Wife hates sex

midlifebear

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Oh, now diaphanous Miss Cinnamon who walks in beauty as the night:

You know I was just yanking chains. And what's good for the goose IS good for the Gander, especially if he's an abusing asshole. Shoot him and bury him deep. Better yet, invest in a log shredder and mulch the roses. They'll appreciate it.

I just don't understand how people, gay or straight, can remain in relationships where both parties do not encourage and nurture one another. The few times I've found myself in a relationship where my mate was resentful about making love, well . . . that's something one should not have to feel resentful about. I cut them loose ASAP and they are now on groveling in their own Hell or making someone else miserable. Basically, that's my point. It's things like my married friends saying "Well, I asked my wife for sex last night and . . ." What? They have to "ask" for sex. Is there no emotional communication between these couples so that they know when they want to frolic like squirrels on slick linoelum? Do they not find one another sexy? They have stuff in common (a bank acccount) but are otherwise sexually incompatible? Yea gods! Life is far too short for both poor Edman and his spooky squeeze. They should part amicably and find other humans with emotional parts that match.

Now, please excuse me. I can't seem to locate the invisible keys to my invisible jet. Also can't remember where I parked my jet. Maybe these are omens of things to come?
 

D_Prudence_Admonition_Drightits

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Now, that is a much better reply. I agree with you.
I thought you said I could drive your invisible jet. Oops:biggrin1:

Oh, now diaphanous Miss Cinnamon who walks in beauty as the night: ALL RIGHTY THEN.

You know I was just yanking chains. And what's good for the goose IS good for the Gander, especially if he's an abusing asshole. Shoot him and bury him deep. Better yet, invest in a log shredder and mulch the roses. They'll appreciate it.

I just don't understand how people, gay or straight, can remain in relationships where both parties do not encourage and nurture one another. The few times I've found myself in a relationship where my mate was resentful about making love, well . . . that's something one should not have to feel resentful about. I cut them loose ASAP and they are now on groveling in their own Hell or making someone else miserable. Basically, that's my point. It's things like my married friends saying "Well, I asked my wife for sex last night and . . ." What? They have to "ask" for sex. Is there no emotional communication between these couples so that they know when they want to frolic like squirrels on slick linoelum? Do they not find one another sexy? They have stuff in common (a bank acccount) but are otherwise sexually incompatible? Yea gods! Life is far too short for both poor Edman and his spooky squeeze. They should part amicably and find other humans with emotional parts that match.

Now, please excuse me. I can't seem to locate the invisible keys to my invisible jet. Also can't remember where I parked my jet. Maybe these are omens of things to come?
 

scottish.47

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The short solution, divorce her. In reality, I think you just posted this to get some attention. If that is the case, shame, shame on you.
 

midlifebear

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Now, that is a much better reply. I agree with you.
I thought you said I could drive your invisible jet. Oops:biggrin1:

Lady Cinnamon (canela in Spanish): If you can find my keys you can not only fly my jet you can be my designated driver.:biggrin1:
 

christina

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ya know what u seem like a really nice guy like i said b4, but it also seems as though and i could be way off here but it seems as though u might have some self esteem issues, just a shot in the dark here. i say this because i really dont know that many or anyone for that matter who would stay in this kind of relationship and give her oral and recieve absolutily nothing in return. and i dont mean this mean in any means i really dont im just wondering. and if that is the case get a divorce get ur shit together and find someone and go to town.
 

got_lost

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Do people honestly think it's an easy thing to just leave your spouse and get a divorce?

Surely an enormous amount of soul-searching should go into that before you throw away your marriage?


Maybe I'm wrong and have been over-thinking this for years! :redface:
Blimey charlie! :frown1:
 

christina

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ya know what yeah it is a very hard thing to leave/divorce the person that u thought that u would spend the rest of ur life with but a person can only take so much physical, emotionally, and mentally. There i no point in stayin in a relationship when it is obviously one sided. Iv been there i know. you try so hard to make things work and no matter how many things you do ad how good u do them its not goin to change. so whats the point in draging it out?
 

edman

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Thanks guys, I certainly hope to resolve this, coz I certainly don't want to be wasting any more of my sexual prime years and find myself a 40 year old, depressed guy and resenting my wife in 10 yrs time.
 

Chupame

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I think there's got to be a bigger reason than the "pain." There's a psychological problem here. She may actually hate sex, and if she does, what can be done about it? Maybe nothing.

