Wife hates sex

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by edman, Apr 3, 2008.

  1. edman

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    Hi
    any of you in relationships where you have the higher sex drive & your partner wont give it up?
    Its driving me insane. My wife & I have been married for 5 yrs and I'm lucky if we do it every 4 months.
    She says its too painful, even though I catch her staring when I get changed. But she gets pissed if she catches me glancing at other girls or if any girl pays me attention. I suppose I'm just not sure how to handle this situation.
     
  2. HaagenDazs

    HaagenDazs New Member

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    dump her. lol.

    or tell her how to give blowjobs/handjobs. or take it slow with some tantric type stuff. There are ways of having sex that dont include pile driving.
     
  3. hung

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    Edman,

    You certainly do not give a lot of information in your query. Did she have any bad experiences before you married. You may have to seek the counsel of a trained professional if she has a major hang up concerning sexual activity.

    After all in marriage this is the greatest gift a couple can give to each other.

    Five years is far too long to suffer with four times a year sex (at best).

    Seek counsel and advice from your Doctor and proceed from their.

    Life is far too short to not enjoy it every day.
     
  4. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    I think it could possibly be something deeper. Try talking to her and make sure you don't sound accusatory. You shouldn't give up on your wife too easy and all relationships have their ups and downs.
     
  5. ManlyBanisters

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    A few questions ed, if you don't mind.

    You've been married 5 years - how long were you together before that?
    How long has this once every 4 months pattern been going on?
    Is the sex good when you do have it? She says it is painful - what do you do to prevent / minimise that for her? Does she enjoy any sexual contact? Do you enjoy the contact you do have?
    Did you ever have frequent (once a day, for example) sex?
    Has she had other partners before you?
    Do you ever try to have sexual contact without penetration ? (assuming it is the penetration that hurts)
    What kind of pain does she complain of?
    What size is your cock? Roughly - Are you hung / average?

    With a few more specifics I think you'll find a lot of folks here will have a lot of helpful suggestions.
     
  6. gotabigone

    gotabigone Member

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    If she really thinks it's painful you might want to spend more time warming her up. You've gotta get her just as excited as you about it. Spend more time performing fellatio, etc. You might want to buy a smaller dildo too. If you're 8 inches, 6 around try buying a 7/5 and easing her into it. She has to get used to a big dick and once every 4 months isnt gonna cut it.

    also, you gotta talk to her about it. My long time girlfriend used to have a pretty mediocre sex drive. After a few conversations where I expressed to her how important it was to me, how its biological, etc she was much more open and understanding. She was willing to give it up more. The more sex we had the better it got and now she's acting like a full fledged whore in the bedroom (which is fantastic).

    Don't give up and good luck.
     
  7. Phil Ayesho

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    Or, conversely... it might be that something is shallower....
     
  8. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    maybe some type of counseling could help?
     
  9. Jovial

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    What is she mad at you about?
     
  10. SotonDaddy

    SotonDaddy New Member

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    Edman,

    I can certainly understand how you must feel. I have been married 3-1/2 years and our sex life literrally stopped after our "honeymoon". Every time I attempt to approach the subject, so that we can discuss it, I get "I'm just not interested in sex", or simply does not respond to the subject matter. And, every time I "make a pass" I'm turned away; giving silly, giggly, "No, not tonight hunny" excuses. I have completely given up at making advances, because they are always turned away.... and partners wonder why affairs take place...

    So, you're not alone Mate! I truly hope that your situation changes for the better.
     
  11. Love-it

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    Our story: when we first got together we had "lots" of sex but pretty soon I began to notice that she was experiencing pain during penetration. Over the years we tried many things relating to her having vaginitis, bladder infections, etc. There were many years where we might have one or maybe two attempts at intercourse in a year. At least we had oral sex more often but sometimes that was only once every month or two. It was 32 years before the night she made a tearful statement that "maybe you're to big for me" and the light dawned. During that whole time doctors and gynecologists never offered up that possibility as a possible cause of painful intercourse, and I always thought I was average, I am to girthy for her at 6.25".

    When I read up about penis size and found LPSG, I got some good advice from BigTwin and others.

    When my wife started to dilate her vagina on a fairly regular basis, she started with a 7/8" diameter vibrator and had trouble taking it. She is up to about 1 1/2" diameter now and the other night I got 1/2 way in.

    You will need patience and she has to have some interest in sex in order for her to make any progress.

