Wife has body image issues

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by B_MatureHungDad, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. B_MatureHungDad

    B_MatureHungDad New Member

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    My wife is thin as a rail but is always counting calories, watching what she is eating and always going to the gym to work off whatever she just ate. I dont think she has a problem. But ya I just wish she could look in the mirror and see herself for the way she is skinny and beautiful.
     
  2. ZOS23xy

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    Anorexic? Or on the edge of it? Not a healthy way to be.
     
  3. hotwetkiss

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    There is nothing wrong with trying to make the best of yourself, but she might be starting to be a bit obsessive about her image. I think we can all be a bit guilty of that. Reassure her that you think she looks fantastic and that she doesn't have to try so hard because she is naturally beautiful.
     
  4. need2bsexy2

    need2bsexy2 Active Member

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    You know!!! It doesn't matter how they look, it is how "Barbie" looks. They are all trying to achieve a standard that doesn't exist in reality. My wife does the same agonizing over her shape.

    Yes, I still have sex with her.
     
  5. B_curiousme01

    B_curiousme01 New Member

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    Not all of us want to be Barbie! Granted, I along with most of my girlfriends would love to change this or that on our bodies. Me? I would love to be tall. Oh well. I think men obsess about their cock and woman the whole package. Whatever. It's natural. Remind her often that you thinks she is beautiful. If you think she is becoming ill, talk to her frankly.
     
  6. dolfette

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    let me guess...
    she says, ''oh, i'm so fat/ugly/old/whatever''
    so you say, ''baby, you're the most beautiful...blah blah...wonderful...blah blah...fabulous...blah blah''
    yes?

    it's like pavlovs dog.
    if she does self hate then she gets a reward.

    i see women do this shit all the time.
    and they don't even know that they're doing it.
     
  7. Chaotica

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    The flip side of the coin is that she honors her body and takes care of herself. You didn't say that she says she hates the way she looks, only that she goes to the gym often. Nothing wrong with that. But if she told you how much she hates herself or her body or how ugly she thinks she is, then that might turn into an issue. (I'm playing Devil's Advocate here...:wink:)
     
  8. Wish-4-8

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    Maybe she is just trying to maintain her current status. Nothing wrong with that. The body is always changing. You have to work at being "skinny and beautiful".

    Be glad that she takes care of herself and doesnt just "let go" like so many people do after getting married. (Im going to get shit for saying that, I know it. lol)

    Now if she is calling herself fat and walking around with low self esteem, then I would worry. (and what Dolfette said)
     
  9. Wish-4-8

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    Whoa! The post above mine is almost identical!
     
  10. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    Is it possible she was particularly obese before you met her and she strives to avoid becoming that person again? Not simply a size 8 in a size 2 world but danger of death, hundreds of pounds overweight obese?
     
  11. L_Lynn

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    I don't really think it will make a difference how much he says and shows that he thinks she is beautiful. It's really about how she sees herself.

    I agree with Dolfette. I've seen so many women do this- ask and she shall receive. I just wonder what would happen if a guy were to answer, "Well, now that you mention it, yeah, that does make your ass look huge. But so what? I like it!"
     
  12. goodwood

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    hey MHD - sorry your wife is having a time of this.
    my thoughts are: that her focus on her weight and her body are some way
    to channel very deep feelings of unworthiness, low self esteem or some way
    of dealing with relationships in her life (from the time she was young) that were
    hurtful to her.
    While she could not control those events in her life, her weight and calorie counting and working out ARE ways that she can control something.
    I am not sure how open she is to actually thinking about this topic or how it would go over if you broached it with her...but it's my guess that she is feeling quite badly about something relationship wise (family/parents?) that she hasn't been able to get over.
    thanks for letting us know. i hope she improves and is able to share (or even realize) what is troubling her to be behaving this way.
     
  13. petite

    petite New Member

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    Wow! I think a lot of you may be jumping to conclusions. To me she sounds like a woman with healthy habits who is very responsible with her own health.

    Taking care of yourself doesn't mean that you "hate" yourself! I like my body and it's the reason why I'm careful to maintain it! I'm also concerned about my health, and because I like being healthy and I want to live a long life, I'm trying to be careful about making sure that I don't get heart disease one day and I keep my arteries unclogged.

    If I stopped being careful about what I ate, I'd gain weight just like most people do when they aren't careful about what they eat, and THAT would make me feel bad about myself. I'd also become unhealthy and probably die sooner, living years of my life in bad health. I'd only do that if I began to hate myself and in my life and the only times in my life when I stopped caring about my appearance and my health were the times when I was the most depressed. Imagining no longer taking care about my diet and becoming fatter and fatter wouldn't be a relief to me. It's a nightmare.

    I'm not trying to look like "barbie" or anything else. To me, maintaining a healthy diet is just like paying your bills on time to maintain a good credit rating, or keeping the oil changed regularly to maintain your car. It's just basic body maintenance.

    She may also really just enjoy having control over her body. I find it very gratifying when I've gained a few lbs, changed my diet (adding more fiber, cutting out starches, increasing high volume low calorie foods such as raw vegetables and fruit, etc) and I lose the weight again. It's a satisfying feeling of success.

    You may not be able to change her habits, and I don't think that you should try. I wouldn't stop telling her that you think she's beautiful, and if working out and keeping a strict diet makes her feel better about herself, and it also keeps her healthy, I definitely don't think you should discourage her. I'd praise her for how well her efforts work!
     
  14. goodwood

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    petite raises a very good point. it is a good thing for a woman to be conscientious about her weight, what she eats, how she eats and being diligent to be healthy and exercise and work out.
    but if this is a way of life/lifestyle, one knows how to eat healthy and exercise and there is no need to count calories and work out for a designated period of time to work off the calories consumed.
    from the original post, i inferred that the wife was behaving in a way that was more involved than simply minding her diet and working out as usual. if i inferred correctly, i apoligize.
     
  15. goodwood

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    *GAK!!! I meant to say "if i inferred INCORRECTLY" above. ugh.
     
  16. ZOS23xy

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    There are women on the boards who take care of themselves (not_punny being one.) and seem to work hard about it without sounding obsessive about it.

    We need more information.
     
  17. D_Blanche Badabing

    D_Blanche Badabing New Member

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    Hmm Honestly there are a few different aspects to it all, and not knowing your wife personally I can't really comment on what they are, body image is a major issue with quite a lot of people, not just women..

    But there certainly is a fine line between, taking care of yourself like petite says but there is also a point that this focus on appearance and exercise etc becomes an issue.

    In any case I think its wonderful to see a woman who loves who she is, even if she is bigger for example, because although you (and her) recognise that she needs to loose weight for example and takes the steps towards that she can still see that she has a wonderful personality for example and it doesn't consume the recognition of that.

    Though in your wife's case the way you described her is that she doesn't really need to be as focused as she is on it, I suppose make a judgment of if an unhealthy obsession or simply an effort to keep healthy.
     
  18. B_MatureHungDad

    B_MatureHungDad New Member

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    ya I have known her for the past 30 years and she has always been rail thin... its just that now she is always thinking and talking about her image.. making sure she only eats orgainic and what not.
     
  19. helgaleena

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    Eating organic is more of a response to the global environmental crisis though it also has health benefits. She sounds like she is simply more aware of her health than many.

    If she is equally aware of her heredity and yours too, she possibly is eating well to prolong her life expectancy. I know there are a number of things I have to avoid for medical reasons in the food department, like it or not.

    You are most fortunate.
     
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