I wouldn't bail just for that, but it would certainly cause a strain in the marriage. However, I would make it very clear that I'm not satisfied, and I wouldn't hide the fact that I can take care of my own business. Have her wake up a few times to your grunting, moaning jack-fest, and make a huge mess in the sheets, and maybe she'll clue in.

You might want to be blunt and ask her what she has to offer that you can't get elsewhere?
 

edman

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Well we've been to see the counselor and she recommended my wife uses some dilators.
I hope this works, but as she (wife) pointed out, the biggest dilator is still smaller than my unit!
Guess we'll wait and see. I have to wait a couple of weeks until she can use the biggest one before we try intercourse.
Think I'll be ready to explode by then!
 

B_retracted

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Are we to believe that you never tried to fuck her before you were married at which point her hatred of sex or very low sex drive would have reared its head?

What is it with women who play the femme fatale during courtship and then not only let themselves go physically but also turn off the sex tap?

If you're not getting what you want in the marriage then you should dump her ass. I couldn't imagine being with someone who bitched and moaned any time I tried to make love to them.

Then she has the nerve to get all uppity if you even so much as look at someone else! That really takes the cake. Honey, if you're aren't willing to hand over a slice, hubby'll go to another bakery.
 

badgirl22

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no edman, your wife doesn't hate sex....

..she just hates you.
Love this - too funny

I have been married 10 years, together 12. Our sex life sucks - maybe 2x a year. Finally i told him i needed to sleep with other people - i'm very sexual and he has no imagination what so ever - boring boring boring!!! Now he's all over me but it's too late - found myself a lover and it's fantastic. My Dr. (obgyn) thinks it's great I did this (after trying everything under the sun over the years to better engage him). We are sexual beings and deserve to have our needs met. If our partners can't do it - someone else should be allowed to. JMO. As my Dr. says, (and no, he's not the lover - LOL!) if i get caught and my marriage ends (which i may end anyway) it wasn't the affair that ended the marriage - a bad marriage/connection is why the affair happened...

I hope you work this out with your wife but if you can't then go out have fun and don't feel guilty about it. Never thought I'd say/write those words but it's amazing how views change after 12 years of little to no sex.
 

rob_just_rob

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Hi
any of you in relationships where you have the higher sex drive & your partner wont give it up?
Its driving me insane. My wife & I have been married for 5 yrs and I'm lucky if we do it every 4 months.
She says its too painful, even though I catch her staring when I get changed. But she gets pissed if she catches me glancing at other girls or if any girl pays me attention. I suppose I'm just not sure how to handle this situation.

From reading subsequent posts, it looks like you've tried lots of things - counseling, dilators, looking at erotica together, etc. I'm not sure I could suggest any way to handle it differently.

I've had a lot of girlfriends who had or have a higher sex drive than mine, but I don't think sex with them was ever as infrequent as it seems to be between you and your wife. And never actually painful for me, of course. So if nothing works for your wife, you'll either need to arrange for outside partners (with her acceptance, which is seldom easy to obtain), divorce, or get used to masturbating as a substitute.
 

Stephenmass

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Without knowing her side of things, it is hard to offer any insight here. There are many reasons why she may be the way she is and yes it is possible that indifference is one of those reasons.

I would not do this.......

"If our partners can't do it - someone else should be allowed to. JMO. As my Dr. says, (and no, he's not the lover - LOL!) if i get caught and my marriage ends (which i may end anyway) it wasn't the affair that ended the marriage - a bad marriage/connection is why the affair happened..."

What does SHE say about all of this? Was it "painful" for her before? I don't understand how this comes up now and didn't before if pain was an issue???

If it reaches the point of no solution, at least have the balls to end it before you do it with someone else. I also have a tough time believing that a "doctor" agrees with a previous poster; for him/her to say this or agree with this, in my opinion, makes them "quack".

If you love her and she loves you, work on it. If she loves you, she will want you two to succeed at whatever it takes to get to that plane that makes both of you happy.
 

edman

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Well, leaving (divorce) isn't easy and I'm still playing the waiting game. I have been tempted to go elsewhere for it, but never followed through.
Thanks for the suggestions guys.
 

hot-rod

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dump her. lol.

or tell her how to give blowjobs/handjobs. or take it slow with some tantric type stuff. There are ways of having sex that dont include pile driving.
I agree, move on without this one if you like sex because it's only going to get a lot drier in the sex department as time goes by.