jealousy is a natural instinct, but the idea that we all want to manipulate and control others is pretty ridiculous. Project much?

Guess we're all different on this. I can't understand how you could get back with an ex. Once I've broken up with someone, I find them really unattractive, and there's nothing in the world that could make me kiss them ever again.

I agree. Once a relationship has ended, I've never had any desire to keep in touch with them, much less be friends. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe just an attempt to make a clean break as a defensive mechanism.

 

[BS76]

My wife went out on saturday night to have drinks with her ex b/f. I was invited but couldn't go because i had to finish writing a proposal by sunday. believe me i wanted to--she looked incredibly hot!

she was gone for about 3-4 hours. when she got in a little after 2, i was still up working. she walked right past where i was sitting, went to the bathroom and the first thing she did was brush her teeth. she didn't even take her coat off. then she came back to where i was working and kissed me.

i didn't question her about it, but does this seem suspicious? Or am i just being paranoid?

I don't know what to think.

A) Once a cheater always a cheater
B) Why did you let her go by herself like that? They could have hung out at the house
C) It's absolutely suspicious if that behavior was out of the ordinary for her. How many times do you go for drinks or have a meal at a restaurant and she comes home and does that?
D) "Don't you trust her?" is a manipulative excuse for unacceptable behavior for far too long. This has nothing about trust. She did something that set off red flags and he's absolutely justified in getting some answers.

 

[BS76]

To those of you who "wouldn't let her out": Don't you find that to be a little controlling?

Really? How would you feel if your bf or husband wanted to go out for drinks with his hottie ex gf?

 

[D_Hyacinth Harrytwat]

Depends on why we broke up. Most of my exes was a case of just growing apart or some(looking back at it) overblown issue. I can actually only thing of one ex that repulses me or that I find unattractive as you put it. As you said, we're all different. But me personally, I can't imagine a scenario where I hung out with an ex like bossom buddies after being emotionally involved. Just a random conversation could lead to bringing up past feelings, which can lead anywhere, especially if you've had a few beers in you. To me, if you're seeing someone else, it's just treading on dangerous ground, but to each their own.

If a relationship is over, it's over for a reason, and I go by that. I was hanging out with an ex a few months ago when I was "home" for the holidays and I have a pretty interesting history with this ex, but when I saw him again, it was the first time I didn't feel attracted to him (we split up while away at universities so that was the first time I'd actually seen him since). Maybe it's just a freak occurance that we've gone back to being normal friends? Still, I could get shit-faced and never end up with an ex again.

Really? How would you feel if your bf or husband wanted to go out for drinks with his hottie ex gf?

Wrong person to be asking, lol. I'm not jealous by nature, so that wouldn't upset me at all. I also think that the fastest way to lose your partner is to try to control them too much. Since I'm not trying to get rid of him, I'll let him have his freedom :wink:. He deserves it. He just got back from his last deployment.

 

[deleted81224]

She had a mouthful of cum.

 

[feel thick]

tricky, cuz if you ask her, even if she hasn't had any outside sex, she'll be pissed for your asking. If you don't ask I guess you'll be in torment. Comes down to how much you trust each other. I know my wife loves sucking my cock and drinking my cum, usually, so I wonder sometimes if she isn't tasting others' cocks. Can be very frustrating.

 

[Simon9]

Let me get this straight:

1. Your wife left you to work in peace for a few hours.

2. She takes care of her teeth.

3. She's friendly with her old friends.

So the result is you got your work done and your wife kissed you with clean teeth. And you're complaining? When your wife WON'T leave you alone and kisses you with bad breath, you'll remember how good you had it.

Oh, alright, she had drinks with an old friend. And she rejected his moves.

Bump her off.

OR kill yourself if the pressure and uncertainty become unbearable.

OR just kill everyone else in the world with whom she MIGHT be having an affair. It's the safest way.

 

[D_Stacy Rekt]

Okay, so things were going pretty well between my wife and I.

She teaches a massage class on Mondays and she leaves early in the morning (around 5:30) and usually gets home around 8:30. The other night when she wasn't home by 10, I got a little worried and wanted to make sure she was okay (always afraid she'll fall asleep behind the wheel from lack of sleep). Turns out she was like 15 minutes away and she got in around 10:15.

She looked amazing. She said she loved my smile. She had a glow about her. I told her she looked radiant. We started kissing passionately and knew where things were headed. We stopped briefly. I had to quickly use the bathroom while she got our usual means of birth control--a spermicidal gel that she inserts with a syringe tube that comes with it. It's great if you haven't tried it. It works instantly. No wait time. The only drawback is that it tastes awful, so I usually perform oral before she puts it in. When I returned we started where we left off but as I began to head down, she told me she already put the gel in so I probably shouldn't go down.

Now, for as long as I have known my wife she has always needed oral before any type of penetration (my size is a well...big factor). As a matter of fact she always asks, after which we insert the gel. This time she put it in before I even had a chance to taste her. Disappointing because we were in such a state of hyper-passion. That seemed weird but I didn't think much of it at first.

Then we were having great, moving sex, and after a while she told me it was okay, she didn't need to cum. Now, my wife always cums during sex, usually before me, which can be a drag because her energy levels reduce after the endorphines kick in.

I want to come right out and ask her if she's been with somone else, but fear ruining the magic of what should have been a night of intimate passion. I also don't want her to think that I'm checking up on her when I genuinely call her because I'm worriedfor her safety.

But she came home late, practically glowing, didn't give me a chance to go down on her and after eight yrs of being together suddenly doesnt need to cum after we haven't had sex in a week? It raises flags.

Is this paranoia to the extreme?

 

[Trouty]

Personally I think you've got to the stage where everything she does or doesn't do raises your suspicions. You need to talk it through and if you don't do that there is always that TV show 'Cheaters'

 

[deleted81224]

Why would she put herself in a position where she would only arouse suspicion - pretty nieve of her to do that. Her safest option would have been to have done nothing at all and then you would have never have known - why risk being caught?

I recall some years ago, my partner came in looking like she had been dragged through a hedge backward and then promptly had a bath, I thought that highly odd and I deduced that she had been slammed in a drunken rendezvous. I do often think of that time but I console myself wiht the thought that I have done much worse.

Bottom line, if she had been boned then why risk getting caught by not allowing you to go down etc. Failing this, yes, she was indeed bouncing on a totem pole prior to her coming home, maybe by a staff member or a class buddy afterwards.

 

[Stephenmass]

I have two comments to make. First off, I didn't post to this awhile back because I don't know her and felt to say she was or wasn't wasn't really my call, it was yours.

I just read your last post in this thread.

To your original post, I think she brushed her teeth before kissing you "to get the dick taste out of her mouth".

To your last post, if she seemed offputting a bit while you were super horny, my guess is she put the gel in knowing you wouldn't go down there. She put the gel in there because you can't "brush the dick taste" out of there. So she did the next best thing in her mind. One, she kept you away from there orally by putting in the gel so you wouldn't "get the dick taste" and second, if she always has an orgasm but that night she was late getting home, put the gel in when she usually doesn't until after you've eaten a bit, and then doesn't need to orgasm and only you would know this, seemed a bit disinterested (like doing you a favor) I'd say MAJOR RED FLAG!!

Personally, I think she's fucking around.

 

[BS76]

Lots of red flags. The biggest one is her change habit.

Did you get any answers why she was so late getting home?

I'd start looking at her cellphone for calls, texts, pictures, and anything else that might be evidence of her straying. Then there's the computer. Check facebook/myspace messages and her email and maybe put a keylogger on it to capture any IM sessions.

Remember to ignore what she says and start paying attention to her actions. That's all that really matters.