Vices29, you made only one post. Ill assume your remains those not still in the freezer are now buried in the backyard with your dude porn infested computer.
Im not sure why you posted, assumed you sought advice; maybe your just wanted our better hung members to know your wife found their pics and has locked herself in the other bedroom for reasons we can only guess.
If it is advice you sought, I think many of the observations make for poor guidance. I see the point that almost everyone makes; agree with most of it factually speaking that is and respect that everyone has sincerely wanted to offer their best, but I dont see how this leads you to problem solving.
I suspect you guys could use counseling. When things are complex, and Im imaging they are, people need to establish some reality which is often the same as the facts but just looked at differently, before deciding what to do.
I worry about issues of guilt, your genuine, but presumably immaterial right to privacy, your wifes sense of betrayal however understandable, what took place: was she snooping, with reason, without, what do you make of it, the spectrum of possibility as to whether you are, or are not, gay, bi, or for that matter: a wanker.
Nor was it good advice albeit irrefutably spot on and succinct - posted by my immediate predecessor, that you fucked up!
I dont think it is enough said. Not nearly.
Best advice would be about where to go from here. Professional counseling can help you and your wife get there. It may help you save your marriage; but there is an alternative, it may help you sanely dissolve your marriage.
You have decisions to make; you probably have some obligations; and plausibly you are going to have some opportunities.
Your wife has decisions to make; she probably has some obligations; and plausibly she is going to have some opportunities.
She gets to choose first. I think thats how it goes down. She gets the first move. If she refuses to choose or avoids any choice making, her window doesnt remain open for ever, eventually you must choose.
If she makes her choice, you have decisions to make based upon her choice - and consequently you will have your choices.
Let it be, and let it be so.
Eventually she has to communicate. Remaining married and living in the same household while sleeping apart and not speaking is not a viable option. If that becomes your wifes choice, when you are ready you will have to make your own choice which would somehow involve finding your own life.
First try to find out what her choice is going to be
There is no point in wallowing in pointless shame, guilt, and misery. Maybe you did fuck up, dude, but let me break it to you, you didnt invent it and since then, about a million people have replaced you on the list of the worlds most current fuck-ups.
First move, it being your wifes, Id want to know if she really loves you; does she really want to be married to you; does she really want to link her future to yours, does she even like snuggling with you and being intimate with you.
If thats what she wants, Id then look to see if its possible to keep it going with you or is there more going on with you. And if it is, Id try to help her fight for it. If not, if truth be known, she really isnt in to you, Id say, this is your big break, take it, and dump the dude [or maybe Id say dump the fairy dude]; this could get embarrassing for you.
People say she feels betrayed and has a right to that feeling. I can see it. But so what? Her life is her life and if she really does want you, it would be to her advantage to walk through the issue and screw the betrayal BS and determine exactly where it can lead. She would want to know what this guy porn means to you to YOU not to her and certainly not what other people think. She may be unable to save her marriage to you if those images represent something that is very much the real you in a way that precludes marriage.
She should be making that decision based not upon what she has discovered that you have been doing, but based upon what she wants for herself and what she supposes are the possibilities that shes going to get to keep it.
However, if she decides you are not worth it, this would be her big chance. Were she actually to make that decision, you would have to let it be.
Should she decide to dump you, youll have to figure out how to walk out of your marriage and on to the next stages of your life as best you can. Lets put aside those decisions for the time. They will concern whether you want to pursue a life looking for another wife or something else.
Suppose she wants to save her marriage. As in, her marriage to YOU it is she would be wanting to save. You will have your work cut out for you.
The reason I dont like labels like gay, bi, or straight, in these conversations, is that people are people and they dont fit labels or may be in flux. That said, labels aside, you really are who you are and with respect to this discovery, a time has come whether you like it or not for you to be deciding who you are with respect to your porn.
You must be absolutely honest with your wife if she wants to save the marriage [a bit less forthcoming perhaps if she doesnt].
But should that be, you must be completely honest with yourself. I hope youll understand any curiosity on our part as to how honest a man has been with himself about himself if hes married to a women and secretly keeping guy porn on his computer.
And BTW, I didnt mean to criticize our fellow members often good and well-meaning advice and apologize since my remarks are inherently critical but Im concerned about how you might interpret all this.
:duh: What she doesn't know is whether or not you have ever been with a man or if you ever intend to be with a man. You need to talk to her, honestly... for a change would be nice.
