My wife and I were having this conversation the other day because of some particularly judgmental comments a friend made. I also read a thread on another forum where they were trying to determine where fetishes come from and if some things are more of a preference rather than a fetish. I figured this would be the forum to post my thoughts, rather than a relationship forum that would just draw in a bunch of judgmental and condemning replies. My wife has a big time "fetish" for the well endowed. Well, more for just the extra large package than for the person attached. "Fetish" is her words, the jury is still out on that one. As for the root of her "fetish", she can tell you exactly when she thinks it started. Similar to the experiences of many others, she said she was playing with a friend when she was very young when they snuck into her friend's brothers' room as they were watching porn. This was many years ago, probably 30+. She assumes it was John Holmes since it was obviously a grainy 70's era movie, and I don't know of any others that fit the description she gives. She can't even really tell you what the guy looked like other than the dimensions of his "manhood." She said she was mesmerized and thought about it all the time. She now gets VERY aroused when she sees one, hears about one, someone mentions a person who has one, etc. She says she can't explain what she feels other than it just it makes her feel like "butterflies" inside or something. Many years ago, a friend who is aware of her "fetish" showed her part of the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee video. She told me in private that she couldn't stop thinking about his oversized package and images stayed in her head for days. She said that Tommy Lee is, in her words, "disgusting" but said that he does have a nice package. On another forum a woman stated that a fetish is something that you "need" to have to be aroused or to be part of the sexual act. She went on saying that she has said that she has "fetishes" but really she'd consider them more as preferences. As for what is and isn't a fetish, I am not sure if it is just a preference for her. Yes, it sounds kind of like she just has a preference for large ones. But, she says it is more than that and has even caused issues with past boyfriends. Even with guys she WANTED to have things work out. They had EVERY quality she wanted, except ONE. She was pretty upset with herself and even tried to push through thinking that her feelings would change as her feelings for the guy got stronger. Never happened. While she still maintained some strong feelings for them emotionally, she had difficulty getting aroused enough to have intercourse. And in no way could she give them oral anymore, which she actually loves to do. So she started to gravitate towards the guys who had a reputation for being "bigger", and in the end that didn't work either. She said the sex wasn't that great, and they were all "very cocky", no pun intended. This is another reason I think it may be more a fetish for her; because she can't seem to get past it. It has nothing to do with performance since she said the bigger guys generally weren't that much better than the average guys. She would always get highly aroused seeing one or hearing about one, but would tell her friends on numerous occasions that she didn't like it inside of her. She LOVED oral with one, in fact her favorite oral experience was with a guy that was so big she could only "barely" get into her mouth and even with two hands on it, there was still quite a bit left out ("more than past boyfriends"). She couldn't even wrap her hands around it. To her that was her favorite oral sex experience, but they ran into trouble because she didn't like or want it in her anymore. She experienced pretty large ones in her, she just didn't like it. She said it would hurt a lot, or even if it didn't hurt a lot it just didn't feel that great. When I pressed her recently about her perfect size for intercourse, she says "my husband's of course" OK, OK, I should have expected that, but when I REALLY press for honesty, she says one that is about a couple inches shorter than me, but about an inch thicker. So basically about 5.25" x 6". She also loves an upward curve. This makes me think it is more of a fetish than preference since while she gets HIGHLY aroused by a lot of things about a large one, actually having intercourse with one isn't one of them. While she is kind of open about this, she doesn't take it too far. Ex. when she found out that an acquaintance was pretty well endowed she got visually excited. His wife/girlfriend at the time was saying that he was much thicker than a toilet paper roll and it extended up to his navel as he stands when erect. This was common knowledge among everyone else, but when she found out she lit up...noticeably!!! It was kind of funny to everyone else, and while I laughed too, it kind of caught me off guard. Then she kept trying to sneak a glance down the next time we saw him. One particular time I was a little perturbed and asked her later on when we were alone, if she wanted to sleep with him knowing how he was equipped? She immediately said "ew no, no way, even if I was single I wouldn't want that thing in me, it would hurt like..., he's like 3" longer than you" I knew she was never attracted to him before, but I asked because of her reaction after finding out about about his size. She apologized for being so obvious and said it was just "neat" knowing how big he was down there. She probably wouldn't have minded to take a peek, but she swears, nothing more. This wasn't the first time either, one other time she found out about a friend being well endowed, she was very aroused and inquisitive. We are many years very happily married and she has always been completely faithful and a great wife. I may have pressed her a little too much to find out how deep her fetish goes. But we always get through it without issue. We just joke about it now, and I am not at all worried about it. I know a lot of people (especially on other forums) think this is trivial and ridiculous, which is fine. Anyone risks a bit of that I guess with these kinds of detailed TMI posts. But it's also why I would rather post to a forum rather than talking about it with an actual counselor. No, this isn't a dangerous, or serious "freaky" fetish such as the ones we have read about, but it is something she finds "necessary" and had I fallen "short" of her expectations then we probably would not be together today.