    I recommend:

    Relaxation
    Vibration
    Lubrication
    Dilation
     
  12. Gonzo3

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    World wide dudes ,world wide
    Good Luck Dude...............
     
  13. Drifterwood

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    I agree with Stacy. Professional marriage guidance counselling. You can't make someone do anything or be something that they are not, but she should realise that your marriage probably won't survive.
     
  14. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    Has your wife been like this from the get go? Did she seem to enjoy sex before she married you? When did she start complaining about sex being too painful? Is it because you are too big for her?

    A lot of people have given good advice.

    I know my cousin......a female...... married this guy..... She and he had been living together before they got married. Didn't seem to be any problems with their sex life.....But after they married ......all of a sudden his desire to have sex ended up like every 2 to 4 months. My cousin and her husband ended up going to counseling and therapy as long her husband would go. Her husband had been abused as a child and it was just now coming back to haunt him. My female cousin really tried hard to make the marriage work (there was a child involved) But her husband decided that he didn't love her anymore......and that he didn't have any problems.....she was the one that had the problems because she wanted to have sex more often than every 4 months.

    Anyways childhood abuse can be a factor. (I have seen a lot of that with my religious female friends.)

    I have seen female problems be a factor......for not wanting to have sex because it is too painful.

    Hopefully your wife knows that sex is important for you two to have a happy marriage (at least for your part) Maybe she will be motivated to go see her dr. and talk about the pain she is having when having sex.....If it isn't something physical.......then she needs to get her mental situation checked out. And marriage counseling is a good option too .....if the marriage counselor thinks someone needs mental health counseling they can refer that person to someone.

    If your wife doesn't want to take care of you......with sexual intercourse......she needs to be compromising and taking care of you with hand jobs or oral.

    If she doesn't she is setting you up to go looking for your needs being taken care of elsewhere.

    My opinion of course.




    Another thing you might try is getting your wife into looking at porn.....or Playgirl......maybe it might wake something up and get her juices going. Just a thought.
     
  15. Richard Guzinia

    Richard Guzinia New Member

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    Don't ya just love women after they get married. Before they meet you they're bangin guys right and left; even guys they meet that they don't really like. Mine had at least 3 sex partners going during the same time period, including one whose siblings told me had a dick about 15 inches long, which is probably exaggerated a bit, so maybe it was 12. Now I have to put in advance requests for sex, which she prioritizes after she clips coupons, then she complains of vaginal pain from my mighty sub 6 incher. I'm lucky if I can lobby to get it once/week. In the cases above I'd be looking for a replacement and bail out. Life's too short!
     
  16. edman

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    Yeah, we were going out for about 3 yrs before getting married, but says I'm bigger than any of her ex's.
    We went to counselling and they recommended dilating, which went ok, but i'm slightly bigger (thicker) than the biggest one and thats what terrifies her.
    She likes foreplay and when she cums, she wants it to end there. She gets mad when I suggest that I too would like some pleasure.
    The tension is driving me insane!
     
  17. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    From the way you describe her.....she sounds selfish and self centered. And it also sounds like someone has spoilt her (always let her have her way) and she thinks that is just the way it is and will always be.

    What I suggest is that you tell her your not happy......this marriage is not a one way street......it has to be a two way street. Ya'll need to continue in marriage counseling......she needs to continue on the dilating and making progress with it.....and until normal sexual intercourse relationship can resume.......there needs to be other sexual contact going on. I don't think a once a week hand job or a blow job is too much to ask for......if she isn't going to have sexual intercourse with you.

    Of course all this has to be negociated with your wife........but I would think that if she truly loved you......she wouldn't want you to be insane with sexual tension.

    My opinion of course.
     
  18. marlin

    marlin New Member

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    I had the same problem for years. My wife was on birth control. It was very powerful and she lost all sex drive and it made her vagina very dry ( painful sex). she changed pills and that changed everything. I don't know if this is your case, but it can be a real thing!!
     
  19. iloveoral1985

    iloveoral1985 New Member

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    maybe she should look around on here for a while I know my husband loves that I look at all the guys on here because he's gettin it the first chance we get I just have to spend time looking at Loads pics and i'm ready!
     
  20. edman

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    Her sexdrive is so non-existent that she doesn't even entertain the idea of anything sexual, let alone images of penises.
    I once suggested couple friendly erotic movies, but she squirmed all the way through the sexual scenes.
    Its got to the stage where if offered, I would go elsewhere for sex.
     
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