Wife Doesnt Imagine Herself

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deleted5700751

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I've been talking a lot with my wife lately about roleplaying, and it's come out during discussion that when when i asked her to roleplay with me she said she couldnt pretend to be herself being fucked, it puts her off. (to put it into context i asked her to verbalize/narrate things i was doing to her as if she was being fucked by somebody else and telling me about it out loud.)

she also said that when she fantasizes, has sex dreams or just thinks sexy thoughts she actually doesnt think about herself, but more a random person where she isnt involved and even she has no trouble thinking about me fucking another lady in front of her but she is definitely way too jealous for that to happen but she doesnt ever think it's actually her being fucked/eaten.

i just wondered how many women are in the same boat; is it normal for her to feel and think that way or has she developed a phobia of sorts? are there any ladies out there that have been able to overcome this and how did you manage it?
 
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286798

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It sounds like she may be more visual than verbal... that's not a phobia of being verbal but a preference for visual. And that's ok.

I'm not terribly verbal, and was very uncomfortable with it at first. It was awkward and unnatural for me, and I didn't feel sexy or empowered at all, so I stopped. Much later, I had a partner that was expressive verbally and I was surprised that it worked for me. I thought that may also be what works for him, so I was willing to try to return the favor. It got easier. He was also helpful in asking me questions that I could answer vs. telling me that he wanted me to describe X.

Also, a dude telling me that he wants me to describe being fucked by another man is a hard no for me. Nope, nope, nope.
 
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deleted5700751

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It sounds like she may be more visual than verbal... that's not a phobia of being verbal but a preference for visual. And that's ok.

I'm not terribly verbal, and was very uncomfortable with it at first. It was awkward and unnatural for me, and I didn't feel sexy or empowered at all, so I stopped. Much later, I had a partner that was expressive verbally and I was surprised that it worked for me. I thought that may also be what works for him, so I was willing to try to return the favor. It got easier. He was also helpful in asking me questions that I could answer vs. telling me that he wanted me to describe X.

Also, a dude telling me that he wants me to describe being fucked by another man is a hard no for me. Nope, nope, nope.

she's actually not a very visual person. she has said it herself. she's more verbal.

yeah i realise it's not a very mainstream kink, but i feel it's important contextually. we've already discussed our feelings on it between ourselves.
 

Scarletbegonia

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Why is a preference, or manner of processing physical input a phobia? Maybe a discomfort, maybe just not her jam. But a phobia is a pathology.

First, it seems like this activity is led by and performed for you. And that’s called giving. Giving is nice.
Secondly, there are many reasons women might not have themselves in a fantasy. On the positive side, imagining your partner pleasing another is a way to explore cuckqueaning without jealousy. Or it’s a way to appreciate sex visually. Voyeuristically, almost.

On a negative side, it can be dissociation from the event. Abuse survivors are fabulous at this.
It could also be instilled shame from somewhere. Religiously raised people often have some.


My own fantasy uses neither audio or visual, but touch. I experience sensations more so than visual cues. So, let’s say my guy and I are flirting over the phone and he says an act. My brain fills in how it feels before how it would look.
 
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marriedasian

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i hate to break it to you but it simply may just be that it's not her thing. it happens. unless she was already like this prior to getting with you, there's really nothing you can do about it. if you push it too much, you can (and will) cause a lot of anxiety in the bedroom and make her not want to have sex with you.

all you can do is share how much this turns you on and hopefully she will care enough about your sexual pleasure to give in and do it for you despite. don't expect anything to happen any time soon or at all especially if she is truly uncomfortable with it. imagine if she came out to you and said she secretly likes to peg men and would like to shove a strapon dildo balls-deep in your ass? how would you react to that?

good luck either way. keep the communication open and she may come around once she sees how much you're into it.
 

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It sounds like she may be more visual than verbal... that's not a phobia of being verbal but a preference for visual. And that's ok.

I'm not terribly verbal, and was very uncomfortable with it at first. It was awkward and unnatural for me, and I didn't feel sexy or empowered at all, so I stopped. Much later, I had a partner that was expressive verbally and I was surprised that it worked for me. I thought that may also be what works for him, so I was willing to try to return the favor. It got easier. He was also helpful in asking me questions that I could answer vs. telling me that he wanted me to describe X.

Also, a dude telling me that he wants me to describe being fucked by another man is a hard no for me. Nope, nope, nope.

What @lerker23 said. Wife does not mind role play at all!!! However....As long as I take the lead and to keep in mind that she does not have to come up with a bunch of dialog. She say she just does not have the imagination for what to say. As long as I can craft my dialog so she only has short answers.

I hope that make sense.
 
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LaFemme

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Role play up isn’t my thing at all. I feel like an idiot when I’m doing it. I have indulged a past lover or two, but it was totally for him - I got nothing out of it, except I was giving him something he wanted. I don’t think it’s something I need to get over or work through. Just feels stupid to me.
 
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Role play up isn’t my thing at all. I feel like an idiot when I’m doing it. I have indulged a past lover or two, but it was totally for him - I got nothing out of it, except I was giving him something he wanted. I don’t think it’s something I need to get over or work through. Just feels stupid to me.

Pretty much this. Just add on that there is a form of role play I enjoy, but it is with pencil/paper and rolling dice or in a video game. Not in the bedroom.
 

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Just to balance the scales... years ago a GF wanted my sweetie to role play. It sounded... theatrical by his description.
He was decidedly unaroused at the idea, did not get why she wanted to try, and it became enough of an issue that they both moved on a few months later.
He did give it the old college try.